Author: The3rdIN

Book: Aconitum

Genre: Thriller

Chapters Read: 1-5

Kat Tails: 8

Thank you for your patience as I worked on this review!
Please note that this review contains spoilers for the chapters that I read.

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Cover: 3/5

I like the color scheme and format of this cover. The lighter blue really draws the eye while the dark surrounding tone has a sense of foreboding that fits the object. I do wish the picture was less blurry though and I'm not the biggest fan of the font choice. Overall, the cover on its own wouldn't affect whether I'd pick up the story either way.

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Title: 5/5

Love this title. At first I didn't know what it meant, but you solved that problem by including a definition in the blurb. Everything clicked then, as I realized what was pictured on the cover. The title hooks interest immediately. Why would a book be named after a flower of death? would be my first question. It lowkey reminds me of the red spider lilies (also a death flower) that appear in anime intros. They build both anticipation and dread of what's coming.

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Blurb: 3/5

Your blurb is written in a different style from what I'm used to and functions in a similar way to a logline? It works, honestly, in a way that surprises me. It sets up the characters and possible conflict in a simple sentence and in a hooking way. Really a blurb that boils down to the very basics. I'd like to give a couple tips for the formatting and punctuation though. I suggest eliminating that extra line of space after the definition of Aconitum. The reason being that in Wattpad previews, you want to get as much crammed into that tiny space as possible and extra paragraph breaks take up that limited space. (I'm specifically referring to that little "~". )Since you have the dividers around the aconitum definition, it'll look fine without. I'd also suggest removing the comma after "In which" as there's no pause when reading.

Example:

◗ Aconitum- the blue flowers of death ◖

In which an agony addicted orphan falls in love with a blood-thirsty princess who holds death in her smile.

In a tale like this, there's no sanity.

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Writer Interaction: 4/5

Disclaimer: This category does not reflect on a writer's skill at all. It is merely given points as it shows the writer is invested in their readers' opinions and suggestions and can be used to project future growth. (Also, Miya is using her judging rubric and doesn't want to change it because it totals to a neat 100 points as is XD)

Writer is highly invested in readers' interactions.

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Plot/Pacing: 10/10

I seriously enjoyed the plot of this book. A serial killer princess? Sold!

You've mastered the art of delivering the story in as few words as possible, which matches your blurb well. I never felt the pacing lag. At times it seemed a little fast, but I'd much rather have it be faster than slower and it makes sense with the perspective that this is a novella. This story delivers as a thriller and I was on the edge of my seat whenever our pale-haired princess made a special appearance. Even if Vee isn't particularly worried about his fate, I am.

In a way, it almost gives me reverse Peter Pan vibes? If Peter Pan were a serial killer (which I'm not convinced he isn't), but maybe I've read too many retellings lately, haha.

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Description: 9/10

Your descriptions hit the spot especially with how well they set the mood and atmosphere. You don't waste any time in giving excess information and each image contributes to the overall story soup. The way your descriptors bring life to the setting, characters, and plot helps everything feel cohesive and solid.

A few descriptions that I enjoyed in particular include the old woman's creased hand as she reaches for the money to pay Vee, the way you describe Harin's eye (and lack of another) to really cement her character image in the minds of the readers, and streets and torches on the walk back to the orphanage after selling mangoes. The last description also surfaced in a very nice loop with how you described literal moths being drawn to the flame of the torches and later, Vee is compared to a moth being drawn to Era's flame. Ugh, I love that kind of writing.

And, of course, I have to include this descriptor of Era herself:

The girl is strange.

Her skin glows in the colour of warm brown against the moonlight and her hair- it's silver as the crescent moon that stands above us. Her eyes are from the north, ash as a bone and sharp.

Beautiful. Not too much, but just enough spice to make Era stand out as being someone we should watch. My favorite description is of her eyes—it's so original.

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Characters: 9/10

I admire how you gave every character their moment in the spotlight, even briefly, and we can tell they're three-dimensional people. It'd be easy to make someone like Ma the villain, but we see that moment of compassion where she pities the ghost princess. I really liked the old lady who came to buy the mangoes. 'Cause I mean, heck yeah I'm going to try all the delicacies I can before I kick the bucket too. Even Harin is given time with her backstory with the search for her brother. You take moments to let all the side characters shine, which is no small feat with this limited word count. (Seriously, I have no idea how you can expand your cast this much and still keep the pace going and plot on track.)

Vee's interesting trait is shown very naturally and I never felt like it was dramatized. Era on the other hand...the girl is insane and I love her. She's cool and intriguing and I can't begin to anticipate her actions or motives. Can't wait to see more of her.

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Vocabulary/Syntax: 7/10

Your first chapter is pretty clean in terms of typos, but I think the proofreading might have dipped a bit in the following ones. Maybe because you were pumping out a chapter every day or couple days? I don't know what the case is for sure, but I'll point out a few places I noticed that don't read quite right.

Original (Chapter 1): I lost little enthusiasm in conversations for as long as I can remember.

I think this one should maybe be:"I'd lost enthusiasm in conversations for as long as I can remember."

Word choice (Chapter 2): "Today evening, we have come to a terrible news of what happened last night. The former king. His corpse was found this morning."
Later in Chapter 5: "today morning"

This may be a style or world-building thing you've chosen, in which case, ignore this. I find it to read awkwardly and I think the fragments at the end could use a little extra oomph to them.

Suggestion: "This evening, we have received some terrible news of what happened last night. The former king—" Ma's voice wavered. "His corpse was found this morning."

(Chapter 2): I see her lose the stern she always has.

Sternness? I think it's meant to be sternness.

(Chapter 2): When I am escorting the other children to the room, I overhear silent the conversation between Loha and Ma.

Silent may be an extra word in here or maybe you meant that Vee is silent, but I think the sentence reads clearly without it.

(Chapter 2): Ma ushers the words quickly.

Maybe meant utters here?

(Chapter 2): "Living with terrible family who calls her a ghost child."

I believe this would read better with "call" her instead of "calls. "Living with a terrible family who call her a ghost child."

(Chapter 5): I doubt the Princess will end my life a quite way.

Suggestion: I doubt the Princess will end my life in a quiet way.

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Grammar/Punctuation: 7/10

Like the section above, you were more consistent in the first chapter. I think you know most of the punctuation rules for the examples below and merely rushed through writing, so it'll be fine when you come back and fix them.

First up is the speaking tags vs. action tags! When dialogue is preceded or followed by a speaking tag (said, whispered, shouted, etc) it is connected to the dialogue with a comma. When it is preceded or followed by an action (nodded, laughed, stood) then it is separated from the dialogue with a period. Here's a few examples:

Original (Chapter 1): "They say that these lands are dark," she gives a soft laugh.

Corrected: "They say that these lands are dark." She gives a soft laugh.

Original (Chapter 1): "Era," She answers.

Corrected: "Era," she answers.

Original (Chapter 2): "...Never looked down on me or the other maids," she purses her lips tighter and pauses for some time before she speaks again.

Corrected: "...Never looked down on me or the other maids." She purses her lips tighter and pauses for some time before she speaks again.

There were also instances where the commas were outside the quotation marks.

Original (Chapter 4): "Ah him", she cuts me off with a smile.

Corrected: "Ah, him," she cuts me off with a smile.

The speaking tag rule also applies to dialogue ending with exclamation or question marks. The connect is less obvious but if following, the speaking tag should not be capitalized.

Original (Chapter 1): "Is she from the north, Vee?" She asks me.

Corrected: "Is she from the north, Vee?" she asks me.

Here are a couple instances of my arch-nemesis, comma splices. They're so subtle and sneaky, but the two independent clauses should be separated by a period instead of the comma usurpers.

Original (Chapter 1): "Bless you, my child," she mutters, her eyes give a sad glint.

Corrected: "Bless you, my child," she mutters. Her eyes give a sad glint.
or
"Bless you, my child," she mutters, her eyes giving a sad glint.

Original (Chapter 5): I give her a half bow, my voice is weak.

Corrected: I give her a half bow. My voice is weak.
or
I give her a half bow, my voice weak.

Lastly, a random error I noticed:

Original (Chapter 2): If the King's aren't safe, how are we?

Corrected: If the kings aren't safe, how are we?
or
If the King isn't safe, how are we?

Overall, these are pretty small mistakes that aren't everywhere in your writing. They didn't detract too much from the reading experience, but I would suggest combing through and fixing them when you have the time and motivation.

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Style/Formatting: 9/10

You've nailed entry and exit on your chapters. I was hooked from the very first line with the old woman's voice being compared to a spoiled violin. Every chapter ends with a great sense of revelation that turns into a cliffhanger. PoV is solid and doesn't hit any of the pitfalls with first person that I noticed. You've got a great author voice and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Very well done.

I caught only one tense shift in Chapter 2): If ma was furious that I returned late, she does not show it.

Should be "If ma is furious..." to keep it in present tense!

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World-building/Concept Originality: 9/10

Not too little, not too much. Just enough to tease and hint at a richer world behind the scenes. I think it's amazing how you've woven in little details about the world, like the differences between people from the north and the south. Never does it turn into an info-dump, which I'm forever grateful for. I'm very curious about whether the Princess being a "ghost" is some type of magic or only superstition.

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Personal Enjoyment: 10/10

Loved it. Will be adding to my currently reading list. I don't do this very often, but if you're interested, I'll offer to proofread your manuscript. Just message my personal account if you are and we can work out the details!

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Total: 85/100

Congratulations, radiant one! You've obtained the rank of an eight-tailed kat. Besides the ability to perpetuate much arson through flames, the eight-tailed are also capable of causing destruction via lightning! Use your powers wisely (or chaotically, as kats often do).

Thank you so much for requesting this review and I hope it is of help to you in your writing journey!