Author: ZianDutt

Book: A Vow Against Times

Genre: Fantasy

Chapters Read: 1-3

Kat Tails: 7

Thank you for your patience as I worked on this review! 
If you are planning to continue reading, please know that this review will contain spoilers for the chapters I read.

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Cover: 4.5/5

The cover is very professional and well-done. The objects and text mesh well and the color scheme is eye-catching. Upon first glance, I can immediately tell that the genre is fantasy. I do wish that the focuses of the cover (objects and title) were larger and took up more space against the background, but this is a minor complaint.

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Title: 3/5

I'm neutral on this title. It's not immediately hooking, and I am somewhat confused on why it's "Times" instead of "Time". This irregularity could work in your favor or against, because on one hand, I'm curious about it. On the other hand, it reads a bit weird grammatically.

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Blurb: 3/5

You've done a great job including all the necessary elements of the blurb: character, setting, conflict, and stakes. Saira Doshi + secret kingdom, lands of Khuman + break a curse + fate worse than death. In terms of suggestions, I would work on two things: being less vague and streamlining your sentences.

As the blurb stands, the first sentence is already going to lose me. It's a run-on that lacks tension. There are several things that I'm dubious about. How is living a certain span of years and then dying a goal? "Complete the hundred years she's been given" is phrased in a way that makes little sense. "Her life doesn't stay the same" is very vague considering we don't know her established norm.

Original: Saira has only one goal as the High Witch of Sakhia--complete the hundred years she's been given and die, but when she outlives her hundred years, her life doesn't stay the same.

Suggestion: As the High Witch of Sakhia, Saira Doshi's fate is to die at the age of a hundred. But as it turns out, there is one thing powerful enough to overrule fate and the will of the gods themselves.

This suggestion is more an example of how to pack on the tension, split a wordy sentence, and be mysterious without resorting to vagueness than a 100% accurate to your story blurb beginning (since I don't know if it actually is accurate to your plot xD)

Now onto the rest of the blurb!

I'd suggest restructuring the first four sentences that appear in the second section. They're all very preposition heavy, with the first two both employing "when". They're chunky and readers aren't going to be able to stomach such long sentences in succession.

I would also recommend revisiting these phrases and considering swapping them out for more dynamic and specific language:
"take a dark turn"
"mysterious flashbacks"
"package that leaves her utterly confused"
"cryptic letter"
"caught up in the consequences of her own doings"
"difficult path"
"fate worse than death"
"everything she's stood up for"
"his dark past"

It appears that you wanted to sprinkle in the element of mystery, which is a good thing ... in moderation. There's so much mystery and vague actions and stakes that we're left with very little substance to chew on. 

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Writer Interaction: 4/5

Disclaimer: This category does not reflect on a writer's skill at all. It is merely given points as it shows the writer is invested in their readers' opinions and suggestions and can be used to project future growth. (Also, Miya is using her judging rubric and doesn't want to change it because it totals to a neat 100 points as is XD)

Writer is invested in their readers' interactions and responds positively to constructive comments.

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Plot/Pacing: 8/10

The plot moves at a quick pace and is introduced well. It's easy to be anxious along with Saira at the predicament she's in and to grow invested with what she'll need to do to overcome it. The plot twist of the supposed museum curator kidnapping her is also executed well. The only aspect of the plot that is somewhat confusing is how witches age and Saira's reaction to not dying on time. In spite of reading the sections concerning it more than once, I wasn't able to understand fully.

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Description: 7/10

Your descriptions were handled smoothly, though they are often outweighed by action and inner monologue. There are a couple places where I would have liked a concrete description as opposed to the character's reaction (and from there, what the reader is supposed to feel). An example of this: "to open the parcel bizarrely wrapped in cloth". It's advisable to limit adverb usage, since it's a subtle form of telling. Here, we're being told that this is bizarre. I believe the following lines would be sufficient to convey that information and focus could instead be given to physical details.

To sum this up, a finer balance needs to be struck between description and the other story beats while leaving some things for the reader to infer rather than being told.

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Characters: 7/10

Saira is quite the relatable character in her constant worry of being discovered as a witch and the straightforward manner in which she approaches her problems is commendable. The relationship between her and Jeevam promises both intrigue as she fills in the hole of her memory and tension as they're forced to work together.

While I understand Saira on a surface level, I find it hard to like and root for her. What does she really want? As it is, her character is very heavily plot-driven and she's at the mercy of its waves. This can work, but I don't know what it is she's fighting for and whether it's worth it if it's only for herself. Think of Katniss in the Hunger Games. She's driven by the plot, but she's fighting for Prim. We wouldn't root for her half so much if she were fighting solely for her own survival.

My advice would be to give Saira what's called a "save the cat" moment. This is defined as a scene early in the story where the protagonist takes action for good, even if the good they do is something as small as "saving a cat". 

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Vocabulary/Syntax: 7/10

Earlier, I mentioned adverb usage. While they're helpful, this is a common pitfall and they can turn into crutch words. Many times a sentence can be re-worded without the adverb and be stronger for it, but it does force you to strain those writing muscles a bit further. I had to do a sweep when going from a draft to a rewrite, because those pesky things sneak in everywhere.

You employ an extensive arsenal of words, but I would caution not going overkill with synonyms. Sometimes the best word to use is the simple one. The goal in writing isn't to have readers starstruck with your prose, but for your skill be so effortless that the painstaking work is invisible to the reader's eye.

Here's an example of synonyms that disrupt the flow:
"sashaying around the museum" [entertainer, showy/flirty personality]
"sauntering down the first aisle" [walking with an attitude, cowboys?]
"she slunk toward" [sneaky, guilty]
"sidled into the dungeons" [timid, unsure]
"she scampered toward the door" [rodent]

A wise man once said that there are no true synonyms. Words have connotations and lesser-used words will often have more specific connotations. (Above, I've written what each synonym makes me think of, but do note that connotation can be subjective) It's alright to use the word "walked" sometimes. This is also true for dialogue tags. There are those who tell you to never use "said" and those who say it's the only dialogue tag to use. Ever. The best solution is to be balanced ... as all things should be.

"What do you wish to know about the painting?" the owner chimed in.

Generally, "chimed in" is used when someone else had been carrying the conversation. Not out of nowhere. When in doubt, go simple. "Asked" would be a fitting substitute here.

There's a saying: Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.

For a writer, this could be: Simple is smooth, and smooth is skilled.

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Grammar/Punctuation: 8/10

Your punctuation is fairly clean (thank you for knowing how to use dialogue tags! It's my hugest pet peeve when writers don't) and in terms of grammar, there are only outlier errors or awkward phrasing and not a specific trend. Here are some that I caught:

"how much more she had to wait" -> "how much longer she had to wait"

"mortals were no joke to be dealt with" -> "mortals were no joke to deal with"

"Whatever family she had passed away when she was a mere mortal" -> "Her family had passed away when she was a mere mortal" [subject is unclear in the first--sounds like she passed away and not her family]

"Careful no one was seeing her by giving a quick glance around her" -> "After giving a quick glance around to be sure no one was watching" [awkward phrasing]

"She would burn this drivel the first thing when she reached home" -> "She would burn this drivel first thing when she reached home"

"Having your hand in close quarters with a weapon provided her that" -> "Having her hand in close quarters with a weapon provided her that"

"so sending for a witch as me won't make do" -> "so sending for a witch such as me won't do"

Much like with vocabulary use, you have a tendency to err toward complex sentence structures. Remember to not write at "full strength", so to speak, all the time. Save impact for when it matters to lend extra focus to a certain line or word. When you aren't going for impact, you should be aiming for clarity and precision. Here is an example of a line that could use splitting and possibly be cut down to read clearer.

"A fragment; the same fragment that that emerged in her mind from time to time like a puff of mist that stayed long enough for her to know it was there but not long enough for her to grab at it and discern what it was."

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Style/Formatting: 8/10

Chapters are started and ended in spectacular fashion. I greatly enjoyed the cliffhangers and the element of mystery incorporated. Paragraph breaks are used well and I didn't notice any bulkiness. There are some run-on sentences and others where slight purple prose is noticeable, but the style matches the genre and plot well the majority of the time.

There are a great many terms capitalized, some of which I'm dubious as to why such as "Sun". I would again, caution against overusing this tool as it detracts from the overall utility when it appears that words are capitalized without obvious reason.

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World-building/Concept Originality: 8/10

I really enjoyed the culture you've established and the world as far as I've read. While you incorporate a lot of fantasy mainstays: witches, enchantresses, people who can control elements, there are unique aspects to them. I do wish some of these unique aspects were clearer, such as the aging process of witches and that more attention were given to setting.

The concept is fitting but could use a stronger hook. What makes this story stand out from all others? Really try to hone in on that question and make the answer your book's main point of appeal. From there, compress it and sell it at the beginning of the blurb. 

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Personal Enjoyment: 8/10

I enjoyed this story and would read further! Though I found it hard to be attached to the main character, I would be interested in how the plot plays out and if there's a character arc in store for Saira. This story has less of a high fantasy vibe than I would've expected and more of a paranormal feel, so still enjoyable but less appealing to me personally. I think it could hit some interest with the paranormal crowd too though!

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Total: 75.5/100

Congratulations, majestic one! You've obtained the rank of a seven-tailed kat. Elegantly graceful is your name and defying gravity is your game. No chance of stubbing those precious paws here!

Thank you for your patience and I hope this review is of help to you in your writing journey!