3 Months Later

The last few months of school quickly passed, and as I pack up my dorm room, I allow the sound of Halsey to play through the room. It feels like a long time since I've listened to her album, but for very good reason, her music reminds me of who I was at the beginning of the school year. It's strange to look back and remember that girl, because despite my falling out with life I had just a few months ago, I know that I'm far from being that scared, timid girl I was at the start of the school year.

Life is funny that way. It surprises you every day with things and experiences that help you grow, to be happier and stronger than the person you were the day before. And I can't be more content with the way things have turned out for me. Life gave me Harry back. It gave me Nova and Astrid and guys that I can actually call my friends, to the point where I know now that not every one is out to get me in some bad way. I'm lucky to have them all in my life, to allow me to see that people aren't all that bad.

I'm stronger now. And I know this because when I look in the mirror, I don't see a sad, lost girl anymore. I see that I have the tenacity and perseverance to do anything and go places I only thought I would ever see in my dreams. Being able to see this gives me a new-found sense of life. A view that I once had long ago, before the realities of the world took me down.

But it's good to have an understanding that for all bad things that happen to us, no matter how big or small they may be, they're there to remind us to keep going, to strive for better things and be better people, and those hardships just make us out to be the people we're meant to be. Independent and resilient to the point where nothing can bring you down.

I know that I'm going to come back to this dorm room next year and be reminded as to why everything happened the way they did this year. Because without all the craziness my life has fell upon, it really was a year to look back on and see that coming here was exactly what I needed to be who I am now.

I've taken the time today to really look at everything before I pack my things into boxes. And the fact that my cheeks hurt from all the smiling I've done looking at it all, doesn't surprise me. I've come across my hospital bracelet that I had used as a book mark in a book my new therapist thought I should read, and I'm instantly taken back in time for a brief second, to the day I had to tell Harry we couldn't be together.

"You and me—You know we can't be together, right?" I ask.

Harry stares at me like he's just seen a ghost. His wide eyed expression makes me shake my head and smile, and I can see him panicking inside."We're meant to be together though. You said it yourself. I know it, you know it. Everyone does. I'm sorry for the way things turned out. I promised your Dad I'd take care of you! How am I supposed to do that, if we aren't together?"

"Harry—" I try to interrupt.

"Paisley, please," he continues. "I know I can make you happy. Please let me make you happy every day."

"Begging isn't going to help you right now, Harry," I laugh. "Do you know that you're still incredibly annoying?"

He looks down at our hands clasped together with a slight smile on his face. I'm sure he is remembering how much I used to tell him that. He is still that same annoying guy he's always been, and I'm certain he knows it.

"What I need from you right now, isn't something I can get from you being my boyfriend," I tell him. "I think it's important that we take some time and figure a lot of stuff out on our own. I love you, Harry. It doesn't matter what's happened with us in the past, I still feel that way about you. But I need to love myself too. And to do that, I need to do that without you."

He nods his head in understanding, looking me in the eyes. I can tell he is a little disappointed, but after everything that's happened, I know he wont disagree with me right now. That he accepts the fact that I need this time for me.

"Plus," I add. "Karma has gotten us one too many times for everything. I think we need to prove to it that we can be better people, otherwise there's no point in trying to be together. It'll just keep getting us if we don't stop trying to hurt people, or lying, or whatever else we've done for it to get us back."

"Be a better person," Harry comments. "I can do that! No more lying. Or secrets. Or hurting girls," he pauses. "Hurting you." Our eyes meet, his flicking back and forth between mine a few times. I can sense that his mind is going as his eyes start to well up with tears. "Even without karma, I'd never do a single thing to make you hurt again. I've been horrible. And you're right. We need to change. Maybe good karma will be on our side."

I can't help but smile, knowing that he understands where I'm coming from. Despite everything that we've been through, I couldn't be luckier that everything that's happened, happened with him. No one else in the world would understand the way he does.

Looking back at this particular day puts a smile on my face, because despite how hard it was to admit to knowing I couldn't be with him, it really was needed. And I'm happy that I had already been through it all before to understand that I had to do this on my own. It gave me a chance to focus on my school work, focus on my therapy sessions and most importantly, myself. He gave me the space that I needed without being too far away from me. Still being a good friend to me without getting too close.

He reminded me every few days that he was still there, in a way only he would know how. In a way that made me smile and gave me hope that one day everything would be alright, that we would finally have a fresh start. A start that didn't begin with lies or wrong intentions. He would give me small little notes from pieces of paper ripped out of his notebooks, which I cherished more than even he would ever know, because it was the only way he would flirt with me, which I missed terribly. It reminded me of high school, and I loved that about him. That the same sweet guy I knew back then, was still very much inside of him, which I'm happy I can remember now and really enjoy it for all it's worth.

The last few day he's given me more notes than usual, which I'm assuming is because classes are over and we were finishing up with exams. They weren't the usual Forever? Forever, or It's Only You notes, or ones that said I was beautiful, or that he would wait for me, they would consist of how he thought we kicked karma's ass and the third time's the charm. I know it was his way of telling me he thinks we're ready to start over again, that we've surpassed everything that we needed to, to be together again, but I'm content with the way things are at the moment, I don't want to move too quickly, unsure if I'm ready yet or not.

The most amazing thing about being a photographer and having free access to developing pictures any time I want to, is having memories for just about everything. I have so many pictures from this year, stacked in a pile, which I will eternally be grateful for. The one that rests on the top will always be one of my favorite memories, which happened a few nights ago.

"I'm taking you somewhere, let's go!" Harry says, as he opens the door to my dorm room.

"Um, exam tomorrow!" I wave my  study notes in the air. "I'm not going anywhere."

He stalks over to my bed, pulling me off of it. He gives me enough time to slip on my flip flops, before whisking me out the door. "You're already too smart. You know all that information anyways. No need to study! This is far more important than any exam!"

He keeps his hand in mine as he drags me down the hallway and all the way out to his car, where he opens the door for me to get in. "What is so important that I have to give up the last bit of time to study?" I ask when he gets in the driver's seat.

He hands me a bottle from behind his seat that already has a message in it. "I want you to write a message," he tells me. He's looking at me intently, so serious, and I can't help but smile at him. "Something that maybe you would've wanted to get in a message in a bottle if you found one."

I can't help but feel like this is his way of allowing me to get some kind of closure with everything that has happened. To somehow, without even knowing who it would be to find this message in a bottle, help them in some sort of way if they needed it. Putting a last positive note on negative things that I've experienced.

"I've already written one," he tells me, as he drives out of the parking lot.

I take the cork off the bottle to get his message out, and I can't help but laugh when I read it. "Karma's a bitch. Don't mess with it!"

"It's true though, right? People need to be warned about karma! It means serious business!" he laughs, looking over at me. "There's some paper and a pen in the glove compartment."

I take my time to think about what I want to write, even after we've been sitting for a while in the parking lot at the beach, looking out into the sunset. Harry doesn't say anything and allows me to really delve into my thoughts for the right thing to say, knowing that doing this is somehow important to me. There are so many things that I could write down. So many messages that I feel would be right for this message in a bottle, for myself to get the closure I need to end this chapter in my life.

I finally write something down, roll it up with Harry's, and put them into the bottle. He doesn't ask what I've written as we get out of the car. I let him take my hand and intertwine our fingers, as we swing our arms together, walking towards the water. The silence is nice. It's what I need at this moment, and I'm happy he knows me well enough to understand this.

I try handing him the bottle to throw out into the ocean, but he looks at me and smiles. "This is your moment, you do the honor."

For some reason, it always surprises me how much he gives me what I need, in the smallest of gestures. For someone who says his feelings for me were not in the right place for a while, he sure has paid much attention into knowing exactly who I am, and how to give me everything that I never even knew I needed. In this moment, all I can do is smile, telling him how grateful I am for not just this, but for all the small things.

He snaps a picture when I throw the bottle into the water, so I can remember the moment I let it all go. A moment in time I will be able to look back on, to remind me that all bad things end if you believe in yourself just a little. The sun will still shine and the world will still turn, and I'm not just one person without a purpose, but someone in the center of everything.

"What did you write?" Harry asks, putting his arm around my shoulder.

I instinctively put my arm around him, and lean my head on his shoulder as we look out into the beauty before us. "Never let the sun set on tomorrow, before the sun rises today."

"It's perfect," he says. "Absolutely perfect."

I'm taken from my thoughts when the door opens to my dorm room and I look over to see Harry standing there. "You ready to go? Everyone's waiting outside."

It's strange to look at someone I know so well, and yet every single time still get an eruption of butterflies in my stomach. My heart always seems to skip beats and I feel like I stop breathing for a second. I know in my fluttery heart that he is it for me. That he is the only person who will ever understand me in a way I think I'll always need. He stole my heart so very long ago, and every day he continues to do just that, without even having to try.

I want to believe that I'm ready for things to change. To finally allow myself to be with him the way he's been patiently waiting for me, but as strong as I know I am right now, I know there's room for a little more belief in myself, before taking that leap. I know that he'll be there when I'm ready. He's shown me and proven to me that I can take all the time I need, because he isn't going anywhere.

We've decided for all of us to walk to the pub together, for one last big hurrah before we all head home tomorrow, knowing we all live far away from each other and won't be able to hang out for a few months when school picks back up again. As Harry and I step outside and walk down the steps of our building, Astrid and Nova instantly take me by each of my hands away from him.

I could never be more thankful for these girls. I finally let them in and told them my secrets. I've learned that sharing parts of my life with people who mean the world to me, is actually helpful to the healing process. To let out things I was ashamed of and blamed myself for, for so long, gave me something I never realized I would get. A little pride in myself for how far I've come. And to share the fact that I had put Ryan behind bars, and to see how proud of me they were for all of it, made it worth it. They understand me more, and I know now that they will still love me despite the faults I may still have.

"Hey, so next year, Niall and I will have to make a movie," Nova explains. "And I think you two should be in it! I think it'd be fun!"

"Why don't you ask Harry?" I ask, looking over at him and laughing. "He's got acting down to a tee, trust me! He'd win Oscars for how believable he is!"

Everyone laughs. Despite them all knowing the truth now, they somehow still love us. They decided to still trust us. To trust Harry and to understand why everything was the way it was. It doesn't surprise me in the least that they didn't turn their backs on us after we came clean about everything, because this weird group of friends that we are, snapbacks and punk, mixed with a little bit of prep, nothing would ever change who we are together. And they are exactly the people I want to share my life with. To experience all the new and exciting things life will forever offer me.

"Here's a great idea!" Louis laughs. "Niall and Nova should make a movie—The story of Harry and Paisley!" His hands fly through the air as if our story was some extravagant thing. "Seriously, people will love how fucked up you two were! It'll be amazing!"

I don't take offence to his words. Instead, I let go of Nova's and Astrid's hands and reach out for Harry's, seeing him give me a small smile in return as he takes my hand in his.

"It's our story," Harry says, looking me in the eyes. "And no one else will ever take credit for that."

He's right. This has all been the story of us. And one amazing story it has been. A journey worth telling, but wanting to keep it just for us. I know there is still so much to come for me—for us. But right now, in this very moment, I feel like it's the end of an era and the start of something even more incredible than even my wildest dreams could ever imagine taking me.

End

A/N: There is still an epilogue to come, so please don't leave just yet!

I cannot even begin to tell you how emotional I am at the moment! I have never in my life finished a book before, let alone one that so many of you love just as much as I have loved writing! Thank you for going on this journey with me and for all your kind words! They have meant so so much to me! ♥♥♥

Thank you so much for 50K reads! Getting to this as I finish up this book, means a lot to me! So thank you from the bottom of my heart!

The epilogue will be up in a few days! I love you!!

Much love,
amberlove

xo