---Paisley---

It has been a long time since I've set foot on Vancouver Island. As soon as Harry and I are driving from the ferry port, I'm so in awe that I'm here again, that all I can do is stare out the window, unable to say anything. It's rather warm for it being December, but not really all that surprising for an island winter, and so we roll the windows down, consuming ourselves in the dampness of the rain that's just let up. The air feels different than it does in California and the instant aroma, that I could only ever describe as the Island, makes my whole body perk up at the realization that I'm home.

The last time I drove along this long stretch of road, where the only thing in sight is trees and road, I was going in the opposite direction, with both of my parents, moving away from here. My failed suicide attempt—the main reason for our move—only happened a couple weeks prior. Something that I can remember like it was yesterday.  A moment in time where you feel everything and numb at the same time, when all that you feel around you is nothing. When your thoughts aren't your own, but you're lost in your head. And when there's nothing left, and life has sucked all the air out of your lungs, you know there's only one answer. And that is to end it all.

It's weird to be reminded of this at such a time, as I drive back to the place I used to call my home, with someone who means so much to me. Someone who makes me feel, and I mean really feel, every emotion, in a way I never thought I could. I could never imagine not living the life I have now. Not being able to breathe him in the way I do. To know that there was a chance I never would have gotten to experience him at all, makes me sad, despite what I had to go through to get to him.

As I look at him from the passenger seat, I am very aware of the fact that he saved me. He saved me without even trying. The life he brought back into me, the happiness in the way my heart feels like it's dancing inside of my chest when he's near me. I could never express how grateful I am that I found him when I did, when I needed him  the most. Things have never been easy with him, but at the same time, nothing has felt easier.

As we drive closer into the city, I am reminded of the life I used to have. The mess at the end, that seemingly made me want to end my life; The mess that's lost somewhere with other memories I know are missing, is even more so nowhere to be found now that we're so close to home, and good memories force their way into my mind. I had a great life here. The recollection making me miss Mom even more, seeing places we used to go together, as we drive passed them. I wish more than anything, now that we're here, that we never had to leave.  As much as I remember always wanting to get out, I can't for a second, even imagine why I would've wanted to. It's so beautiful here and refreshing.

"Are you excited?" Harry asks. "I mean, to be here? I'm having a hard time figuring out what you're thinking."

"I love it here, but I think I'm nervous," I answer, pulling my beaning on and fixing my hair in the mirror. "It's strange. I never thought I'd come back here—I'm happy to be here—It just feels like a lot to take in, I guess. I don't know—I miss my Mom—"

"I'm sure she's proud of you, ya know," he tells me, squeezing my hand. "For everything you've accomplished at college so far. And she's probably smiling, knowing you're back here."

I look over at him and give him a small smile. Mom loved it here. I'm more than certain the reason I loved this place so much is because of her. How she made everything about it, home. How her beautiful smile always reached her eyes when she looked into the ocean, like the ocean was the most romantic place on earth and held onto all the memories her one amazing life had experienced. I was always proud to be her daughter. She wasn't like all the other mom's of the kids I went to school with. She was easy going and never put pressure on me to be someone I didn't want to be. I never had to be perfect. She was happy with me being exactly who I was and I was thankful for that everyday, having to live with my friends being the way they were, undoubtedly because of the families they grew up with.

As I'm giving Harry directions to Aunt Rachel's, a part of me has a hard time believing I'm in my old neighborhood, as I watch the houses get bigger, the closer we get to the ocean. So many times I had walked passed these houses, drunk with my friends. Dancing down the streets to the songs played on my phone. Life surely had a way of getting away from you, not realizing how important every moment truly is, always taking days for granted and wasting time that shouldn't have ever been wasted. This was the life that I knew I'd never get back, and despite wanting to leave it all before, I would give anything now to have just a sliver of it back.

"It's right there," I tell Harry, pointing to the brown house on the corner. It looks exactly the same as I remember it, just like all of my surroundings. Nothing's changed around these parts it seems, except maybe the trees are taller.

Harry parks on the street in front of my aunt's house and looks over at me. "So, I guess I'll be seeing you?"

I lean over the console, placing my hand on the back of his neck to pull him closer to me, not hesitating to press my lips against his. I will never get used to how amazing his soft lips feel against mine. Knowing that I just got him back, I don't want to stop kissing him. I want to stay forever in this moment, with his hand playing with my hair and his tongue moving so effortlessly with mine. But I know that I have to get out of this car eventually, and knowing Dad is on the other side of the door, just inside this big house we're parked in front of, allows me to remove my lips from his.

"You sure you don't want to meet my Dad?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him. I know he isn't ready for us to meet each other's families, but trying again, can't hurt.

"Maybe another day, Paise," he answers, opening his car door and getting out. I follow suit, getting out of the car and stretching my legs before helping him with my suitcases from the trunk. He has an uneasy look on his face as he looks around in every direction. I don't question it, thinking that there's a possibility he's just worried Dad will come out of the house and he'll be forced to meet him without warning.

We say our goodbye's and I watch him get back into his car and drive away down the road, before turning to look at my aunt's house. I sigh nervously, unsure as to how I'm feeling about seeing my family that I haven't seen since Christmas last year, when things were different. It's hard to believe that was only a year ago. It feels like a whole different lifetime, the day I so absurdly left in the middle of Christmas dinner because of Ryan. I can only hope that Rachel and Jared see that things are better now, and don't look at me with judging eyes the way they did that day.

I'm greeted at the door by Dad, who engulfs me into a hug, before I can even get in the doorway, like he hasn't seen me for years. I let out a heavy breath,wrapping my arms around his neck, relieved.

"You look amazing, kiddo!" Dad exclaims, when he finally lets me breathe again. "You're not pale anymore. Wow, I can't believe I'm looking at the same girl that left for college four months ago!"

"California will do that to a person," I laugh. "It changes you."

"I don't think it was California," he says, picking up my suitcases and looking at me. I know he's right. Although California was the reason for the tan, I know he means otherwise, and seeing how happy he is, that it's obvious I'm not the same girl I was when I left here, makes me feel proud that he can tell just by taking one look at me. "Where's your car?"

"Oh, I drove here with Harry," I answer, nonchalantly. Dad looks at me confused. "Didn't I tell you he lives in Fairfield?"

"I think I missed that bit of information," he smiles, as I follow him into the house and take my shoes off. "So, does that mean I get to meet him?"

"I'm hoping, but don't count on it," I tell him, honestly. 

He furrows his eyebrows at me, clearly not liking my answer. "Well, Rachel is at work and Jared is upstairs in his room, if you want to go say hi. You get the spare room upstairs next to his, so if you want to take your things upstairs, I'll be in the living room." He hugs me again, kissing the top of my head. "It's good to have you home, kiddo. I missed you."

The house is exactly the way I remember it to be. Nothing has changed. The same pictures hang on the wall that line the stairs, the same hard wood floor, the same oak banister that reaches the top of the stairs and travels along the hallway and around to the other side of the house, leaving the house bright in the open concept.

Jared is looking at me from the balcony just outside his bedroom on the other side of the house. When my eyes meet his, he smiles. "Hey. Was that your boyfriend who dropped you off?"

Unsure as to how to answer the question, I decide it's a good time to take my suitcases up to my room to give me a few seconds to think about it. But when I get to my door, Jared is still staring at me. He's taller than the last time I saw him and his hair is shorter, but his big brown eyes are the same and he looks at me with the kind eyes I used to know well. "We're seeing each other—it's complicated."

"I can't tell you how relieved I am, that you look better than the last time I saw you," he tells me, giving me a hug. "You look good."

"Thanks."

"Can you tell me now what the hell was up with you?" he asks. "You freaked me out."

"You really don't want to know," I answer. "Just know that everything is good now."

He shrugs. "I guess that's all that matters then, right?"

**

Settling in has been easier than I thought it would be. The rain has made quite the appearance, leaving me to stay inside wearing pajamas all day, playing board games with Aunt Rachel, Jared and Dad. It feels like old times, minus mom, when our family would get together for holidays, and I've been enjoying actually doing nothing for a change. No school work to stress over, no having to get out of bed early, homemade meals and texting Harry. 

It's been a few days since he dropped me off, and we haven't gotten the chance to see each other yet. As much as I miss him and want more than anything to see him, at least we get to talk to each other throughout the days. Knowing that I have him back, makes it easier to be without him and enjoy my much needed time with my family.

I decide it's time to get out of the house and get some coffee at the cafe by the marina. It used to be one of my favorite places to go to do my homework and watch the friendly seals that often came to visit the area. It had the best coffee and I'm happy that Dad let me borrow his car so I could get a cup.

My plan to sit at my usual table by the window, to reminisce while basking in the glory that is the best cup of coffee I could ever have, is doomed the second I walk into the small cafe as I notice a group of three girls sitting at it. They're staring at their cell phones, and I find myself rolling my eyes at the fact people can't interact with each other while they're out together.

I look around, trying to find a place to sit, while I stand in line, waiting to order, seeing a free table on the opposite side of the place; the side with no view of the water. Guess it'll have to do.

"Paisley Hayes?" I hear, grabbing my cup of coffee from the girl behind the counter.

My eyes shift in the direction of the voice, as I see the three girls from my table walking over to me. It's then that I notice it's definitely Jenny, Ava and Lexi; The three girls that were my best friends growing up. The girls my life revolved around for as long as I can remember. I'm certain the fact that their noses were stuck to their devices must be the reason I didn't recognize them when I first walked in, but I could be wrong. They look richer, walk snobbier and now all three girls have bright blonde hair that match, just with different hairstyles. I cringe just looking at them, unsure as to how I feel about seeing them at this particular moment.

They were always the reason I wanted to get out of this town. Although they were my best friends, I really didn't care much for them and their snobby ways. And seeing them now, makes me want to get out even more than I did then.

"I can't believe you're back," Jenny says, shock written all over her face. She pulls me over to their table, while Lexi gets a chair for me to sit down, and I do so without saying anything. I try to smile, but I'm probably just looking more like an idiot than anything. "Are you back for good?"

"No," I finally speak, taking a sip of my coffee. Why these girls have to ruin my moment with this perfect coffee is beyond me. "I'm just here for holidays."

"Where did you go?" Jenny asks, her blue eyes wide and full of curiosity. Nosy bitch, as always. "You just left, and never came back."

She was right. I never even said good-bye when I left here. I never even cared what they would think of me leaving and never coming back. I just left without a word. "Um, I moved to Vancouver. And now I go to school in Los Angeles."

The three girls look at each other as a smirk plays on Jenny's painted lips. "Wow, and what do you study there?"

"Photography."

They look at each other again, and I can't help but wonder why they keep doing that. It's really annoying. Jenny's smirk falls from her lips this time and Lexi and Ava just look shocked, as if I just said something really awful.

"So you go to school wi—" Ava starts. 

"So, what do you guys do now?" I interrupt, trying to rid the awkward attention on me. I'm done with questions that I don't want to answer. My life isn't any of their business and I don't really care what they do, although I can just imagine. 

"We hang out," Lexi answers. I can't believe how much more ditzy that made her sound than she normally did years ago.

"You hang out?" I ask. 

Clearly they haven't changed, and I want to roll my eyes at the way they apparently think that just hanging out is still cool like it was in high school.

"Not a lot has changed since you left, Paisley," Jenny says. "This town is still as boring as ever. We should hang out while you're here. How long are you here for?"

"Oh," I clear my throat. "Not long. Just a few days." There's no way in hell I'm hanging out with these rich bitches. They seem worse than they ever did in high school and I have a feeling that their games have just gotten worse somehow and that's the last thing I ever want to think about doing again. I hated those games, as much fun as it was watching the others play them, I didn't like it when it was my turn in any of them. "I better go though. I borrowed my Dad's car and he needs it back to go somewhere," I lie. "It was really nice to see you though."

As I stand, so does Jenny, and she quickly wraps her skinny arms around me. I'm taken aback by this, and find myself awkwardly patting her on the back, wanting to get out of the cafe as fast as possible. "Don't be a stranger. You know where I live. Make sure to stop by before you leave."

Yeah, I'll be sure to not do that, thanks.

A/N: In the beginning of this chapter, I briefly talk about suicide. This subject hits close to home, and I would like to address it. In no way, do I believe that it's the answer to anything. If you are feeling like it is, please do not hesitate to talk to me, or to someone. Even if you think no one cares, there is always someone who does, I promise you that! No matter how hard life seems to get, it always gets better. Always! For someone who understands pain and every day struggles, I am living proof that even if things don't turn out as great as you planned it to be, it's still good, and good is an amazing place to be! You are not alone! Talking to someone, or writing is amazing therapy.

Thank you so much for 11K Reads !! Reaching 10K was huge for me! I can't even believe it! Please continue to vote and comment your thoughts! I love you guys so so much!
I'm not 100% happy with the way this chapter came out, which is one of the reasons why it's taken me so long to update, and I apologize for this awful filler. I promise better chapters in the future, so I hope you stick around! xo

Much love,
amberlove
xo