I'm having a hard time getting out of bed this morning because,

1. I haven't slept much in the last five days.
2. It feels too early, even though it's eleven. a.m.
3. I know I have a nineteen hour drive ahead of me, 
as soon as I'm ready to go.

And although I don't want to admit it,

4. Harry still isn't here.

It's not that I don't like driving, because honestly, I'm kind of excited to start my little road trip. The thought of blasting my music down the open road with the wind in my hair, eating an endless amount of junk food and drinking more coffee than I should, is exactly the kind of medicine that I need right now. Especially knowing what my destination is; Dad.

It has been a long five days. I've been having trouble falling asleep, even though my nightmares haven't returned. But because Harry seems to have deserted his life here, for reasons unknown, the bed across the room from me has been empty, leaving me feeling just the same. I have been afraid that with his absence, my nightmares would come back, but I think deep down, what scares me the most, is how much I missed him being next to me.

I still carried around more anger about the way he left, than I felt sad about it, and as the days passed and he still didn't return, the more emotions I had to face. Five days isn't really all that long, but it is when you're going through a plethora of different emotions and end up on the completely other end of the spectrum by the end of the day.

Today is a day, that I'm apparently waking up more on the angry side than anything else. I shouldn't still be in bed. I should've left earlier. But I think part of me is hoping the longer I wait to leave, the more hope I have to see Harry if he comes back before I'm gone. I know I'm just setting myself up for more disappointment, but it seems that's what I'm good at these days, so why not just add to it?

"Are you coming back for New Years?" Nova asks, as she sits on her suitcase trying to zip it up. There's so much stuff in there, I'm pretty sure she's packed our entire dorm inside of it, by the way it's bursting at the seams.

"I'm not sure yet," I answer, finally sitting up in bed. "I guess it depends on what's going on. The last time I saw some of my family, it didn't really end well, so depending on how high the awkwardness is, I might come back early."

"Well, I hope you do!" she exclaims. "There's going to be a huge party! It wont be the same without you!"

I shake my head, rolling my eyes at her, knowing that a party wouldn't miss me, and Nova probably wouldn't either.

"Well, I'm off," she states. "Don't want to be miss our flight." She walks over to hug me a tight hug goodbye before looking at me square in the eye, with her hand on my shoulder. "Things with Harry will work out. He'll be back after the holidays and he'll have a good explanation for all of this. Just have a good Christmas and don't let it bother you anymore."

I nod, not knowing what to say, and as I watch her leave the room, I know it's time for me to get out of bed and shower, so that I can actually get out of here at a decent hour.

I'm happy that I packed up all my things last night, now that I've procrastinated a lot longer than I should have. My phone plays it's usual Halsey song, as I make my way down the hallway with my suitcase rolling behind me.

"Hey Dad," I say, when I answer. "I'm just about to leave."

"You haven't left yet?" He asks. "You were supposed to leave four hours ago."

"It's fine, I'll still be there tomorrow. It doesn't matter what time."

"Well, there's been a change of plans, and we're going to Victoria for a week to stay at Rachel's," he tells me. 

"Oh," I sigh. "I was really hoping to just spend some time with you."

"We will, kiddo!" he says, and I can tell that he's smiling on the other end. "It's just a week. We'll leave boxing day and spend some time together then."

I push open the door to make my way outside to my car. "Okay."

"Since you're going to be late, I'm just going to leave today," he continues. "Is it okay if we just meet at Rachel's?"

"Yeah, that's fine," I tell him. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I'm gonna head out now."

"Drive safe, kiddo!"

I open the backseat of my car, and thrust my suitcase inside, when I hear someone say my name. I turn, realizing Harry's car is next to mine and my heartbeat instantly picks up its pace, seeing that it's clear that he's back. He's back and I have no idea what to think about it.

"Where are you going?" Harry questions. 

It's then, that our eyes meet for the first time in almost a week. I don't answer him. I can't. His green bandana pulls back his hair as usual, but somehow he looks different. More tan than before. Red tints his cheeks as if he's been in the sun the entire time he's been gone and all I can think is that I wish the redness was from the palm of my hand meeting his face.

"Where are you going?" he repeats.

"Home," I answer, annoyance clear in my voice. The amount of emotions flowing through me could drive a normal person to insanity. I shut the door to the backseat and open the front door to throw my bag of snacks in the passenger seat.

"I thought I was driving?" he says. 

"Are you fucking serious right now?" I ask, looking back at him, furrowing my eyebrows. There's no way he's serious.

"I'm so sorry, Paise," he pleads, when he realizes how mad I am. "I forgot my phone."

"No, shit!"

"I wanted to tell you where I was going, but we weren't talking. And then when we were talking, we were—preoccupied," he smirks at the memory. "I didn't have a chance."

"Five days, Harry!" I say, raising my voice. "Do you have any idea what I thought when I woke up and you were gone? And then you just never came back!"

"Let me explain," he begs, again.

"At the moment, I don't really care to listen to anything you have to say," I tell him. "I have to get going, I'm already really behind."

"You're not leaving without me," he says, shutting my car door. "And you're going to fucking listen to me."

"You drive me crazy!" I try to open the door again, but he stops me, and we fight over opening and closing it a few times.

"Just stop, please."

I take a deep breath in and close my eyes. I know I want to listen to his explanation. I know I want to know where he went and why he had to leave the way he did. But I'm so mad now that he's in front of me, I need a coffee to calm myself down. Make it an espresso, because I am fuming!

"Explain on the way to the coffee cart." I start to walk away, not caring to look back to see if he's following, but a few moments later he is next to me, looking at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"You think I left on purpose, don't you?" he asks. "You think I ran, after what we did, and you thought I was treating you just like any other girl. Is that it? Is that why you're pissed at me?"

"Well, at least you get it," I scoff, rummaging through my purse for change.

He stops walking and grabs my arm to turn me around to face him. The look on his face only shows that he's hurt by my accusations. He's the one who said it. I just agreed. "I would never do that to you, Paise. You know that!"

"That's exactly what you did, Harry!" I start walking again in the direction of the coffee cart. I can see it. It's so close, but so damn far. I need coffee. Harry's making my head spin. I wonder what direction this conversation would go if I woke up sad instead of angry, because I can already tell there is going to be a lot of yelling over the next little while.

"It isn't," he says, catching up to me, again. "If you would just hear me out!"

"You didn't even call, Harry."

"I couldn't."

"No such thing as phones where you were? Yeah, okay."

"I didn't want to use someone else's cell phone. And I don't even know your number off by heart, so I couldn't anyways."

"Hey Alice. The usual please, but with two shots of espresso," I tell the barista.

"Tea for me, please," Harry adds.

We don't say anything to each other, until we've paid for our drinks and headed back towards the car. It wouldn't be the first time Alice-the barista, saw us fighting, but the last thing I want to do, is argue with an audience.

"Can we talk like civilized people now, instead of yell at each other?" he asks. "Please?"

I take a sip of my coffee, the contents instantly soothing my insides as it goes down, and I sit down on the bench near our cars. His excuse better be good. "Fine. Talk."

He sits down next to me, rubbing his hands over his face. "I was so pissed I left my phone here," he starts. "I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful—and beautiful, I might add. Am I allowed to say that right now?"

I look at him to see there's a hint of a smile on his face. His beautiful, beautiful face. I have missed that smile so much. He's trying to lighten the mood, but I look away from him to get a better grasp on things. Looking at him is too distracting. "Just continue, please," I breathe out, crossing my arms.

My demeanor makes him sigh and I watch from the corner of my eye, as he slouches. His confidence suddenly stomped on, knowing I'm not in the mood to give in that easily.

"My Mom—she got me this amazing spot in this photography workshop," he explains. "It started in Vegas, and every day we went somewhere new to take pictures. We slept in tents in these campgrounds along the beach or in the mountains, it was surreal, Paise. I wish you were there with me. I wanted you there. I wanted to tell you about it every day."

It's now that I realize he had a good reason for being gone. That his leaving really didn't have anything to do with me, and I feel awful for yelling at him the way I did. For being so mad, and for coming to conclusions even though I said I wouldn't. I finally allow myself to look at him, seeing that he's looking at me with hope in his eyes, begging me for forgiveness through them. But I don't say anything.

"I knew you were going to be mad at me," he says, putting his hand on my knee. "I knew it the second I realized I left my phone, that I was going to come back to this."

"I just don't understand why you didn't wake me up before you left." Apparently it's all I can think of to say, even though I have a thousand things sitting on the tip of my tongue that I've wanted to say to him over the last five days. "It would've made things a hell of a lot easier while you were gone."

"I thought I would call you from the road," he answers. "But it's obvious why I couldn't. It really was early when I had to leave. Before the sun was even up. We only went to sleep like two hours before that and—"

"I get it, Harry," I say. My mind feels a little more at ease now that I know where he was and to see that he's back and is sorry for everything. I believe every word he's saying, because honestly, with the way he's looking at me and how his voice is coming out faster than normal, there's no way any of what he just said to me, is a lie. "It's fine. I had no reason to be mad and you're back now."

"So, we're good?" he asks, straightening up. 

It seems too easy to just give in like that, after feeling the way I did the whole time he was gone. But if he's telling the truth, there's no reason things can't be good. "We will be. It's a good thing we have holidays now, to give me enough time to calm down." Only half of me is teasing him. I think watching him beg for more forgiveness seems fun at this particular moment.

"We're still going to drive home together, right?" he asks, sounding panicked, which only makes my insides want to erupt in a fit of giggles and it's taking every ounce of me to keep my composure.

"I think I should drive myself, Harry," I say, standing from the bench, and taking another drink of my coffee. "Home isn't getting any closer sitting here with you. I need to leave now."

"Wait!" he says, pulling me into him. "I have something for you. You can't go yet. And we're going home together."

All I can do is take in the scent of him, now that he's so close to me. He will always be my favorite smell. It reminds me of home in a way; of comfort, and where I'm supposed to be. The way he's looking into my eyes right now, makes me feel exactly that. 

"I missed you," he whispers. "God, I missed you."

I clear my throat, not wanting to give into him yet, despite how much I want to wrap myself into him and kiss him like he's never been kissed before. He still has lost time to make up for, and he needs to work for it, at least just a little. "So, you said you have something for me?"

"I do," he smiles, before sneaking a kiss to my cheek.  "And you're going to love it!"

**

A/N: I wasn't going to end the chapter here, but I figured I would, and make it into 2 chapters! Some people have told me they think my chapters are too long, and although I don't think they are, if I continued past this moment and finished where I wanted to, it would have been longer than the norm. 

So, Harry is back!!! ☺☺
I'm so happy that he is!!
Any ideas what it is he brought back for her? 

9.2K Reads? Holy shit! Thank you so much!! I love each and every one of you who read this!!

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much love,
amberlove
xo