"Karma, what's going on?" 

I sat on the edge of the bed as she got up and slipped on her robe. I had a feeling I knew what his was about, but I was praying to God it wasn't that. When she didn't answer, I ran my hand over my face nervously. 

"Baby, please let's just—"

"Right there," she snapped, turning towards me. "You keep calling me baby. You haven't called me that since we were together. Why are you doing it now, Nathan?"

Yep. Just as I feared. Frustration and a hint of anger was burning inside of me. Not at her, but at the situation. "You really want to talk about this now? Tonight?" I gestured to the dinner I prepared for her. "We had an amazing night, Karma. Can't we talk about this tomorrow and just enjoy this?"

"No, Nathan. We can't." She put her hands to her head. "What am I doing?" she whispered to herself. 

"We were fine ten minutes ago. What happened?" 

Her eyes met mine and she dropped her hands. "You didn't even realize it, did you?" 

What the hell was she talking about? I'll admit, when it came to Karma, I tended to get lost in her. But I didn't think I did something to piss her off. ''Realize what?" If she tells me, maybe I could fix it. 

"When we were making love, you said, 'I will love you forever, gorgeous'. Remember now?" 

I am...such...an ASSHOLE! That's what I said to her the night we had sex and I left her alone in a hotel room. I've only said it two times like that—and this was the second. "Karma, I—"

"You were going to leave me. Again." She held up her hand when I opened my mouth to speak. "In your defense, I don't think you were just going to disappear on me, but you were going to tell me that tomorrow when we 'talked', weren't you?"

I finally got up from the bed and put on my gray running pants. So many things were going through my mind right now. Was she right? Was I going to tell her that tomorrow? Did I know that on some subconscious level, and that's why I said that hurtful thing to her earlier without realizing it? 

"Answer me, Nathan. Tell me the truth!" 

"I don't fucking know, Karma!" I shouted back to her. "Fuck! This is all so messed up!" 

"What do you want, Nathan?" 

"It's not that easy."

"Yes, it is. Either you want me or you don't." 

I turned away and tried to get control of my anger. God, I wanted a drink. Or a bottle. I hadn't realized how much I had been dreading this conversation with her. When it all came down to it, I was scared. I was fucking scared shitless of losing her. 

"Look at me, Nathan." I turned to her. "Answer the fucking question. Do you want me or not?"

"Of course I do! I'm fucking in love with you. I have been since the beginning. Since that summer I first saw you—really saw you and we danced together. You had your hair down and you were wearing a red dress with a black pair of high heels. You think I don't remember everything about you because it's been thirteen years?" My voice was going to go hoarse if I didn't stop. "You...you are fucking everything to me. You consume my thoughts and my dreams. I can never forget you, Karma. Never!" 

Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Then why are you so angry? Why can't we just be together?"

I shook my head and attempted to walk away from the situation. I needed to get some air or something. I felt like I was fucking losing it. If I wasn't careful, I could set off a panic attack or blackout. Holy shit. It just dawned on me that since I've been with Karma again, in Florida and here in New York, I haven't had an attack. I didn't even make it to the door before she stopped me. 

"No." She put her body between the doorway and me. "You can't run from this, Nathan. We need to figure it out and talk about it. I think we owe it to each other." 

She was right. I fucking knew she was right. But it still didn't change anything. "Karma..." I didn't even know what to say. 

She stepped into my body, her lips barely touching mine. "If we both feel this way about each other, then why can't we be together?" 

My eyes slid shut. It took all my strength not to pull her into my arms and carry her back to the bed. To lock us in this room forever and forget about the outside world. "We can't," I said, voice breaking. I took a step back. 

I exhaled a shaky breath. "As much as I want to be with you, what I did when I left you before is unforgivable." 

"Isn't that my decision?" She arched a brow. "I told you before—I'm a big girl, Nathan. If I chose to forgive you and put the past behind us, then that's my choice. Am I wrong?" 

I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. I knew she was going to say that. That's who she was. She was all about second chances when it came to someone she loved. Shit. I wish I deserved her. No. Better yet, I wish I could rewind time and go back to that night thirteen years ago. I wish that, instead of sneaking out when she fell asleep, that I never got out of the bed.

She would have slept on my chest—like she always did. She would have woken me up by kissing my neck—like she always did. We would have gone to NYU together to get our degrees. Hers in nursing and mine in architecture. We would have probably waited until our sophomore year to move in together. After college, she would have gotten a job here at New York General while I started a business. We would have gotten married, and not long after, she would have gotten pregnant. She would have yelled and called me every foul name in the book while she gave birth to our beautiful child. And I would have loved every minute of it. 

But what if I had done that? What else would be different? Would my parents be alive? Would I have joined the Army? If I hadn't joined the Army, then I would have never met Ayden and little Nate wouldn't exist in this world. It wasn't fucking fair. 

But that's what life was, wasn't it? It was all about not knowing. All that shit about taking a leap of faith was true. You had no idea what was going to happen. You just hoped for the best. In my case, falling in love with Karma on a Florida beach during the summer of 2007 was the best thing that's ever happened to me. The worst thing that has ever happened to me was when I made the choice that led to me losing her. To fucking Florida. Now it felt like this shit was coming back around full circle. I've never felt more helpless and heartbroken in my life. I guess karma really did come back to haunt you. 

"Well?" she urged me to answer. "Am I wrong?" 

"No," I finally answered, "you aren't wrong. But it works both ways. You know the one thing I can't do is lie to you, Karma. I can't be with you if I cant tell you the truth." 

"Then tell me!" she screamed and the tears finally started to fall. She closed the small distance between us and cupped my face gently in her hands. "Tell me, Nathan. Please. I don't want to lose you again." 

My heart ached as I looked into her eyes, watching her do everything she could to keep us together.

She gave me a hard kiss. "I love you, Nathan. The truth won't change that. Just tell me." 

I closed my eyes tight and my mind went back to that night:

I waited until Karma was sound asleep before I got off of the bed. I kept telling myself that I was doing the right thing by leaving—that this was the best thing for her. I believed her mom when she said Karma didn't want to leave New York City to go to school. After all, I wouldn't have done it either.

But I knew how close Karma was to her parents. If Karma found out what her mother did—forcing me to leave her behind— it would cause a huge rift between them. I didn't want that to happen. Hell, I didn't want this to happen either. But when it came down to it, better she hate me forever rather than them.

"Tell me," she begged me again. "Please, Nathan. If you love me, be honest with me. Whatever the reason was, we can get through it. Aren't we worth fighting for?" 

Christ, she needed to stop talking. Like, now. If she kept on going, I was going to give in and tell her the truth. I was terrified that if she knew her mother told me to leave her, she wouldn't speak to her again. She might not even speak to me again if she knew. 

Decision made, I reached up and cupped her cheek, stroking the smooth skin there. "Of course we're worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for—and so much more. I wish it could be different. I didn't want to hurt you then, and I don't want to hurt you know." 

Tears continued to fall from her eyes and I forced the words to come out. 

"I'm sorry, baby. We can't do this. I can't do this." She lowered her eyes and I wiped away a tear. "It's nothing you did or didn't do. God, Karma, I wish things could be different." 

She sniffled and looked back up at me. "Me too." 

The absence of her warmth hit me like a cold blast when I dropped my hand and stepped away from her. I glanced around the room, at her, trying to remember all of this. 

"I should go," I said quietly. 

"I know." 

"Karma? Please don't leave again. Not for me, but for Lanie and Harper. They need you and I don't want you guys to lose each other because of me again." I held her stare. "Promise me you won't runaway."

I knew she was hanging on to her emotions by a thread. As soon as I leave here, she was going to cry. I hated hurting her, but I needed to do this. It's what was best for both of us.

Her voice was low when she answered, "I promise I won't runaway."

Karma turned away from me and went into her bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She was waiting for me to get my stuff and leave. I understood. I wouldn't be able to stand there and watch her leave me if the roles were reversed. 

Not wanting to cause her anymore sorrow, I quickly packed my things, and headed to her front door. I remembered my house keys were hanging in the kitchen and I turned to get them. I saw the picture of the two of us she had been keeping in her purse. It was hanging on the fridge now. I ran my fingers over it as I recalled the day so clearly. 

"Fuck." How was it possible that this time was harder than the last? I wiped at my eyes and realized a few tears of my own had betrayed me. Clearing my throat, I grabbed my keys and walked out of her house to catch an Uber. 

For the third time in my life...I left Karma Fitzgerald behind.

The only difference is that this time...I had a feeling it was going to ruin me.