"So you ran into your ex--it happens to the best of us." 

I shook my head and drank more of my iced coffee. When I woke up this morning to find Nathan gone, I was livid. This was just like when our relationship ended. Well, for the most part. At least he left more than two words this time; even though it was a sad excuse for a note. 

Thanks for the help-- Nathan

Yep. That was it. Nothing else. What the hell was that about? I swear I wanted to go to his house and tell him what I thought about his note. But if I went there, I would probably run into Lanie. I wasn't read to see her yet. It's been a long time since I've spoken to her and I felt responsible. I fell off the grid, so to speak. I was going to see her eventually, I just needed to figure out how to apologize to her. Then I could give Nathan a piece of my mind. 

I sighed and looked at Abby. After running into Nathan last night and him disappearing again, I needed some girl talk. So, she met me at a local coffee shop on my way to work at my new job.

"I know, Abby. It's just, it's been over ten years since I've seen him. It was just a lot to process, I guess." 

"Did he look good?" she asked with a curious smile. 

I avoided eye contact with her. "No, he didn't." 

Okay, that was a lie. He looked incredible. Seeing him, even after all this time, sent white hot desire through my body. I had a mental argument with myself last night, trying to convince it to behave. It didn't listen. When he gripped the glass that held his whiskey at the bar, my eyes followed. I remembered what those hands felt like when he touched me. And he was bigger now, more muscular. Taller as well. His shoulders seemed broader and I wanted to remove his large jacket to check. 

Then there was his leg. I didn't notice until he stumbled out of the bar. Something was wrong with his leg. Add that to the panic attack he had, and I'm assuming it's some serious PTSD. I remembered the expression on his face when I was kneeling in front of the couch last night. He seemed peaceful while he slept. Content.

Since he wasn't conscious, I allowed myself the guilty pleasure of stroking his hair. It was something I used to do all the time. He had leaned into my hand—nuzzling it as he murmured my name. I couldn't believe it at the time. I didn't know what to make of it. I was hoping he and I could talk when he woke up. But he was gone. 

"I don't believe you," Abby chided. "He's hot, isn't he?" 

Very. "It doesn't matter, Abbs. Nathan and I were together a lifetime ago. It's not like we're going to get back together." 

Yeah, I wasn't making the same mistake twice. I gave him a chance once, and I regretted it ever since. 

"Who said anything about getting back together with him? Just use him for sex." 

"Abby!"

"What?" she asked innocently, holding her hands out in front of her. "I'm serious. I mean, you've told me about him before. You said he was the best you've ever had. That he's the only guy you've felt a connection with sexually." She was quiet before she added, "Besides, four years is a long time, Karma. You need to get laid." 

I groaned and ran my hands over my face. "I don't need to get laid and I don't need to use Nathan for sex. I don't even need to see him again."

Abby rolled her eyes at me. "Didn't you say he lives with Lanie, your best friend? If you reconnect with her, won't you have to reconnect with him? Or at least see him more than you want to?" 

I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. "Oh, God. You're right. What am I going to do, Abby?"

"Have sex." 

I shot my friend a look. "Why is everything about sex with you?" 

"Only the important things are; and honey, this is impotant. I'm worried for your health. You need a really good, headboard banging, toes curling, name screaming, sex session. I'm telling you, you'll feel a lot better." 

My body liked the sound of that. A lot. The thought of doing that with Nathan nearly had me climaxing right here. That man was definitely talented before...I could only imagine how much better he was now.

My train of thought has me thinking back to our first time. I remembered it like it was yesterday. Nathan's parents were out of town and Lanie was on a date; so we had the place to ourselves. 

"Nathan," I moaned, "what are you doing to me?" 

We were both naked and his body was stretched out beside mine on his bed. "What do you mean, gorgeous?" He continued to lay kisses against my neck, making me shiver. 

"You know what you're doing. You're making me feel..." I couldn't think straight as he trailed his fingers over my stomach and traced circles around my nipples. 

"How do I make you feel? Tell me, Karma. What do you want?" 

"I want—I want you to touch me." I wanted to feel him everywhere. I wanted his tongue in my mouth and his hard length inside of me. My thighs tightened with anticipation. I've never wanted anything more. 

Nathan put his mouth to my ear. "Spread your legs wider, gorgeous." 

I did as he said, my legs falling open for him. Any modesty I had was overridden by a burning desire. I fisted the sheets as he ran his finger down my body until he got to my core. He teased me at first, tracing his finger around my entrance which was driving me mad. 

"My God," he groaned. "You're so fucking wet. And you feel so good." 

He slipped a finger inside me and I bit down on bottom lip. How could anyting feel this good? I could only imagine how it was going to feel once he was inside me...

Then he froze. His finger stopped moving and his body went completely still. 

"Nathan?"

He withdrew his finger and got off of the bed so quickly, I thought his parents were home or something. When I didn't hear any noice outside of the room, I sat up on the bed, worried something was wrong. 

"What is it?" I asked. 

He stood at the end of the bed and looked at me. He didn't look at me with the usual mixture of lust and desire though. It was like he didn't know who I was. 

"You're a virgin."

Not a question. A statement. I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. "Is that a problem?" 

He ran his hands through his hair. "Yes, it is, Karma. You should have told me." 

"What does it matter?" 

He couldn't seem to find an answer. He started pacing in the room and I grew anxious. I got up from the bed and walked over to him when I couldn't sit still anymore. I stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop his pacing.

We stood there in silence for several moments. I reached out and placed my hands on his forearms. He held my stare as I ran them up to his biceps and onto his shoulders. His eyes slid shut when I cupped his face with my hands. 

Trying not to spook him, I lightly brushed my lips against his. "I want you, Nathan. Don't you want to be with me?"

He didn't answer me. Instead, he crushed his lips against mine. He scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bed...

"Look," Abby said, bringing my thoughts back to the present, "I've known you awhile. Trust me when I tell you that it won't hurt to make a new friend with benefits." She took a bite of her bagel. "You said you're over him, right?" 

"Yes, I am." I totally am. One hundred percent over Nathan Jenkins.

"Okay, then what's the problem? It's better that you choose him anyway. You know, so it doesn't add to your number." 

I laughed hard at that. "Would you stop with that whole number thing? No one keeps track of that. Guys don't even care." 

Her expression was serious. "Oh, they care. Trust me. It's all about the number. It's best to recycle."

"Recy—wow, Abby. That's a new one, even for you."

She had a whimsical look on her face. "We should make that a thing." She waved her hand in the air. "Sex Recycling. Sex-cycling. Try it today and keep your number low!" She shrugged. "Or something like that."

"That doesn't even make sense." 

 She grinned at me. "We can come up with a slogan and everything." 

"Please don't" 

"Fine," she huffed. "But I'm right about the friends with benefits. You said he's a good guy, not counting what he did to you. And you know he's great in bed. Do it. Get yours, Karma!" 

"I have to get to work," I said back to her. "I cant he late on my first day back."

"Alright," she huffed. "But promise you'll think about it."

I shook my head and smiled. "I promise."

I got up from my chair and said goodbye to my friend. She really was something else. But I loved her to death.

As I walked to work, I couldn't fully ignore what she said. I didn't have any romantic feelings for Nathan anymore. Not like I did back then. I would never let him get that close to me again. But sex...maybe I should look into having a friend with benefits after all.