Karma and Nathan
May 30, 2008

When I stepped out of the shower and walked into my bedroom, I glanced at the clock on my bedside table. Karma was supposed to meet me here in one hour. She and I were going to stay at a hotel tonight. Even though her parents weren't to fond of the idea, we were both eighteen. We've been together a year as of two weeks ago. That was a huge deal for me, and I wanted to show her how much she meant to me. So, I planned a whole romantic dinner and a night in a hotel. 

I dried off and threw my towel on the bed. I put on the dress pants I picked out and a matching dress shirt. Jeans were not going to cut it tonight. I packed a small duffle bag since we were staying the night. I threw in the usual: swim shorts, boxers...the little black box. 

I picked up the small velvet box and opened it. I knew we were to young to get married; we both still had a lot of growing up to do. What was in the box was a promise ring. It wasn't anything fancy or expensive. It had a silver band with the infinity symbol in the center.

I knew Karma was the one for me. I thought about our future together all the time. Then I was at this store with Lanie one day and I saw the ring. It was less than one hundred dollars, but it was perfect. I came back later that day when I was alone to buy it. I've been holding on to the damn thing for months. I've been waiting for the right time to give it to her; and this was it. 

I tossed the box back into my duffle and finished getting dressed. Karma would not be happy if I was late for our extended date. My parents were a little hesitant about me running off alone with Karma. I explained to them since we got together that she was different for me. I loved Karma. I've never felt anything like what I felt for her. They were reluctant but eventually they were on board. As long as I treated her right, my dad had said. I shook my head at that. Sometimes I think my parents loved her more than me!

Knock-knock-knock

I frowned and looked at my clock again. Karma was really early. 

"One sec!" I called as I jogged to the front door. I opened the door and frowned. "Mrs. M?"

She had a warm smile on her face and a large manilla envelope in her hands.  "Hello, Nate. May I come in?" 

"Of course." I stepped back and held the door open for her. "Is Karma okay?"

She stepped inside and I closed the door behind her. "Yes, she's fine." She had a hard time meeting my gaze and I started to get nervous. "I understand that you and Karma and going away for a couple days."

"Yes, ma'am." Fuck. I hope she wasn't going to say Karma couldn't go. I mean, knowing Karma, she was going to find a way to come with me anyway. "I hope that's okay. Karma said she told you." 

"She did," Mrs. M stated before she took a deep breath. "Nate, I need you to do something for me."

I frowned. "Anything." 

There was an intensity in her eyes that made me uneasy. "I want you to take Karma away for the weekend. I want you two to have an amazing time for your anniversary." She hesitated before she added, "Then when it's over, I want you to end it with her." 

My eyes went wide and my breath nearly stopped. It felt like someone punched me in my gut. "What? I can't—I can't do that. I love her. Why do you want me to break up with her? Have I done something wrong?" 

"No, sweetheart," she said softly. She held out the envelope to me. "Open this." 

I took the envelope and pulled out the papers inside. Each word I read was a stab in the heart. "I didn't know she applied to USF." 

Mrs. M had a proud smile on her face. "She got accepted with a full scholarship if she goes to that school."

"Why didn't she tell me? I still don't understand."

Mrs. M took me by the hand and led me to the couch. We sat down and she finally started to explain what this was about. "Nate, she applied before you started dating. She didn't think she would get in. When she got accepted, she said she wasn't going to go. She wanted to stay here." 

I felt like I was going to throw up. "Because of me." 

"Because she loves you, Nate."

Anger tore through me and I shot off of the couch. "And that's a bad thing? Her loving me?"

"No, of course, not. But this is her future, Nate." Shame covered her face. "Her father and I can't afford to pay for her school. Her dream was to go to USF and become a nurse. She has the chance to do that. But if she stays here, she won't get that chance." 

"Why do I have to break up with her? Why can't you tell her to go?"

Maybe she and I could do long-distance. Right? But I already knew the answer to that. Karma and I already had issues staying away from each other and keeping our hands off of each other; there was no way we could be a thousand miles apart. 

"I tried telling her that. She said she's eighteen and can make her own choices. I can't force her to do anything." Mrs. M got to her feet and stepped in front of me. She placed her hand on the side of my face. "You have to end it with her. It's the only way that she'll leave." 

I felt the tears start to fall and I wasn't even embarrassed. The thought of being without Karma... "But I love her." 

"I know you do—and I know she loves you. But this is what's best for her, Nate."

Mrs. M left my house and I stared at the door she went through. Break-up with Karma? How the hell could I do that? My hand clenched the silver chain she gave me and my chest tightened. I allowed myself ten minutes to lose my fucking mind. I yelled, screamed, cried. Then I got control of myself and went to finish getting ready. Karma was going to be here soon. 

If this was the last time I was going to be with her...I was going to make it special. 

"Do you think we can make our own future?" Karma asked quietly.

We were laying in bed and she had her head on my chest while I was stroking her hair. I could hear the sound of the rain hitting the window of our hotel room. It was funny—in a way, the thunderstorm outside was how I felt on the inside.

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

Even though I was disgusted by knowing what I needed to do tonight, I still asked, "What do you think the future will be?"

I knew she was smiling even though I couldn't see her face.

"I see you and me. Like this. Happy and in love." She paused and looked up at me. "Do you see that?"

My chest felt like someone stuck a knife in it and kept twisting and twisting. My voice came out rough with emotion. "Yes, Karma. I see that, too."

I cupped the side of her face and gave her a deep kiss. She responded to me instantly—pressing herself against me before I rolled us over with her beneath me.

We never broke contact as I slowly entered her warm, welcoming body. I knew it was probably selfish of me—but time was running out and I needed to make love to her one more time. I needed to feel her one more time.

I looked down at her and committed her image to my memory. I knew I wouldn't see her again after tonight.

She buried her hands in my hair and my eyes slid closed as I relished the feeling. 

"I love you, Nathan."

My eyes met hers and I told her the last truth I was allowed. "I will love you forever, gorgeous."

Two Hours Later

I waited until Karma was sound asleep before I got off of the bed. I kept telling myself that I was doing the right thing by leaving—that this was the best thing for her. I believed her mom when she said Karma didn't want to leave New York City to go to school. After all, I wouldn't have done it either.

But I knew how close Karma was to her parents. If Karma found out what her mother did—forcing me to leave her behind— it would cause a huge rift between them. I didn't want that to happen. Hell, I didn't want this to happen either. But when it came down to it, better she hate me forever rather than them.

I kissed her lightly on the head before I grabbed my duffle bag and sat the note I wrote her on the table.

I wrote two words: Remember me.

I took off the silver chain she bought me and set it next to the note. I brushed my fingers through her hair one last time.

Then I left Karma Fitzgerald behind.