"You were saying?" I asked as Karma stood in front of me.

Did I know she was on her way home? No. Did I have a hunch that she ould be coming home soon and so I started doing sit-ups in hopes that she walked in the door? Yes.

Karma's eyes finally met mine and her cheeks colored with embarassment. "Um-I was just saying that I was...well, I know I came off a little-"

"Bitchy," I finished for her.

She looked away sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess bitchy is the right word. I'm sorry, Nathan."

I threw the towel over my shoulder and kept my face blank. "I think I can accept your apology. On one condition, of course."

She arched a brow and crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh, really? And what's that?"

"Have dinner with me. Here."

I could tell by the expression on her face that she was surprised by what I said. Not only that, but she looked extremely confused.

"Um...haven't we been eating dinner together since you got here?"

"Yes," I answered, "but I want to cook something. A real meal and not something through drive-thru."

The past few nights have been a mixture of Chinese, McDonald's, and this new place she introduced me to call Zeko's. I actually liked the Greek food they serve there.

Karma was quiet for awhile as she thought over my offer. "I don't know. You know this can't be-I mean, we can't..."

My chest tightened like a fist. I knew what she was talking about. I wasn't a fucking idiot. "I know. It's not a date. It's just a...thank you for letting me stay here and not kicking me out."

"I thought it was a way for me to apologize for being a bitch."

"Yeah, it's that, too," I chuckled. "Come on, Karma. Let me make you dinner."

She glanced at the pool through the sliding doors. My eyes followed her line of sight. Oh, yeah. The kiss. I knew it shouldn't have happened. I didn't regret it, I just knew it shouldn't have happened. I couldn't be with Karma unless she knew the truth about why I ended it with her; and I couldn't tell her that. Especially now with her father was in the hospital. She had a great relationship with her parents, and I wasn't going to ruin that.

It didn't matter what I felt or what I wanted. Besides, I knew Karma better than most people. She wouldn't take me back. Hell, I'm surprised she was even putting up with me now.

"Okay, Nathan. Dinner." She left the living room so suddenly I frowned.

What the hell? I followed after her and found her in the kitchen. She was pulling something out of a Starbucks bag and held it out to me.

"I picked this up this morning as my own apology for my attitude."

I took the bagel from her. "Then why did you agree to dinner?"

She took a sip of her coffee and handed me mine. "You really have to ask?" When I didn't answer, she and brushed her hair back. "Come on, Nathan. I was going to just give you coffee and a bagel. But you want me to apologize by letting you cook me dinner? How can a girl pass that up?"

I chuckled and sat down at the small table in the kitchen. I took the bagel out of the bag and opened it to spread the cream cheese on it. I was never really a breakfast person until I returned to the states. In Afghanistan, I was always too wound up and on edge to eat in the morning.

"I should have know you were playing me for a free meal," I said with a shake of my head. "You were always a cunning one."

She shrugged a shoulder and sat across from me, taking a bite of her own cinnamon raison bagel. There was a little cream cheese on the corner of her mouth. I couldn't help but watch as the tip of her tongue darted out, licking it free.

"Hey, you're the one who always said that you knew me," she teased. "If that's so, you should have known better."

"Touché," I said with a smirk. "I guess Karma wins out after all."

"I always do," she shot back.

As we sat and ate our breakfast quietly, I couldn't help but think about the life waiting for me back in New York. A part of me didn't want to go back. Even though I missed my sister, Ayden, and nephew, I knew all that was waiting for me was more nights of getting black out drunk because I was haunted by what happened to me in Afghanistan. Of course, there was also Karma. Being around her was a torture I wasn't prepared for. If I continued to see her regularly when we went back...

No. I couldn't. If she came back to New York, I was going to have to leave. Deep down, I knew I would have to leave. When I was around her, it was hard to think about anything else. Hell, even during all those years she and I were apart, I still thought of her. Every time I met another girl, or slept with one, I would compare her to Karma. None of them came close to her.

I remembered walking through the busy streets of NYC and catching a glimpse of someone with dark hair turning a corner. I would think it was her and chase after them. But it wasn't her. It never was. The only time I actually saw her during those twelve years was in my dreams. I would either dream about our past together, or I would dream about what could have been if I hadn't have ended it.

That's the one that had me waking up in a cold sweat. I would dream that I had never ended it with Karma. We eventually got married, had a couple of rugrats. Usually one boy and one girl. The girl would look exactly like Karma. Dark hair and big brown eyes. We were happy.

Then I would wake up and look next to me in my empty bed. Fuck. I hated that fucking dream. I hated knowing that I doomed myself to always missing her. Always pining after the one that got away.

I glanced up at her as she took a bite of her bagel. She was scrolling on her phone and didn't notice me staring. She was probably looking at the news. She always like to read the news with her breakfast. Her hair fell in her face and I had to grip the table to keep myself from reaching across and brushing it back. God, she was beautiful.

There were a lot of things I had to keep myself from doing because I wanted to. Like kissing Karma again. Or doing more than just kissing...

She looked up and smiled at me. God, I hope tonight went well.

Later that night when Nate is freaking out about dinner for Karma...

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I mumbled to myself in the kitchen. "This is a bad idea."

I grabbed the eclairs and opened the fridge to return them to the shelf. I couldn't believe I was this stupid. After Karma and I had breakfast this morning, she took a nap then said she had some errands to run after she swung by the hospital. She said she would be back just in time for dinner.

The good thing about her not being here, was that I had the privacy to surprise her. The bad thing was that I was pretty sure this was going to blow up in my face. I planned this dinner as an apology from me. I wanted to explain to her that I was sorry about what happened when I...ended our relationship. I couldn't tell her the truth, but I could at least apologize.

So I laid a blanket down on the living room floor, I ordered a pepperoni and pineapple pizza from a pizza place that was similar to Anthony's that wasn't far from here, and I got eclairs. I was originally going to cook, but then a different idea hit me. I wanted to re-create out first date. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, I had no idea what I was thinking. I didn't know if this was going to be good or bad. I just hoped it was the first step to making things right.

"Nathan?"

Oh, fuck. She was early. "I'm-uh, I'm in the kitchen!"

I tried to get everything setup quickly. I lit a few candles and pulled the eclairs back out. I grabbed the wine, two glasses, and walked over to the living room next to the blanket. My stomach felt like it was in knots while I waited for her. What the fuck was I thinking?

"It's smells good in here," she called from the hallway.

When she finally stepped into the loving room, she froze. Her eyes went to the blanket, then the pizza box, the eclairs, then back to me.

"What the hell is this, Nathan?" Her tone answered my question about whether or not this was a mistake.

"I wanted to apologize for, you know, what happened with us."

She stared at me. "What?"

I looked around the intimate scene I created. Deep down, I was hoping she would like this. Our first date meant a lot to both of us; especially me.

"I'm sorry, Karma. I just wanted to-"

The look in her eyes cut me off. I hurt her. Again.