"Give me another one, Rog."

Roger leaned against the bar and arched a brow. "I think you've had enough, Nate."

"I'm leaving, Nathan. I'm going back to Florida." Karma's voice whispered thorugh my mind.

I looked up at Roger and tapped my empty glass. "I'll have another one, Roger."

My friend held out his hand. "Give me your keys, Nate."

With a frustrated sigh I grabbed my keys from my pocket and handed them to Roger. Without saying another word, he went to make my drink. After Karma told me her dad had a heart attack and was she was leaving for Florida, I didn't know what to think, what to feel, or what to do. I didn't even say anything. I turned away from her, got in my car, and ended up here at Down the Rabbit Hole. That was three hours ago.

Roger bitched at me about my drinking and tried to kick me out a few times. I didn't leave. I couldn 't leave. She was leaving. Again. What the fuck? Why did this feel so...wrong? She had just come back into my life and I haven't had a chance to make up for all the fucked up shit I did. In a few hours, she was going to be on a plane headed for the sunshine state.

"Here you go, Nate." Roger sat another glass of whiskey in front of me. "This is against my better judgement, by the way."

"Thanks."

"I'm going to get some food cooking for you," Roger added. "It's not good to drink on an empty stomach."

"Fine," I grumbled. There was no use arguing with Roger about this. He was going to force feed me if I didn't eat. Whatever. Besides, if I ate, then I could just drink more. Right?

I rubbed my hand over my face. Fuck. I was a mess. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I taking this so hard? Maybe because of what she had said about her dad. I knew her parents well growing up, and her dad was a great man. He wasn't even sixty yet. He was still young and he definitely didn't deserve a fucking heart attack.

Hank Fitzgerald was a burly man. A man's man. He was build like a linebacker and had that classic New Yorker personality. I tried to picture hum in a hospital bed, hooked up to all those wires, and it was fucked up. That man was no someone who ever looked weak. He was the type of man that you would think would live forever.

I thought back to when my parents had passed away. I never thought I would survive their death. Both of them gone, just like that. But I still had Lanie and that's what gave me the strength to keep going. We were all each other had after that, besides our close friends. I remembered getting a certain voicemail a week after their funeral...

"Hey, Nathan. It's-it's Karma. I heard about your...I heard about what happened. I spoke to Lanie today to offer my condolences. I'm so sorry, Nathan. I can't imagine what you're going through. Listen, I know we left things between us in a bad place, but I'm still here for you. They were like family to me, too. I'm going to be in New York next Saturday. Just for two days. I have some things for school I need to take care of. If you want to get a drink and talk, I'll be staying at The Hilton. Take care, Nathan."

When I had gotten that voicemail, I was already in a bad place mentally. I wasn't prepared to see or talk to Karma. Not after...everything. So, I listened to the message fifty times before I deleted it. I never went by her hotel. I never spoke to her. I never saw her. I didn't regret that until a few months later. But there was nothing to do about it then and I brushed it aside. Just like everything else, it was a missed opportunity.

"I'm leaving, Nathan. I'm going back to Florida."

"Fuck!" I slammed my hand down on the bar before I ran both through my hair.

I swear I was losing my fucking mind. I thought back to that night with Lanie when I was on leave.

I picked up a picture of our parents. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Do you think I could have something like them? Something real?"

Lanie frowned. "You mean like mom and dad?"

I nodded and kept my eyes on the picture. "They were so in love and happy. I know I joke around a lot and never really had a real relationship, but do you think I could have something like that?"

The only time I had something close to real was with...it didn't matter. It was over a decade ago and I blew it. Deep down, I was an idiot to believe I would find something remotely close to that.

"Nate, of course you can find that. You deserve it. You just need to find the right girl." Lanie laughed as she added, "I'm sorry, but Jules is definitely not the right girl."

I laughed along with her. How right she was. "You don't have to tell me that. I guess I should start looking when I get back. If I do find someone, I don't want to be with them while I'm in the service. It's just too hard."

"I'm cutting you off," Roger said firmly, bringing my thoughts back to the present. "I also called you an Uber. It's outside. Go home, Nate."

I took a few more bites of the food that he ordered for me before I stumbled out of the bar. I climbed into the Uber and tried desperately not to pass out. It was so late that I knew Lanie and Ayden were sleeping. Good. I didn't want to get bitched at. At least not until the morning.

It didn't take long to get home; and I was surprisingly quiet as I walked through our house. When I got to my room, I didn't even change clothes. I just fell into bed and fell asleep.

I groaned and wiped something wet off of my face. What the hell?

When I finally peeled my eyes open, I had to squint to see what was going on.

"Get the hell up you fucking idiot!"

My vision might be fucked up right now, but not my ears. "Lanie?"

"No, it's the tooth fairy. Yes, it's Lanie!" She splashed more water at me. "What the hell are you doing, Nate?"

"I'm sleeping! What the hell are you doing?"

Thankfully, she stopped splashing me. "I just got off the phone with Karma."

I rolled over in the bed and buried my face in my pillow. "So?"

Lanie kicked my bed. "So, get the hell up and go to Florida!"

I finally got up from the bed and pushed past her to go to the bathroom. "Why would I go to Florida? It's humid as fuck there."

I shut the bathroom door behind me and locked it while I relieved myself and brushed my teeth. Of course when I opened it, Lanie was still there. Glaring.

"She needs someone there with her, Nate."

"Then you go."

"I can't," she snapped. "I have the baby. Besides, it needs to be you and you know it."

I stopped and turned towards my sister. I didn't want to talk about this; especially with her. For one, I was hungover. Two, I just didn't. I wanted to go back in my room and go back to sleep. Then when I woke up, I'll go back to the bar. Drink, sleep, repeat.

Lanie continued to glare at me and I huffed. Again I had to ask...what the fuck? Before that shit happened in Afghanistan, my life was pretty simple. Then I got shot, went missing, was in a coma, got a gimp leg, haunted by my ex-girlfriend, and now I'm being traumatized by my little sister. What. The. Fuck.

"Why does it need to be me, Lanie? There's nothing I can do for her."

Lanie's stare never wavered. "Yes, there is. You need to fly down there and be there for her, Nate. This is how you make it up to her."

I didn't need to ask her what she was referring to. Our breakup. I hurt Karma in one of the worst ways and I never even apologized for it. Fuck. I didn't want to reopen this can of worms. Why couldn't everyone just forget about the past and concentrate on the present? Why did we have to keep picking at the scab. It needed to fucking heal already.

"Lanie..."

"I don't want to hear it. You know this is the right decision." She reached into her pocket and handed me an envelope.

"What's this?"

"It's an airline ticket. It leaves in three hours. One way to Florida."

I started at the white envelope. I had no idea what would happen if I boarded that plane. I had no idea what would happen if I went to Florida and tried to make amends with Karma. That is what scared me. I didn't fucking know.

I looked up at Lanie. "I don't know if I can do it."

Lanie sighed before she took a step closer to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder. "Nate, I love you. You're my brother. But sometimes, you can be clueless." Her eyes fell to the envelope then back up to me. "I took the first step for you and bought this ticket because she is one of my best friends. Now, it's up to you to board that plane and do the right thing."

When she left me alone, I continued to stare at the envelope. What was I going to do? Do I get on the plane? Or not?