96 | Anjali | The Masked Devil
Reviewer: scrabblepost
The Masked Devil: vari_writzzz10
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Title: 4.5/5
It's an amazing title and relates to the story. Though I didn't see the relation till chapter eight.
Cover: 5/5
The cover is beautiful. After looking at the cover I would have definitely opened the book.
Blurb: 3/5
The opening line is amazing, but there's a punctuation mistake. Don't capitalise after semicolon (;).
The excerpt isn't strong enough to hook the readers.
Don't tell what you have shown.
Ex: Her eyes were red and swollen due to crying.
You can edit out 'due to crying' and readers will still understand that the girl was crying.
Try not to use passive verbs in the excerpt. Instead of 'her throat was slit open' you can write 'he slit her throat open.' It gives a more active tone to the synopsis.
Genre: 5/5
The mystery was established in the first chapter itself. So good job.
Descriptions: 7/10
You didn't describe much in the beginning, but as the story progressed you added more descriptions. Just add more descriptions in the first few chapters. How does the office look? Where was the table? And what was Priya wearing in the office. Her physical features.
Dialogues: 6/10
There's no need to italicize the dialogues. You have used quotes and it indicates that these are spoken words. Using italics and quotations to write both dialogues and character thoughts is confusing. Use quotes only for dialogue and italics only for thoughts instead.
Don't put a full stop/period before dialogue tags.
Ex: "Di, don't stress yourself, we are about to reach home." Her sister said in her usual chirpy voice.
Edit: "Di, don't stress yourself. We are about to reach home," her sister said in her usual chirpy voice.
The Dialogue seemed a bit unrealistic. I don't think people talk like that in real life, but if you were trying to write it from a movie's perspective then it's completely fine.
Plot: 8/10
In chapter seven the lead calls for backup, but it wasn't mentioned before that they will be visiting the party with a team. Just add one or two lines giving out that information in the chapter, so it won't feel abrupt.
Ajay and Swati needed more explanation. I was a little confused when you mentioned them without a bit of background information.
I am assuming there is a relation between the masked man and the antagonist. But it's not established in the first nine chapters, so when the story jumps back and forth between past and present it seems a little out of place.
You can add bits of the past that correlate with the present instead of the big chunks. Just a suggestion.
Grammar and structure: 15/20
Grammar was decent for the most part. I didn't notice any major issues.
But a lot of the sentences started with a pronoun. See if you can change that.
There were a few tenses slips here and there.
Ex: Even after being in uniform he looked so handsome. He's tall...
Here 'looked' is past tense and 'he's' is present tense.
Though you wanted to show some past parts the transitions could have been smoother. Instead of a scene change you can write it as a memory of the lead.
Don't forget to separate different characters' actions, dialogues and thoughts.
Ex: "Look at that waiter over there." Arjun looked towards the waiter while I continued.
Edit: "Look at that waiter over there."
Arjun glanced at the man.
I continued...
Vocabulary and spellings: 8/10
The vocabulary was good. And I didn't notice any spelling mistakes. But at times you have repeated a few words multiple times. Try not to use the same words in a paragraph.
Flow and pace: 8/10
The flow of the story was good for the most part. It's the scene change in the middle of the chapters that broke the smooth flow a few times.
The first chapter was a little fast paced. Everything seemed to happen too quickly. The case. The accident. The murder. Try to space it out. After the second chapter the story had a good pace.
Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
It's a really interesting story. The only reason I have deducted marks here is due to editing issues.
Total: 76.5/100
Final thoughts:
Apart from a few mistakes there's nothing to fix in the main story itself. I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.
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