Book: Deception by sonitaolise 

Reviewer: Xanatos_Gambit

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Title 4/5

The title, while it fits the blurb so far, it is not that unique to have a romance book be named Deception. I would make it like "Deception of the Heart" or something else added on to make it stand a little more apart.

Cover 4/5

I like the concept in your cover that pertains to your blurb with the two beautiful girls on the front. I would've liked the title to be a little bigger (and the author's name as well).

Blurb 2/5

This is an extremely interesting concept to start the story, but the blurb is grammatically not well-executed. The entire blurb is technically one sentence...

I would just split this blurb up into about three more sentences and maybe add a couple more details about Sonia DeLeon and Elena Brimstone.

Genre 4/5

Ummm technically ya... it's Romance. I'd still put it in like Paranormal or something!

Originality 9/10

I've never heard of a switch-bodies novel quite like this!

Descriptions 7/10

Your descriptions of what's going on in Sonia's head and her thoughts are spot-on. You lack in the area of general description of like the settings and what Elena's body looks like and everything (since that's technically now Sonia's surroundings *wink*).

Character Development 8/10

I like how Sonia is developed through the story and her interactions with Anderson. Anderson is absolutely hilarious. What I was confused on, was that the first chapter, you had described Sonia as being extremely confused about waking up in Elena's body (which is realistic and what one would expect to read!) buuut then by two chapters later, you have Sonia already plotting against her husband and seemingly not confused at all of how this happened. She explained what happened to Anderson with no difficulty whatsoever... which I don't think is realistic at all.

Plot 8/10

WHOA! I loved the introduction! I definitely didn't expect her to die in the first chapter and wake up as someone else!

I also thought how Sonia and Elena communicated by using the mirror and that piece of advice was an extremely clever way to set that up. I'm a sucker for plays on words... since they add intrigue to the story. I'm also interested to see what happens with Elena's own experience, and what Sonia finds out -- since Elena mentioned she doesn't want to go back to her body! (And so far... at least from my perspective, *I really like Anderson*!)

The only thing I grew slightly confused on was at the end of chapter ten, with how you ended it... talking about Vivian and Jason. Did you mean to try and have Jason flirting with Sonia in Elena's body... not knowing it was actually Sonia? And I didn't understand what you meant about 'Anderson noticing the weird atmosphere'.

Grammar 5/15

Okay. You definitely need an editor. Your grammar is definitely getting in the way of understanding your story. Your have way too many run-on sentences, and you have past/present tense switches all the time.

Structure 3/5

The way the book is structured is good. I would just suggest that when you go edit the grammar and whatnot, to make different paragraphs every time a different character speaks. Just like at the end of chapter ten, it would make comprehension alot easier, since you had both Jason and Sonia talking multiple times in the same paragraph. I was extremely confused at this.

Vocab 10/10

I like your usage of interesting verbs! Not many writers can do that right off the bat.

Enjoyment 7/10

I loved this book! I read 10 chapters of it... and I would definitely read more if you got an editor! I just couldn't read anymore because I'm completely OCD about grammar. If your grammar would be fixed and you check the minor points I suggested, you would have literally an AMAZING story! So as to your question to me when you asked for a review, YES your story is great - IT'S YOUR GRAMMAR.

[ Total 71/100 ]