Book: Saved by the Bad Boy by prettylilthangAnita

Reviewer: creative_maverick_Mo

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Title [2/5]

Even though this title went well (to an extent) with your storyline, It is painfully cliché. I think it would be better to use a more original title that still gives off the romantic vibe. Just to add a little mystery to the title and increase the curiosity of the readers.

Cover [1/5]

First of all, the background is very basic. Secondly, who is the main character in your book? Grayson or Ivy? I got the vibe that it was Ivy so if it isn't you should work on the direction of your storytelling. I mean the title of your book is "SAVED BY THE BAD BOY" so why put the "bad boy's" picture on the cover. It should be the girl's picture on the book since she is the one getting saved.

The whole "written by" part is unnecessary and can you ask the graphic shop that helped you with it to make the "cover by..." part smaller? Because it's causing a distraction on the cover plus it's at the centre of the book when it should be at the bottom.

Now, the body text on it is a little long and almost doesn't correlate with anything in the book. I would advise that you change it to something mysterious and cryptic like:

"He had (has) never seen so much innocence in a human being." Or whatever comes to you. Just make sure it's short, meaningful, interesting, relevant and maybe cryptic. My opinion is secondary really.

Blurb [1/5]

I didn't really understand what you were trying to do here. Were you quoting somewhere from your book? If you were, you should've added quotation marks. Personally, I think you should just discard this blurb because it's boring and doesn't do any justice to your book. I think something that shows how in love Grayson and Ivy are with each other will do. Something like:

"Grayson, a 17-year old boy who (insert personality description) meets Ivy (insert description)..."

You don't have to follow this format. Just be creative with it.

Genre [3.5/5]

Good news: as a whole, it was romantic. Bad news: as a whole, it was sickeningly cliché.

Even though you followed every romantic stereotype there is, your book was still romantic so I felt you deserved this mark.

Originality [1/10]

I understand that you were trying to be philosophical with the first line in chapter 1 but I feel you should definitely have used something with a little more depth. The "Ugly, Worthless, Failure, Unwanted..." line is a little too cliché. In fact, this is basically how every bad boy themed book starts. It usually begins with a girl suffering or something along the line. Of course, the girl has to be in some sort of danger to have to be "saved by the bad boy" but still there are more original ways to start a romantic YA book. Also, chapter 1 feels more like a prologue than an actual chapter.

I also noticed that you had more than a little issue with info-dumping. You bombarded the readers with way too much information than they could digest. In a paragraph in chapter 2:

"I've never really had any friends, mostly because people are ignorant. They don't pay attention to anything; high school makes it worse because all girls ever talk about boys and shopping..."

Firstly, not all girls talk about boys or/and shopping (me in particular...I hate shopping but I do love clothes!) so that part is stereotypical.

Secondly, you don't need to tell us things about a scene before you get to that particular scene. You started talking about her lack of friends before she even made it past her house. Chill. Give us time to digest what is happening presently. You don't need to tell us she has no friends. These are things we should perceive in the dialogues and interactions (or the lack of it) she has in her school.

Thirdly, we don't know what your lead female character looks like yet in chapter 2. We don't need to know everything about her yet but a brief description of her eye colour or body shape would do Ivy's character some justice (in chapter 2 at least)

By the time I get to the end of the third chapter I still haven't read any substantial material on a scene where Ivy's father abuses her. You just keep repeating how scared she is of her abusive dad. There's no proof that he actually really does these things except for the light brushing you did in chapter 1. Now about that, I think it would be better if you attribute something else to the father other than hitting his daughter to give his character a better and heavier role. You can make him love her to bits when he's sober or something. Just a little spice to make his presence as a character more meaningful. You also don't need to keep repeating the "Ugly, worthless, failure, unwanted..." part. It's very unnecessary. You can introduce deeper lines that describe her self-loathe.

The part where Ivy seemed to be having a panic attack was not structured in a very authentic manner. Panic attacks are real and serious but you portrayed it weakly in your book. Chapter 4 felt terribly unnecessary and gave me a rushed vibe. You hadn't given us anything close to a substantial backstory on both lead characters before they met. We didn't even know what they looked like yet or their last names. It also feels funny and starts to come off as weird when you tell us Grayson is trying to protect Ivy in chapter 4 when you clearly explained to us in chapter3 that Grayson didn't even know her name and I don't know about you but I wouldn't hug someone I don't know especially if I grew up around a very untrustworthy and abusive father like Ivy's. I wish you would give the friends of your characters proper roles in your book other than them just being Grayson's stereotypical friends.

The part where Grayson stops the car and orders his friends to search the building from head to toe is a little much, don't you think?

Basically, I feel that you need to seriously tone it down on the cliché-ness of it all. Also, Grayson is about 16 or 17 years old right? I assumed he was because he's in high school with Ivy. You didn't really give them both a mature reaction to the happenings around them. They acted more like 13-year-olds. Also, doesn't Ivy menstruate?

I see no reason as to why Ivy can't be a girl with a little ambition or why what happens in her house can't give her some sort of strength or drive to make plans and something out of herself. This is just my own opinion, you don't have to follow it strictly and I said so because Ivy's character was terribly weak and dependent. For someone who has been through so much with her parents, she should definitely have a thicker shell. Like I said, this is my opinion and you don't have to take it to heart.

Description [1/10]

Your description definitely needs some work. It was very bland and ordinary in many parts and in others it was really cliché. I think you have a very good idea of what you want your plot to look and sound like but your execution isn't that great. I didn't know much about what was going on in most places. There were no descriptions of the houses, streets or characters in at least 10 chapters of your book. Descriptions make your book captivating and interesting. It helps your readers vividly imagine what you're talking about and this in turn, gives them a deeper understanding of the story.

You could have even started the story describing the house. Something like this:

"Oh God! Where is it?" Ivy groans as she looks through the old and dingy cabinets in the house. The house used to look so much better when her mother was alive. Ivy's mother would wake up early in the morning to clean the house. She would start with the marble surfaces in the kitchen, then she would move on to their blue-walled dining room...

You know? Something like that.

Structure [2/5]

Your plot was definitely rushed in some parts and sluggish in others. Sometimes I couldn't keep up, on other times it was just boring to me. It could help if you have a structure penned down in a jotter or something. It doesn't necessarily have to be exactly what will happen next in your book but you can just write a few things on how you want it to start and end. You can even include a few scenes when you feel somewhat inspired to. This can help you on days when you have writer's block and on days when you just need to remember an idea you had a while ago.

All in all, you need to restructure the whole book so it can have a meaningful end because right now the story feels pointless: almost like it has no plot.

Vocabulary/Spelling [4/10]

I usually don't see this as a problem for ongoing books because you can definitely still edit the book when you're done or give it to an editor to edit it with you. There should be editors in our community that will be willing to help because there are many grammatical errors in your book.

Overall Enjoyment [1.5/10]

I can't say I enjoyed your book and I can't say I hated it either but it does have potential. You have phenomenal ideas and I believe that a proper execution will do them justice. So add your own twist to the plot. Don't make it sound like every other book out there and work hand in hand with a good editor and I am certain your book will be fantastic!

P.S: THESE ARE MY OPINIONS. THEY DO NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE NOT A GOOD WRITER. IT'S A REVIEW, IT'S MEANT TO HELP YOU IMPROVE! <3