Elementals - dreaminginreverie

Reviewer - Xanatos_Gambit

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Title 5/5

Creates mystery about what / who these elementals are ;)

Cover 4/5 

I think personally the author name could be more visible, and it's a little plain. It's really cute tho!

Blurb 2/5

Really, your blurb does not do your book justice AT ALL. You start out with the Elven Commander being afraid/hating the elemental humans, then something about his daughter, and then all the sudden seven teenagers. I'd keep the first paragraph and focus much more on the introduction to the plot/what the elementals are within the blurb. I'm a sucker for connecting at least something in the blurb to the title.

Genre 5/5

Yupp, definitely fantasy!

Originality 10/10

Definitely have never heard of a plot like this! It's definitely a spin on both the dystopia and the elven stories.

Descriptions 9/10

You do a relatively good job describing the scenery and emotions... but sometimes you couple the description with telling. For example after Thea leaves: Ben's fist clenched, and then he was driving it into the nearest wall, his face set in fury. Like you definitely already described that he's mad with the first part, so you didn't have to explicitly say "his face set in fury". I'd say like "his face set in a hard line" or something, instead of telling us which emotion we're sposed to be seeing from him.

Character Development 8/10

For having so many main characters as you do, you develop all of their back stories and personalities well! Thea is my favorite by far, since she and Ben are definitely the most developed. Plus she's a kickass heroine who defies her father... pretty great all around.

I personally don't like the sheer amount of side characters mentioned in dans l'intervalle usually... I feel like most of them are unnecessary to be used in the plot, like the siblings of everyone except for Ben I find to be extra characters.

I also don't get Orion and Meira with their abilities... like I know they give each other the senses they are lacking. But then sometimes they randomly stop, and there is no pattern to it. I'd like to have their abilities explained a little more, and maybe that would clear up the confusion on why all the sudden he can't see or she can't talk when they're in the same room and nothing is happening action-wise.

Plot 8/10

I loved how you introduced all the main characters at the beginning! You didn't info drop at all, and we were able to get a sense for most of their personalities within their introductory chapters before you threw them all together. I also like how the story flows with action/romance. It keeps me turning from page to page.

The only plot points I would criticize would be how quickly in the beginning of the story Thea turned on her father and really the whole Elven race. I would have liked to see more of the conflict between Thea and Micah before she freed the elementals, since that would just build up suspense for what was going to happen next.

The other one I would like to remark on would be the part where Thea is captured. It didn't make very much sense why a) the elementals just let her go especially Ben (even though you obviously displayed his anger and whatnot) and b) why no one came after them after she was captured, considering Micah still wants all of them dead.

Grammar 12/15

You mess up commas alot, and put periods instead of them at the end of dialogue. For example: "Yes," she replied, layering her voice with magic. You have written a period after the yes, and it should be a comma.

You also forget commas when you combine sentences, ie: Two days of screaming, and Sage finally sprang her trap. 

And then sometimes apostrophes ie: the guard's eyes.

But overall, it's not so much error that it impedes the understanding of the story or anything!

Structure 5/5

I genuinely don't know how... but somehow you've managed to make the story flow well, even with all the switching points of view and backstories. When seven characters were mentioned within the blurb, I thought that it was too many main characters and that you would never do them justice... but YOU HAVE.

The dans l'intervalle is also a different tactic that I haven't seen used at all before, and it provides interesting little snippets and side plots from the main storyline with the main characters.

Vocab 10/10

You use a simple vocabulary set, but the snappy verbs you use bring it to a higher level and helps it read much easier!

Enjoyment 10/10

I really liked this book and the concept of it all! I liked the whole Thea vs her father type story and then of course all the romance and friendship thing along the way! My main things to suggest would be to fix up the blurb, because it detracts immensely from your story... and to (in a rewrite or something) examine the story closely and see if there are any characters you can cut loose. Having seven main characters already puts a burden on you to give them all the spotlight/adequate back stories, and having all those side characters makes that even harder.

I'm looking forward to reading how it all ends!

Total 88/100