Concealed - xokesox 

Reviewer - ShyBananaMuffin 

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☆Title: 4/5

*I kind of understand why the title is called Concealed. Is it because the MC's memories have been taken away? I'm just guessing here based on clues, but I could be wrong.

☆Genre: 5/5

☆Cover: 3/5

*The subtitle and your name is hard to see. You might want to consider changing the font color for those.

☆Blurb: 2/5

*The blurb doesn't tell me anything about what I'm going to read. It doesn't give me a drive to read the story at all, actually. I'd recommend looking up examples of good blurbs and how to create one.

☆Description: 6/10

*There's no scene setting. Also it feels like there's diarrhea of words. To the point where dialogue starts to get over saturated and boring.

☆Originality: 8/10

*For the most part, I'm awfully confused about a lot of things, but yeah. It's original.

☆Plot: 3/10

*I have no idea what the plot is.

☆Character Development: 5/10

*There's a division here because I think some of your characters have depth and individuality while other characters (including your MC) feel 2-dimensional and plain.

☆Grammar/Punctuation: 6/10

*Proofread! There were a lot of punctuation errors, unneeded capitalized words in the middle of sentences, and unneeded dashes as shown: blah-blah-blah. There were some misspelled words as well.

☆Vocabulary: 6/10

*There's a lot of repetition of words. Increasing your lexicon will fix this right up.

☆Structure: 5/10

*There were sooooooo many long paragraphs. Too many. That usually scares away readers. I'd recommend shortening the amount of long paragraphs per chapter to 3 or 4. Cut everything else in half.

☆Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

Your story has potential. However, it's way too confusing. I almost had a headache trying to read through the prologue. I think the first thing you need to do is figure out your plot as well as subplot. Form a storyline of events from beginning, middle, and end. The story just feels a bit all over the place.

The breakup scene felt awkward, rushed, and unnecessary. Also is Mr. Cuddles an animal or a stuffed animal? Your sentence structure needs work as well. Final question: the MC is 2 years old or did I read wrong??

I liked the mystery of her lost memories, but the story is just way too confusing for me to understand much of anything. It's a great start, but there's a lot that needs to be worked on in order to perfect this piece.

Overall, I love the effort. I can tell that you've worked hard and that you're passionate. Keep developing your craft and growing as a writer. I hope my constructive criticism will be able to help you in the long run. Thank you for requesting me as your reviewer!