The Pain of Loving You - Premium_Package

Reviewer - TennisChampions

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Title: 4/5

The title is a rare and fancy one, but it is neither a very catchy one nor does it go with the plot of the book. Since your book doesn't portray the pain of loving a person, this title wouldn't be suitable. Using titles related to your story could give one an idea of what the story is going to be about. Some titles you could use are "A Touch to Cure" and "The Pain Reliever".

Cover: 3/5

The cover, except for the picture at the back, looks pretty formal. This sort of format would suit a magazine cover or a newsletter. The font size of the title and the author-name is just fine, but the extra information that is written between the two is a little small. In order to make it pretty attractive, the font style of the title should complement not only the genre of your book but the title as well, since cursive fonts don't always suit the romance genre.

Synopsis: 3/5

The synopsis is a good description of what the story holds and what we can expect from it. But for a reader to be intrigued by your book, you would need to add either some questions or some facts that could leave the readers wondering on what the story is about to bring. That's an essential element of any book. This factor will definitely arouse curiosity in the minds of the readers if inputted.

Genre: 3.5/5

It is more of a teen fiction book which has some teenage romance. The book is a fanfiction book with a slight twist. As it isn't pretty similar to the original plot of the story, this book is unique and can catch the attention of the reader if the reader was to read the blurb. Romance isn't very prominent in the story. It could be said that the book is sort of a slow burn book but with the twist of teenage love in it.

Originality: 9.5/10

The story is not something that I have come across, be it an original book or a fanfiction one. Normally, the characters are used to show a love story and the books don't have any magical effects on people (also called cheats). In that sense, the story is one of a kind which you can rarely only find in some books. Even though it is a fanfiction novel, the uniqueness of it is not dimmed out in the entire novel.

Description: 10/10

The descriptions of different things, be it the surroundings or the character's appearance, are all on point. They are so vivid that I feel like I am a part of the story itself. It feels like the author has given me the eyes to see these small yet pretty much detailed to the reader's liking.

Character development: 8/10

It's a little bit slow for some of the characters but we can see what the characters' personalities are like. In some cases, the story has done a good job of explaining it and sometimes, the humorous incidents get the explanation done. The language used to explain the protagonist's incidents is pretty simple to understand, given along with the excellent and detailed description.

Plot: 8/10

The way the story is proceeding keeps me fascinated and stay in tune with the story's happenings. The plot is a stable and sound one that doesn't let you know what is going to happen that easily and it ensures that you are not left in peace until you have reached the end of the book (somewhat for some if you are not the type to get addicted at something that looks like a cliffhanger). I wish you could make it a little more hilarious even though the situation which the protagonist faces is a serious one. That can make people fall for your book (completely for some).

Grammar: 14/15

Grammatical issues aren't very severe but it would be good if you worked on them. Adding commas can make the sentences more readable, but they mustn't be added in unnecessary places either. Also, consider cutting off words that make the sentence sound redundant.

For example, in "I tense, an idea forming inside of my head.", it would be more appropriate to remove the comma and add either 'as' or a period (full stop). Plus, instead of using 'inside my head', consider using 'in my head', as this phrase gives the exact meaning of the sentence without being redundant.

Another issue that one essentially needs to be careful of if the usage of tenses. This is a very rare issue in your story.

Grammatical errors are rarely a problem in your book but if I were to approximate, there's at least one such error in one to two chapters of your story. Although it's a small one, it can sometimes make a difference to the reader while reading the tale.

For example, "I nudge, intrigued Naruto could form sentences this long." could be rephrased as "I nudge, intrigued that Naruto could form such long sentences."

Structure: 5/5

The dialogues are of perfect form and so are the paragraphs. The chapters are rather long, but the warning at the beginning of the story suffices to say that it would be as good as reading one chapter in a normal book.

Vocabulary/Spelling: 9/10

The vocabulary used in the story is vast and give just the right explanation for action or description. Your spellings need to be corrected if you are writing in British English, which is the standard form of writing. There's rarely ever an error in your spelling otherwise. They are precise and accurate.

Overall enjoyment: 9.5/10

Your story, with its funny incidents, make it a book that one could cherish and love to read. The chapters, being pretty long, make it difficult for readers to complete one chapter and as one cannot bookmark the part they stopped in, it becomes a slightly tiresome process. Nevertheless, the story can catch the attention of the reader even though one might be aversed to read a fanfiction book.