Reviewer: creative_maverick_Mo 

His Ransom Queen: Estherville123 

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Title (4.8/5)

Your title went well with your book. Good job.

Cover (1/5)

The background of your book cover correlated with the content of your book but the functionality however was poor. First of all, the yellow you used as the font colour was not even aesthetically appealing. The font style was not appropriate for this genre. Also, the legibility of it all was poor. The whole cover was blurry and uninspiring.

Blurb (2/5)

Your blurb was short enough for me to read through but it didn't make complete sense. Firstly, it didn't tell me anything tangible about your book. The whole synopsis was an excerpt at best. Although, it was aesthetically appealing and brief, it wasn't a functional blurb.

Genre (5/5)

Your book as in the perfect genre. Good job!

Originality (5/10)

This story line is not new or recent. Your twists were not very dissimilar either but your writing style and tone did help make it a little more refreshing. I also liked how you didn't make it very cliché and stereotypical. Good job!

Description (5.5/10)

There was absolutely no need for you to title the first chapter 'A Short Prologue'. Also, the paragraphs weren't well cut. I don't know if that was deliberate or not. If it is I don't know why.

Your choice of words in many instances were quite interesting. In a paragraph in the first chapter:

"What do you mean?" I demanded with no little amount of confusion, the last vestiges of sleep fleeing from me. My heart had started to bang against my ribcage now in confusion and mounting dread."

This whole paragraph was an eyeful. The phrase; "no little amount of confusion" was very awkward in that position. The choice of words were cumbersome and unnecessary. It made the whole paragraph wordy to say the least. It could be better as:

'"What do you mean?" I demanded, confused. Whatever drowsiness was left in my system quickly disappeared after that. My heart was pounding against my ribcage in fear of what was to come."

As you can see, the restructured version has simpler words in it and as a result, it's easier to understand and imagine. You do not have to follow this guideline or anything but I hope you can see the difference.

There were many other description errors as well. Mabelle's inner conversations were never really easy to understand. Also, I am currently in the third chapter and I cannot picture what Mabelle looks like. That's a bit odd. She's the main character. We should know some key things about her. Like her eye shape, colour or her skin and hair tone. Things that stand out about her just to help with imagery.

Structure (2/5)

The organisation of events in your book was good. The organisation of paragraphs, spacing, and writing arrangement however, was not. The paragraphs were jumbled together and the spacing was awkward. It made the writing appear untidy. Well-spaced out words and paragraphs make your book more attractive and it also makes your writing neat.

Vocabulary (5/10)

"A chill slithered up my arms, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I scrambled out of the hard, narrow mattress; it had done much to convince me that this was my home, and stood with my bare feet on the cold floors."

I did not fully understand what you were trying to say here and that is a bad thing for a writer because it means your readers cannot comprehend what you are writing. Firstly, chills don't slither because to slither is to slide or slip unsteadily on a slippery surface and chills can't slide now, can they? Also, did you mean the narrow mattress made you uncomfortable or the opposite because this paragraph suggests that you were comfortable with the mattress? As you said "...it had done much to convince me that this is home..."

If you were trying to be sarcastic, it was lost here because it didn't sound like sarcasm-besides, why be sarcastic? This seems like a life threatening problem for Mabelle, or is it just me?

There were many instances where you used the wrong words. Like when you were describing the courthouses in the third chapter. You described their rapid development as "sprawling".

"Sprawling, lavish courthouses were strewn around evenly on one side of the castle grounds."

Sprawling is a good word but not in this context. Courthouses sprawl but sprawling is not an adjective so this is grammatically incorrect. Your vocabulary was average but a good attempt none the less. Besides, it can be thoroughly edited when you're ready.

Overall Enjoyment (5.7/10)

Although, you still have a lot of work to be done, your book was a good read. The theme and genre made it a refreshing read. Your writing style contributed to the good aspects of the book.

You still need to work on your grammar and use of words. Your diction needs a great deal off brushing up and your book cover needs quality attention. All in all, it was a good attempt.

All I suggested in this review were purely advisal. You don't have to heed any of them. Please do keep writing!