Reviewer: papersxpen 

Beth, Allie, And Their Murderer Neighbor: HawtHawtHeatGurl 

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(-MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS-) 

(some things might come of bland and straight leading to hurt certain emotions, if they do i apologize prior to that) 

TITLE- 3.5/5 

the title seems too revealing and less attractive. also the word "neighbor" is mostly spelled as "neighbour" both are correct nothing is wrong but the thing is that 'neighbor' is used in US English only whereas 'neighbour' from British English is mostly used in major parts of the world. people might see it as a typo, which i did, and so i am just warning you beforehand before you are judged heavily, which i did again o_O because people are heavily judged on the outer appearance, but it is only up to you if you want to amend it or not because both is correct. 

COVER- 3.5/5 

the cover is only somewhat attractive. It doesn't give the vibe of the genre in which the story is set. it rater gives off a vibe of some historical fiction. You could probably chose to have a new cover made by any graphics shop.

BLURB- 3.5/5

a short blurb is a nice choice, but you seem to have give off a bit too much. you should probably remove the line "Beth and Allie, two sisters, might have a murderer for a neighbor. " because it gives off too much about the story. you should keep it disclosed that the neighbor is a murderer because that would build up the suspense and hold your reader. 

GENRE- 4/5 

the genre horror comedy fits only slightly. it's definitely a comedy, i could see the effort to create humor, but horror is less relevant. it s more on the lines of thriller, crime and adventure. 

ORIGINALITY- 7/10 

the story is a common kind and i suppose the plot and pacing would make it different. however your plot is also somewhat common, so what you are left with is the way you write it. i always wanted to see how that way would come out and i suppose it came out good , i liked it. but after that there were still places where improvement could be needed. 

DESCRIPTION- 7/10 

the description is only adequate. the girls i suppose could have been described more in detalis, like other books. you have been very frank with the speech and i like that fact but however you should not miss out crucial details.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT- 7.5/10 

there wasn't much character development. it seems you have decided to take us along with you in the story and occasionally revealing about them. that might sound what character development exactly is but you have something different, something off. again i would strongly recommend you to keep away the fact that their neighbour is a murderer. you can develop his character greatly if you do that right. 

PLOT- 8/10 

the plot is not new to me, but the way of delivery surely is. it is a same old plot but it is always different, so you have the advantage there. there were no plot errors/holes could make out. 

GRAMMAR- 15/15

the grammar was nice. I have nothing constructive to add here.

STRUCTURE- 3/5 

the dialogues need working up on. they are written quite frankly, and i get it, but as i've been saying, just try to make it more real. try to make the reader feel it; you might have obviously heard at least one person say this to you- "show, not tell". well, here this could be an example of what it means-Lets go check up on Beth and Allie. Actually, they are right here next to my imaginary silhouette that they can't see. you cant either."I'm worrying about this too much, right? there's no way our neighbour who was digging a hole with a trash bag next to him has anything to do with the missing person. Right? right," Beth says 

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN AS- 

Ok so lemme check up on Beth and Allie and tell you what's cooking. Actually, they are sitting beside me, funny that I'm occupying a space but still they can't feel me, talking random stuff with each other, random because I'll have to tune in to know whatever they are blabbering. They can't see me. No one can. Just once, once! Is it too much to- 

Ugh, I'm drifting away again from the point! Anyhow, I'll just tune back in to catch up with whatever gossip they might be doing... "I'm worrying about this too much, RIGHT!!- 

"Calm down, girl." Yeah, she's panicking. I could tell by the (insert any habit they do to signify that.) 

"There's no way our neighbour who was digging a hole with a trash bag next to him has anything to do with the missing person. RIGHT?! RIGHT!?" 

she turned to her sister hoping for any words of comfort to help her calm her nerves, but as far as I know nothing could help her at the moment. 

i guess you saw the difference...you need to actually expand the descriptions you think are important, and only to add humor i have stretched this a bit. i hope you got what i meant.

VOCABULARY- 3.5/5 

Vocabulary was good. however you have used the same sort of dialogue tags over and again. there could ave been more description words. you can always and probably should google up some synonyms and phrases, that could make your writing bright.

OVERALL ENJOYMENT- 7/10 

it was nice simple read. nothing too colorful, nothing too dull. i really liked my idea of speech and narrative out as an example in your work, and i am confident that i can do that myself without making it look horrendous. i would however strongly recommend you to review and rewrite parts of your book again to make it more attractive. all the best! 

TOTAL- 71.5/100