BROKEN AT TWENTY ONE (THE VRIGIN GIRL) - Sonitaolise

Reviewer - cwang1

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Title [2/5]

I'm not sure why "virgin" is misspelled. Is it on purpose, or is it unintentional? If it's an accident, just remember to fix it. Additionally, the title is quite long, so try to shorten it. Maybe you can just do the main character's name, like "Karina Rain."

Cover: [3/5]

Your cover does look a little weird, as the text looks like it has just been "plopped" on the background image. Perhaps try moving the text around so that it fits better. Right now, I really like how the title is really easy to see, though.

Blurb: [3/5]

Your blurb is a bit on the short side. I really liked how you put some interesting ideas and sentences in your blurb. I would suggest just extending the blurb and adding more about Karina and her journey. You could try to put the reader in the middle of a scene with dialogue, a concept that I think works really well.

Genre: [4/5]

Yeah, I think this is a short story. It has a lot of romance concepts that aren't always typical of short stories, so it could also be marked under romance. However, I think putting it under a short story is pretty fitting.

Originality: [8/10]

Personally, I felt that your story was a little bit cliche. You were able to put your own touch on it, but it didn't seem completely original to me. However, you still have a great story!

Description: [7/10]

Personally, I found that your description was okay. I thought that you could definitely improve it by using a better vocabulary so that it enhances your writing. I did like how a lot of your writing was really relatable, and you were able to use some unique phrases.

Character Development: [6/10]

I personally felt that the characters didn't develop enough. Though they were pretty relatable, they weren't described enough at the beginning, and I felt that they could definitely be described more throughout the story.

Plot: [8/10]

I thought that your plot was amazing! You had a great concept, and I feel like the only main thing that you have to work on is your flow. A lot of times, I thought that your sentences were too wordy and didn't really flow together, so I would suggest trying to combine and put together sentences so that it flows better. Additionally, try putting more cliffhangers, so that the chapters feel more complete.

Grammar: [13/15]

For the most part, your grammar was pretty good. There were some times where you were missing a comma or a word, so I would recommend going back and editing it. Additionally, I thought that you could try to work on your punctuation and capitalization, as sometimes you didn't punctuate and capitalize properly.

Structure: [3/5]

I thought that you had a kind of weird structure. A lot of your writing was in italics, which really confused me. Additionally, you seemed to bold some random sentences, which confuse me. I would just suggest putting everything in regular text and just italicizing the important words.

Vocabulary/Spelling: [8/10]

For the most part, your spelling was really good. I didn't spot many misspelled words, so that's great! I would suggest using more vocabulary, as I think that would really improve your description.

Overall Enjoyment: [9/10]

Overall, I thought that your story was pretty good. You had a great plot, and I think just working on your description, grammar, and vocabulary would really improve your story!

Total: [74/100]