Reviewer: scrabblepost 

Eclipsed World: Midnight Survivor: MeowMeow422 

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Title: 5/5

It's a beautiful title and even though you have published only two chapters, I can tell it relates to the story.

Cover: 4.5/5

The graphics are beautiful. My only issue is that the author's name is missing. If you don't want to use your real name, use a pen name.

Blurb: 3/5

The blurb had a few punctuation problems. And it seemed as though the author was trying to give out too much information. Try not to use exclamation marks (!) in the synopsis. It seems a bit unpolished. Though I loved the excerpt you put at the end.

Genre: 5/5

Fantasy.

Descriptions: 6/10

The character descriptions were nice, but scenic descriptions felt significantly short.

Describe the setting more. What was the colour of the house? How was the weather? The illumination inside and outside the house?

Dialogues: 7/10

Most of the dialogues were decent, but few of them seemed forced.

Try not to repeat the character actions in dialogues.

When Max braids Raven's hair, he repeats the same thing in dialogue.

I don't know why you were using(~) this symbol in the dialogue. I have never seen it used before. It's not conventional.

Don't capitalise dialogue tags.

Ex: "At your place?" He says tentatively.

Edit: "At your place?" he says tentatively.

Plot: 6/10

A lot of things are happening in the prologue in a short span of time. It seems a bit too much. Even if you kept only the last scene the rest can be covered in the story after the sister's entry.

There is no need to describe everyday activity of the character unless it's something out of the ordinary like showering and getting ready. It does not add anything to the story rather slows down the book.

The constant change in POV made it difficult to keep up with the characters. Try to write an entire chapter from one character's POV only.

Grammar and structure: 14/20

Grammar was decent for the most part, but there were some consistent issues.

A few tense slips.

Ex: Her mother stood up.

Edit: Her mother stands.

Don't tell—show what's happening.

Ex: The woman also smiles happy that her daughter and son took liking into each other.

The problem here is you are telling exactly what's happening.

People smile when they are happy, so cut out the happy. Smile in itself indicates that the woman is happy.

The second part 'her daughter and son...' is also telling. Instead show it by action that the little girl likes her brother. And there's no need to mention the baby here because he's a baby and nobody can understand what happens inside an infant's head.

Edit: The woman smiles at her daughter as the girl kisses the cheeks of the baby.

Separate different character actions, thoughts and dialogues.

Ex: "Mom! Please, please don't go away." He wails plaintively... . The woman's lavender eyes locked with her son's...

Edit: "Mom! Please, please don't go away." He wails plaintively... .

The woman's lavender eyes locked with her son's...

Don't write numbers in numerical form.

5, 10 should be spelled out as five, ten.

Don't put a semicolon (;) in front of connecting words, and, but, or etc. Use a comma instead(,)

Vocabulary and spellings: 7/10

Vocabulary was decent.

Try not to repeat the same words in a paragraph.

There were a few missing words.

Ex: ... girl runs up and hugs the woman.

Unless the woman was upstairs, which by the text she wasn't, there is no need for 'up' here. If you want to keep it then complete the phrase 'runs up to the woman and hugs here'.

There were a lot of words that you can filter out.

All the adverbs(Lu's). Words that tell emotions, kind, loving, happy, upset, cheerful, up, out.

Ex: The girl puffs out her cheeks.

Puffing of cheeks implies that the cheeks are moving out. You can remove 'out' from here and the meaning of the sentence won't change.

Edit: The girl puffs her cheeks.

Flow and pace: 6/10

The story hopped in between too fast and slow pace. The repetitiveness of the actions in dialogues and some daily activity descriptions made it slow pace. Whereas, the jump cut in scenes and POV's seemed to be a little abrupt and made it difficult to keep up with the story.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10

I liked the core story in itself, but the grammar, POV and scene changes made it difficult to understand and connect with the characters.

Total: 69.5/100

Final thoughts:

It's a really good concept. It gives a little Harry Potter vibes. But the execution could have been better.