There were only three journals in the secret place under the loose plank floor. Each was dated, with my mother's scrawl and her signature below 'This Journal belongs to:' Kamilah. I held the pages close between my fingers, touching each of them as if they were to scatter into a million pieces, turning into nothing but little grains of sand. The edges had turned yellow and tattered over the years and smelt of her, soft touch of thyme. The first book was dated March 13th, 1981.

Today is my birthday; I am eight years old. My best friend, Emilee, gave me this wonderful journal to keep track of my life. I really like the pretty print of the blue and purple butterflies on the cover. Emilee is my bestest friend. She knows everything about me and my secret. Only she knows the real me. I had to tell someone. I just had too. Even though she thinks I tell her everything I still haven't been able to tell her the real reason why my family is so different than everyone else.

You see my family believes in something different than God. I don't go to the same kind of church that she does. I don't pray to God, like she does, however maybe I should. No prayers, just chants. They think I'm too young to know the truth. They think that I am just a kid, but one day they will tell me and I will have to fall behind them, carry on the family tradition. I found out that they pass this secret book down from generation to generation, it is filled with curses, spells and dark magic. Carrying on the tradition doesn't bother me though, it's the blood that gets to me. Why should I drink another's blood. I did my once when I cut my finger; it was an awkward taste, nothing that I think I could get use to. They say it has something to do about the power. But they won't tell me what kind of power.

January 1th, 1984

It was supposed to be a good time of the year or that is what I thought anyway. The thing I found out today was scary. They choose to take Tristian to the cellar last night. He is my brother; he is only seven. They took him early because he is the second born and in the family were I come from the only ones that live to be older are the first born children, like me. Am I supposed to be happy that I was born first, or sad? Tristian didn't come back to his room. I haven't seen him this morning and when I asked about him papa said, "My sweet little girl, your brother won't be returning to us. He fell ill last night and I'm sorry he is gone." He said nothing more and left the room. Mother washes the morning dishes as if nothing has happened. I need to know the truth. I know he was not sick and hasn't been so what happened to him?

I flipped through some of the pages to find out the information that I really wanted to know. She mainly talked about Emilee and how she wished to be like her. Their lives were so different from each other. The only other thing she talked about was school, rarely ever mentioning anything about her home life. The dates scattered throughout the next three years of her life. I picked up the second journal and it was dated, July 22nd, 1984. I flipped through the pages again skimming for the important information first. Then I came across her thirteenth birthday.

March 13, 1986

Today I am thirteen. I thought I would be happy but I'm not, I'm scared, lonely, and puzzled. Momma said that Grandma wanted to give me a gift. But it wasn't the kind of gift that a girl would want. She took me down into the cellar. I think about my brother and the last time that he had come down to the cellar. He never made it back to his room. She said that it wouldn't hurt. I wouldn't feel a thing. But it did hurt and I will never feel the same for her. She let them cut me, letting the blood ooze out, trailing along my birthmark. The blood dripped, drop by drop into a small cup. Then I watched as she took a sip. I thought that I was going to faint, but I managed to pull myself together, to be strong. I can't recall what happened next, I must have passed out because now I'm here in my room.

I can hear them down below outside my window. They are trying to decide who I should marry. But why, I'm only thirteen. I have no hopes of getting married anytime soon. I hate them, all of them. Wanting the right combination of blood, DNA, and I hear them speaking now in silent hushes, "Her blood is good, but we need it more purified. She will need to get married. The new child in the family will be the perfect one."

The perfect one. Why are they so determined to have the most purist blood? They refuse to let me in on the conversation. I hate them and I will never be like them, so help me.

The rest of the journal was basically about hating her family, her life. There were a few entries about Emilee. She wished that her parents could have been like hers. She also mentioned her powers; she was able to tell people their future only if she touched them. She had had the powers for a long time, except each year as she got older they became more accurate. She started to withdrawal herself from everyone at school, making sure not to touch them, for she couldn't stand to know if someone was going to have a short life. She hated knowing when and how it was going to happen. As for Emilee she was going to live for a long time; she was going to be a Grandmother with a very happy all American human life.

As I picked up the third book, I felt a sudden feeling of nausea. I lay down on the bed, on my stomach now, flipping the book open. I felt so drained and I knew the sun would be coming up shortly, but I had to find out. This journal was dated March 30, 1989.

July 15, 1990

They think that I should be with Dedrick. Don't get me wrong, he is all right I guess. He is just not for me. We have been together a few times. He has taken me out to the movies and out to dinner and he seems to be really nice and all. The thing is I just don't think that I could live with him. He is handsome though. Beside the point, I don't think that I could look into his eyes every night. He is not my soul mate. I know for a fact because every time that we touch each other I see him living a sad lonely life, and I am not in it.

Tonight we got so close to each other and I now know that he is not the one for me. But how do I tell my parents; how do I tell Grandma? How do I tell him that we are not going to end up with each other? I don't know where I will be for I can only see his future.

September 18, 1990

I knew she would be mad. I told my mom that Dedrick is just not the one for me. I tried to explain that we are totally different, that it would never work. But she says that it must and I would be getting married on my eighteenth birthday regardless. I have no say so in the matter. I asked her why; why do I have to get married? But she has no answer for me. She doesn't know that I know about his future.

Finally she gave in to my demands. I am to have his child. I must make another child in order for the family to carry on. She sat me down and explained everything to me. 'You are Kamilah, the perfect one. Your father and Grandmother chose Dedrick because he is strong and will give you the child that our family needs for the next generation. He will have the genes, the perfect type for all of us to live healthier and longer. Your blood was perfect but the two of yours together would be the ultimate purest form there is.' I fought with her. I told her that I could not marry him, I just can't and I won't.

September 25, 1990

My father has not talked to me all week. I guess he thinks that he could just ignore me, hoping that I will change my mind. My Grandmother came and got me today and took me for a walk. She claims that she is ninety-eight years old. The young blood from her descendents have kept her alive this long. She says that it all depends on me now. She claims that I am the one to help her live longer and if I love her that I will marry Dedrick and give her a grandson. She sat me down and pulled my hands close to her. To her dismay she was not able to read them. She asked if I would drink some tea, just so that she could read the leaves, but again she had no luck. She was not able to read me, not able to get into my soul. She had no idea what my future held. I could tell in her eyes that it upset her so. I wonder why she was not able to find out anything, maybe I had something to do with it. What if I could shut down all my feeling, all my thought and emotions so that no one would ever be able to read my mind? Then they will never know what I plan to do.

I stretched and rolled over onto my back, propping my head upon my pillow. I fumble through a few more pages and then there was my father's name. I went back and read.

December 5, 1990

He is the one. It is him, my soul mate. I was walking into class today and just happened to stumble and dropped my folder along with my books, pages swarmed the floor. He came over and started to help me before class started. He touched me and in that quick second I knew he was the one for me. As I looked up into his eyes I swear we were made to be with each other. He introduced himself, Sonam. I know it sounds so unusual, but he is the one. Oh! My! His skin is like so soft and tanned like an almond color. His hair is dark, almost jet black, with very fine thin waves. His eyes are like no other; the outer layer is brown and goes into a shade of green before touching the blackness of his pupil. His voice gives me shivers and when he says my name I feel like I am just going to melt like chocolate on a hot summer day. I will not tell anyone of him. I will try my best to keep him a secret, especially from them.

January 16, 1991

I have been sneaking off with Sonam. I want to be with him much. I told him tonight that my parents had plans for me to marry Dedrick, but I had no intensions of doing so. I can't even stand the way he holds my hand or puts his arm around me, YUCK! We haven't done anything and don't plan to till the night of our wedding. I never saw Sonam so mad. I explained over and over that he was the one; I want to be with only him. He is the one; I just know it in my heart. His sweet lips touched mine so gently. I thought that I was going to stop breathing. Bring on the CPR. Instead I started to cry because my emotions are just so messed up right now. He used his fingers to wipe away the tears and promised me that Dedrick would never touch me; he would never marry me. He would make sure of it.

I don't know how it happened but it did and it felt right. The two of us together, entangled with each other. Our bodies fit so perfectly together like it was meant to be. I can't explain the feeling there are no words to describe the way he made me feel. I feel so alive. With him everything else around me doesn't matter. He is my everything.

February 12, 1991

I have been with Sonam several times now. I tried to tell Emilee that he is the one for me I just know it. She thinks that I need to tell Dedrick soon, because I will be turning eighteen next month and we are to be married. She finds it weird that my parents are arranging my marriage at such an early age.

Anyway, I tried to talk with him tonight but it did not go over well. He wants to know who I am in love with so that he can kill him. But I wouldn't tell him. Then when I got home he had to bring it up to my parents and now they are really mad at me. They are trying to decide on how to punish me. I think I will sit here in my closet with the door locked for now.

February 16, 1991

I haven't had my period for some time now. I stopped at the store on the way home from school today and got one of those home pregnancy kits and sure enough it was positive. How do I tell them that I won't be getting married and how do I tell them that the baby is not even Dedricks'. The wedding is set May 15th the day after graduation. By that time I will be showing, at least three to four months pregnant. I got to tell Sonam. He has to know the truth. Maybe he can find a way for the both of us to be together forever.

May 10, 1991

Graduation is less than five days away, the wedding six days away. The dress is so tight around my stomach, surely mother can tell that something is wrong. What am I going to do? Sonam has suggested that we run off together right after graduation and then I wouldn't have to face my family the remaining time of my pregnancy, which really sounds like a great idea. I have one small bag packed. I think Grandmother suspects something already. I can tell by the way she keeps staring at me and then looking down at my stomach. She makes me feel so uncomfortable. Thank goodness she still can't read my thoughts, however I think she can read my body for it is changing right before their eyes.

May 15, 1991

Today will be the last entry in this journal for I am leaving to be with Sonam. He is the one for me and I am carrying his child. We will soon be so happy just the two of us. I will be heading out tonight after graduation. It has to work out, it has too. My parents will never forgive me for this. As for Dedrick, I am sure that he will find another to love and have a life of his own. Maybe one day I will come back to get my belongings, maybe one day I will be back with my family. For now I must do what is right for me and this child that I carry.

The rest of the book was blank, except for the last few pages in the middle of them was cut out. Something had been there it was like a secret hiding place. It had held something at one time; I wonder what would have been in there. Now I needed to find out what happened to Dedrick and what happened to my father, Sonam?

***

I wasn't asleep for long when the dream became so real. I was in a toy filled room with pictures of flowers and angels surrounding me. My mother had always told me that the angels brought me to her and that's why she had angels all over the room. I'm three again. My room is covered with toys, stuffed animals and wind chimes in the windows. I had almost forgotten about them. Mother said that they would keep the bad dreams away and bring me music throughout the day to my ears. She always wanted me to be happy. But on this particular day, I was crying. I was not allowed to go into the woods anymore and I was so mad at my mom. I got out of bed and went to the window, climbed up on a shelf and jerked the closest wind chime down. I took it all apart and then broke the crystal pieces. I could feel her behind me. She picked me up and started screaming, 'What are you doing? Do you have any idea what you have just done?' I shook my head and cried even more now. 'These are to protect you from evil, to protect you from them. They keep them out of here.' She started to cry, stringing the pieces back onto the string with trembling hands, to hang it back in the window. She left the room with the broken pieces of the few crystals that I had broken from the dragon fly.

A few minutes later I went to her. 'Sorry, mommy I was mad at you. I won't touch them again I promise.' She sat down beside me, holding me and crying. 'I know baby; I don't know what I would do if you were to ever leave me. I have something for you, but you have to promise me that you will never break it.

'I promise mommy.'

She reached up and took the necklace off of her neck and handed it to me. 'This was given to me by a very special person. It will keep you safe from everything.' She put the necklace around my neck. It was pretty just like the crystal in the wind chime except it was black as night made out of Tourmaline. It was a rare piece of mineral that kept the spirits away. I let it rest in the palm of my hand. The strangest feeling came over me. It was like it gave me something more than just protection, something that I can't explain.

***

The dream would have been longer but I was woken up by the ringing of my cell phone. I searched through my purse. "Hello," I yawned at the same time.

"Sorry, did I wake you up. I was worried about you." His voice sounded so nice to my ears.

I yawned again, stretching my body out. "Why Joel, do you care that much for me?" I teased.

"That's a dumb question. Did Isaiah try anything? If he did I'm gonna ki...."

I interrupted him before he could get the last word out, "No, as a matter of fact he does know about my mother and my father. It's complicated. So what are you doing today Mr. McCallister?"

"Do you have something in mind, Ms. Farris?"

"Actually I do; can you come over I need your help."

"Be there in a few, see ya." He chuckled and hung up the phone.