Naira.

I woke up, wincing. My neck hurt due to sleeping on couch. I had no strength to get up and walk to my room. I rubbed my eyes, they burned. My head burned. I dont remember if I stopped crying.

I went to freshen up. I looked like a mess. And it made me to cry more. I turned on the tap but the tears kept flowing down again. I closed my eyes and the memories played. Those good times but yet bad times. His words from last night pierced through my heart once again.

Why was it so hard?

Why it couldn't be easy?

I needed answers. But I didn't know any questions. Everything felt like a question mark and nothing felt like answer.

***

I wasn't sure if i could work with him considering after what happened last night.

I wasn't sure of how I felt. I wanted to run to him and just cry my heart out in his arms but I wasn't sure if he will hold me.

I heard a knock and went to open the door.

It was Nayel. He smiled at me, I just nodded.

"Hey, whats up? You okay? You don't look good." And as he said those words, I bursted into tears again.

But he held me. I let him. Wishing it was someone else. But all I needed for that moment was comfort.

I told him everything that happened last night. And I saw the hurt in his eyes when I told him how bad I felt for Kartik. But he just smiled at me and held my hand.

"You don't have to feel sorry about anything, Naira. I've always said this I'll say it again. You both are at fault. So don't take blame on you. You've done nothing wrong." He tucked my hair behind my ear as he talked.

"So now be honest with me. And tell me what you feel?" He asked.

"I don't know, Nayel. I'm confused. I thought I had moved on but now I realize I'm still stuck there. His words made me realize that I was just running, blaming him for everything so that I don't feel bad." I wiped my tear, as they kept flowing.

"What do you want to do? Want to talk with him?"

"I don't know. Nayel, I don't think I can ever move on from him. I'm sorry. Last night, when I was with you. All I could think was about him. I'm so sorry. But i dont think I can ever love anyone the way I loved him. I can't forget him, Nayel. I can't. I've tried. But I can't." I cried as I told him.

I saw tears in his eyes, and I felt guilt. Now I know how Kartik must've felt this all time.

"Its okay, Naira. I knew this was coming. Don't worry." He said as he wiped my tears, "I will always be here whenever you need me. But now tell me what your heart wants?"

"For now, I just want to go hug him and cry thats it. I want to apologize. I want to be vulnerable with him. Thats all I want."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"But what if he doesn't want that?" I asked him.

"I'm a guy. I can see the emotions in his eyes, Naira. Last night, I saw the pain in his eyes when you were dancing with me. But he respected you, and didn't come in between. Considering what you've told me about his eagerness, I was surprised seeing him behave like that." Nayel said and smiled. But I knew I had hurt Nayel.

"I'm sorry, Nayel. You're a great man. But I'm not the one for you." I squeezed his hand.

"Dont worry about me. I'm fine. I just want you to be happy. But I'm not some hot head like Kartik." He said and I laughed.

***

its a draft from last year october. but today i'll definitely try to write it forward.