Ayats pov

The weekend went well, two days with Abbas was all I needed to recharge and get to work for the rest of the week, I sat here in this majestic library all zoned out focusing on my project when I felt some movement I ignored it focusing further in my research when the heavy book was shut close on my hand I hissed in pain and gritted my teeth knowing well who is it,

"Maddy," I sighed in irritation, I think my irritation for Maddy comes from a place of jealousy and not her being blinded by privilege which is quite shameful on my part I shouldn't be like this but I can't help it sometimes I just pray that it doesn't end up making me a bad person.

"You all set for the class trip?"

"I am not coming," I said, I really don't have money to waste on sightseeing.

"Oh, come on, it'll be so much fun, we will go shopping, you know shopping in New York is so fun, and clubbing... Oh my god! the clubs here in Baltimore can never match NYCs standard. " I sighed even less interested because nothing she listed was my favorite pastime.

"I am sorry mads but I have some prior commitments" I answered and she sighed in defeat and I was just grateful that she didn't offer to pay like she does to every single thing I say no to, she is just a good person and tries to make me her freind out of sympathy but her privilege has clouded her so much that she fails to see what could be insulting to one.

I flashed a polite smile towards omar as we crossed paths and sighed in longing,

"Hey Ayat," he called, and I turned around to see he ditched his friends and jogged towards me,

"Yeah?" I asked my heart fluttering as he ran his fingers through his dark black hair, which in no way was in need of anything, but he still rearranged it, showing he was nervous,

I gulped and tucked my hair inside my hijab by my index finger, which already was safely wrapped in the undercap, proving I was nervous, too.

"So you are coming to the trip, right?" he asked, but it looked like he wanted to ask something else, too.

"Umm, no... I have something else to do that day. "

"oh" he said sadness and disappointed immidiately clouding his beautiful South Asian features, oh how I can just keep looking at him, the moment our eyes meet I can see myself having a future with him, everytime, every single time, but it's not the reality, this is not how things work, I have too much baggage with me, he needs someone perfect, I am far from it.

I realized that our conversation ended and we were on our separate ways, I turned around to see him walking away with his friends and dejected sighs left my lips, if only....
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"Salam abbu," I called out, and he replied without turning around too busy in whatever he was cooking.

I grabbed some water and relaxed on the couch.

"What's for dinner?" I asked as I scrolled through my phone,

"pheeki dal and paratha, just as how you like," abbu answered, and my stomach instantly made a noise hunger erupting at the name of my favorite dish.

"Oh my god, serve it quickly," I whined, and he laughed.

i was busy devouring this simple yet tasty dish when I heard a sniffle, I turned towards abbu to see him looking at me with moist eyes,

"What happened, abbu?" I asked concerned and put the plate down.

"I am sorry," he said in a shaky voice.

"What for?" I asked my eyes wide and forehead crinkled. Ever since Abbas got sick, I get scared easily, thinking it's the bad news we pray to be saved from.

"I failed to be your hero, I failed to make you my princess, I drowned your youth in worries and hardwork, I forced you to grow up before your time" he said finally letting the tears fall.

"Abbu," I said desperately, I have no words, I don't know how to console him or what to say,

"Why would you say that?" I cried and pulled him in a hug, making sure the hand I ate didn't touch his shirt.

"Your friend called and said you weren't going to the trip," he said, and i pulled away, looking at him with a stern look.

Maddy, you...crazy girl...

"So? how does that make you a bad father?" I scolded him, fiddling with the button of his shirt.

"because you are saving money, because you are always saving money, when you sew your torn clothes instead of buying new ones, when you don't bother to even look at aisles of junk food or skin care or whatever girls like at the supermarket I know it's because you want to save that money, because I failed to earn that money" he Said and I sighed in helplessness, I don't know how to assure him.

"Abbu, you made me strong, independent, you taught my religion to me, you infused strong imaan in me, unshakable morals in me, in next 2 to 4 years, I'll have a degree, it's your hardwork abbu that will pull us out of our hardship, your not mine" I said emphasized on yours.

he began to open his mouth to say something, but I shushed him.

"Abbu, no more discussion on this. You won't think like this anymore. We were not always like this we were living comfortably you gave me a good life good childhood its no ones fault that Abbas got sick and we got bankrupt under the weight of his treatments, Good times are not far, and you won't lose hope," I said, and he smiled lightly,

"Okay, but I won't hear no, you have to do this."

"Do what?"

he passed me an envelope and I opened it to see some cash in it.

"You are going to the trip. You will deposit this tomorrow," he said, and I began to protest, but it was his turn to shush me.

"NO, I won't hear no, there is some extra money in it, you will go there shop or do whatever you want but you will spend it, I'll be very angry if you won't" he said leaving no room for argument and I smiled in defeat.

"Okay, I love you, Abbu." I rested my head on his chest.
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"we will have so much fun." Maddy was blabbering nonstop, and I was searching for my headphones. Students were still settling in the bus,

"Hey." Omar placed his forearm on the little cabinet for handbags and leaned down, his veins popping out on his arms, the sky blue pole t shirt making him look like a summer treat

Astaghfirullah

I scolded myself for my not so halal thoughts and greeted him back,

"Oh, I promised jenny, I'll sit with her," Maddy lied a little too obviously

"I can trust you to give my friend company, right?" she asked, smiling widely and omar, and my eyes widened. I tried to pull her back, and she scurried away.

"Umm," Omar looked at me awkwardly, and I sighed in defeat,

"You can" as soon as words left my mouth he was sitting beside, the bus started and after a good couple of awkward moments that felt like hours, his words cut through the thick tension in the air letting me finally breathe.

"I am glad you are coming." he smiled and bit my lower lip to stop myself from grinning like a fool.

"movie?" he asked, and i nodded, thankful that we won't have to make awkward small talks.

he passed me his ear pod, and I slipped it in my ear from under my hijab focusing on the movie, I paused to clean my glasses with my hijab but stopped when he passed me his handkerchief

"Oh no..." I began, but he cut me off.

"it's okay, you can keep it, I insist." I nodded in a no,

"I haven't used it yet. It's clean," he added, and I gave up, not wanting him to think anything wrong.
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"we are here," he said gently, and I was as confused as ever.

"What?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"You fell asleep, we reached," he said, and I realized my head was resting on his shoulder.

oh my Allah!

I jolted straight and pressed my back in the window,

oh, how i wish to fall from it and die. Oh my god, this is so embarrassing.

"it's okay. I didn't mind, infact I felt the opposite of it," he chuckled, making me blush more.

I couldn't face him anymore and dashed out, and Maddy found me instantly teasing me. She even clicked a picture of me asleep and him smiling, looking down at me, and sent it to me, I couldn't help but smile as I stared at it for longer than normal amount.

we freshened up and instantly left for sightseeing,

I was with Maddy when omar started walking by my side. She was busy talking to her friend,

"So after the official tour is over, we have the permission to go by ourselves till 8:00 pm, so umm ahem I was wondering." he trailed off, scratching his neck,

we both stood still as the rest of the class kept walking, we were left behind,

"Would you go on a date with me?" he finally asked, and I gasped in surprised No words came out,

"Oh my god yes yes of course," I wanted to say, but I know this will just lead to things I know will only lead to heartbreak.

"Oh, omar....you are so kind, but I began, but he interrupted me, I noticed he did that a lot.

"I know you think we are different and everything just give me a chance just one day, I won't ever bring it up again"   he said and i thought about how this trip was supposed to be a break from my life back in Baltimore and that was it I said yes.

"Thank you, thank you so much," he beamed, and I jogged towards the crowd.
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"So....I hope you enjoyed our date," he said as he walked beside me, holding the panda stuff toy he won for me as I finished my ice cream,

I nodded, It really was an amazing day, I don't remember the last time I was so carefree or not worried about anything in particular.

"Ayat...umm...I am aware why you avoid me," he said out of nowhere, breaking the comfortable silence.

I looked towards him, surprise.

"You think we have a class difference?" he said, and this time I interrupted him,

"It's just not that, I have secrets, dark one at that, I come with baggage, I am broken, and I don't have the capacity to bear a heartbreak" I said and we stood outside our hotel facing each other,

"I am ready for everything, anything, trust me please, just give me a chance," he said, and I was unsure.

"I know it doesn't sound convincing, but I will really be with you, no matter what because I love you," he said, and I stumbled back,

"omar..." I said,

"You don't have to say anything, just give me a chance, let's not label it, just get to know each other, I will earn your trust, please?" he said and I remained silent he went on to give more explanations and I remained silent, after much thought I said yes, my heart rate increased I felt as if my whole body will break into fits of shiver,

he jumped and pumped his fist in the air, handed the stuff toy, and said goodbye with a promise that he would text me.

I walked in to see the hotel room empty, Maddy probably wouldn't come at all,

I freshened up and lay down, replaying everything in my mind, I was feeling all giddy and tingly this was such a different feeling, something entirely new, my every cell was bursting with excitement and hope.

I smiled like a fool as his text popped up on my screen,

"I am so happy today, I can't wait till the next time I see you,"

"Me too." I typed and deleted, but after gathering much courage, I sent it.

may be there is hope, may be I will be happy and live a long healthy love filled life, may be I should give myself a chance.

Thank you for being such a huge help in you guys *bombastic side eye*
please note the sarcasm🙄🙄

like, seriously, thank you to two people who commented what they remembered and a few others who said it was their first time. The rest of you, ugh, whatever you guys ignored me lmao  so embarrassing,

well, on a serious note, please comment like the comment section is really quiet, I need comments and commentary to keep myself motivated, alright, so yeah

bye...