You know when people are talking about you
You can hear your name in their conversation
It's known as the cocktail party effect.

Life had stopped being kind to her since her brother's death

When pain exceeds the limit you stop feeling it
She had made peace with the meloncholy of her life

Only when she thought that life can not push her further down....
Her rajveer sir got drifted apart from her
Giving her yet another emotional trauma of intimacy and trust issues

He never explained himself to her
She never demanded one
Cold treatment turned into silent one...
She still remember that last day in KMA
When they shared one last eye contact

Both expecting the other to start the conversation
The conversation that never happened.
The last goodbye that was never said
To finally be able to say that we did it.

4 years went by ... And she couldn't find one single way that can lead to him

All these years she tried to convince herself that , she did the right thing.
She has nothing to do with her brother's killer.
No matter how innocent those eyes seems.
That look on his face , asking for just one fair chance to clear things up.

And only when she thought that she is over him.
Something happened
Something so horrible that it again shook her world and tore her life apart.

The answer she use too seek about how could a friend can kill another friend instead of going other way around
She got that answer
When she had to take the decision of abandoning huda ... During one such mission
When she had to choose between her duty and friendship....
When huda himself asked her to leave him there as there was no hope left for him , but she can still save the mission.

Now she knows how he use to feel all the time.
The pain was so much that she had shut down her emotions
Becoming schizoid over the years.

When she saw him in that army conference after this long time .
He unlocked something inside her
She felt very strongly as he saw her back with that same old look.
The look that says , that she matters
Nothing about that look has changed over the time.
His soft expression
And that hesitant smile
Mixed with fear and indecisiveness.

"How are you holding up "
He asked gently...

And she kept gwaking at that face
Face that is familiar in the midst of this unknown scary crowd.
Face that she can trust
A face that makes you feel safe
A face that feels like home.

She took a shivering sigh and tried to say something, but was lost with words.
What do you say to eachother after such a long pause.
Pause for years.

There was still that same old warmth in his eyes.
.....

Later after the event as he lay there on the bed thinking about the recent encounter

Thinking about her
How much she has changed
She has become pale and weak yet sadly beautiful
The colours of pain painted on the canvas of her eyes.

And as he was thinking about her someone knocked the door
It was late night
He went to check only finding her standing there
In her simpl casual wear
Bare foot
With disoriented face

"Naina"
He whispered her name worried about her condition.
She gave him a lost look....
She seemed tired.

"I don't know why I am here"
She said partly to him partly to herself.

He took her in and made her sit on couch and sat beside her just like they use to spend time in Kma...
It was a chilly night ....
He saw her clutching herself and grabbed one of his sweatshirt and offered her covering her shoulders.

She felt warmth of the cloth as well as his care.

"When does this thing will stop haunting
When do we get normal"
She asked genuinely

And he knew what she was talking about
Loss of huda had been hard on everyone
Him too...

"I pray that it gets easy for you.
You never killed him ..."

"I could have saved him"
She said with a blank face

"Don't do this to yourself
It's self destructing"

"You know I can't feel anything anymore
Anger , sadness, hatred, nothing
It's nill ... nada....
You must have felt same right "?

She saw him
He was sitting still , eyes brimming with tears.

She reached out to him to hold him...
And he leaned for her comfort.
His hold on her shoulder made her feel something
He pulled her for a consoling hug

And she accepted it
How long she had craved for this even she never knew until now.
Something got fixed inside her
He on the other hand was stunned with her proximity
The feel of her was clouding his senses

She wanted to know more about this
She moved forward and kissed him
To which he reacted by pulling back immediately
Not at all expecting this to happen
He stood up to move away but she hold him back by clutching his arms

She saw him with pleading eyes.
And he lost his rational thinking
What is right what is wrong
Who can tell

They kissed one more time
This time with more insight

He kissed her almost agonizingly
Being respectful with his touches
She made him walk towards the bed

He was spellbound
Just following her lead
There was still that same old warmth in his eyes. but midst that warmth there was a still question. a still emotion that she had come to recognize so late. yet the words didnt come out. she swore in some dreams of her she had expected this to happen but none of those dreams was silent like this. she had a lot to say but there was no starting ground. there was nothing to hit it off. she could not help but stare at him...with that longing that she had in her. and she knew somewhere he had also those feelings. midst all the people that longing glued her to him. a sudden declaration that nothing mattered more than him and soon she was rushing towrds him. to close the distance between them. her hand hurriedly ran over his chest and soon her fingers touched his collar bone over that uniform. naina knew....that to night she wont be able to tell him in words that she had missed him like crazy and there was no way he should have faced all the agony and hatred himself. after walking through the fire herself she had realizes the burning pain. her own burnt finger had made her realise how badly rajveer sir had been hurting whole time. and the guilt of herself being the sole reason of his agony.....naina could not help but feel heavy under all the burden. yet the words didnt come out.

she felt his gaze on her. her fingers were still on his collar bone smoothly tracing the fabric of his uniform. and that was the most daring act she could have done that night. within moment something burst between them. the fingers trembled so did rajveer sir. under that steal armor he was a human...a simple man.

everything happened in so rush. she was all over him . her mouth didnt leave him for a second. not for a moment she wanted to stay away from him. she just wrapped herself around him. her lips colliding with his. sucking them. her tongue touched his teeth and then his tongue. she tasted alcohol. whiskey perhaps. but that strong liquor couldn't do its magic as she was already halway drown. already she was a goner. the pain..the emotions everything she had hidden herself couldn't help but come out through her burning mouth. she tried to kiss him open mouth.

...she was an inch away from rajveer sir. perhaps...its been too long. way too long. she tried to understand herself for a second. that she could give him a small explanation... but tonight....she could not speak. there was so much....so fucking much to tell she was unable to find a way out. and at the same moment she was able to feel that heart-wrecking yearning for her rajveer sir. pain of years suddenly hit her. realisation that he was her ultimate destiny. she once again rushed to him..holding his face and kissing him like a mad woman. the frenzy was explicit..was also there. she had missed him...she had missed him like crazy for the past four years. and after losing huda she could not help but miss him more. and having him tonight in front of her she could not help but hold him tight. her body pressed to him tightly. rajveer sir could have felt every inch of hers by now. she wanted him to do so....

she wanted him to feel her. all of her...at once. to see how much he mattered. how valuable he was for her...what effect he has on her..and what he could do with her. she wanted him to just take her in...every inch of her..

his fingers brushed with her cleavage and she took a deep breath. the first intimate touch unraveled her. she wanted more. her mouth was still hot on his. she could not leave his lips. they were smooth. they were weirdly sweet and raw with taste of whiskey. suddenly his hand went behind her neck to hold her and his mouth went deeper into hers. naina hit a notch. a little satisfaction that he wanted her...as bad as she did.

his one hand was still soft on her breasts. her own hand went up to direct his fingers..to tell him that tonight she could have borne every pain...every single ounce of pain just to have him. just to feel him. she wanted him that much. her touch startled him and he left her mouth...making her feel empty. perhaps he was shocked...shocked by her fire.

a second or two passed...nobody spoke a word. his hand was still on her left breast. instead of words they exchnaged looks. perhaps a complain....or perhaps a confession. and then his grip tightened on her softest body part. and the very next second he was in her mouth sucking her tongue. a very beautifully carried out french kiss.....if she was to go into thesaurus. she held him as much as she could while he fidgeted to find the zip of her dress. the moment he unzipped her she was out of that dress. standing in peach colour bra and matching set of panties...she wondered how would he react if he sees him like this.

to her answer he gave her a very dark look...making her heart jitter. they were standing close to the bed. rajveer sir soon removed clothing from his body. she took a look. a long wait was coming to an end. she had not wanted anything more than him in that moment. just rajveer sir...nothing more.

after undressing himself he pushed her slightly to the bed. feeling her all curves...her skin...her mouns..her flesh... every part of her body. she moved back to bed with him on her. his lips nibbling her soft flesh. her hands moving on him. it was happening so fast. suddenly he turned her on her stomach. he kissed back of her neck. shoulder arch and upper back. he descended with bitting and sloppy kisses.

That's when he heard something
Her sob
He got tensed and made her turn again to face her.
She was weeping silently
Tears flowing nonchalantly

It scared him away...
Was it too soon
Did he overstep
Did she changed her mind
Is she uncomfortable...

He immediately pulled himself away
And got nervous....

"I am sorry naina
Did I offend you...
I am so sorry....."

To which she got up and threw herself on him hugging him with all her might...

"It's not you"
She managed to say between her sobbing

""Then why are you crying "
He asked caressing her hairs with affection

"I don't know
I haven't cried in ages
Haven't regulated any emotion from a long time"

She is calm now
The tears have stopped

They sat like that for a minute... Holding eachother..

She looked up at him and kissed him again to resume what they have started
But this time  he resisted gracefully

"You are not ready naina..."
He whispered softly

And she tried again and he stopped her again

"I can't
Not when you are so vulnerable"

And he bend sideways to pick up her shrug and made her wear it
As he made her lay down on her back
She kept staring at him all this time.

As he tucked her into sheets
And got settled beside her

"We haven't talked in last four years and in one night we are here"
She said in amazement

"Yet it seems so normal and regular"
He added

And they closed their eyes as it was really late and they were tired

To be continued