The Thoughts

"Okay, Amber. Okay. This is the day. This is the day you finally do it. You can do this. You got this."

A young woman muttered these thoughts out loud, her eyes closed and her breathing purposely slow and deep in order to slow her racing heart. She once again inhaled intensely, and during her next exhale she opened her honey-yellow eyes to look once more upon the building in front of her.

The structure was small, smaller than one would expect for the location of a mercenary guild. It consisted of only three floors that shared the same amount of windows that were surrounded by bricks of inviting colours of yellow and orange that were painted in a gradient, making the building look similar to the sky during sunset. This contrasted greatly with the bright blue sky of midday behind it, making the building stand out against the other buildings of the small seaside town it was near.

Amber knew that the colourful structure wasn't the entirety of the guild however, as through a slightly opened door she could see a hole dug into the ground of the building's floor, a ladder descending down into it. A weird mixture of curiosity and anxiousness fluttered over her whenever she glimpsed at this mysterious entrance into the ground. While she longed to see what it held, a tickling in the back her throat held her back from wanting to explore it further.

Amber fidgeted with the collar of her jacket and subconsciously wrapped and unwrapped a finger around a lock of her strangely coloured hair as she continued to think her thoughts out loud again.

"Alright, all you gotta do is walk in there, back straight, voice clear, and tell someone who applies people into the guild 'I want to join'. Easy. Completely easy," she reassured herself, keeping her eyes locked on the building's entrance. Her throat then suddenly started to tighten up, and she began to panic.

"Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. How am I supposed to know who applies people into the guild?! Are they gonna have some kind of badge, or uniform? What if they just look like a regular person? How am I supposed to know who to talk to then?"

Amber's previously calm whispering started slightly to rise in volume and pitch, becoming harsh yelling under her breath. She did not bother to calm herself down anymore as thousands of racing thoughts from her scattered brain rapidly rolled out of her mouth as fast as she could speak. She hardly even aware of the sheer ferocity of her speech.

"Do I just go around and talk to random people then? What will they think of me when I do that? That I'm weird? Dumb? Pitiful? Or let's just say they do help me, what then? Is there some sort of test to apply? I won't be ready for a test! I can hardly keep my head on straight! Wait, can I not apply alone? Do I have to be in a mercenary team?! Will they not accept me if I just go in alone? What if I have to be paired up with some random stranger I may or may not get along with just to be in a team! And then what will they think of me and my-?"

Amber finally caught herself. Her breathing became heavy and rapid like how it was when she had approached the guild. She was sweating again, and the warm weather wasn't exactly helping. Looking at the building again made her jump backwards in anxious fear. She looked around to see anybody had caught her in her miniature meltdown and, after a couple of minutes of slowing her breathing, she finally calmed down. She let out a disappointed sigh, closing her eyes as she griped the large, makeshift pendant of her handmade necklace.

"I... I just... thought today might be the day. That I finally go through with it, you know?" She whispered to herself, disappointment tainting the tone of her voice. "I just had a feeling, a feeling of confidence this morning, that I could get over my problem. After I found my stone, my Treasure, I thought I finally had the skills and good luck to actually do this. I guess not today either, Amber... let's just, go relax a while okay?"

She opened her eyes, looking around once again and spotting someone walking out of the mercenary guild. She quickly turned on her heels, speed-walking away as natural and as naturally fast as possible away from the building. As she walked back into the centre of the neighbouring town, she took a quick look down at the necklace pendant in her palm, her Treasure, and gave an incredibly small, sad smile as she tucked the necklace back into her shirt.

++++

After a couple minutes of walking, Amber arrived at her destination. She took off her combat boots as her feet sunk into the sand beneath her. She looked out into the horizon, where the sea and sky meet, and smiled as she saw the sea was pleasantly still, a beautiful light blue reflecting the almost perfect weather. The sky had only a couple of white puffs of clouds dotted onto the fantastically blue canvas to accompany the somewhat blinding sun. It bit the exposed skin on Amber's neck slightly, reminding Amber of the time her back was a nasty sunburn last Summer. She did not enjoy any showers she had after she received it, that's for sure. She pulled her collar of her jacket upwards to somewhat shade her neck.

On her walk down the long beach, she picked up random pieces of driftwood that were scattered across the bay. After picking up as much as she thought she needed, she sat down by the ocean's edge, careful not to sit on the sand that the rising tide had soaked and darkened, and laid her pile of driftwood next to her right. A comforting breeze of sea air washed over Amber, relaxingly balancing the heat of the sun for a few moments. Amber took a deep breath of the salty breeze, enjoying the slightly acidic smell of the sea's salt water before remembering something important.

She plonked a small backpack she carried next to her on the sand to her left, retrieving a bottle of water and a container. She dropped two of the many contents of the container into her hand, dropping them into her mouth and afterwards to wash the small consumables down.

Then, she looked back at the wood pile she had gathered for herself. She lifted her right hand and began to put all of her focus into concentrating all of her energy into it. When she was ready, she snapped her finger.

A single, orange spark shot from the friction of the two fingertips. The ember disintegrated as fast as it had had appeared. Amber sighed and furrowed her eyebrows in annoyance, and tried the action again with much more voracity. This time, much more fiery sparks erupted from the sharp movement. She quickly twisted her wrist and the embers landed in her palm, which a small rune that glittered with magical energy appeared in. The embers erupted into a small, flickering flame within Amber's hand when they hit the symbol, which flicked around and around in a small sphere. A feeling of accomplishment replaced her previous annoyance, and she threw the fireball onto the clump of firewood she had prepared. She smiled in satisfaction, crossing her legs happily. Amber had no need for extra heat on a day like today, but on occasion, especially on occasions such as now when she feels blue, she felt better about herself knowing that her magical abilities were not useless, and that, by extension, she herself was not useless.

After a few minutes of sitting crosslegged in the sand, Amber's legs began to slightly tingle with the sensation of pins-and-needles, so she laid down her back, stretching her legs out. As she looked up at the sky, she spotted a small, spherical object float past her face. Smiling widely at the sight, she propped herself up her hands to see her ocean view covered with hundreds of bubbles. They shone wildly in the sunlight, and the colours of the sky, sea, beach and Amber's fire reflecting off the bubbles in a mesmerising way, creating a pretty, almost hypnotic sight. Amber looked over to a nearby rock, where a small creature perched. It was similar to a crustacean like a crab or crayfish, but was covered in blue markings and had a large water sac atop it's abdomen, identifying it as a Bubblacea. Amber looked on as it built up magical energy and combined it with the water in their water sac, releasing the mixture as a flurry of bubbles that joined the rest of them.

Wow. After all this time, I still can't believe my eyes whenever this happens, Amber happily thought, contrasting her earlier paranoia. Her mind felt less muddled, her thoughts less tangled together, focusing on only the spectacular sight of the bubbles. Whatever parts of world and other realms that don't have access to this stuff must be sooo jealous. Another reason to appreciate it more, I guess. It always makes me feel better, heals my spirits and all.

Soon after, the spectacle evaporated, the Bubblacea retreated back into the ocean from their rocky resting spots, and the remaining bubbles eventually popping away. Amber was left to her own thoughts again, and they slowly drifted back towards the mercenary guild.

"You could have done it, Amber. You shouldn't of... given in to yourself like that," she told herself out loud once again.
"And I'm talking to myself in the third person again, no wonder people think I'm freaking insane!" Her words took on an angrier tone as she took of her necklace and laid it on the sand.
"I-I thought my Treasure would inspire me, y'know? To not bring me down and keep me confident that... I'd go okay!" She was yelling now, angry tears welling in her eyes. "But I just can't do it! Why?! Because I'm such a weakling! Because I'm useless! I know I'm not if I tell myself that I'm not. Yet I don't! All I choose to do with myself is stare at the ocean and discourage myself and-!"

Amber stopped as she realised her driftwood fire had fired up out of control, the wood almost nothing but ash as the fire expanded outwards and grew upwards in chaotic pillar. Despite being on a beach, the magic flames didn't stop it's burning rage. She noticed her fingertips angrily sparking with magic and a muscle in her arm was spastically pounding up and down.

"Calm down! Calm... down..." she yelled as she started at another mess she had caused. "I was just here to relax... not burn down a beach! Think... of something calming... anything... just stop trying to let myself get to me, or y'know something along those lines..."

After she calmed down, the magic sparks vanishing and her miniature muscle spasm subsiding, the fire followed her lead, shrinking just as fast as it had erupted outwards. After only a minute it became small enough that Amber could stomp it out with her combat boots, the flames sizzling out on the sand. She both sighed in relief and muttered curses under her breath as she looked around. Not much damage had happened to the beach, thank goodness.

After proceeding to curse her medication she took only minutes ago, she turned to her left and suddenly noticed something she was shocked she didn't see earlier; something a little further down the beach.

"Hey... what's that? What's going on over there?" she asked herself. She picked up her necklace, putting in back on, and ran closer to the object, and then gasped and took a step backwards in surprise as she realised what it was.

Someone had collapsed on the sand, and they looked as though they were on the verge of death.