"Come in, come in," she smilingly said, entering the unit. In no time, four cats surrounded her and the girl immediately crouched to hug them. "My babies! You missed mom?"

Ki-Ryeong froze at the familiar sight, memories instantly filling his mind.

"Maui, Raja, Pascal! Mom and dad is here!"

"Hey Ahn Ki-Ryeong! You alright?

His head instantly snapped towards Lilac who already stood back up, carrying a kitten. This one, he wasn't familiar with.

"Ah, yeah... so they're the kids you were talking about," he forcefully laughed.

"Yup," she grinned. "This little baby is Lilo, I just got her last month. Then there's Maui, Raja and Pascal. Pascal is actually my grandkid already," she happily pointed at each one of them.

Kio swallowed and almost wasn't able to contain his emotions. He looked at each cat and smiled like it was the first time he met them.

"They're cute," he commented. "Maui is quite fat."

Like expected, Lilac automatically gasped in disbelief. "How dare you! My Maui is not fat, it's his normal size. He's supposed to be that big!"

He can't help but laugh, for real this time. He used to always tease her about Maui's chubby-ness and she'd always give the same exact answer.

"Okay, I'll remember that. I'm sorry, catmom," he smirked.

Suddenly, everything felt like déjà vu.

He watched as the girl rolled her eyes before leading him to the living room. She put Lilo down the couch, reached for the remote and turned the television on.

"I need to take a quick shower," she faced him again, passin the remote. "You can watch some shows or play with the cats. Don't worry, they're nice. Also, don't hesitate to get some snacks and drinks in the kitchen, I just went grocery shopping yesterday. Okay? I'll be right back."

He accepted the device and nodded, "yeah, sure."

"Okay! I'll make some hot choco once I'm done. I got the recipe from my dad and it's super good! I may not know how to cook, but my hot choco is to die for." She smiled for the last time before whirling around and disappearing into a hallway adjoining the living room.

Kio was left alone, catching his breath.

"My dad taught me how to make hot choco and it's super good! You're going to fall in love with me all over again once you tried it, Ahn Ki-Ryeong."

He felt his knees go weak so he hurriedly sat down the couch, staring at the cats who are also looking back at him. He wasn't able to conceal his emotions anymore and gently, he carried Maui while the other three automatically jumped up the couch beside him.

"Hi kid," he shakily whispered, a drop of tear rolling down his cheek. "I haven't seen you in a while..."

The cat endearingly rubbed the top of his head against his chest, triggering his sobs. He wasn't able to visit them anymore back then. No matter how hard he begged the girls if he can have the cats and take care of them himself, or even see them from time to time, Jada and Rei were too mad at him to agree.

"I'm sorry," he hugged Maui and Raja with both of his arms. "You must be so disappointed in me for hurting your mom, I'm so sorry."

He released them when Raja started meowing, and the two hurriedly jumped down the carpeted floor from his lap. He smiled and wiped away his tears with his hoodie's sleeves.

"Ah... she'll surely notice I cried." He immediately stood up and went to the kitchen. He first went towards the sink to wash his face then got himself a bottle of water from the fridge.

"It's all the same," he observed, looking around. "I bet she's hiding the junk foods here," he mumbled before opening the corner-most drawer under the counter top. Indeed, various types of chips, candies and jellies were inside, making him smirk. "Instant noodles here," he opened one of the cupboards next. His guess was right once again.

"And this is where you put your tea herbs and display your tea sets." He looked up the biggest cupboard and instead of pulling its cover like the others, he slid it sideways and was greeted by neatly-displayed porcelain tea sets and glass jars of different tea bags and herbs. He exhaled and closed his eyes, "maybe it's still you. You're still my Lilac."

"There you are!"

He nearly jumped before whirling around and seeing the girl in her matching pajamas.

"Ah... I was looking for—"

"I'm sorry! My kitchen can be a bit confusing," she laughed, walking closer to him. "You must be hungry already. There are leftover pasta here, Seo-mi visited yesterday and cooked for me." She looked at him and smiled apologetically, "I don't know how to cook so..."

Kio wetted his lips and rolled his sleeves up his arms, "I can cook, if it's okay with you..."

He watched as the her eyes gradually brightened up, before she clapped her hands in glee. "Yes! That's right, you can! Gun told me once. Can you make me some kimchi fried rice? I've been craving for it for so long!"

"Baby I miss your kimchi fried rice, can we have it once I get back?"

"Of course, I can make you whatever you want, love."

He blinked the memories away and focused on his companion once again. "Of course, I can make whatever you want," he found himself repeating.

Lilac raised her eyebrow, "yeah sure, Chef Ahn. Then let me assist you."

Just like the old times.

Can he do this? Just for tonight, can he fool himself into thinking that they're back to how it used to be, where everything's fine and she's still his? But maybe it is really her. He can't deny the fact that he's starting to forget about that thin line separating the two personas, especially when he is reminded of the old man's words;

"There is still a part of your Lilac in that Lilac."

•°.⏳•.°

"That was good!" Lilac exclaimed before elbowing him, "it's not so bad being friends with you, Ahn Ki-Ryeong."

He shrugged, "I got to cook and eat without spending money so it's a win-win. And I'm not even the one who's going to wash the dishes, another win for me."

"I'm glad you finally decided to improve your attitude," she teased. "You were such an asshole back then, you know that?"

It was his turn to laugh, "just consider that guy as a different person, it wasn't me..."

"Well, I wish that guy won't come back or else I'd really be sad losing a friend who can actually cook a good kimchi fried rice." She then stood up and started stacking up the dishes to bring to the kitchen. "I'll make my promised hot choco, stay here!"

He watched the girl leave. She was so clueless of the effect her words brought the boy she just left behind. What he said was supposed to be a joke, but who knew it would actually backfire? Now he was reminded, yet again, of his predicament.

Is this what others describe as being torn between one's mind and heart?

His heart kept telling him to follow what he truly feels, to ignore the consequences and take the risk. His heart has always been unreasonable, sure, but it was the one who lead him to Lilac in the first place. 

And his mind, his conscience rather—the one who kept bringing back the good memories, followed by the bad. It kept reminding him what he has taken for granted, torturing him and insisting not to do it again or else there could be a repeat.

But it was also this mind who caused his greatest mistake. It was his mind who chose to betray his love and lead him astray. He chose to forget the cries of his heart and cheated that night, just because of the illusions it made him believe. It was his mind who ruined everything back then, and it might also do the same this time.

"You okay?"

He looked up and saw Lilac holding a tray with two steaming mugs on it. She carefully brought the tray down the center table, and offered him the green one with a reindeer's face painted on it. Hers, on the other hand, is a red one with a mistletoe.

"So it's still Christmas here," he can't help but comment.

"As long as December hasn't ended, it's still Christmas everywhere," she smiled, sitting on her former space beside him. They are seated on the rug, the edge of the couch serving as their backrest.

"Hmm... this is good," he nodded after taking a sip from his mug. Warmth immediately filled his senses as well as his heart, not only because of the hot drink but also because of the familiarity of its taste.

"I told you, you'll like it," the girl proudly smiled. "Speaking of Christmas, tell me the truth, your gift was hella expensive, right?"

Oh, that. I almost forgot about it.

"Not really."

"Don't you dare lie! I searched for it online and the brand only sell rings with the same design, not the necklace and earrings you gave me. They're custom-made!"

Kio raised his eyebrows at his aggravated companion and smirked, "you have no right to complain. You're the one known for being generous to your friends and buying them expensive gifts. Can't I do it, too?"

Lilac stilled and he could clearly see how hard she was contemplating for another rebuttal. "But I love doing it and... they're my friends—"

"Aren't you also my friend?" He watched as her shoulders fell, before smiling; "You're always the one giving. From time to time, you should also let yourself be on the receiving end."

He caught her surprised eyes, absentmindedly tilted his head and continued staring at her.

Beautiful.

"You've really changed, Ki-Ryeong," she gazed back. "Though I would've preferred it didn't take a heartbreak for you to become a better person."

He looked away and took a mouthful of his now-lukewarm drink.

He heard her groan softly, "sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned that."

"It's fine," he wiped the side of his lips with his fingers and faced the girl. "What you said is true, the heartbreak made me realize a lot of things. It took losing her for me to actually feel that I won't be able to live without her."

She sighed, "though it's hard to accept but that's human nature for you. We tend to want what we don't need and turn a blind eye to what's already there. We tend to desire the forbidden, only to regret in the end... but then it's too late."

"Am I really... redeemable?," he finally voiced out the question that has been bugging him all this time. "Everyone's telling me to redeem myself, be a better person and correct my mistakes. But do I even deserve that?"

"Yeah," she readily answered, shocking him a bit. "As long as you keep thinking that you don't deserve a second chance, then you won't really be able to redeem yourself. It's all in your mind. We—your friends—can only tell you these things, everything's still up to you."

She adjusted the pillow on her lap and completely faced him. Without any hesitation, she looked at him straight in the eyes and continued;

"Listen, I bet I'm not the first person to say this to you. But that's the point, how many times have you heard this? Aren't you tired of the same dialogue being thrown at you over and over again? You," she poked him on the chest and with a hard expression, pointedly said her next words. "Stop being a pathetic, sad boy who kept whining and won't even do something to move on with his life."

He froze, taking in everything she said. Who would've thought that he would actually hear such painful but real words from Lilac, herself?

"Say, what was the last words she told you?"

And apparently, she's not done.

"That she's giving up on me."

"See? She freed herself from you! You know why? Because she knew her worth! I bet she already felt you slipping away before you even cheated, and she already accepted the fact that you two are going to break up sooner or later."

She's actually right.

"Your ex is a smart girl, I would've liked her," she added, shaking her head and keeping the tough expression on her face. "But here you are, still stupid as ever. Who you were in the past deserved the karma for what he did, but don't let it affect who you're going to become. It's time to know your worth, too. You made a mistake, done. You were both hurt, done. You both cried and regretted everything, done. She's free from you, done. When will you free yourself from her, then?"

He was rendered speechless for quite some time. "You seem so well-versed in this field, Ms. Ayutthaya," he eventually said, trying to lighten the mood.

Lilac rolled her eyes, "come on! I'm being serious here! You're helping me with my love life so let me help you with yours, too."

"My love life is pretty much nonexistent."

She groaned, "love life doesn't always involve two or more people. Love life can mean self love and I believe, that's what you need right now!"

"Okay, okay, relax! Let's end the discussion there. How about we talk about your love life?"

"As if you didn't know," she held her mug and emptied it.

Kio chuckled, seeing a bit of chocolate staining her upper lip. Without thinking much, he extended his sleeve-covered arm and used it to wipe her mouth—just like how he used to. When he finally realized what he did, he was about to move his arm away but Lilac suddenly held it.

"Oh! Free handkerchief," she giggled. "I always try to do this with Gun but he'll just push my face away, looking so disgusted. That rude idiot." She released him right after and smiled gratefully.

"You..." he cleared his throat, still trying to get over with what just happened. "You probably knew about Asher's ex-girlfriend, we didn't get to talk about that matter last time."

The girl shrugged, "what's there to talk about?"

"Huh?"

"Should I care about his past girlfriend who doesn't have anything to do with me, the future girlfriend?"

Despite all the similarities between his Lilac and the current Lilac in front of him, this is one of a few differences which never failed to surprise him—her confidence. It was like a secured and mature version of the past Lilac, and he knew she would've been like this after their breakup... if only she didn't die.

"Maybe I was just complicating things," he chuckled.

"No, I know you're worried I might end up being a rebound."

His lips parted, "yeah, you're right."

"I won't ever put myself in that kind of situation. Unlike you, I know my worth, Ki-Ryeong."

"Then why are you still hesitating? You have his number already, why not contact him?"

She smiled ruefully, "this might sound so cheesy but it still feels too good to be true. You know when you're waiting for another chance for so long, to the point that there's already a part of you who accepted that it's out of your reach. But all of a sudden, fate gave it to you and it felt so overwhelming..."

"Then hurry and grab it, you might lose it again."

There was a momentary silence before she abruptly called out; "Hey, Ki-Ryeong."

He turned to her questionably after emptying his cup, "hmm?"

"Don't you need to hear your own words, as well?," she smiled and leaned a bit closer.

He frowned, "what words?"

"Hurry and grab it, you might lose it again."