Chapter 11 #jttwbs

Inabot ni Kuya Lev kay Camara ang mga mass cards. "Pakiabot na lang din 'yung sa Kuya mo saka kina Chett."

"Hey, wait!" Camara loudened her voice because he was already walking away from us just like that.

"Chapel duties," sagot ni Kuya Lev na hindi man lang kami hinarap ulit at tuluyan nang iniwan sa counter ng canteen.

"My God," Camara mumbled. She raised her hand as if she was reaching for Kuya then she did a sign of the cross. "That future Father."

"Huy, Rara," I called her because the cashier was failing to steal her attention.

Kumunot ang noo ni Camara nang tanggapin ang mga dilaw na Maxx. "Ate, I didn't buy candies."

"Walang coins panukli. Sorry."

Napanguso si Camara at inabot na lang sa akin ang dalawa sa apat niyang Maxx. Umalis na rin kami bitbit ang binili. Habang naglalakad, ch-in-eck namin ang mass cards at sinigurong walang nakaligtaan si Kuya Lev.

It is what mandates us to attend a holy mass. Dapat iyong papirmahan sa priest tuwing pagkatapos ng misa bilang attendance at mino-monitor iyon ng school.

And we have another shot of privilege there. Sakristan kasi si Kuya Lev kaya hindi tulad ng iba na magsisiksikan pa para makapagpapirma kay Father o sa ibang tagapaglingkod sa simbahan, siya na ang bahala sa mass cards namin.

Galing kaming misa kahapon dahil Linggo. Pero ang mamataan si Fern sa pasilyo ngayon, naalala ko ang araw bago kahapon... iyong Sabado.

"Ra... Saan nakatira si Fern?" I mindlessly asked while my eyes were following Fern with his friends, heading to a direction opposite from us.

"Huh?"

Camara's puzzled tone pulled me out of the trance. Umiwas ako ng tingin kina Fern na nag-uusap habang nagpapasahan ng bola. Hindi nila kami nakita dahil masyadong nagkakatuwaan at magkaiba kami ng dinaanan.

"H-Huh?" I copied her, my version quavered out of shame. Nag-isip agad ako ng alibi. Kung bakit ko ba kasi tinanong?

"Fern?" Camara repeated which locked the door for my escape. "Sa ano... Alam mo saan sina Caelan?"

Napatigil ako saglit at napatitig sa kaniya. Hindi niya napansin kaya humabol na ulit ako sa paglalakad. I know where Caelan lives because that's where our practice was held last Saturday and Fern even went there too.

"Oo? Bakit?"

"Ayun! Doon! Malapit sa PNS. Kapitbahay lang sila." She stopped and eyed me with her crumpled forehead. "Wait, why?"

"Huh? M-Magkapitbahay lang sila? Sigurado ka?"

"Uhuh! I am! Pero bakit nga?"

I poked my inner cheek with the tip of my tongue. Para kasing hindi ko gustong ikuwento iyong nangyari. Because what's with it? It would look like I was making a big deal out of it...

"Hey! Ra!"

I closed my eyes in relief brought by Jiro. Napalingon si Camara sa manliligaw na malaki ang ngiti nang lumapit sa amin. Immediately, she got engrossed by her lover that she had fully forgotten about our topic.

But recalling that Saturday night made me so restless deep inside. It was totally awkward.

Matapos naming magkatinginan ni Fern sa tapat ng gate nina Caelan, tumikhim siya at inilahad ang daanan. Nauna nga akong humakbang at umalis. I sensed his presence behind me until I hailed for a ride. Sumakay rin siya kasunod ko ngunit hindi kami nagkausap na.

Mabuti na lang at may nakasabay kaming kaibigan niya sa kabilang section sa multicab kaya sila ang magkausap. I pretended asleep the whole ride. That said, inisip kong pareho kami ng daan. Inisip ko ngang mas malayo pa siya kasi ako ang unang bumaba.

Now, I'd find out he literally resides in the neighborhood where we came from that night.

Hindi ko na napansing nasa loob na kami ng room. Magkasama na sina Jiro at Camara kaya tumungo na rin ako sa likod sa upuan ko.

Tahimik na nagbabasa si Luis ng True Philippine Ghost Stories book. I saw another one in a different volume on his desk.

"Pahiram..." mahinang sambit ko.

He looked at me abruptly. His eyebrows were meeting, an indication that he was reading keenly. Matipid lang siyang tumango kaya kinuha ko na.

Maya-maya lang, nasamid si Luis nang uminom at dumausdos ang tubigan niya. He was able to briskly evacuate his body from his chair which saved his uniform from getting wet. But the book was drenched! Ako na ang kumuha sa desk niya at tumulo pa ang tubig!

"Hala naman, oy! Anak ng!"

Sabay kaming lumingon ni Luis sa pagdating ni Marion. Behind him were his friends wearing a quizzical look on their faces, maybe because of Marion's sudden outburst.

"Hiniram ko lang din 'to sa ate ko!" singhal ni Marion at kinuha ang libro sa akin.

"Uhm... H-Hindi ako..." I tried defending myself, just in case I was the suspect on his mind since I was the one holding it.

"Ang selan mo naman!" asik naman ni Luis. "Papalitan ko naman, ah! Magkano ba 'yan?!"

"Ano, gano'n-gano'n lang?"

Pinagsalikop ko ang mga daliri sa ibabaw ng isa pang libro. Luis and Marion were standing in front of me as they faced each other while brewing a ruckus. I remained on my seat while Fern, Keno, and Caelan were behind Marion.

"Bakit?" Luis sneered. "Gusto mo ng sorry? Pa'no kung ayoko?"

Napamaang ako. Hindi ba dapat? It might not be one of the established legal rules, but it is obviously listed under the basic human decency. Nakasira siya ng gamit na hindi naman kaniya.

Sinamaan ng tingin ni Marion ang seatmate ko. "Hindi ako magmamakaawa sa sorry. Pero p're, ikaw 'tong nanghihiram ng gamit na hindi iingatan ta's ganyan asta mo."

Luis only chuckled at that. "Sinadya ko ba?"

Natulala ako habang nakatingala kay Luis. I couldn't identify the kind of soul he had. I couldn't believe him.

"Mag-sorry ka na, Luis," singit ni Caelan.

Luis looked past Marion to glance at Caelan. Binalingan niya rin ulit si Marion. "May gym ba malapit sa inyo? Papayat ka muna," aniya, nakangisi. "Bago ako mag-sorry."

"Ikaw, may pabango ka ba d'yan? Pabango ka muna. Baho ng ugali mo," sumali ang kaninang tahimik na si Fern. His face was grave.

"Oww! Bars!"

Pigil-tawa sina Caelan at Keno. Nagsimula na silang makabuo ng audience sa buong room. Kahit si Camara at Jiro ay nagtatanong akong tiningnan mula sa upuan nila.

I stiffened on my chair when Luis sent Marion aside that he almost landed on me if he didn't balance himself. Luis took a confrontational step towards Fern who remained darkly serious. Mayabang na nakataas-noo ang dalawa habang nakatitig sa isa't isa.

Pekeng umubo si Caelan at pumagitna sa dalawa. "P're, tigil na. Tama na."

"Nandito si Father ngayon, Fern. 'Wag ka magpa-office..." sabi naman ni Keno. He cleared his throat. "Sa ibang araw na lang," dagdag niya kaya sinitsitan ni Caelan.

"Sige na, tama na," malumanay na awat ni Caelan.

"Psst! Dadaan sina Sister! Patigilin n'yo 'yan!"

Iyon ang mas nagtulak kay Caelan na awatin ang dalawa hindi na lang sa salita. Luis took a dwarf backstep but his face was still refusing to accept defeat. Matalim ang tingin nito kay Fern bago higante ang mga hakbang na lumabas ng aming room.

Lahat naman kami ay tahimik na nakasilip sa bintana habang minamasdan ang paglagpas ng dalawang madre na nakangiting nag-uusap. Some of my classmates sighed audibly in relief when they were already gone.

"Angas kasi," bulong-bulong ni Fern. "Napakasalbahe amputa."

"Oo nga," sang-ayon ni Caelan. "Kaso 'di worth it para tumapak ka sa guidance office."

"Ako, 'tol, worth it," ani Keno, nakangiti. "Awayin mo 'ko?"

Siniko ni Marion si Keno bago nagsalita, "Ako lagot nito sa ate ko. Papalitan niya naman daw... kaso ang angas talaga."

"Ang yabang. Akala mo naman 'di nag-GM saka status na takot sa end of the world daw nitong 2012," sabi ni Caelan.

Pinanood ko siyang kumuha ng basahan at punasan iyong nabasang sahig kahit wala naman siyang kasalanan doon. Way to go, class escort.

Humagalpak sila sa tawa. But Fern didn't join their light and fun conversation because he was still clearly in a bad mood.

"Natakot din ako no'n! December 21, 2012 daw, 'di ba? End of the world?" si Marion.

"Ako rin. Araw-araw akong nag-I love you kay Mama saka Dada! Baka kasi bigla nang mabiyak 'yung lupa the next day," ani Keno na humagikhik pagkatapos.

Umiling-iling si Caelan. "Tss. Nagpapaniwala kayo dun."

Sinarado ko ang ibang volume na horror book ni Marion na nasa akin. Hindi ko namalayang buklat-buklat ko ito buong eksena kanina. Dalawa lang ang nabasa kong kuwento at ni hindi ko na natandaan.

Bakit ba hindi ko talaga mapigilan na makinig lagi sa kanilang magkakaibigan?

Si Nicole naman kasi, kapag may teacher lang nandito. She's always with her friends, though even if she's here, I still wouldn't have the guts to get close.

"Fern, 'yung visual aid mo! Next subject na 'yon, 'di ba?"

Awtomatiko akong sumulyap kay Fern. He looked even more stressed as he disheveled his hair in frustration.

Keno gasped. "Hindi kita nahingian ng materials sa kabila! Katakot din, e. Parang red days si Rina. Sa iba na lang. Ba't mo kasi kinalimutan?"

"Uy, ba't nasa 'yo 'yang isa?"

My eyes widened when Marion noticed me. I hurriedly handed him the book. "Sorry. I borrowed it. Iningatan ko naman. Hindi... uhm, nabasa."

"Ayan si Erisette baka may manila papers," Caelan interfered, shrugging off everything I said. Napatingin na tuloy ang apat sa akin.

"Oo... Meron."

Nagbunyi ang tatlo habang nanatili lang na nakatingin sa akin si Fern. I quickly averted my eyes from him, because his deep gaze was too much for me to handle for some reason.

"Bilis, hingi ka na," mungkahi ni Caelan sa walang imik na kaibigan. "Gagawin mo pa lang, 'di ba? Baka mag-time na."

"Okay, wait, kukunin ko lang," saad ko kahit wala pa talagang nanghihingi. "Nasa requirement envelope ko kasi."

Hinila ko ang sarili patayo saka lumakad. Napahinto ako nang maagap na humakbang din si Fern upang sabayan ako.

I raised my hand to stop him. "Ako na lang," I said out of impulse.

Huli na nang maisip ko na baka naman inakala ko lang na sasamahan niya ako. Shit. Parang uminit ang mga pisngi ko. I gulped and slowly dropped my hand on the side of my tensed bod.

How he was caught off guard was evident in his face, too. Napatigil ko rin naman siya. Dahan-dahan niyang kinagat ang ibabang labi habang nakatingin sa akin. Ilang saglit lang, dahan-dahan din siyang umatras.

Bumuntong-hininga ako nang nakatalikod na sa kanila. I left without saying anything. Mahina ang boses na nagpaalam ako kay Ma'am Ruez sa faculty room. I was hugging my entire envelope with me when I came back.

Fern was the first to see me. He immediately stood from his chair and waited for me to come close. I was the first to surrender from that exchange of stare. Sa sahig ako tumingin habang lumalapit at inilapag ko sa desk niya ang envelope.

"Gagawa ka ba ng visual aid?" I asked, avoiding eye contact. Kinuha ko lang ang manila paper ko habang naririnig ang kuwentuhan ng mga kaibigan niya tungkol sa NBA.

"Oo, e. Ako reporter ngayon kay Ma'am Ruez."

I nodded meekly.

Iniwan ko ang manila paper at ang envelope sa desk niya upang marating ang upuan ko. Humina ang usapan nina Keno dahil sa distraksiyon mula sa pagtawid ko ngunit bumalik din naman sa normal na lakas.

I released air, tried so bad not to make it seem obvious. "Saan ka gagawa?" tanong ko kay Fern nang balikan siya habang yakap ang pouch ko ng pens.

His eyebrow cocked and his face brightened. I knew for sure that he already established a guess as to why I asked that.

"Why? Tutulungan mo 'ko?" He sounded amused.

"I just... want to return the favor. Pinag-drawing mo 'ko sa MAPEH." Mind you, I owned your art in our house. So, maybe to lessen the guilt too.

He stifled a smile and shrugged his shoulders.

Kahit kami ang huling row ay hindi naman dikit sa pader ang mga silya kaya may espasyo pa rin sa likod. Doon siya umupo sa sahig at naglatag ng manila paper na mula sa envelope ko at ng binitbit niyang libro.

I followed him there. I sat kind of far from him. Kaya siguro napasulyap siya sa akin. Pero walang sinabi.

I handed him the black marker from my pouch and he flipped his book open. Nakita kong may mga naka-underline at naka-encircle ng lapis sa libro. Baka mga ilalagay niya sa visual aid.

Mukhang inaral niya naman na ang ire-report. I silently watched him scan the topics assigned to him. Bigla siyang nagsalita kahit sa libro nakapukol ang mga mata.

"Layo mo naman," he commented, letting out a quiet chuckle.

Medyo natuod ako. Dahil hindi ako sumagot, huminga lang siya nang malalim at nagsimula nang itupi ang manila paper para magkaroon ng linings bago siya nagsimulang magsulat.

I started cutting shapes from colored papers. Ma'am Ruez doesn't fancy seeing plain visual aids. Naranasan ko nang mabungangaan niya noon dahil basura ang visual aid ko at maging ang mismong report ko.

Unluckily, I don't have an eye for designs. Boxes lang ang idinikit ko sa corners ng manila paper bilang disenyo. Kung iba siguro, marami pang pakulo. May mga bulaklak, arrows, o 'di kaya ay may 'Pull Here' pang effect.

Now thinking about it, ang kapal pala ng mukha kong mag-volunteer! But... it's the thought that counts, right?

Natapos ako sa disenyo na hindi tapos magsulat si Fern. In spite of that, I stayed sitting there and watched him hustle. Halos hindi na maintindihan iyong sulat niyang maayos naman noong umpisa dahil nagmadali na.

"Magta-time na," I reminded him when I saw the classroom's wall clock.

"Sana late si Ma'am. Hindi naman kasi talaga niya schedule ngayon, e," ani Fern habang nagsusulat. He rubbed his cheek then quickly went back to writing.

He was right. MAPEH talaga dapat kaso absent ang subject teacher namin. Araling Panlipunan ang sunod kaya naisipang kunin ni Ma'am Ruez ang oras at mamaya na lang sa totoong oras niya ang magiging bakante namin.

Nag-iwan siya ng tuldok sa huling nasulat bago ibinalik sa akin ang marker. Pinagmasdan ko ang sulat niyang malinis naman ngunit makikilala talagang sulat ng isang lalaki. Pasado naman siguro... Maselan din kasi si Ma'am Ruez sa sulat.

He straightened his back while I was zipping my pouch of pens. Nalanghap ko iyong body spray niya nang ipagpag ang magkabilang banda ng nakabukas na polo uniform kaya nakalantad ang undershirt. He didn't stand yet. Mukhang mag-aayos siya ng sarili.

His undone buttons, revealing his undershirt, were fixed by him. Hinagod niya rin ang buhok. I could tell he doesn't use wax. His hair is free and most of the time messy in a way that suits him just fine.

"Presentable na ba?" he asked me while he was flattening some creases seen on his top uniform.

Nilulon ko ang namumuong tawa. May mga marka kasi siya ng marker sa pisngi! Siguro dahil nagkamot siya kanina! And those unplanned markings didn't fit his serious expression.

He truly wanted to make himself look neat yet... Kinagat ko ang mga labi ko. Before confusion could take over his entire face, I cleared my throat.

"I.D. mo, isuot mo..."

Dumukot siya sa bulsa ng slacks. Iniladlad niya ang nakarolyong lace at sinuot ito bago nag-ayos ng kuwelyo. Tiningnan niya agad ulit ako, nag-aabang ng susunod kong sasabihin.

"Saka..." Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit gustong kumawala ng ngiti sa akin. "Saka ano... May marks ka sa mukha..."

His forehead creased.

"May mga ano." Itinuro ko ang pisngi ko. "Nasulatan mo..."

He drew out a handkerchief from the back pocket of his slacks. He tried to rub it off, gentle at first until he did it harsh. I shook my head to inform him that it was to no avail. Namula lang tuloy ang makinis niyang pisngi.

"Pwedeng pahingi ng alcohol?"

Tumango ako. Since we were just at the back, I only stretched out my arm to reach for my bag on my chair without leaving the floor. Inabot ko sa kaniya ang alcohol ko.

"Pwedeng salamin din?"

"Ay, wala, e..." sagot ko. Malabong magdadala ako nun. It's an object impossible to be a part of my belongings.

Binalik ko sa bulsa ng bag ang alcohol nang ibalik niya. I paused from zipping my bag when the side of my eye brought me an image of Fern leaning his side body and head against the chair next to mine while watching me.

"Sagarin ko na, ah?" I heard him mutter. "Pwedeng... Pa-accept na rin?"

Naintindihan ko ang binanggit ng lalaki ngunit hindi ako nakakibo. I couldn't even resume zipping my bag. I also couldn't turn my head to look at him.

Mas inalala ko rin kasi ang tanawin niya sa ganitong itsura namin sa sahig. My stupid acnes on that side of my face definitely loved the spotlight he was giving them. Mandidiri lang siya sa mukha ko! Huwag nga siyang tumingin!

"'Tol, diyan na si Ma'am Ruez!" anunsyo ni Caelan. "Umalis na sina Mar. Bumalik na sa room nila. Ano, tapos mo na ba?"

I took that as a cue. I stood from the floor leaving Fern and went back to my proper seat. Naramdaman kong nakamasid ang lalaki sa akin hanggang makaupo ako nang... hindi maayos. Kasi nga may nakatingin! Naiilang ako!

Mamaya ko na lang liligpitin ang mga ginamit namin... But then, after the prayer before the start of our class, the area was already clean when I looked over my shoulder to check. Nasa envelope ko na rin ang mga gamit ko.

"Sino nga ang reporter ngayon?" tanong ni Ma'am Ruez sa klase.

Sinilip ko ulit si Fern na nakaupo sa likod. Nagmamadali siyang isuot ang shoe rug na inaabot ni Caelan sa ilalim ng upuan. Nang silipin ko, si Caelan naman ang walang suot. I mentally shook my head.

"Ako, Ma'am," may kumpiyansang sabi ni Fern nang tumayo. Patago niyang inihagis sa basurahan ang kinuyumos na kalat galing sa mga ginupit ko.

"Oh. Si Eric pala..." ani Ma'am Ruez. "Bilis. Bakit hindi pa idinikit ang visual aid bago ako dumating? Naku, Eric, ha."

Fern brushed his messy hair upwards as he strode towards the chalkboard in front. Bitbit niya ang nakaladlad na manila paper na marahang umindayog sa hanging nagmula sa mga nadaanan niyang orbit fan.

When I came home that day, it was my cellphone I looked for first. I found myself accepting Fern Velicaria's Facebook friend request.

And... it was after some weeks when I came to realize that it seemed like a genesis.

"Erisette. Oh, calcu mo."

Natigilan kaming magkuwentuhan ni Camara sa tawag ni Fern isang araw sa room. Inabot nito ang scientific calculator ko na madalas niyang hiramin.

Galing siya sa unahan at katatapos lang magsagot ng Math equation. Napansin kong suki siya sa mga solving sa chalkboard. His answers are sometimes correct, sometimes wrong. But it's obvious that he earnestly exerts his all to solve whatever is served.

"Thanks..." he said, grinning a bit before he left.

Sinundan siya ng tingin ni Camara nang bumalik sa upuan namin sa likod.

Magkatabi kami dahil may Math seatwork. Si Ma'am Ruez lang naman ang sobrang istrikta sa seating arrangement. Camara and I needed each other's help... or more like, a Math dumb like me badly needed a hand.

"Kinakaibigan ka nun, 'no? Hmm. Napapansin ko lang these past few weeks... Nakiki-close sa'yo, 'no?" Camara said.

Kinakaibigan... lang? Gusto ko sanang isatinig kaso pinili kong hindi na lang.

Tumango-tango si Camara. "He's okay. Not that you need my approval but I don't want you to be friends with insincere people. Fern Velicaria? I approve. Genuine 'yan na tropa."

Her review about Fern's being-a-friend is reliable because they're friends. Not intimate like us but still friends. Pareho sila ni Fern na kaibigan ng lahat kaya hindi malabo.

But I had a different concern... She just confirmed that Fern's actions were all dressed with normalcy and my assumptions were disgusting. Napakapangit mo, Eri! Bakit narating ng isip mo 'yon? Nakakahiya ka!

Nahiya ako bigla sa sarili ko. Like I said, I get curious about that... aspect. Unang beses kong naranasan ang mga ikinilos ng lalaki kaya... akala ko lang naman... na sa wakas... Tsk! Tiyak na masusuka 'yon kapag nalaman 'to! Pero siyempre ibabaon ko na 'to sa limot!

"Going back. Si Jiro? Total bullshit."

I forced myself to focus on the continuation of her story before Fern went to us. "Bakit mo na nga ba ulit binasted?"

"I found out he was just using me to threaten his ex and get him back! Dahil ako raw si Camara Centenario! A threat! My God!" bulong-sigaw nito dahil may teacher sa harapan.

Nagbahagi ang mga labi ko.

"May mga tao talagang gagamitin ka lang... Bakit ba ako naging victim..." at nagpatuloy siya, kaso hindi pa rin nawawala ang hiya ko sa sarili ko.