One time in high school, I was forced by my numerous girl cousins to watch the chick flick Letters to Juliet. It wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, that was more likely Mean Girls 2, but naturally it wasn't my favorite. Somehow, one part stuck with me.

It's a line from the wedding at the end of the movie. That blonde chick's character is at that wedding and is all sad because she ditched her fiancee for the blonde perfect looking guy and then she found out he was in love or whatever but she came to the wedding anyway and then the old lady started reading from the letter the blonde chick sent her. In that letter there's a good line. It says that "what" and "if" are two non-threatening words but put "together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life."

That line is probably the closest thing to genius a chick flick will ever get. It basically describes my whole life, everyone's life really.

It especially comes to mind when I think of Julie. In this case, when I pulled away from Julie when I realized I liked her. Or had some kind of hormonal thing for her. For a while after I kept thinking about it but then I decided it wasn't worth it. Then I started thinking about it again.

Recently I have put that topic to rest but I will unearth it for all of you. To do this I will pretend to be like Julie for a second and examine all the possibilities.

Option one: I ask Julie out and she says no, feeling like we don't have that kind of relationship. I'm embarrassed and everyone is shocked that I'm embarrassed and no one lets me forget it. Every girl I try to flirt with until the end of high school reminds me of that and most of them won't go out with me. And those of them who do, spend the whole date talking about how sad it is that Julie and I (the real "OTP") didn't get together. Basically, a disaster on my end. And then Julie won't talk to me anymore because it's so weird. Double trouble.

Option two: I ask Julie out and she says yes. Chaos ensues around the school. Everyone is super excited and are their usual crazy selves and make us super uncomfortable. We go out on our date and it's awkward but we try to make it nice. Eventually we succumb to the pressure and our friendship dies and it's yet another disaster.

Option three: the same sort of thing happens but instead of it being awkward because of our friends, it was because Julie and I realize that we're really really bad for each other.

Option four: the same sort of thing yet again happens but instead this time I fall madly in love with Julie and she seems to like me and then I go to kiss her and she slaps me. Disaster.

Option five: again, the same situation but instead Julie and I really like each other and then I kiss her and she's a horrible kisser. Such a horrible kisser that I can't stand to go near her or touch her. Bad bad mojo.

Option six: I ask Julie out, she says yes for some reason I will never understand. People are crazy and excited but back off when we tell them to, which is weird but nice. We go out on a date and it's nice and we get along, even though it's weird at first because of the whole "we were friends first" angle. The date goes well and I kiss her and she kisses me back and we're happy until we have a horrible breakup after we graduate and move far away from each other, which is natural for us to do.

Option seven: we go out, make out, date, I realize that she's my soulmate, and then we live happily ever after.

I bet you can guess which option scares me the most. I mean, the whole embarrassment and disaster stuff is scary as hell but the idea that if I had actually asked her out when I could have, we would have lived happily ever after is the scariest fucking thing I could think of.

What's done is done now and I know that it all worked out for the best but just talking about all this stuff makes me wonder: what would have happened? Hell if I know.

"That scares me."

"What scares you?"

"That he pays attention to what I say."

"Who?"

"Eli."

"He does?"

"Apparently."

"Okay..."

"It scares me that he does."

"Why? It's just Eli."

"But the only reason I'm ever able to talk to him is because I thought he didn't pay attention to what I was saying."

"And you don't want him to pay attention because..."

"I say stupid things."

"Like?"

"Well they're not really stupid, I just stumble over my words a lot. And lisp a little, which I almost never do. I ramble and I talk too fast."

"Why?"

"Cause it's Eli."

"Exactly, it's Eli. You hate him. Why would you act that way around him?"

"He makes scary eye contact."

"Scary eye contact?"

"Yes. It's scary to have him look at me."

"Like it's scary how much you realize you hate him when he looks at you?"

"Like I feel scared. Don't you think if I knew why it scared me I would fix it?"

"Maybe it's just him."

"Don't be silly."