you know, one of my friends was in canada for a gap year and she's coming back soon bc of corona. i don't know how to feel about that. on the one side, i really liked her. but we had some arguments before she went away. idk she just wasn't a good friend, and i wasn't either.
also, when she was there, i was almost always quiet, nobody listened to me, bc she was there. i just wasn't as important as she is. i finally appreciated meeting with friends, having fun but now i am really scared that i lose all of that again, bc i know that she's the more important friend. i will be the one that sits in the corner, just following them around. in the past couple months, it wasn't like that at all, i've been my own human. i am just scared that it will be like it was a year ago. i don't want it to be like that, but i don't want to reject her bc, as i said, she's a super cool and sweet girl. i completely understand that they like her more than they like me. she's way better than i am, but i hate the direct comparison. i hate the reminder that i'll always be no. 2 when she's around. i am so damn scared. there's nothing i can do, really. and i hate it. fuck man.