June 10, 2016

The next few days passed in blur with Rishaan living happily with his family in his old house. He loved having breakfast and dinner with his whole family. He loved cuddling with Ansh and Disha at nights. He loved flirting with Amaya all the time. He loved being his old self. But there was something new. Something he didn't know but loved. It felt like as if something that had been removed from his life was now back. It felt like as if all the dark clouds that had hovered over his life just moved away, leaving a bright sky behind. He felt lighter as if he had no loads of past on his shoulders. More than anything, he felt alive and happy with the people he loved.

Resting his palms on the railing and gazing up at the starry sky, he stood on the terrace. The stars looked so mesmerizing. They were scintillating. They twinkled and shone above his head. He was never so fond of darkness and stars or moon but now, he felt like they were giving him hopes. He kept staring up at the sky and an automatic smile crept over his lips as his tensed up nerves started to relax. He kept staring at the sky, trying to map the stars and make shapes of his own imagination.

"Obsessed with them?" A voice brought him back to the present as he was lost into the beauty of magnificent and breathtaking sight before his eyes.

"You love to scare me, don't you?" Rishaan asked before exhaling heavily and composing himself.

"Obviously! I'm your brother, after all." A side of Adi's lips twitched upward as he said.

Rishaan shook his head at his reply, a small smile never leaving his lips though.

They both stood there for some time, not saying anything and gazing up at the sky. A heavy but peaceful silence set between them. Adi changed his gaze and looked at Rishaan who was still looking up at the sky with a small smile on his lips. Adi also smiled and said, "So my brother finally loves nights and darkness?"

Rishaan changed his gaze and looked at him with the same smile. He nodded his head and said, "It was never about nights and darkness. But yeah, whenever I watch stars and moon they remind me of Ansh and Disha; my moon and stars."

Adi's smile widened a bit at how he compared moon and stars with Ansh and Disha. He liked how he indirectly called them light to his darkness. Narrowing his eyes, he asked, "If it's not about nights and darkness then what? What are you afraid of?"

Rishaan's smile died in a matter of seconds. He didn't know what to exactly say. "It's- it's about not finding light again." His voice was low and barely audible as if he was insecure about sharing what he exactly felt and thought.

Adi couldn't help but stare at him. He knew his brother was a over thinker and his thoughts were mostly negative but this? It kind of seemed childish to him.

"There's always a bright day after every dark night." Adi said, moving his hand on the railing and then placing it on Rishaan's hand gently. "And sometimes you also need darkness." He gently pressed his hand and Rishaan looked at him with his eyes turning moist. "It teaches you to value the light you have in your life."

Rishaan pressed his lips together and smiled. He looked down and Adi took his hand back. And again a heavy silence settled between them, a bit awkward this time.

"Ah," Rishaan groaned, throwing his head up before wiping his eyes in a quick motion. He hated being emotional in front of people, after all. "Sometimes my stupid brother makes me feel like the stupidest person alive." He smiled cheekily at Adi as he said, masking his emotions so royally.

Adi narrowed his eyes, showing fake hurt and said, "You can never compliment me directly! Asshole!"

Rishaan laughed a bit at what he said and then shook his head before dropping his gaze, clenching and unclenching his hands into fists.

"Is everything okay, Shaan?" Adi asked, his eyes squinted and fixated on him.

Rishaan shook his head, forcing his lips to curve at least in a small smile but failed miserably as a tear rolled down his cheek. It was as if his implanted thoughts wiped the smile off his face. He wiped it away as fast as he could but Adi had already caught him.

"You are afraid... of losing the people you love, again, yeah?" Adi asked and Rishaan turned his head to face him. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears but still his lips managed to smile.

"I'm afraid to lose the love in my life."

Adi couldn't understand what he meant for a moment but when it made sense to him, his eyes turned moist too. "We are not going to leave you, ever." He put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it as he said.

The fear of losing what he loved the most made him terrified of loss of love. He was afraid to love. Because he knew the harder he'd love, the more pain and trauma he'd get in future.

"You're living your fear, Shaan." Adi took his hand back and tucked his fingers into the pocket of his sweatpants. "You're being selfish, actually." He added and Rishaan narrowed his eyes at him, questioning what he meant by what he said. "Yeah, you're being selfish because you're protecting yourself and pushing the people you love away. You-"

"No, I am not pushing people-"

"Yes, you are!" Adi raised his voice a little so that Rishaan would shut his mouth up and listen to him. "You love Amaya bhabhi, right? But you still haven't told her!"

Adi's words made him shock because those were the words his heart was screaming and torturing his head. And those were the words he never tried to believe and erased from his heart and mind.

"I- no. I don't-"

"Why are you not accepting it, Shaan? Because you think you'd lose her forever if you confess your feelings?" Adi asked and Rishaan couldn't help but stare at him. How can he read my mind? That was the first thought that hit his mind. "Don't tell me this is the reason or I will actually punch you right in your face!" Adi said with his gritted teeth, bringing him back from his thoughts.

"No, it's- it's not that. I- I don't-"

"Then what?" Adi sounded a bit worried because Rishaan had never been so nervous about anything and the fact that he was now made him think otherwise.

"I still love Diya." Rishaan finally said, weaving his fingers in and out of each other. "And I don't think- I mean-"

"So you think by loving Amaya bhabhi, you will be cheating on Diya bhabhi?" Adi asked, his voice lower than before as he couldn't believe what his brother just said.

Rishaan nodded meekly, still not meeting his eyes. "I promised her to never fall in love again. I promised her that I will never replace her with anyone. I'm already cheating on her." Rishaan rubbed his face furiously as he said the later part.

"What? Are you serious?" Adi whisper-yelled, really not believing that it was his brother who was speaking bullshit. "It's not about replacing, oh god!" He said a bit frustratingly, moving his fingers through his hair and clenching them at the end. "Did you replace Mom with Diya bhabhi when she came into your life?" Before Rishaan could answer him, he continued, "Obviously not, love is not about replacing people in your life. It's about adding people." Rishaan couldn't help but stare at him, really not knowing what to say more as these simple lines uttered by Adi left no question unanswered. "And you know what? Life is all about one door swinging open and one door swinging close. If you want to hold onto something, then you have to let go of other thing. If you really love or... loved Diya bhabhi then let her go. You have your whole life ahead, Shaan. You have your family. You have everything. Stop finding happiness in your past. You have everything in your present; happiness, love and everything you have ever wanted."

Adi finally finished his short speech about life and love. His words answered the questions Rishaan didn't even have. Everything was crystal clear to Rishaan now. His words were so strong. Strong enough to recover broken insides of him and take him to new concepts of life and love.

"Thank you, Adi." Rishaan said, smiling and looking down at his clasped hands. "I mean, I don't know-"

"Saale," Adi wrapped an arm around his neck. "I am your brother, it is in my blood to help my stupid lovesick brother." He joked, pulling him a little closer. Rishaan couldn't help and ended up hugging him.

It felt so good being himself around him. He didn't have to pretend anything around him. It was like they both could watch each other's souls and fears.

Some drops fell off his eyes and he wiped them away by rubbing his face against Adi's t-shirt cladded shoulder. He sniffed before pulling away, a small and genuine smile playing on his lips.

"And if you call Ansh and Disha your moon and stars, Amaya bhabhi is your whole fucking sun who has taken away all your darkness."

My whole fucking sun. Rishaan repeated his words in his head and his heart noted them down.

××××××××××

Everyone on the dining table was quiet. There was heavy silence settled between them.

Rishaan moved his spoon in his plate, his eyes glancing up at everyone and then down at his almost full plate. The food seemed so insipid, even if it was made by Amaya.

Adi sighed, removing his elbows from the table and then sitting a little straight. "Why are you guys behaving like this?" He asked, his voice seemed so high pitched in the silence. His question hung in the atmosphere but nobody cared to answer it. "Oh c'mon, Shaan just lives here, in Indore. Why are you behaving as if he's leaving this country!?" Amaya smiled a bit, hearing what he said.

Ansh and Disha's school was going to start in two days and they had to leave. Even Amrita had recovered a lot and was able to walk on her own now. Staying together under one roof for a long time made their bond stronger and thicker. Leaving felt so hard now when they had made so many memories together.

Rishaan lowered his gaze and pursed his lips, remembering how he'd left this house last time. That time his mind and heart were filled with anger, sadness and not a single good memory. It was hard to leave that time. But this time, his mind was at peace, filled with only good memories. And that made it more harder to leave.

"Daddy?" Disha shook Rishaan's left hand as she called him to catch his attention. He startled at first as she shook him out of his thoughts but composed himself soon. He hummed, raising an eyebrow and encouraging her to say what she wanted to say. "We will come here every weekend."

Rishaan pouted and then pulled her cheek, saying, "As you wish, princess."

After twenty minutes, Amaya and Rishaan came down with all the bags. The time had come and even if they wanted to stop it, they couldn't. Adi looked at everyone's face and they all looked sad. Their face lacked any emotion as if they were wearing a great mask to hide what they actually were feeling.

"Before you all even start crying, I have a good news for you all." Adi said excited, his voice echoing in the drawing hall.

"And what is that?" Rajeev asked, narrowing his eyes a bit at him.

"So... " Adi rubbed his palms together, making everyone curious. "So I and Riddhima are dating each other!"

And there was silence.

×××××××××××

It felt so good being back at home.

Ansh and Disha ran inside first, their high pitched voice of laughing making the whole house alive again. Rishaan and Amaya followed them behind, a wide smile never leaving their lips. Amaya looked around once they were inside. How much I've missed being here! She thought, her smile widening until her cheeks hurt.

"Welcome home." A pair of rough but warm hands wrapped around her belly from behind. And there was her real home, in his arms.

"Same to you." She said, her cheeks turning red. And in reply, she received a small peck on the cheek, making them turn into the darker shade of red.

"Hehe!" Disha giggled, her palm covering her mouth.

Rishaan didn't care to leave Amaya when he saw Ansh and Disha standing right in front of them, watching them and smiling so wide. Instead, he rested his chin on her shoulder and asked Disha, "What made you laugh, my baby girl?"

She giggled again and ran to them. She hugged Amaya's legs, indirectly telling her to pick her up in her arms. Rishaan let go her and Amaya bent down to pick her up.

"Now say why were you laughing?" Rishaan asked, pinching the tip of her nose teasingly.

"I also want a kissy." Disha pouted and he couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Oh my god," He took her in his arms from Amaya and then kissed her cheek, his lips lingering there on her cheek more than usual and making her close her eyes tightly shut as his thin stubble itched the soft skin of her cheek.

"Eww, daddy!" Disha groaned, pushing Rishaan's face away with her small hands and making everyone laugh.

"You don't want my kiss, Ansh?" Rishaan asked him, a small sound of laugh escaped from his mouth as he asked.

"I am fine." Ansh replied him before laughing a bit.

"That's like my boy!" Rishaan chuckled at him and then put Disha down. "So from now, you-" He pinched the tip of Disha's nose, "-and Ansh are gonna sleep alone." Amaya glared at him as those words escaped from his mouth. "I mean," He gulped down really hard, watching her facial expressions. "I mean, you two are grown up now and don't you think you should sleep alone like big and responsible kids?" Amaya frowned hearing what he said.

What a great excuse! "Big and Responsible kids"!! Her inner mocked at him.

"Yes, we are grown up now." Ansh being the big brother said proudly. "But what about momma? Where-"

"I think my bedroom is so big so... " He winked at Amaya and then looked at Ansh, making such an innocent face. "I can manage actually." He added, trying his best to not end up laughing out loud.

"Momma is okay with it too." Disha replied to Rishaan on Amaya's behalf and Amaya glared at her too.

Ansh and Disha both are like Rishaan. Oh god, these three will be death of me. She chuckled a bit at her own thoughts.

"You shift your stuff in my room and I will make lunch for today." Amaya raised her eyebrows at him at what he said. "What? I can make food. Good food." He said with a straight face, making Amaya smile and shake her head at him.

×××××××××××

"So... " Amaya's voice rang in the kitchen, making him look up at her. "So what are you trying to make?" She asked, making herself sit comfortably on the counter.

"Tomato soup." He answered her and she tried to stifle a giggle. "What?" He asked, his eyes squinted and held a question.

"Nothing. But are you sure that you're making lunch?" She bit her lower lip, trying her best to not laugh at him.

"Hah!" He scoffed, turning his head into her direction. "I know what I am making." He smirked, the edge of his lips lifting upward. "You don't know how talented your husband is!" He added, his smirk widening and making her think otherwise.

"Really? I'd love to see how talented you are!" She said sarcastically but regretted her own words in next moment as he dropped the ladle into the pan and turned his whole body towards her.

"I am talented!" He put his hands on her knees and then pressed his hands gently on them.

"What are you-"

"Talent!" He smirked, moving his hands up to her thighs and making her breath hitch in her throat.

"Rishaan!" She pushed his hand away, half whispering and half yelling at him. Rishaan chuckled seeing her red cheeks.

"Amaya!" He mocked, saying it just like the way she did. He again rested his hands on her knees and she shook her head, looking down. This time his hands parted her legs and she looked up at him with her eyes widened.

"Rish-"

She couldn't complete what she was saying as he pulled her closer to him, making a space for himself to stand between her legs. His hands were resting on her waist now and pulling her a fraction closer until there was no space between them. He placed a small kiss on her forehead and shushed her.

"Rishaan," Her voice was low, barely audible due to the proximity between them. He could almost feel her hot breath fanning his neck. "What if Ansh or-"

His hands made their way and slightly rolled her t-shirt up, making her heart skip a bit and then leaving it beating wildly. "No, they won't-"

"Daddy?" Rishaan jumped back, leaving Amaya from his grasp.

Ansh was standing there at the kitchen doorstep with the TV remote in his hands.

"Um what happened?" Rishaan asked him, glancing at Amaya who was still sitting there and trying to adjust her t-shirt. He wanted to laugh at her but maybe it wasn't the right time.

"This remote is not working, daddy!" He said innocently, showing the remote and looking between Amaya and Rishaan.

"Oh," Rishaan's lips curved into the shape of 'o'. "Then try new cells." He smiled and received a wide smile in reply from Ansh.

Ansh ran outside the kitchen before saying "thank you". Rishaan sighed and looked at Amaya who was still sitting there, looking at him with her eyes widened and mouth slightly opened.

"What?" He asked, coming closer to her again.

"You'll burn the whole house. Concentrate on the food you're making." She said with her gritted teeth. Pushing him away and then sticking her tongue out at him, she left the kitchen.

He kept looking at her back untill she disappeared from his sight. He shook his head, a smile curving his lips. His smile didn't last for long as some dark thoughts hovered over his mind.

What if this happiness won't last for long and disappear before I even have it fully. He thought, remembering the day Disha was born and Diya left the world. Happiness never came alone. It always had an other side of it. Whenever he got too happy and thought his life was perfect, something bad always happened.

He closed his eyes tightly shut, trying to remember something or anything that could make him feel better.

"Pause, take a breath, open up, love, make mistakes, learn, be stronger and start all over again." Adi's free advice never left his mind and always made him feel better.

×××××××××××

"I already told you!" Adi shouted from the other side of the phone.

"Adi, it is-"

"WHY?" He again shouted, groaning in frustration at the end.

Rishaan laughed, actually loving his brother going all angry and frustrated.

"What? This is not funny!" Adi again shouted, Rishaan's laughter only fueling his anger. "I hate you. You are such a bad brother." He added. Rishaan could imagine him walking back and forth in his room, literally stomping his feet.

"Okay, calm down. We can-"

"How can I? Riddhima hasn't even told about us to Rekha aunty and here mom wants us to get engaged. Ugh! Why?"

"Did I force you to say this this morning?" Rishaan asked, a funny smile playing on his lips.

"But... " Adi stopped and Rishaan heard him cursing under his breath. "Fuck me. Fuck you." Before Rishaan could say something or laugh out loud to tease him more he cut the call.

"You should help him." Amaya said, looking past her shoulder for a split-second to catch a quick glance of him and then continuing arranging her clothes in the cupboard.

"Oh well," Rishaan said, typing away something so fast in his cellphone. "This is my way of helping him." He glanced up at her, only to find her standing there with her hands on her waist.

"By not helping him? That's how you help him?" Amaya asked, her nostrils flaring and eyes squinting.

"Well... " He cleared his throat and continued, "Mom is going to meet Rekha aunty tomorrow. No one can help him now." He laughed a bit at the end.

Amaya bit her bottom lip, remembering the moment Adi broke the news of him dating Riddhima in front of everyone. A small sound of chuckle escaped from her lips as she remembered how Amrita got so excited and said, "Oh my god, I'm so happy for you. You are thirty-one and you never liked talking about getting married. And here you are dating Riddhima... Ah, you even made me think you were a gay but... Leave. I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to see you dressed as a groom and getting married." Amrita couldn't stop rambling and that was what made Amaya laugh.

"Anyway, what about us?" Rishaan's question brought her back to the present and she stopped smiling like a fool.

"What? What about us?" She asked, her eyes narrowing in and a crease appearing between her brows.

"Getting married again." Rishaan's lips held a sly smile.

She rolled her eyes at him and turned around to continue her work. "Sleep, my dear husband. Don't stress your tiny little brain with your baseless thoughts." She laughed a bit at her own words at the end.

"I'm just gonna focus on my dear husband." He pointed out and added almost immediately, "Thank you. Good night." She bit her bottom lip and controlled her laugh.

After some moments she decided to turn back and check if he had fallen asleep or not as he didn't make any sound in a long time. Turning around, she found him lying on the bed and staring at her. He wiggled his eyebrows at her as soon as their eyes met, a smirk overtaking his lips.

"Ugh!" She groaned. "Why don't you just sleep?" She turned around and threw one of her dresses in the cupboard.

"Hahaha!" He laughed out loud and she could imagine him laughing like a cheeky monkey. After some moments when he naturally stopped, he decided to finally ask something that was bothering him and not letting him sleep. "Amaya? You don't want to share same bed with me? I mean-"

She turned around as soon as she heard him say. His face looked serious and he was no more kidding.

"Rishaan, I-"

"I know everything is going fast." He pressed his lips together and smiled. "And I don't-"

"It's not that. It's just that I want-"

"Some time?" His smile seemed so genuine and sweet that she couldn't stop herself smiling back at him, nodding her head meekly at him.

"Then let's go somewhere." He threw the duvet away and sat straight on the bed.

Wanting some time and going somewhere have no connection! He is definitely not making any sense! She thought, her thoughts working otherwise.

"Where?" Her voice was low and filled with suspicion.

"Just... " He jumped out of the bed and then walked towards her. Holding her hand, he dragged her out of the room and opened the door of next room.

"Why here?" Amaya whispered, really not wanting to make noise.

"What's the time?" Rishaan asked her and she could see him smiling even in the darkness.

"Eleven or... " She shrugged her shoulder.

"We are here to sleep with them." He pushed her forehead with the tip of his forefinger as she was actually thinking the current time or why he brought her there.

"This bed is not, you know, so big. We all can't fit into this one." She stiffened the urge to not burst into fits of laughter.

"I love squeezing!" Rishaan smirked a bit, his smirk reflecting his double meaning statement.

She opened her mouth to argue but stopped when she heard Disha snoring cutely. She closed her mouth and her lips stretched into a small smile.

"We are not gonna sleep tonight, are we?" She asked in low voice, her eyes fixated on Ansh and Disha, admiring them.

Rishaan shrugged his left shoulder and walked in before closing the door slowly, not making any noise.

"We're gonna sleep peacefully."

××××××××××××

"You get a strange feeling when you leave a place. Like you'll not only miss this place or people you love, but you miss the person you were with them."

××××××××××××

First, I'm sorry for not updating *face palm* and sorry for not updating last night. I kinda slept while "trying" to editing *double face palm*

This chapter was a filler chapter. For upcoming all the (last few) chapters.

Do votes and comments freely.

Thank you.
~J