May 24, 2016

"Hello, Mr Chauhan." Amaya smirked as Rishaan's eyes landed on her and he gaped.

"How the fuck you came inside?" He couldn't stop himself from asking this. His mouth was half opened and his eyes were wide in shock.

She smiled and walked inside the room. She brought her left her hand up and said, spinning the key chain around her finger, "Adi had extra keys of the house so..."

"Dammit!" He muttered under his breath, remembering that he had given extra keys of the house to him so long back, before even marrying to Amaya.

"Rishaan... " She was just some steps away from him. He looked away as she called his name. Her voice was low and the smirk she had on her lips had disappeared. "I'm.. I'm sorry." She knew she was wrong when she used Ansh and Disha's names. "I really- I really shouldn't have lied about Ansh and Disha." She placed her hand on his arm as she said. "Please?" She squeezed his arm a little and he slowly turned his head to look at her.

Her heart skipped a bit as their eyes met. She could see dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked tired, so tired. He had grown his beard, as if he didn't care to shave. His hair looked so messy, as if he had run his hand through his hair for so many times or pulled them in frustration. He looked like a total mess in his wrinkled white t-shirt and grey baggy pants.

"You fine?" She couldn't form more words. Her throat wasn't helping her.

She knew that he wasn't fine, not a bit. His eyes were enough to tell her a different story.

He nodded his head, lying so smoothly and effortlessly.

She narrowed her eyes a little and shook her head at him. Taking a step closer to him, she just hugged him, wrapping her hands around his torso. She had missed being pressed against his tall frame. She had missed his warm embraces. She had missed the intoxicating smell of his vanilla perfume. She had missed his smiles and smirks and oh that beautiful and melodious sound of his laugh. She had missed him, in all the possible ways.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled against his chest as she snuggled in and pulled him a fraction closer.

He wanted to hug her all tighter but he didn't. He stood still, not hugging her back and not saying anything. After a minute or two when he didn't hug her back, she pulled away, disappointed.

"Why are you here? It's so late." He cleared his throat before saying. Looking up at the clock and catching a quick glance at the current time, he continued, "It's already nine."

She took a deep breath and said, looking into his eyes, "I'm here to take you with me."

"What the hell!" He half whispered, half yelled, narrowing his eyes at her in disbelief.

She simply nodded her head and opened her mouth to say something but stopped by him shouting at her angrily.

"Are you out of your mind?" She flinched, hearing him shouting. "That woman," He took a deep breath and continued, "I hate her. I fucking hate–"

"Do you, really?" Amaya asked, a little smirk forming on her lips.

"What?" He whisper-yelled, not believing. "Why don't you just–"

"She is sorry for whatever she had done with Diya and you should–" He stopped her, showing his hand.

He walked to the bedside table and picked up the vase which was placed there. He walked back to her and forwarded his hand. "Take it."

Totally confused, she anyway took it from him. Before she could ask him anything, he said, "Now throw it on the floor."

"What the–"

"Just do it." He ordered in his stern voice.

Gulping down really hard, she dropped it on the floor and it broke into pieces.

He smirked and said, "Now say sorry to it."

"What are you–"

"Just say." He ordered again and she looked at his face, not really getting why he was doing that.

"Sorry." She said in low voice and he laughed a bit.

"Did it go back to how it was before?" He asked with a bitter smile.

Gulping down, she shook her head, slowly getting things into her head.

"Sorry never works, Amaya." He said, still with the same smile. "Never!" He added, letting out a bitter chuckle.

"But she is your–"

"Mom, yeah?" He asked and she nodded her head slowly. "So what?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at her. "She is my mother so I have to forget everything and forgive her?" She swallowed hard as he asked. "Bullshit!" He cursed under his breath.

"Rishaan.. " She walked to him carefully as all the pieces of the vase were scattered on the floor. "Have you ever made mistake?" She asked and he narrowed his eyes at her, not getting what she meant. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped by her saying, "Just answer me, yes or no." He didn't say anything but nodded his head. "Ever had argument with Amrita Ma?" She further asked and he nodded his head after some seconds. "Ever talked to her rudely?" She asked and he opened his mouth to say something but stopped by her shaking her head at him, telling him to not argue with her. Sighing, he again nodded his head and she smiled. "Did she stop loving you?" She asked and he couldn't help but look at her. "She is–"

"But she's the reason why Diya is not here, alive." His voice was low now, almost broken.

"I know she is one of the reasons. Diya herself is one. I'm not telling you to forgive her because she deserves it, no. I'm telling you to forgive her because..." She paused and brought her hand up to cup his face. "Because you're punishing yourself. You're killing yourself by thinking about Amrita Ma and Diya. You're keeping everything inside your heart and head and hurting your own self. This is just not good for you. I'm telling you to forgive her; not to forget everything. Forgiving is not forgetting; it is remembering without anger or hate. It will heal your mind and heart, and give you peace." He kept looking at her as she completed.

His mind had stopped working at that moment. A lot of thoughts and questions were running inside his head and he didn't know he should focus on which one.

He dropped his gaze and said, "I don't– I don't forgive people. It makes me look weak. I don't– I am–"

"You're weak now, only strong people can forgive." She said, cupping his face and making him look up at her.

Looking into his eyes, she could see so many emotions that she couldn't decipher any single one.

"I don't like her, I– I hate–"

"You don't. And I know it." She smiled a little, moving her thumb on his cheek. He slightly narrowed his eyes, confused by her statement. She smiled a little more as she found him confused. "I know you still do have her picture in your cupboard, right beside where you keep Diya's." His eyes widened as soon as those words left her mouth. How did she find? That was the question he had in his head. "I know you still do like her, love her even. It's just some layers; layers of past, betrayal and some bitter memories that are making you dislike her." She said, still making circles with her thumb on his cheek.

"But–" He tried to say something after some time, lowering his gaze.

"But you're coming with me. I'm not telling you to go to her and hug her and say I forgave you or anything. I'm just telling you to step inside that house, to see her and only ask her if she's fine. Nothing more." Her words made him look up at her. "Not all the people are lucky enough to have their parents. You are lucky to have your parents who love you a lot. You shouldn't do this with them."

He stared at her, not really knowing what to say or do. He could guess a hidden story behind those words but at this moment he was too confused to think anything else. His mind had stopped working as if it couldn't take so much load.

"I– I think I am ready for it." He answered her after almost four minutes, closing his eyes tightly before speaking.

She smiled, tip toed and placed a small and quick kiss on his forehead. "That's like a good boy!"

He wanted to chuckle at what she said but he couldn't. His mind was not at peace and he still was not sure that what he was going to do was right or wrong. So many thoughts were trundling through his brain like an express train, wandering a path that was destined to nowhere, with no intention of stopping.

He took a deep breath and forced his lips to curve into a small smile, in an attempt to show her he really found that funny and even cute.

××××××××××××

She hit the brakes and the car came to a halt.

He was so nervous. His hands were clammy and shaking that she had to tell him to let her drive. He didn't argue too. He just needed some time. He didn't even know if his mind had stopped working or shooting so much thoughts at once.

Amaya turned her head to face him who was looking down at his simple slippers.

"We're here, Rishaan." She said, bringing him back to the present.

He blinked twice, throwing his head up and looking at her.

I'm not ready. I don't want to go inside. He thought, still staring at her blankly.

"I'm with you, okay?" Amaya whispered, placing her hand on his and pressing it gently.

He tried to smile and then exhaled heavily before stepping out of the car. They both walked to the gate together and stopped at the doorstep. Before ringing the bell, Amaya glanced at Rishaan who was looking down. She intertwined her fingers with his and then squeezed his hand, making him look up at her.

The door opened and there stood Adi, surprised to find Rishaan standing there. He knew that Amaya had gone to talk to him but he had not expected Rishaan to agree because he himself had tried a lot to make him understand in these years but he never listened.

His lips lifted upward and he moved aside to let them in. Amaya took a step forward but Rishaan stood still, looking around in the house blankly. In these years he had come here for so many times but never stepped in. He was scared to step in. He didn't want to step in and hear Diya's voice, screaming for help and crying.

"Rishaan?" Amaya called his name, bringing him back to the present from his thoughts.

He shuddered at first and then gulped down before taking a step forward into the house. Four years. He was there after four fucking years. He closed his eyes tightly shut as he took his first step in, somewhat scared to hear her voice but what he heard first was Ansh and Disha laughing and calling him, making him open his eyes.

He exhaled heavily, letting out the breath he didn't know he was holding for so long. His lips slowly lifted upward and curved into a big, genuine smile as they ran to him and hugged his legs. How much had he missed them and this feeling. For a moment all his nervousness disappeared as he bent down and hugged both of them. He missed them, a lot, maybe more than Amaya.

"Daddy, why didn't you come to meet us earlier? We missed you a lot." These simple words uttered by Ansh brought him back to the reality, why he was there.

"I missed you two, too." Rishaan tried to smile at them but he couldn't so he simply leaned in and kissed their foreheads one by one.

"Daddy, I want to–"

Disha was cut off by Adi saying, "Dishu, he has just come. Let him breathe." Disha pouted and nodded her head slowly. "Now come with me. Talk to your daddy at night. He's not going anywhere."

Rishaan snapped at Adi as he said that. He didn't want to stay there, ever. He wasn't ready for that.

"Rishaan?" Amaya held his hand, catching his attention. "Come." She said and started leading him towards Amrita's bedroom.

He followed her hopelessly but he wanted to stand still, take a one-eighty degree turn and just leave. He was definitely not ready, to face her and forgive her. But it was just too late. His eyes landed on her who was laying down on the bed with her eyes opened. His father was sitting beside her, doing something in his phone.

"Ma?" Amaya cleared her throat before calling her. Amrita and Rajeev snapped their heads at them, only to find Amaya standing there with Rishaan.

Amrita's eyes widened as she found Rishaan staring at her blankly. His face held no emotions; no sadness, no hurt, no hatred, nothing. She changed her gaze and tried to get up. Rajeev put a pillow behind her back and she leaned back. Settling her gaze on him, she found him still standing there, looking at her as if she was nothing to him, just a stranger.

"How are you, Rishaan?" Rajeev asked, in an attempt to break the silence.

"I– I am good." He finally changed his gaze before replying.

"Come in. This is your house." Rajeev smiled as he said.

Rishaan tried to smile at his words. A funny smile. The house that took away his home! He thought before nodding.

Amaya let go off his hand and stood there at the doorstep while he walked in and stood at the edge of the bed.

"How– how are you?" He finally asked her, trying his best to not meet her gaze. He didn't want her to find that concern in his eyes. He didn't want her to see the things in his eyes he himself didn't want to accept. She was his mother, after all. She could read his eyes and face. She knew him more than anyone. She was his first love and he never replaced her with anyone. There's no replacement of a mother!

He glanced up at her as she still didn't answer him. He found a small smile on her lips and hundreds of tears in her eyes. He knew she was guilty. She had apologized to him for a hundred times. But he always thought that a simple apology would never be enough for what she'd done.

"I– I am also fine." She replied him, blinking her eyes and then looking down, just to hide the tears that rolled down her cheeks when she blinked.

"She is recovering." Rajeev smiled as he said. "Oh wait," He said suddenly. "I wanted to show you a file and ask something." He got up from the bed as he completed.

Before Rishaan could say anything, he ran out of the room. When Rishaan looked past his shoulder, Amaya was also not standing there.

Why the heck they do this? He thought, gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw.

"Oh, um, you can sit." Amrita tried to speak in her normal voice but she just couldn't. Her voice was so broken and low, barely audible.

Rishaan looked at her awkwardly but sat there anyway. They sat there in silence, not uttering a single word. One of them had to break this silence before it would turn so awkward for them.

"Um, Rish, I– I am sorry." Her words made him look up at her. "I know what I've done is unforgettable and unforgivable. But... thanks for coming here to see me." Rishaan smiled a bit and looked down. "I– I know I have said this so many times but... I am sorry. I don't know what to say more." Rishaan didn't look up at her this time. "I'm such a bad mother-in-law but believe me and trust me, I won't hurt Amaya. Or anyone." The mention of Amaya made him look up.

Even if you want to, I won't let you! He thought.

"I'm sorry!" This time she joined her hands in front of him, asking for an apology. "I–I am–" She couldn't say more as tears made their way down to her cheeks. She felt like if she'd say more, she'd choke onto her words.

"It's– it's okay!" He gulped down so hard before saying. It's okay, another way to say I forgave you. He himself didn't know why he said that when he didn't want to forgive her.

"No... " She managed to speak in between her sobs. "It is not. It's definitely not okay! I'm the– I'm the reason why Diya isn't here. I'm the one who made her end her life, indirectly even. I'm the reason why– why Disha had to live without her mother for three years. I'm the reason and I know it. And... I'm sorry. I don't deserve you all. You, Amaya, Disha or anyone! I am so–"

"Mom!" He spoke, moving closer and holding her joined hands, in an attempt to stop her from saying bad about herself. "It is okay!" He squeezed her hands as he said. "I know–"

"No. I know what I had done was so, so cruel and... I'm not asking you to forgive me or forget everything. I'm– I– I just want you to trust me and give me a second chance." She closed her eyes tightly shut, feeling really, really guilty. "I won't hurt anyone this time." She sobbed as she spoke.

Rishaan's heart was crying at her cry. His heart was breaking every time a single tear rolled down her cheek. He didn't know how many times she cried like this in these years. He tried to remember how he ignored her and apologies and her tears. He tried to remember how cruel he was towards her. She sure did a mistake, a big one. But they say you only learn from your mistakes. Here, she accepted her mistake and learned to value relationships—any type of relationship—more than anything.

"I– I trust you, mom." The words escaped from his mouth automatically.

He wasn't here to forgive her even, and now he was ready to trust her, too. He was surprised by himself.

"I won't break your trust this time." Amrita tried to smile in her tears and then brought his hand up to lips and placed a small kiss on the back of his palm.

Rishaan smiled back at her, genuinely and didn't even realize when a single tear rolled down his cheek. He missed her and everything about her. What if he was thirty-three years old? He still needed his mother. Not all the people are lucky enough to have their parents. You are lucky to have your parents who love you a lot. You shouldn't do this with them. He remembered Amaya's words.

He didn't waste a single second and hugged his mother, just like he used to do when he was a kid. He felt like a little kid too, with her. He was still a kid for her too.

Amrita was surprised and taken aback. She surely hadn't expected him to hug her and cry like a little baby.

"I'm also sorry." He mumbled. "I've also hurt you. I am–"

"You don't need to be sorry, Rishi." She rubbed his back as she said. "I deserved only that." A smile, a small sad smile crept onto her lips as she added that.

They didn't say anything more and just sat like that, he hugging her. He needed his mother's warmth and he really felt lucky to have her and her arms around him. He felt exactly like that little kid who was staying at a hostel for studies and got to meet his mother after so fucking long.

×××××××××××××

Rishaan went upstairs, his lips holding a big smile. He was feeling so relieved, as if his mind and heart were free, just like a bird. He absent-mindedly opened a door, only to find a clean room he had abandoned four years ago. The room still looked beautiful but there were no pictures on the walls and no smell of her perfume.

He closed his eyes and just closed the door too.

He walked ahead to the guest room and opened it, only to find Amaya arranging clothes in the cupboard. She snapped her head back as the door clicked. An instant smile appeared on her lips as she found him standing there.

"So how was–" She couldn't get to complete what she was saying as he took four long strides and just hugged her tightly. "Rishaan, you–"

"I'm sorry, Amaya. I'm so, so sorry." He buried his face in the crook of her neck as he mumbled against her skin. Her breath hitched in her throat and for a moment she couldn't breathe. "I behaved so rudely with you when you did nothing." She felt hot and wet on her neck. He was crying. "I shouldn't have–"

"Rishaan... " She tried to pull away and make him face her. She cupped his cheeks and said, "It's okay, okay?" She smiled a bit as she said.

He smiled back at her and hugged her again, more tightly this time.

"We should not disturb mommy-daddy." Disha whispered into Ansh's ear, standing at the doorstep.

"But daddy is crying!" He too whispered back.

"He's crying because he missed mumma!" She whisper-yelled this time. "Now come. We'll come later." She held his wrist and literally dragged him back to Adi's room.

"You should sleep now, Rishaan." Amaya said in low voice, rubbing his back.

He pulled away and then nodded his head at her. Amaya smiled at him and continued to arrange clothes in the cupboard. She looked past her shoulder and found him making himself comfortable on the bed. She smiled, shook her head and continued doing whatever she was doing.

"Amaya?" He called her name and she glanced back at him who was already looking at her.

"Yeah?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Thanks for coming into my life." He said, his face and eyes holding so many emotions at once that she was confused to search for any one. "I don't know what would–"

"Rishaan, you don't have to thank me because you've done the same by coming into my life." She gave him a tight lipped smile. "Now sleep, look at your face, you haven't slept in ages." She said shaking her head at him before turning around and continuing her work.

"Then come and sleep with me." His words made her stop. She looked back at him, in a hope to find a smirk on his lips but he looked all serious as if he really meant what he said. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped by him adding, "please?"

She breathed out heavily and nodded her head at him before saying, "Fine! Now stop making that face." He let out a small laugh at what she said.

She completed arranging all the clothes and then walked to the left side of the bed. He moved a little back, making enough space for her. She smiled a bit and then sat on the bed. She turned off the lights but kept the night lamp on. She laid down beside him who was now looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you thinking something?" She asked after some time as he didn't say or do anything.

"Yeah. A lot, actually." He replied, his gaze still glued on the ceiling.

"You can share, you know?" Amaya asked, turning her body to right side to face him fully.

"Just wondering how typical our lives are!" He blinked and shook his head a little as he said. "Like we didn't even know each other some nine or ten months ago, didn't like each other some six or seven months ago. And now, here we are. Totally opposite of how we started." He turned his head to left to look at her as he completed. She was looking at him already, intensely. "Don't you you think we are so lucky?" He asked, turning his whole body to left.

Don't you think we are so unlucky? She remembered her own words that she'd said on Ansh and Disha's birthday.

"We are!" She said in low voice as if she was scared to wake the silent world around them.

He moved closer to her and placed his hand on her cheek, her eyes closing at the touch of his rough palm against her cheek. He moved a little more closer, his body slightly pressing against hers. He leaned in and placed a small kiss on her forehead, making her lips curve into a smile.

"Good night, Amaya." She opened her eyes as he said. She had thought he would kiss her but...

"Good night." She smiled as she wished him back.

His hand trailed down and at last rested on her back, pulling her a little closer. He buried his face in her neck and placed a small but wet on her neck before saying, "It feels home."

Her breath caught in her throat. Her heart was beating so faster that she was scared if he could hear her heartbeats.

"Rishaan– I–"

"Mumma? Daddy?" They heard Ansh knocking at the door and calling them.

"Please open the door!" It was Disha this time.

"Ah these kids!" Rishaan mumbled before pulling away from Amaya.

Amaya chuckled and got up. She turned the lights on first and then opened the door, only to find Ansh with his pillow and Disha with her teddy bear. Before she could say anything, they ran inside the room. Jumping on the bed, they said in unison, "we want to sleep with you."

Amaya smiled and closed the door. She walked back to the bed and sat down. She glanced at Rishaan who smiled at Ansh and Disha and then pouted at Amaya. She bit down her lower lip, in an attempt to hide her laugh and blush both.

Turning the lights off, they slept, with Ansh by Rishaan's side and Disha to Amaya's side. They wanted nothing more from their lives at that moment. They felt completed having each other. They were a perfect family and each other's home.

××××××××××××

“Sometimes turning the page is the best feeling in the world.”

×××××××××××

Finalllyyyyy! I'm sorry for updating so late but I wasn't happy with what I had written before (I still am not though). It is because maybe I'm writing this after so long. Don't know!

ANNOUNCEMENT :– My new book has been published and you all can check it. You can find it on my profile with the title "Words Unspoken". You don't have to wait more for that book as that is a short story with shorter chapters (than this). If you like what I write, then please check it and do comments.

This chapter is unedited to an extreme level as I wanted to publish it by tonight at any cost. Will try to edit it tomorrow so feel free to point out my mistakes. I hope you liked this chapter too. If yes then do votes and comments.

Thank you.
~J