April 5, 2016

Everything was blurry for a minute. She rubbed her knuckles on her eyes and then looked around in the room, only to find Ansh and Disha sleeping peacefully beside her. She was happy that they had been sleeping with her for the last three days as Rishaan had some pain in his back. She smiled at them and leaned in, rubbing the tip of her nose against Disha's. Disha giggled in her sleep and then opened her eyes slowly.

"Happy Birthday Dishu!" Amaya kissed the tip of her nose as she said.

"Thank you mommy!" Disha said, jumping in her lap and hugging her so tightly.

Amaya kissed her hair and wrapped her arms around her back, pulling her more closer.

"Let's wish your bhaiya now." Amaya said, pulling apart.

"Yess!" Disha squealed. She got down from her lap and sat beside her.

Amaya moved to Ansh's side and moved her fingers in his messy hair, slowly. Ansh shook his head and turned to other side. Amaya chuckled at him.

"Anshu?" She said, tickling him.

"Mumma!" Ansh laughed, tossing his body on the bed.

"Happy Birthday baby!" Amaya wished and stopped tickling him.

Ansh looked at her and smiled so widely. He was waiting for this day for so long.

"Thank you!" Ansh said, smiling so widely at her.

"Happy birthday bhaiya!" Disha said, forwarding her hand for a shake.

Ansh smiled so widely at her and said, "Same to you." And they shook their hands.

"Now c'mon, get ready fast. I don't want you to be late on your exam." Amaya said, rolling over in her slovenly sheets. "I'm waiting for you two downstairs." With that, she left the room and went downstairs.

As she left the room, her smiling face turned into a pale one. She reached down and stood in the middle of the kitchen. As she closed her eyes, what happened exactly four years ago started flashing on her mind. The way he coughed up blood and took his last breath in front of her, broke her heart into pieces. Automatically some tears started rolling down her cheek. If it was not Ansh or Disha's birthday, she would surely sit in a corner and cry for the whole day. But she didn't want them to know about the reality. She briskly wiped the tears from her eyes, the memory still fresh in her mind.

I wish you were here on Ansh's birthday, Himu. She thought, closing her eyes for a moment. Shaking her head and opening her eyes, she tried to concentrate on her work.

In half an hour, Ansh and Disha were downstairs, having their breakfast on the dining table.

"Mumma, I want to have chocolate cake." Disha said excited, munching on her toast.

Amaya passed a small smile at her and nodded her head in agreement.

"And what about you, Ansh?" Amaya asked, looking at him with the same smile.

Ansh didn't say anything for some seconds and then replied, "Anything!"

Amaya smiled at him and ruffled his hair. He pouted at her and she laughed a bit at him. He so many times looks like you, Himu! Amaya thought and a single tear rolled down her cheek which she wiped so quickly.

Just then her eyes landed on Rishaan who reached down and was ready to go out for jogging. He glanced at dining area but ignored them and directly ran to the main door before anyone would catch him.

"Rishaan!" He stopped in his tracks when he heard Amaya calling him. He cursed her for no reason and turned around to look back at her.

Ansh and Disha were looking at him, smiling, hoping he would wish them. He smiled at them but didn't wish. Amaya gave him a look saying, 'it's-their-birthday-wish-them'. He totally ignored her, plugged in his earphones and ran out of the house, leaving Ansh and Disha disappointed, and Amaya, angry.

Ansh looked down sadly. He felt absolutely worthless. My daddy can never do this to me! He can never ignore me. He thought and took a deep breath. He is not my daddy! He exhaled heavily which didn't go unnoticed by Amaya.

She felt so bad for him. "He wants to meet his daddy on his birthday!" She remembered Rekha's words and felt more bad for him.

[Chapter 5 where this conversation happened!]

"Mumma, I don't feel like eating." Saying that, Ansh got down from his chair and ran upstairs to bring his school bag.

What's wrong with you, Rishaan? Why are you doing this with these innocent souls? You're breaking so many fragile hearts just because of your ego and arrogance. She was so angry on him.

×××××××××××××

Amaya returned home, dropping Ansh and Disha to their school. She directly went to her bedroom to take a quick shower. In twenty minutes, she was in her room, giving a last touch to her hair.

She left her room, taking her bag and cellphone in her hand. As she was passing by Rishaan's room, she thought to stop and ask him why he didn't wish Ansh and Disha. She knocked on his door but he didn't say anything. She again knocked on the door and this time, he opened the door. He seemed so annoyed.

"Rishaan, why-"

"Look Amaya, if you're here to argue with me, then kindly leave." He said, tiredly, walking into his room and wearing his tie.

"No, not today!" She too walked inside his room. "You can't ignore them and their birthday!" She said, a bit loudly, showing her anger towards him.

"Amaya, please!" He joined his hands in front of her. "At least stop poking your nose in my personal matters!" He pleaded, angrily.

"Your personal matters? Seriously? When did 'Ansh and Disha' become your personal matter?" She spat back.

"You fuckin' don't know anything then stop, stop showing your greatness everywhere!" He yelled on top of his lungs.

His nose was fuming in anger and so was hers. She didn't want to let him go easily because this time it was about Ansh and Disha.

"I don't know what? Tell me then!" She demanded, turning him around by grabbing his muscular arm.

He gritted his teeth angrily at her and shouted, "My wife - Diya died on this day, giving birth to Disha! And you want me to celebrate this fucking day?"

Her grip on his arm loosened as soon as those words escaped from his mouth.

This can't be possible! First, Disha and Ansh having same birth dates and now this.. She couldn't believe.

"Got your answer?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face. She was startled. "Then get out of my room and celebrate this fucking day!" He shouted again, showing the door to leave.

She shook her head, slightly, showing her disagreement which made him more angry.

He bit his tongue in anger and said with his gritted teeth, "Fine! Then I'm leaving."

Saying that, he started wearing his black coat over his white shirt and started walking towards the door to leave.

"I too lost my husband on this day." Her words stopped him in his tracks. "April 5, 2012." She added and he turned around, totally shocked. He couldn't believe.

"Don't make stories now!" He spoke, after some seconds.

"He had blood cancer, Leukemia." She totally ignored what he said and continued. "He died on Ansh's second birthday." She said and a tear rolled down her cheek.

Wait, what? I thought she was a divorcé whose husband left her! He was taken aback. He wanted to hear more and clear all his wrong assumptions about her. He walked back to her, with such a big question mark written on his face.

"Yes!" She shrugged her shoulders, looking at his confused face and some more tears escaped from her eyes. She wiped them away and laughed a bit. Oh that bitter laugh!

"And you know what the best part? I lied to him till his last breath!" She laughed more, letting more tears to fall. It made him more confuse.

He didn't like how she cried and still smiled for no reason.

"What..did you lie to him?" He asked, wanting to know about her past.

She again laughed a bit and said, wiping her tears. "That he was all fine, when he was actually dying."

Every disclosure of her past made him confuse and curious to know more.

"Why did- why did you lie to him?" He asked, taking a step closer to her.

She smiled at him and wiped the constant river of her tears. "Because I wanted him to live his last days happily. He was already dying physically and I didn't want to kill him mentally by telling him the truth."

He gulped down really hard. Her words were ringing into his ears. Diya also lied to me. Why? Because she wanted to see me happy with her in her last days? She didn't want to break me by telling about her complications? Amaya's story was kind of, similar to his. SHIT! Why these women are so 'out of mind'? Why they always think about others before their own self? His mind was fucked up.

"You know what the second best thing?" She asked and he again, settled all his attention on her. "Ansh was with me when Himansh died." Rishaan couldn't believe. "He has seen him dying in front of his eyes." She said, leaning back to the wall for support.

Rishaan couldn't find a single word to say or ask. He was utterly shocked. That is why he isn't accepting me as his father! Because he still does remember his real father. Shit! He cursed again.

"You can't believe how hard it was for me when he saw Himansh coughing up blood and asked me what happened to daddy."

She closed her eyes and sobbed, hiding her face behind her palms. She collapsed on the floor, crying. How much he wanted to go to her and stop her from crying, he couldn't. He couldn't move his feet. He felt rooted to the ground. He just watched her crying, helplessly.

After some minutes when she finally stopped crying, he took a step towards her and sat on the floor in front of her, cross legged. He offered her his handkerchief which she took without any hesitation.

"Why are we so unlucky, Rishaan?" She asked something he couldn't answer.

He just shrugged and sat blankly in front of her. He too felt so unlucky but there wasn't any specific reason behind that.

"What had happened to Diya?" Amaya asked, hesitantly, after a minute or so.

Rishaan stared at her for some seconds and then replied, "She had some complications in pregnancy."

Amaya looked down, getting all her answers in his one line reply.

"Don't you feel guilty for hiding the reality from your husband?" He asked in low voice, trying his best to not sound rude.

"Obviously, I do. But I'm also happy that when he closed his eyes, he was smiling." She said, wiping her tears with his handkerchief. "You know what he said, taking his last breaths? 'I'm recovering baby, don't cry'." She let out a little laugh at the end.

He could feel her pain. He remembered how Diya passed him a big smile when he left for his office that day. She too hid it so easily.

Women are so impossible and great! He thought and there was no sarcasm. For some unknown reasons, he saw his Diya in her.

"Diya never told me about her complications." He said, looking down.

"Maybe she didn't want to see you crying or breaking down!" Amaya said, after some moments, looking into his chocolate brown eyes.

"Hmm! Maybe." He nodded his head, shrugging his shoulders, kind of already knowing why she didn't tell him.

"Then how can you celebrate this day? You lost your husband on this day!" He asked, suddenly, feeling all confused.

She again passed a smile at him and said, "Why always look back into darkness when we can clearly see light coming from the window?"

Oh this woman and her twisting of words! He frowned but when he got what she meant, he couldn't help but just stare at her.

"Look for something that is positive in this day, even if you have to look a little harder too." She said, finding him staring at her.

"Ansh and Disha are still kids, they don't know about the reality. And I wish they never get to know too." She said and he got answer to his question which had been bothering him for so long - 'should we ever tell them about the reality?'. "We should not snatch their happiness away from them, just because something awful happened on this date. It wasn't their mistake that they (Himansh and Diya) died! It was written in our fate." She shrugged, saying the last part.

Her every single word hit him like a hammer. He felt so guilty. He felt disgraced as their father. He was ashamed. How cruel I am! I'm such a bad parent. I'm so selfish who never thought about their happiness. He thought.

He stood up from the floor, abruptly. Straightening up his coat, he started walking towards the door, taking big strides.

"Rishaan!" Amaya shouted his name from behind and he stopped at his place. He looked back at her and saw her, standing up, taking support of the bedside table. "Where are you going? What happened suddenly?" She asked in low voice, finally standing straight in front of him.

He smiled so widely at her and said, "I'm going to wish my moon and stars." She looked at him, confused.

Moon and stars? That too in day? What the heck is he saying? She was way beyond confused.

"Huh?" She asked, walking to him.

"Nothing! "He chuckled at her confusion. He forwarded his hand towards her face and said in low voice, "Thank you by the way!" With that, he pulled her cheek a little.

Is he okay? His every action was making her confuse.

"For what?" She asked, trying her best to hide her smile.

"Will tell you soon." Patting her cheeks lightly, he ran out of the room, smiling so widely for God knows what reason.

She stood there in the middle of his room, looking at the door and wondering what happened to him suddenly. Though she liked this side of him. She touched her cheek with her fingers and smiled, still feeling his fingers on it.

××××××××××××××

It was 12:00 pm and Rishaan was standing outside the school, under the hot, scorching heat of the Sun. He had his shades on and was looking around, just to pass his time. He was impatient to wish them, to see their surprised faces.

It was 12:35 pm when he finally saw some students leaving the school but they all seemed high school students. He started tapping his right foot, which clearly showed how impatient he was.

He straightened up his body and took off his shades when he saw Disha running out of the main gate of the school. He hid himself behind a big Teddy Bear. He remembered that she wanted a Teddy bear on her birthday.

"Haw!" Disha exclaimed and all her friends gathered around her. "This Teddy is so big!" She cried out in surprise, hugging the Teddy.

"Happy Birthday Dishu!" Rishaan appeared from behind.

Disha jumped in excitement and ran to hug him. He picked her up in his arms and kissed her cheek.

"I love you daddy. You are the best." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I love you too princess!" Rishaan really had tears in his eyes. He felt so bad that he never wished her birthday in these previous three years. "Now, cut the cake." With that, he put her down. He opened the door of backseat and took out a chocolate cake.

Disha clapped her hands in excitement. All her friends started singing birthday song for her. Rishaan was clapping with them but his eyes were on the main gate, searching for Ansh.

Ansh! Where are you boy? Here I'm dying to wish you birthday! He was more than just impatient.

He could see students of his age coming out of the gate. Rishaan slightly made his way to the gate, gently pushing all those little kids away. He looked around to find him. Where is he? What happened to him? He had so many questions running into his head.

Just then his eyes landed on a boy who was sitting alone on a bench, in the playground.

"Ansh?" Rishaan mumbled to himself. "What is he doing there, all alone?" He again asked to himself.

"ANSH!" Rishaan shouted his name, still standing outside the gate.

Ansh didn't hear him.

"ANSH!" Rishaan shouted again, more loudly this time.

Ansh looked around, feeling someone calling him.

"ANSH!" Rishaan shouted on top of his lungs, waving his hands in the air, catching other people's attention too.

Ansh's eyes finally landed on Rishaan who was waving at him. Ansh smiled so widely at him and stood up.

"Ansh!" Rishaan again shouted, smiling and still waving at him.

Ansh started running into his direction, with a big smile plastered on his face and some tears running down his cheeks.

"Be careful, Ansh." Rishaan shouted, watching him running so fast.

Ansh finally reached him and stood right in front of him. His chest was rising and falling. His breathing was faster. He was smiling so widely but his eyes were holding so many tears in them.

"Happy Birthday Anshu!" Rishaan wished, kneeling down to reach his height.

Ansh stared at him for a while, trying to steady his breathing and form some words. The image of Himansh smiling at him, replaced by Rishaan's face now.

"Ansh, what-"

Before Rishaan could complete, Ansh hugged him, wrapping his small arms around his neck.

"I love you daddy." He mumbled in his ear.

Rishaan's heart skipped a beat. How much he was dying to hear this single word from him.

One word, five letters. Such a short word with a huge meaning.

"I love you too Ansh!" Rishaan said, making him face him and then kissing his cheek.

"Promise me that you'll never leave me." He buried his face into the crook of his neck. Rishaan could feel his tears on his neck, through his shirt.

"Never!" A single tear rolled down Rishaan's cheek as he said.

Rishaan tried to get up, with Ansh in his arms. He could feel him sobbing.

"Ansh, don't cry baby." Rishaan said in his cracked voice, rubbing his back.

He tried to control himself and not cry in front of bunch of people. He started walking back there where he had parked his car. He put Ansh on the bonnet of his car and made him look up at him. Ansh's face was all red because of crying.

Rishaan wiped his tears away with his long fingers and said, "Now tell me what you want as your birthday gift?"

Ansh stared at him for some seconds and then said, taking his big hand in his small one. "I want YOU, daddy, with me, for ever."

Rishaan's heart stopped for a moment. He never knew this little, innocent soul loved him so much. Ansh could see tears in his eyes too. He had never seen him crying before. He had always known him as a cold and heartless person. But today, he could see his eyes turn glossy with tears. 

Rishaan nodded his head and some tears escaped from his eyes. "I'll be with you, for ever." He said, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

×××××××××××××××

After wandering around everywhere and anywhere, Rishaan returned home with Ansh and Disha, at 7 pm! He was way beyond happy, spending his whole day with them. He smiled, laughed, giggled and enjoyed the whole day throughout, totally forgetting the fact that it was the same day when he lost his wife, life - Diya.

"You wait here, I'll call your mummy and then we'll go out for dinner." Rishaan said once they entered in.

Ansh and Disha nodded their head while Rishaan ran upstairs to share his happiness with her and also, to tell her to get ready for dinner.

As he reached upstairs, the door of her room was already opened and he could see her standing near the window, in the darkness of the room.

What is she doing? And why she hasn't turned on the lights? Thinking that, he walked in.

"Amaya?" He called her name, placing his hand gently on her shoulder, trying his best to not scare her.

She flinched her body. She was startled by his touch. She quickly wiped her tears away and then turned to face him. His heart skipped a bit, watching her glistening tear-filled eyes. She could feel him staring deep into her eyes and searching for something.

"Why were you crying?" He asked and his hand automatically reached her face. Touching her wet cheeks, he could clearly say that she had been crying for so long.

Here, again, I being the most selfish man, didn't even care to ask her if she wanted to join us. Why am I cruel to her? He questioned himself.

Taking her face in his rough palms and wiping her tears away with his long fingers, he pleaded, "Please don't cry!"

To watch her crying, was breaking him from inside.

How much she wanted to not break down in front him and stop her tears, she couldn't. As a sudden action, she couldn't stop herself from hugging him, placing her palms on his muscular chest. He straightened his body, standing still. He gulped down really hard and let her cry, soaking his shirt. She cried her heart out.

"Amaya, please!" Rishaan pleaded, placing his hand on her back, hesitantly. "Focus on the positive, and try to forget the negative." He himself was amazed, saying such a deep thing from his own mouth.

"Why he had to die and leave me?" She asked, half sobbing and clenching his shirt in her fists.

Why she had to die and leave me? He too had the same question.

He didn't say anything and kept rubbing her back, to calm her down.

"Daddy?" Ansh called, standing at the doorway.

"Hehe! They're hugging!" Disha giggled, making them feel embarrassed.

Rishaan took his hands back, leaving her from his embrace. She stepped back, looking down. They all stood there for some time, not saying anything.

Wait what? Did Ansh just call Rishaan "daddy"? This hit her mind and she looked up at Rishaan, suddenly, only to find him smiling like a fool.

She gave him a look saying, 'Did-he-just-call-you-daddy?' Which he answered, nodding his head and smiling so widely.

All those tears of sadness turned into tears of happiness in a matter of moments. She placed her palm over her mouth, crying and smiling.

"Get ready, we are going out for dinner." Rishaan said, smiling at her. He left the room with Ansh and Disha with him.

In twenty minutes, Amaya was downstairs, wearing a red full sleeved kurti, paired with a black leggings. Amaya locked the house while Rishaan went to start his car. Amaya took passenger seat and they drove off to hotel.

For the first time, we four are going out for a dinner! Why am I getting all the "perfect family" vibes? Rishaan thought, smiling, still focusing on the road.

It took half an hour to reach the hotel. Rishaan told Amaya to go inside and book a table while he, himself went to park the car, on the opposite side of the road. As he parked the car, his phone rang. It was Adi.

"Yeah, say?" Rishaan said excited and unbuckled his seat belt.

"You okay?" Adi asked, knowing this day was so hard to pass for him.

"Totally!" Rishaan replied, stepping out of the car.

"You seem so happy!" Adi was kind of surprised.

"Ansh called me Daddy today." Adi could feel him smiling so widely from the other side.

"That's so great." Adi smiled too. "You're out somewhere?" He asked, hearing the noise of honking vehicles.

"Yeah, we're out for dinner, to celebrate their birthday." Rishaan replied, finally locking his car and placing his palm over his ear so he could hear him clearly.

"That's so good! Have fun bro!" Adi smiled, feeling so happy for him.

"Yeah! Wanna join us?" He asked and started walking to cross the road.

"No. You guys enjoy." Adi replied.

"RISHAAN!!" Rishaan heard Amaya's voice and he looked up, only to find her running towards him.

Why the heck is she running like this? Is she-

Before he could calculate his thoughts, she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her with all her strength, making him drop his cellphone. It made her pin herself to a car with he pressed against her front, making her breasts look flat. Her breathing was faster and her heart was beating so fast against his. This feeling of him so close to her was so strange yet so known.

"Are you deaf or what?" She asked, gaining her normal breath and shouting, pushing him away by his chest.

"What?" He asked, balancing on his feet.

"That truck could have hit you and you..." She couldn't complete. Her voice was broken and shaky.

He gulped down really hard when a tear rolled down her cheek. This time he knew he was the reason behind her tears.

Okay, I accept my mistake! I shouldn't have used my cellphone while crossing the road. He accepted his mistake, in his head.

"I'm sorry!" He apologized, stepping closer to her and taking her face in his big, rough palms. "And thanks for saving my life." With that, he wiped her tears away with his thumb.

That truck could have hit her too and.. He couldn't even further imagine. She earned more respect in his eyes. She was unfailingly kind. Why she always put others first and herself last! He thought, still wiping her already dried cheeks.

She smiled at him, looking into his eyes. In his eyes was his humanity, the person he really was and the person who got lost so often whenever he wore that black suit. But his eyes were enough to tell her who he really was.

"Let's go for dinner now." He said, taking his hand back and bringing her back from her thoughts.

She looked down for a moment and then looked up at him, nodding her head. Smiling back at her and holding her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers, assuring her that she was safe with him, they walked inside the hotel.

××××××××××××××

"The big, beautiful sea
Is full of life’s emotions.
When you try to swim to the end,
Every obstacle is a wave in motion.

Don’t give up! Keep on swimming!
Don’t be a shell and smile.
It’s time to live and leave that frown for a while."

[P.s. - This is not by me. This belongs to Pinterest.]

××××××××××××××

Ah! Finally an update. Did you like it? If yes, then please click the star button on your screen to vote and you can always comment freely. There's no tax! XD

I was really in tears while writing the half of the chapter for some personal reasons. This one is personally my favourite chapter.

Finally, Ansh called Rishaan "daddy" and Rishaan, did you like this "real" version of him? There are so many versions of him. *smirks* and you'll definitely love them all.

Thank you.
~J