November 26, 2015

Slowly and reluctantly, Rishaan uncovered his face as the morning sunlight tickled his face. He blinked, closed his eyes, and blinked again, in an attempt to help his eyes adjust to the natural illumination. Streaks of sunlight penetrated the window and blinded him, making him shield his eyes with his hand. He sat up, dragged his feet off the bed, and rubbed his knuckles onto his eyes. He stretched his arms above his head and yawned, totally forgetting the fact that they still did pain. He got up and went to the floor-to-ceiling window, only to cover it with curtains but stopped. Instead, he opened the glass door and stepped into the balcony. He stood there, placing his palms on the railing. He never noticed that the view from his balcony looked so breathtaking. He stood there, running his fingers through his messy hair and looking around. He spent whole twenty minutes in admiring the nature. He went inside and wore his loose white T-shirt. Yes, he was shirtless till then. He checked on the clock and it showed 8:45 am.

I've become so indolent these days. I have nothing to do except for resting. I have no schedule! Rishaan thought and shook his head at himself. He left his room and went downstairs, only to check if Disha and Ansh had gone to their school or not.

Rishaan looked around in the living room, there was no one. He went to the kitchen and found Amaya cleaning the platform and adjusting some plates in its stand. He stood near the door and watched her doing her work.

"You didn't go to your college today too?" Rishaan asked from behind and just like always Amaya was startled by his voice. And dropping the plate from her hand was the proof.

"You scared me! God!" Amaya said, turning around after composing herself.

Rishaan just shrugged, thinking it wasn't his fault.

"You're not going your college?" Rishaan asked again, leaning a little back to the door.

"No. I'm not going until you will be totally fine." Amaya replied and turned around to continue her work.

"Why?" Rishaan asked and Amaya could feel him coming closer in her direction.

"So you want me to leave you alone?" Amaya asked, turning her head to left side, knowing Rishaan was standing right beside her.

"Yeah! I mean you should not-"

"Rishaan, don't talk like a three year old stubborn dumb kid." Amaya said, cutting Rishaan off. And the expressions on his face were priceless.

Did she just call me a dumb kid? Rishaan narrowed his eyes at Amaya.

"Seriously!" Amaya shook her head and continued her work.

Rishaan too shook his head and decided to leave before she would insult his inner by giving him more names.

"Call my name if you need anything." Amaya shouted from behind. Rishaan also heard it but didn't stop and kept walking, pretending he didn't hear her.

Amaya shook her head, smiling, knowing he really heard her. Her thoughts and feelings towards him had totally changed after that incident. She started finding positivity in his every action. She started to know him and already she was overwhelmed by all she knew.

He should try to open up to me. Amaya thought. But I already know too much about him. And that is how she'd answer herself every time. If he'd look away, she'd just laugh it away. If he'd ignore her, she'd just smile and think how stubborn he was. Because now she knew that he was not what he showed. Because now she knew he was not cruel or bad. It was just that there were so many thick layers of arrogance, ignorance, attitude and rudeness that hid the real, kind, gentle and polite side of him.

×××××××××××××××

"Daddy!" Disha directly ran into Rishaan's room. She had just returned from the school and hadn't even changed her school uniform.

Rishaan smiled at Disha, still laying on the bed. He tried to get up. It didn't pain that much now. He put a pillow behind him and rested his back there. Disha stood there at the edge of his bed, watching him.

"Come." Rishaan said, smiling. Disha went to him and sat near his legs.

"Why are you-" Rishaan stopped as he heard a loud noise of something hitting the floor. His eyes landed on the doorway and he spotted Ansh there, peeking through the half opened door. Rishaan smiled and called Ansh inside, "Ansh, you can also come inside."

Ansh finally appeared in front of Rishaan and slowly, taking baby step, he came inside. He was still scared of Rishaan.

"Sit." Rishaan said, patting the empty place beside Disha.

Ansh was so scared. He knew it was dumb to be scared in front of Rishaan, but he couldn't help it. Problem was that he always over thought every damn thing, even at this age. His smiles had become shorter these days and silences longer. He had stopped talking much. He had stopped playing with Disha. He had stopped watching cartoons on TV and even if he watched, he sat there like a statue, no smile, no laugh, no expressions. He had changed a lot.

With his trembling legs, Ansh walked to Rishaan and sat on the bed.

"Daddy, does it still hurt?" Disha asked, making a sad face.

Yes. It does. Rishaan's inner replied.

Rishaan looked at Disha and then at Ansh. Their face looked so sad and worried.

"No. I'm all fine." Rishaan lied. He didn't want them to worry about him.

"YESS!" Disha squealed with happiness. Rishaan was happy that she believed him so easily and didn't ask more questions. "We will have fun then." She jumped at her place in excitement.

Rishaan chuckled a bit seeing Disha so excited. He looked at Ansh. He was still sitting like that, blank. He had no expressions on his face. He was staring at Rishaan's arms and those wounds. They reminded him his mistake.

"It's nothing, Ansh." Rishaan said, smiling and ruffling Ansh's hair lovingly.

Ansh was startled. He widened his eyes first in shock but then composed himself. He changed his gaze and then looked down.

"Disha, go and change your uniform." Rishaan ordered her and Disha being an obedient daughter, she left, humming some song or poem.

Ansh also stood up to leave but stopped by Rishaan grabbing his little wrist. Ansh's eyes were as wide as if someone was coming to deliver the fatal blow. Other than his hand he was utterly still. Rishaan pulled him a little by his side and Ansh's breath caught in his throat.

"Are you okay?" Rishaan asked, moving his long fingers through Ansh's hair. "You're behaving so strange these days. You don't talk much and just stay like this, upset and lost. Is everything okay?" He asked as a responsible father.

Ansh kept looking at Rishaan's face, not believing. Rishaan lightly shook him by his shoulder to catch his attention.

"I-I am.. I am fine." Ansh stuttered.

"You're scared of me?" Rishaan asked him directly, rubbing his back gently. Ansh looked up at him suddenly, feeling more than just scared. He looked down in very next moment and didn't answer Rishaan. Rishaan got his answer in his silence.

It is my honour to be your parent, Ansh. When you came, my world changed, you changed me, even a little bit but you did. You've made me a little more like a human. It is my duty to defend you, to care, to help you. It is my duty to protect you from any harm. Just know my love for you is eternal, that it will always be in the ether to comfort your heart. Rishaan thought, looking into those innocent and scared eyes of Ansh. It was so hard to make a five years old understand his deep thoughts.

"You don't need to be scared of me. I usually don't bite." Rishaan tried to ease the situation. He let out a little laugh as he said.

Ansh looked up at him and smiled a little.

"I'm seriously not that bad or cruel." Rishaan said, pulling Ansh's cheek. "You can always ask for any help. I'll always be there to help you." Ansh smiled a little more. "Now go and change your uniform too." He said, smiling and patting his cheek lightly.

That was the first time Ansh ever saw Rishaan smile so genuinely. It transformed him from someone menacing to someone he wished he knew better. Ansh smiled widely at him and ran out of the room.

×××××××××××××××××

The sky was filled with the most brilliant orange complimented perfectly with hues of red and pink with the bluish grey of the forthcoming night sky. It was such a breathtaking view. Rishaan's gaze was fixed on the sun. He had really lost his contact with the nature in these years. He was busy earning money that he never got time to spend some time with himself and nature. Work and his love for work literally made him forget what actually love was. He really missed his old self. But he also knew he could never go back to what he had left some years ago.

"Do you see those colours?" This manly voice pulled Rishaan back to the reality. "They are symbols; each showing you the good tomorrow could bring." Rishaan looked beside himself, only to find Adi smiling and looking up at the sky.

"And soon those colours will be hidden within the black despair of night, a symbol of the suffering and sadness that tomorrow is going to bring." Rishaan replied Adi, with a little laugh. Adi shook his head at his negative thoughts.

"And then again, a new day, new colours, new hopes." Adi shifted his gaze from the sky to Rishaan.

Rishaan totally ignored what Adi said and asked, "What are you doing here though?"

"Just came to see you." Adi replied him with a smile which Rishaan returned back. "By the way, are you trying to kill people?" Adi asked suddenly, wiggling his eyebrows at Rishaan.

"Obviously not! Why would you ask?" Rishaan asked out of confusion.

"You're killing people by your hot figure bro!" Adi chuckled as he said. "Why are you standing shirtless here? People wear sweaters these days and look at you! Seriously, you're such a antique piece." Rishaan also chuckled at what he said.

"It's nothing like that. I just didn't feel like wearing t-shirt." Rishaan shrugged as he replied.

"I can't believe you are thirty three! Look at you, you still look so young." Adi exclaimed, looking at Rishaan's perfect body.

"Oh, please! I just turned thirty three last month." Rishaan shook his head and placed his palms on the railing. "And look at you, you're thirty and going to turn thirty one in January. And you look like a forty year old." Rishaan teased Adi.

"Oh, please!" Adi showed him his hand to stop. "Girls are dying for me." He said proudly.

"And you're dying for whom?" Rishaan teased more.

Adi looked up at him and smiled.

"You get well soon first then I'll tell you." Adi replied him with the same smile.

Rishaan changed his gaze and looked up at the sky. "See, no colours now. All dark, all black. You know, black colour is the absence of colour. It is the symbol of grief." Rishaan said, still staring at the dark sky.

"And that is why there are stars and moon in the sky." Adi said, looking at Rishaan.

"How do you manage to be so positive?" Rishaan asked, turning to Adi.

"And how do you manage to be so negative?" Adi asked him back.

"You're impossible!" Rishaan shook his head and changed his gaze.

They both stood there, watching the sky. There was nothing to look at but still, a lot to see. Rishaan looked up in the sky to watch moon and stars. They illuminated the darkness. At that moment - the words, the lies, the secrets, the hatred, the failures - they all lingered at a distance. He really felt like he still had moon and stars in his life filled with darkness. Maybe Adi is right. He thought with a small hidden smile.

"You should move on, Shaan." Adi spoke, suddenly, catching his attention. "Diya bhabhi also wanted that." He added.

"We should go down for dinner." Rishaan totally ignored his suggestion and turned to leave the balcony.

"How long will you keep running away from the reality?" Adi stopped him in his tracks.

"Adi, don't spoil my mood. I'm in no mood to talk anything about that topic." Rishaan pushed him away and just left.

××××××××××××××

Rishaan was recovering so fast. He missed his office and work though he loved staying at home with kids playing around him. Their smiles and laughter made him more happy. He loved to play with them. It was like right when he was about to give up, right when he was about to let go of the diminishing ray of hope that flickered inside him, the blanket of blackness was replaced by the light that pierced through the darkness. It was like the heavens had given him another chance to live his life right, again. He found his moon and stars in Disha and Ansh.

Ansh also got used to Rishaan. He started behaving normal around Rishaan. He started liking Rishaan. The way Rishaan smiled at him and called his name, he felt loveable. He was no more scared of Rishaan. Even he started talking with Rishaan. As Rishaan was all home, Ansh so many times asked him to help him in his homework. These all changes in Rishaan and Ansh didn't go unnoticed by Amaya. She was really happy with them.

Amaya saw Rishaan sitting on the sofa and reading some business magazine.

"You're fine now?" Amaya asked him, dropping herself on the other sofa.

"Yes." Rishaan looked up at her. "I'm even thinking to join office from next week." He added.

"That's good." Amaya smiled.

"You must be tired of me." Rishaan chuckled. "You're also on your leave from last month."

"I'm not tired of anything." Amaya made a serious face. "And about my college, I really don't care. Even they don't. It's a government college you know." She laughed a bit at last part.

"Umm. . Those boys still message you?" Rishaan asked, becoming serious suddenly.

"I'm using SIM card given by you." Amaya smiled and he too smiled back at her. "By the way, you're waiting for kids to return home?" She asked and he nodded his head with a smile.

"Whenever they're around me, I feel like I'm living my childhood again." Rishaan confessed his thoughts. "They give me happiness. They give me hopes. They are just... everything." He smiled more widely.

"To be honest, you've changed a lot." Amaya too confessed.

"All thanks to Ansh." Rishaan smiled more widely and Amaya's eyes became teary.

"Thank you so much Rishaan for that day. If you weren't there, I don't know what would have happened to Ansh. I can't even imagine." A tear rolled down her cheek.

Rishaan smiled at her, nodding his head and again fixed his eyes on the page he was reading. Amaya also took newspaper to pass her time. After like ten minutes, the doorbell rang and Amaya stood up to open the door. As they guessed, Disha and Ansh were there. As Amaya opened the door, they both ran inside. Disha threw her school bag on sofa and jumped on Rishaan's lap while Ansh simply sat on other sofa. Amaya also sat beside Ansh.

"How was your day?" Rishaan asked, pulling Disha more closer.

"It was tiring." Disha pouted and Rishaan chuckled at her reply.

Kids these days! I've literally spoiled her. Rishaan smiled.

"How was your day Ansh?" Rishaan asked, looking at Ansh.

"It was good." Ansh replied simply and then opened his bag and started finding something in it. He took out a paper and got up from the sofa. He walked to Rishaan and showed him the paper. "I've got full marks." He said, handing the paper to Rishaan. Rishaan took it and smiled widely when he noticed that most of the questions were the ones that he had taught him. "Thank you." Ansh smiled at him.

"Congratulations." Rishaan pulled his cheek.

Rishaan was so happy. He was really feeling like a proud father. At that moment, Rishaan remembered Adi's words. Happiness is so typical. You don't value it when you hold it in your hands but let it go for once and then you'll realise how precious it is. You know what, happiness is like a soda. It's sweet, frothy, fizzy and doesn't last very long. So you have to enjoy happiness before it goes flat. Happiness is like a radio signal that is loud at one moment then gone in the next. So enjoy every bit of your happiness before you lose it. He smiled and thanked Adi mentally. When did that stupid Adi become so mature? He thought with a chuckle.

Rishaan put the paper aside and pulled Ansh up in his lap. Ansh was startled at first but then smiled a little. Disha and Ansh were sitting on his thighs at that time and Rishaan's arms were wrapped around their small belly.

"Then let's do party and celebrate." Rishaan squeezed them a little in his embrace.

"YESS!" Disha was always ready for parties. "Mamma, where do you wanna go?" Disha asked, looking at Amaya.

"Mamma is so boring. She won't come with us." Rishaan made an ugly face at Amaya on which she chuckled. He looked so like a kid then. He looked so cute making those faces. "Just three of us." He added.

Amaya knew Rishaan wanted to spend alone time with them. She smiled and thought to play along. She replied, making the same face at him, "I also don't want to come." She stuck out her tongue at last. Rishaan raised his eyebrows at her and chuckled. Ansh and Disha both giggled at them.

It felt like a perfect family, you know? Its when the parents know how to think and behave like kids.

Rishaan started believing that true happiness is not in how much you make or how many degrees you have or how big your house is or how fancy your car is or how luxurious your life is. That true happiness doesn't equal to money but finding peace, joy and calmness in your life that will soon become the most important thing to you. Your family and love are what only matter to you. Things that are of quality, not quantity.

"Change your uniforms first and take a quick nap." Rishaan released them from his embrace and they being the most obedient kids, ran upstairs.

As they disappeared from their sight, Rishaan turned to Amaya.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I did and said." Rishaan apologized in very next moment and Amaya smiled.

"That's okay. I even don't want to disturb you all." Amaya replied.

"Thank God! I thought you would be like 'how-can-you-not-take-me-with-you'." Rishaan mocked, teasing her.

"I'm not that annoying!" Amaya was embarrassed.

"No. You have this habit... to argue with me." Rishaan said, smiling, making her more embarrassed.

"That's not true." Amaya pouted, defending herself.

"Oh well-"

"You should rest now." Before he would throw more embarrassing comments on her, Amaya cut him off. Rishaan chuckled and his inner started dancing at winning the argument with her. He shook his head a little and got up from the sofa, to do as he was directed, to rest.

×××××××××××××××

"Don't be afraid to get back up - to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don't let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life's best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best. "

×××××××××××××××

Hey all, Happy Navratri and Happy Durga Puja to all my Indian readers out there.

So how was the chapter? Liked it?

Any Rishaan lover here? Well, I'm already in the queue.;)

Let's do one thing. You guys can ask me anything. Related to this book, about me or about whatever and I'll try to answer you honestly. It'll be fun. [Ps - I have holidays till this Sunday so I'll be free to answer y'all.]

Do votes and comments freely.

Thank you.
~J