chapter twenty-eight
how to let go

        Alex is angry, not fearless.  There is a distinction between the two.  Anger makes her brave, but anger does not take away her fear.  And nobody is truly fearless.  Fear is a primal condition, something we all resort to in times of danger.  Fear is what keeps us alive.  Alex is angry, not fearless, so when the Demogorgon roars for the first time, she screams in terror and thrashes wildly.

Alex's legs almost give out underneath her at the sudden absence of her captor's restraining arms.  He's fallen back and drawn his gun out of its holder, bullets ricochet off of the walls as their former captors spring into action, fighting tooth and nail against the monster that has emerged from the other side of the wall.  Lucas is quick to lunge for Alex and sling her arm around his shoulders before she can hit the ground.  She smiles at him gratefully.  And that is enough because there is no time for words.  Mike screams for them to move as Dustin scoops up El's limp body from the ground.  The man had dropped her in his haste to back away from the emerging monster.

The lights continue to flicker violently as they make their escape.  In her haste, Alex's foot slips in a puddle of blood and she almost finds herself meeting the corpse that it belongs to, but Lucas manages to haul her back up in time.  She lets out a whimper.  The blood was sticky and warm.  Her stomach flips in her chest.  But she has to keep going.  Death is only a few feet behind them.

They leave behind the chaos—the death and destruction and decay and ricocheting bullets (it's a miracle that none of them had found a home in any of the five children)—and turn their backs on the men who had been their captors only moments before.  The shouts and gunshots fade away slightly as they keep running.  They do not look back.  Alex knows that there's a part of her that will always remind her that she left humans behind to die, but if they had stayed, they would only join them in graves of their own, six feet below the surface of the Earth.  And this time there will be no miraculous returns to the land of the living.

Alex had never been one to run from danger.  She had always faced it with two fists and a set jaw.  She punched until her knuckles were bloody and raw and they had to be wrapped in bandages for weeks.  But this week, it seems that all she can do is run—run from Troy and James, run from the bad men, run from the Demogorgon—does this make her a coward?  Does this make her weak?  She had always counted on her anger to give her the strength to face her fears.  But now her gut instinct is to run and she listens to it.

Her ribs still ache and each breath reminds her of the blow she had suffered only five minutes before.  There's still the metallic taste of blood in her mouth that she desperately tries to swallow back.  She clings to Lucas tighter and wills her feet to move across the floor that's slick with blood.  She tries to look away from the sea of bodies that they weave through.  Alex finds herself staring down at the blood that stains her shoe.  Who's blood is it?  It's not hers.  It's never her blood.  It's always somebody else's blood.  She causes more harm than good.  Her head spins.  Her stomach twinges.  She thinks that she's going to vomit. 

"You got this, Alex," Lucas whispers.

Mike pushes a door open and they find themselves taking shelter in one of the many classrooms.  Lucas closes the door behind them and turns the lock as if it'll safeguard them against the monster that lurks outside.  They all know that it will do nothing against the Demogorgon, but it makes them feel the slightest bit safer.  The lights continue to flicker on and off about them and do nothing to help Alex's reeling mind.  The screams and bullets have not stopped, and Alex feels disgusted with herself to find this a comfort because this means that the monster is far away from them. 

They're safe for now.  But time isn't on their side.  It will find them eventually.  The monster is hungry for blood. 

El lets out a weak groan as Dustin lowers her onto a desk.  Alex lets out a small whimper of pain as she leans against the desk.  Her legs have slowly retained their strength, but the smell of blood that her shoe brings in is enough to make them buckle again.  There was so much blood.  El lays there, eyes half-lidded, blood drying beneath her nose.  She looks so pale and weak and Alex wishes that there was something that she could do to give the girl her livelihood back.  Mike scrambles to the girl's side.  His hand is in her own and he clings to it as though it is her lifeline. 

"Just hold on a little longer, okay?" He asks, his voice breaking.  He sniffles as tears roll down his cheeks.  "He's gone.  The bad man's gone.  We'll be home soon, and my mom...she'll get you your own bed.  You can eat as many Eggos as you want...and we can go to the Snow Ball."

El smiles shakily.  She sniffles.  "Promise?"

When stars die, we don't notice right away because they are light-years away.  They're dead long before we even realize it.  El is like those stars.  She has been dying this whole time, and it's only now that they realize it.  Each time she uses her power, some of her life force is stolen away from her.  But El still has a little fire left in her.  Alex hopes that she can cling to that.  She is not going to let El slip through her fingers like the sands of time had. 

"Promise," Mike replies with a sniffle.

El smiles weakly.  She knows that she's starting to fade away.  They all do.  But it's a harsh reality that they are not willing to accept.  Alex feels hot tears spring to her eyes again and she furiously wipes them away.  El is still alive.  That means something, right?  That means she still has a chance.  The window is closing, but El still has time.  She can make it through.  She has to make it though.  It's not fair to El to escape from the place where she had been confined her entire life only for her to die before she even gets a chance at normalcy.  It's not fair.  It's not fair.  It's not fair.

But since when has life ever been fair?

The tender moment is shattered by the inhuman screech of the monster that looms outside, followed by more screams and more gunshots.  Alex startles and backs into the counter, heart palpitating, and breath accelerating (her ribs ache).  They're losing.  They need to get out.  They have to get out.  It's the only way that they'll survive the night.  They are but five children against a monster.

And then everything falls silent.

Alex doesn't dare move. 

"Is it...is it dead?" Dustin whispers. 

The lights continue to flicker on and off.  For a moment, Alex does believe that the monster has been slain.  And then the door is burst off of its hinges and the humanoid creature of rot and decay crouches on top of it.  She hadn't gotten a good look at the monster before; she had been more focused on the blood and the screaming.  It looks as if it's covered in rotting flesh.  The scent of decay clings to it and wafts into the classroom.  It has no eyes or distinct humanoid facial features, only a large gaping mouth with rows upon rows of teeth. 

Alex's eyes widen in horror.  "Holy shit."

"Go, go, go, go, go!" Mike screams.

"Get the wrist rocket!" Dustin yells as Lucas scrambles to sling his backpack onto the table.  "Get the wrist rocket now!"

"Go, go, go, go, go!" Mike screams again over the sound of the Demogorgon's roar.  Lucas shakily withdraws the wrist rocket as Dustin continues to dig around in the backpack.  "Get the rocks, get the rocks, get the rocks!"

"Getting the rocks!" Dustin fires back.

"Give me one!" Lucas shouts. 

They cluster behind the boy with the weapon.  Alex watches with bated breath as Lucas leads the wrist rocket with a trembling hand.  If bullets cannot stop the monster, then what makes them think that a rock will?  This is a game of survival and they are sorely losing.  After all, they are but ants to this monster.  They are insignificant.  The monster will not remember them any more than it will remember all the bad men that it had slaughtered.  It is survival of the fittest, and the children are not adapted to these conditions.

Scapegoat after scapegoat is the only thing that had kept them alive for so long.  They had other things to lean on for support.  They had other factors that they could count on to save them.  But El is slowly fading away.  She cannot help them anymore.  All they have now are their primal instincts of fear and the wrist rocket that Lucas pulls back.  She watches as the rock soars across the classroom and bounces off of the mass of rot.  It does not even flinch.  She wonders if it even feels the rock through its exoskeleton. 

The Demogorgon only lets out a hiss as it stalks toward them.  It knows that they are cornered.  It knows that they have no place to run.  The monster is playing with its food and they are playing right into its grasp.  Mike and Dustin scream for Lucas to attack it again and scramble for the rocks, but Alex can only stare at the monstrosity before them.  There's no use wasting their energy to fight a battle that they were destined to lose.  They should just say their goodbyes now, while they still can. 

"Kill it!" She faintly hears Dustin scream.  "Kill the bastard!"

Lucas loads another rock into the wrist rocket.  The rock bounces off of the Demogorgon.  It advances. 

I'm sorry. 

Another rock soars through the air. The Demogorgon takes another step forward.

I should've been better.

The cycle repeats again.

I tried to be good.

And again.

I'm sorry.

This time, Lucas tries to aim for where it will hurt most.  The Demogorgon roars and opens its face, the only vulnerability it has is the soft flesh within it.  Time seems to slow down as the rock soars through the air and hits its mark.  The monster lets out a shriek as suddenly, it's flung backward across the room, pinned against the chalkboard by an invisible force.  It screams and writhes, but whatever is holding it against the board is far stronger than it.  The room falls silent save for the shocked gasps that escape from Alex, Dustin, Lucas, and Mike as they stare at the monster in shock.  Surely the rock hadn't done that. 

And then El steps out from behind them.  Blood trails from her ears now, too, and rivers pour from her nose.  But Alex knows the expression on her face better than anyone else in the room.  There is nothing written across her face but pure fury.  The anger seems to have given El the strength to stand up.  But the anger doesn't last long.  El won't last long.  She must understand that she is killing herself.  Alex can't let that happen.  Not when El does not know what it's like to live a normal life. 

"El," she cries.  "Please.  Don't do this."

Mike surges forward.  She can see the pain in his expression as he reaches out to the girl.  "Eleven, stop!"

El doesn't spare him a glance.  Alex thinks that makes it easier for El.  The latter silently thrust out an arm, and Mike lets out a scream as he's thrown back.  His body slides across the slick linoleum floor.  The only thing that stops him from sliding is the counter that lines the back wall.

"El!" Alex screams. 

She wants to run toward the girl.  She wants to drag her away from the monster.  She can't watch the girl kill herself.  But she can't move.  Her feet are cemented to the floor.  Her legs refuse to move.  And instantly, she knows that this is El's doing.  She can only watch as El approaches the monster.  She looks so small compared to it, and yet she has it bending to her will.  It is wrapped around her finger because she is the only thing in the room that is stronger than it.  And maybe it thinks it owes itself to her in some way.  She was the one who opened the gate between the worlds.  She was the one who gave it its freedom.

Finally, El turns back to look at them.  There are tears shining in her eyes as she stares at them.  The room is filled with silence, but the stare seems to say everything.  Thank you.  I'm sorry.  I love you.  Goodbye.

"Goodbye, Mike."

El turns back to the monster.  She has already accepted her fate. 

Alex wants to scream.

"No more," El whispers.  Her voice echoes through the room.

She thrusts out a hand toward the Demogorgon.  An inhuman screeching fills the classroom and the four children huddled in the back clamp their hands over their ears to block out the infernal screaming.  There's a tremor within El.  She's pushing herself too far.  Her screams join the Demogorgon's cries and fill the classroom, bouncing off the walls and slamming against Alex's skull.  All she can do is keep her hands clamped tightly over her ears and watch.  Helpless to do anything. 

Alex takes a shuddering breath as suddenly, the Demogorgon is being ripped to shreds.  Tiny pieces of its rot float out into the air like ashes.  The more El screams, the more it is torn apart until finally, the tiny pieces of the Demogorgon become so dense that they surround El.  She cannot see the small girl through the ashes. 

And then suddenly, the world is silent. 

The lights flicker back on and Alex unclamps her hands from her ears.  Her knees buckle and suddenly, she finds that she can move her legs again as she tumbles onto the ground.  She does not have the strength to pick herself back up. 

Ashes float through the air and fall to the ground like tiny pieces of blackened snow.  The Demogorgon is gone, but so is El.  The girl has disappeared within the cloud of ashes.  An eye for an eye.  She saves them, but the price of their lives is her own.  Alex doesn't know if she can live with this.

Numbly, she watches as Mike scrambles up and runs to the place where the girl and the monster once stood.  Dustin and Lucas follow after him.  Their pleading cries of El's name fill the silence, but it's no use.  The monster is gone, but so is El.

They won, but at what cost?

author's note: one more chapter and then the epilogue!!