Jason

"Hey man, how are you doing?" Massimo asked as I walk into his office.

"I'm great," I said with a huge smile on my face.

I was actually a little nervous about what I'm about to ask him. I mean, I already told their parents about my plan, but I wanted to get my best friend's blessing too.

"You look good, bro."

"I feel good," I said.

He smiled.

"Look, I wanted to talk to you about something..."

"Sounds serious. Have a sit," he pointed to the chair. "So.. What is it?"

"I'm going to ask your sister to marry me," I blurted out.

Well great. Just like ripping off a band-aid. Could you have been anymore subtle?

Fuck. He's going to freak out.

Then he smirked. "Guess, I owe Marco a hundred bucks."

"Huh?"

"He said it would take you less than a month to pop the question. I said it would take you two."

"Asshole," I bit out.

He laughed. "So when are you going to ask?"

"Soon. Just waiting for the perfect
time," I said.

***

When I got home, I found Zarah cooking in the kitchen.

"Hi honey, dinner's almost ready," she said.

I walk over to her and I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face in her neck.

"I missed you," I said against her skin.

"Missed you too," she said. "Go get changed and I'll set the table so we can eat."

"Alright, Angel," I said releasing her.

I head to the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.

I walk back to the kitchen to find the table set.

"Wow everything looks delicious babe," I said with delight.

She grinned. "Thanks. Come sit."

We ate dinner while chatting and joking around.

Then suddenly, out of the blue she asked, "Have you ever done anything out of your comfort zone?"

"Many times."

She smiled. "Sometimes I feel like there's still so many things I want to do. I wish I was a lot like Ellie. She's so adventurous. She's not afraid to try new things."

"You're perfect for me, Angel," I said.

"Sometimes, you're just too damn sweet," she said sweetly. "But your biased. You're in love with me," she winked.

I laughed. "But seriously. What things do you want to do, that you consider risky?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I've always wanted to try bungee jumping. Once, Ellie and a few friends of ours went out to try it, but I chickened out in the last minute... But not Ellie. She did it and she said that it was the best feeling ever and I've always regretted not going ever since. I've always wondered how I would have felt if I had done it. I just don't want to live with regrets and what ifs. Life is too short to live that way.

I stiffened.

"You could always try again,"
I said.

She let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, I don't think so..."

I chuckled. "What happened to not wanting to live with regrets?"

She laughed. "I could live with that one," she retorted and I laughed.
"I don't know, that ship has sailed for me."

"Women," I shot back.

"Hey!" She scowled.

I chuckled. "Don't worry Angel, I tried it and there's no way in hell I'm going to let you do it, anyways."

"Then why...?"

I laughed and shrugged. "I had a feeling you're still too chicken to actually try it."

She scowled.

"Trust me babe, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Besides, you've already done something risky in my book. To me it's the riskiest thing out there," I said.

"Yeah? What?"

"Me."

"You?"

"Yes, me. A year ago, you took a chance on me. You gave your heart to me. Then just recently, you took a chance on me again and trusted me. You have me your heart again. You love me."

She smiled and tears glittered in her eyes.

"Babe, I think that loving someone is the biggest risk out there because you never know the end game is going to be."

"So am I your biggest risk then?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No. You're the nest decision, I ever made," I said right before I kissed her.

My own tears rolled down my cheek. And as I kissed her, I tasted both of our tears.

She clung to me, in the same way I clung to her - as if our life depended on it.

***

"How is your headache?" Doctor Nadeen asked.

"It's coming and going. Some are worse than the others," I said.

"Is it occurring more often now, than before?"

I nodded. "Yes."

He nodded. "Jason, I have to be honest with you. It's going to get worse from here on in. You're going to need those meds more often. You have to make sure that they are always accessible to you. I'm going to up the dosage just a little bit."

"Have you been experiencing gray ness in your vision?"

I shook my head. "No." Not yet.

He nodded. "have you experienced any of the other symptoms we've talked about? Tremors?"

I shook my head. "No. Just the headaches.

"Okay. Good. If you start to experience any of those things come and see me right away."

I nodded. "I will. Is there anything I could do to... You know..."

He sighed. "Jason, brain tumours are unpredictable. I'm sorry. I wish there was more I could do at this point. But... All I can do is to try to make things as comfortable as I can. Right now, all I can say is to be prepared."

I clenched my jaw.

Balled my fist.

"Thank you for your time and honesty," I forced out.

After my check-up, I decided to just drive around to try to clear my head.

I know I keep saying that I'm going to fight. That I'm going to live. But fuck. How can I still believe that I can get through this when I hear those things. Every time I look at my angel, all I can think about is growing old with her, and then I hear those things, and suddenly all I can think about is not being with her. Not being able to see her face or hear her voice.

It fucking terrifies me.

Unpredictable. My fucking case is unpredictable.

Prepare for the worse.

After driving for an hour, I find myself down at the beach.

I walked around trying to just make sense of everything.

I pulled out the box containing the ring I bought for Zarah. The ring I wanted to give her.

I pulled out the ring and I loses my had around it, gripping it tightly.

All the while the doctor's words kept repeating over and over again in my head.

Unpredictable.

Prepare for the worse.

Tears rolled down my face and wipe them angrily.

I can't do this to Zarah.

How can I fucking marry her, knowing that I could leave her anytime?

I fell on my knees.

I started shaking, and cried.