Zarah

The first few days after that night with Jason a year ago, I did nothing but cry. I guess I was also in denial. I didn't want to believe that Jason didn't feel anything for me, and that he can treat me so callously. I wanted to believe that he felt the same connection I did.

I waited for him too. I waited for him to call. To come after me and tell me that he made a mistake and that he wanted to try and have a relationship with me.

But he didn't call... He didn't come after me. In fact, the next day, he was photographed with a blond bimbo. I cried again when I saw the papers.

I cried for days. I was so pathetic. I picked up the phone and tried to call him and see if maybe he changed his mind. That he didn't mean those things he said to me. That maybe he was just in shock when I told him I loved him. But I couldn't bring to risk being humiliated again. So, I didn't call him.

And on the days that followed he was photographed with other women, and I finally stopped hoping that he would change his mind.

I refused to cry again, after that. By then I was just angry. All I felt was anger. Anger towards him and at myself. I was so angry at myself for being so stupid and pathetic. For falling in love so quickly. For thinking that Jason is more than his reputation. Clearly what the papers say about him is true. Women to him serves one purpose... To warm his bed. That's what he said to me that night. He told me that I wasn't special. That he could fuck any girl he wanted. Which was true. But it was more than that to me. It was special to me. We talked the whole night during my brother's wedding and I thought I saw a side of him that was so real. I saw a man with a good heart. A man who loved his parents. His brothers. A man who cared. But I guess I only saw what I wanted to see.

Tears start to well up in my eyes again.

I angrily wipe away them tears that escaped my eyes and grabbed my coat and purse and headed out the door.

"I have to step out for a while you guys, I'll be back as soon as I can," I told Joe, Stacy, and Karen on my way out of the shop.

I grabbed a taxi and gave the driver my sister's address.

***

"Sorry to barge in on you like this," I said to my sister as she led me to the living room.

"It's no problem. Your my sister. You're welcome here anytime. You've got great timing. Alejandro is down for his nap and we've got probably another hour or so before he wakes up. So talk," she said.

I looked at her and before I could stop myself I threw myself at her and cried.

Ellie hugged me back tightly and just let me cry. She rubbed my back and while whispering soothing words to me. She was also crying at that point.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but once my tears subsided, I pulled back and we both wiped our tears away.

"What's wrong Zar?"

"You remember the night of Massimo and Ara's wedding? That was the first time I met Jason," I started to say.

"Yeah, I remember. You guys couldn't take your eyes off each other. You guys talked the whole night."

I nodded. "Yeah and we almost... You know..."

Her eyes widen in shock. "What? You mean you guys did it?"

I shook my head fiercely. "I said almost."

"What happened?" She asked.

I then proceeded to tell her what happened that night.

"He said that? I'm going to kill that asshole! Better yet, I'm going to get Marco to beat the shit out of him. Zarah, how come you never told me? Why didn't you say something? That's why you have been avoiding him?"

I nodded. "I didn't tell you because it was humiliating. I told him I loved him and he threw it back in my face. I almost gave my virginity to him and he acted like he was revolted by the idea."

"I can't believe that son of a bitch! I'm so mad. I swear when I see that guy, I'm going to smack him. And to think I want him to be my son's godfather! He can forget it. No way!"

"Ellie, I don't want you guys to get involved. This is between the two of us. The reason I'm telling you is because I'm so confused. I don't know what to do."

"Oh Zarah... But... But you're seeing each other now? Does that mean you have forgiven him? Have you talked about this?"

"The night you set us up, he actually tried to apologize, but I brushed him off. I told him that it was in the past and that he didn't need to apologize that I have moved on. It was such a shock seeing him there. Looking at him, being so near to him... It brought back painful memories. It took me back to that night when he broke my heart into a million pieces. I didn't want him to see me breakdown. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to see how broken I was."

"But you haven't forgiven him or forgotten what he did... have you?"

I shook my head, and I started crying again.

Ellie hugged me to her.

"Shh... Zarah, if you haven't forgiven him then why are you going out with him? Why don't you just talk to him and give him a piece of your mind?"

I pulled back. "I... I... Came up with this plan. You see, I wanted him to feel the way I felt that night. I wanted him to feel the pain and humiliation I felt. I wanted revenge on him. I was going to seduce him and make him fall in love with me and then once he says he loves me then I was going to throw it back in his face. I told myself that this time, he was the one who was going to be left heartbroken."

"Oh, Zarah... Remember when you told me that asking Marco to marry me was a bad idea and that it will only lead to a disaster?"

I nodded.

"Well, I hate to say it but it's kind of the same thing."

I cried harder.

"Shh... It's okay. It's going to be okay, Zar."

"I... I... Don't know what to do!" I sobbed. "I thought that I had it all planned. Seduce him, make him fall in love with me, then break his heart, but... But..."

"You still love him."

I nodded. "I don't want to love him, but God, I do," I sobbed out. "I still love him."

"Zar, I don't know what to say. Do you remember when I found out about Marco and Papà's deal?"

I nodded.

"I came to Ara and ask for advice. I asked her how she was able to forgive Mass so quickly after what he did. She told me that she loved him. She said that the thought of leaving and not being with Mass and Lia hurt more. So she decided to stay and wait until Mass can tell her he loves her."

"And he did," I said.

Ellie nodded. "He did. I even told her that if it was me, I don't think I would have been so forgiving."

"But you forgave Marco."

She nodded. "I did. You see, what Ara said, I thought about it. I loved Marco and the thought of not being with him was tearing me up inside. I couldn't imagine my life without him. But it wasn't just that. Ara said that 'people make mistakes and that, what's important is that we realize it, and we make amends.'"

"So you think I should forgive him? I asked.

She forced out a laugh. "You know, I asked Ara the exact same question."

"What did she say?"

"She said no, and that I should do what will make me happy. So I did. I chose to forgive Marco. And the things is, he told me the truth. He chose me. He called off the deal and he still wanted to marry me. He still loved me. He chose me. And I knew that he loved me. I felt it, and that was enough for me."

I nodded in understanding. "That's the difference between your situation and mine. Marco loves you. Jason doesn't love me."

"Are you sure? I saw the way he looked at you that night. I don't know why he said those things to you and acted like a complete asshole, but by the way he was looking at you, he felt something much deeper for you than what he was prepared to admit. And if I were to guess, I think that that's exactly why he ran. He was scared of what he was feeling. But it doesn't matter. He's here now. He wants to be with you."

"I don't know, Ellie..."

She gave me a small smile. "Zar, you're the only one who can decide what you want to do. I think you guys should really talk about this. He seemed to regret what he did and is trying to win you back. It's up to you, if you want to close your door on him, or if you want to try and give him another chance. Look, as much as I may be angry with him right now, I also know him. And he has a good heart. Our brother and Marco wouldn't have been friends with him if he wasn't a good man."

I nodded.

"I also know you, Zar. You're the type of person who will always be the bigger person. I know your heart. You have a loving and a forgiving heart. No matter how much you deny or fight it. It's who you are."

I shook my head, denying what my sister was saying.

She simply smiled at me. "Think about it."

I really do have a lot to think about.