You have no idea how worthless you made me feel   
:-)~~(-:    Moralayo   Alapetu      

  Anxiety is the feeling when you get frustrated because it's physically impossible to be 100% happy. It's a feeling when you feel like you are not good enough; you crave for attention you know you can't have. It's a feeling when you stare at your ceiling and ask yourself an infinite number of questions, then sit, breathe, and debate whether or not you want the answer. The feeling when you wonder all night and think about who truly cares about you and who's using you, who truly wants you and who's awaiting your downfall. The feeling when you question your value, worth, pride, yourself, everything and think.    Overthink    all night. All you are left with is you, yourself and a very dark place.   
Anxiety is an emotion..........  

" damn it , "  she cursed as she realized that the signal had gone. She was really enjoying the program. That seemed to be her remedy the past weeks. It was a podcast that Ike had introduced to her and since then, she never missed the podcast. She really loved and looked forward to the podcast each day as she did now.

Her mind trailed back to the events that happened in the past week. The past week has been some sort of a miserable one to her. She had cried her eyes out until there was no tears left to cry. She couldn't bare to think about the stigma she would face. The shame, the spiteful glances, and that was one of the reasons why she refused to go to school today.

Yea, school had resumed but Layo couldn't bring herself to go but one thing she knew was that sooner or later, she was going to go but she was afraid of everything and anything.
The fact that her sister was going to be crowned the head girl while she was going to be termed as a repeater. She could not bare to think of that thought alone. It was scaring her, making her mind trail to different directions. 

She took a glance at the clock. It was few minutes to the time school will close. Susie went to school, perks of being the head girl, leaving only Layo and the maids alone in the house.

She went over to her study desk as she removed her black nylon from her stationary container. Actually, she had poured a rightful amount of the liquid and placed it there so as to avoid suspicion. It wasn't like she was addicted to it, she just liked its scent. Inhaling it's scent brought a kind of calmness to her. She tore open the nylon as she started to inhale the smell. It gave her a kind of feeling she could not describe.

Have you ever been obsessed with a certain scent and when you smell it you can't just stop sniffing? Well, mine is.........    

"BOOM!!"

" what the !  !  Layo looked up to her sister's scrutinizing gaze on her. Her eyes scanning her as if suspecting her for something.

Thought I locked the door    

"why is your whole body...."

"quit it,  it mistakenly splashed on my hands" she lied, hoping that her sister would buy it.

"anyways, that's none of my business, just wanted to tell you that I've gotten back from school." Susie said, without waiting for a reply from Layo as she exited the room.

" Pheew    ...... That was a close one "  Layo muttered to herself. She knew that she had to get rid of the stain, since it was very evident on her face and palms. She made her way to the bathroom, ready to scrub every trace of it off her body.

  ***********

Layo clutched her stomach as she fell back on the sofa, throwing her head back in laughter. She is currently seated in the living room, reading a dispute in her class whatsapp group chat. To be frank, the argument was a really funny one and as usual, she just read the messages, she still hasn't gotten over her fear yet.

"This one that you are smiling like what I don't know."

Layo looked back to see Ike grinning at her. Ike had decided to spend the little moment before she will be gone with her cousin, she was willing to make as many memories they could together. At least, she still had few days left.

"they've gotten your password aswear "

Layo was still engrossed in reading it, ignoring what Ike had just said which earned her spank on her head.

"ouch nau ,  she pouted.

" Mtchewwww . ............ Gist me what's making you grin like this nau " Ike begged.

"it's this argument on my class group chat oo."

"hold up, class what? I thought you once told me you weren't added there."

Layo mouthed an "oh".  After the minor dispute that day with Susie. Susie had told one of her classmates to add her.

Layo shrugged. "Well, Susie told then to add me"

"Okay, oya gist me"

"well, my classmates are arguing that people that listen to Billie Eilshe are depressed."

"what the what! Aswear   your classmates don't have work." Ike flopped to the sofa as she slightly pushed Layo, getting hold of her phone as she read the messages aloud.

  Rejoice:   Nobody wants to be depressed.     
Depression is not a thing you choose.    

Somto   :   We are not depressed 👺... But Billie's songs touch the soul     
Like mama's milk     

  Digiola  :    Well, I can't know if people who listen to Billie   Eillish   are depressed... A lot of people listen to her music, I listened to her songs for a while and I didn't have a depressed "feeling" .     
So... From here I can't say whether depressed people listen to her or not... 🤷🏾‍♂️...Her style of music is peculiar... But we can't categorically say her song is for depressed people....     

  Leemat   : Sommy  , which one is comparison like this. Anyways, to me I feel    Bille   Eilish   songs can't make you depressed except if you choose to allow them to. I've always believed that depression, is not just mere anger, sadness or loneliness. It's mostly people's mindset. Some people have seen a lot  of things worth making them depressed but instead of allowing the depression to drag them down they fight it. This is what I'm talking about.     
All I'm saying is that, your choice of music is not something that should or would affect your mental health. Simple     

  Digiola  :   I  agree with you   Leemat     , Because her song are slower.. and all , I believe it's an   african   mentality whatever.     

  Rejoice :     The problem is that everyone is looking for attention     
Everyone is claiming to be depressed, so we do not know the people who are actually depressed and this is really sad. There's nothing wrong with being okay, there's nothing wrong with not having any mental illness.     
If you do not have a mental illness, do not claim that you do. Let's know who is depressed and who is not, so that we can actually care for these  people    

  Somto : mad oh! Rejoice calm down 😂😂 we no ask you for psychology like this .     

.........   Lemmat    recording audio   

"Your classmates are characters aswear ... I like that girl, Digiola. Am I right?" Ike asked as she finished reading the chats and handed it over her.

"yep, she's a really brilliant girl," Layo replied as a sly smile made her way to her face.

" mehn " !  I can't believe people still think like that in this century. Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion."

"well, what do I even know sef ,  I don't even know her." Layo said, nonchalantly.

Wait!! What!?

"LAYO TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW BILLIE EILSH" Ike screamed to her face.

" geeezzz .........  What nau ,   as I did not know her nko "

"Wait, tell me in my face that you don't Billie." Ike said again, still not wanting to believe the fact that her cousin does not Billie Eilshe.

Is there any 21st century teenager that doesn't know her?    

"wait oh! You are not joking."Ike screamed. You don't know Billie?"

"well, I do know she's a musician, at least what I've heard from people's mouth, apart from that, I don't know anything about her again." Layo replied.

"well, that's better but still, girl!! What century are you living in?"

Layo let out a laugh. Her cousin was just being too dramatic. There was no big deal in not knowing who Billie Elish afterall, she had never been a music lover to be begin with.

"hope you sha know Fireboy?" Ike asked.

Layo furrowed her brows in confusion as she tried to remember the artiste. "oh! Is he  the one that sang Tesumole "

" Mogbe ,  Moku , Modaron    ,"   Ike screamed, is this girl for real?

"see ehn you are a lost case aswear ,  Ike teased as she made her way out of the living room.

Layo laughed for a while before she  connected her earphones to her phone as she tuned in the podcast. She was really eager to hear the topic of discussion, and hoped it'll be as just intresting as the last.

There's this story of a woman making news, whom according to her has been in an abusive relationship for about 3years.  Well, her boyfriend doesn't beat her but verbally and emotionally, he abuses her. When she told her friend about the decision to leave the relationship. Her friend told her to bring proof. She couldn't leave the relationship because there was no proof for her to show the world her pain and then she wished for something. She wished that he'd just hit her so she'll know that she's being abused. Abuse is not always about physical contact. When someone is always putting you down, makes you feel worthless, know you did nothing wrong and that's not love. That's abuse, he doesn't have to hit before your eyes open that you're in a abusive relationship. One of the thing most people fail.........  

"LAYO," a voice screamed out, making Layo to turn her head to the direction of the sound.

"you scared me now,"

"that's not my business, anyways what is it about verbal abuse you have been listening to." Susie queried.

"oh! that, well it's a podcast laidat . They are discussing about people in verbal abusive relationship."

"oh! I don't believe in that shit . " Susie responded, with her gaze fixed on the floor.

"I can't force you to believe what you don't what to believe. But well, I do believe in it. Verbal abuse is still abuse, it's abuse in form of words. Don't assume that a few hurtful words won't cost them their life. Words hurt." Layo defended.

"Baby sis, don't leave in delusion. As long as you don't get hit then you are not in an abusive relationship. Please, who want to leave a relationship just because your needs aren't fullfied."

"stop twisting your sister's word. She's saying that just because a person doesn't put hand on you doesn't mean that they are abusive. Abuse is control, blatant, disrespect and also hurtful words. Don't settle for emotional abuse thinking it's okay because it's not physical." Ike chided.

"if you're trying to say these. Then what about those people that are being physically abused. That they have bruises all over their body, is their own not worst." Susie questioned.

"see ehn , it's not the bruises in the body that hurt, it's the wound of the heart and the scars in the mind. If you use harsh words, charge towards someone, bang your fist on the table, throw things across the room, degrade or cause fear, withdraw attention, threaten verbally or with aggressive behavior. You are abusive even if you never touch them." Ike concluded. She rubbed her temple in frustration as she continued. " I'm not having this conversation with you anymore. Open your eyes and see the truth for yourself." she said as she left.

"what she said was just plain fact. You can heal a broken arm but can you heal a broken heart?" Layo who had been quiet all through spoke. She didn't wait for a reply as she left the living room, leaving Susie alone.

Susie felt her heart clench and slowly, drops of tears coming out of her eyes. Was what they said really true? Even though she knew that there was an element of truth in what they said but still she couldn't bring herself to accept the fact. "no, he doesn't hit me, so I still have hope than some people." she muttered as she wiped her tears.

*******************

She kept on tossing and tossing in her bed. Begging for sleep to come but no, she couldn't sleep. She tried to do other things that'll keep her busy but she wasn't fully in the right state of mind at that moment.

Have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out. So you just stare blankly into space while feeling  your heart break into pieces?   

All that she was concerned about was the fact that tomorrow is going to mark a new chapter in her life. She wasn't ready at all, ready for what she knew she'd face. There was no use running away from her problem since it'll later catch up on her. But what are couldn't stop was the gut feeling in her heart that there's more to the story than she thought.

Tomorrow will be better    afterall   ?  

Or not?   

A/N  

Thanks for the 600+ reads ❤❤❤❤❤❤  

Dedicated to   itoeda   check out her newest story "Moonlight." I can reckon you'd love it and also  FavvyJ    chop kiss 😘 😘 she's a wonderful person.   

*clears throat* Just like    Layo    I did not know who Billie    Elish    was before😂😂😂 the only thing I knew was that she was a musician and I knew that through    wattpad    😂. Unlike    Layo   , I know that it's not    Fireboy    that sang    Tesumole    or is it? 😂  

So, do you think it's depressed people that listen to her songs? Well, I doubt if I've listened to any of her songs but what I can say is that people have different taste in music. What's your take on the classmates? Which one of them are you looking forward to their character or which one of them do you agree with? P. S : that was a real chat 👀 I pray they don't catch me.   

They've finally added    Layo    to the group chat 💃 💃 I guess Susie deserves a thank you,    abi   ?  👀   

What's your take on Susie's view on verbal abuse? Do you think anything is wrong with her? Who do you agree with, Susie or    Layo    and    Ike   . What are your reasons?   

😂😂this is sounding like an interrogation nevertheless I'd love to hear your views. Don't forget to tap that star 😉 and flood with your comments.   

Loads of love ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤  

🌼A🌼T🌼 M