The first time I met him, I hated him right away. There was just something in his air at first, oozing with narcissistic vibe all around. This was big for me to say, because I usually don't pay much attention to anyone around me - much less to judge them. But, well, 

Jeon Jungkook made it easy for anyone to judge him. 

I was in my senior year and he was the same. We never shared the same classes together all throughout high school so we were never unlucky enough to be speaking to one another. But of course, I knew who he was. Who doesn't? 

Let's go through the obvious first - he came from a family of conglomerates, so yes, he's a rich kid with old money. His grandfather, his father, his uncles and aunties - basically everyone in his family is in the upper class of society. I didn't know this from a research, it was simply circulated around that the school received hefty amount of donations every year from his family alone. 

But more than that, Jeon Jungkook wasn't someone who'd keep his family's wealth under the radar. He wasn't humble about it but hey, I thought he's allowed to be however the hell he wants as long as it doesn't involve me. On a day-to-day basis, I didn't think about him at all to be honest. 

Not until that fateful day, when my homeroom teacher asked me to fetch a file that he'd forgotten to bring from his office. I was always grateful that my seats were always at the front of the class, simply because it helps my poor eyes see better. I knew where that landed me in the high school social hierarchy but I didn't mind it that much. A nerd, a lackey, a prude, or a teacher's pet - I've heard them all.

Rather than I 'didn't' mind it, it's more like I 'couldn't'. Because unlike most of the students in KIS, I was there under a scholarship programme. No matter the gossips, I had to retain my patience and grades in order to not be kicked out and possibly ruining the chances of me getting into any universities in Seoul, just as my parents had hoped. I knew it was bad to be called a 'bootlicker' every now and then but, hey, I won't be seeing those kids forever, will I?

Anyway, when I got into the teacher's lounge, I found Jeon Jungkook and two of his friends inside - snickering about with some papers in their hands. There weren't any teachers around, just them. Since I didn't know them personally, I just made my way to my teacher's desk in silence. Just to put it into perspectives, none of what's to come would have happened if Jeon Jungkook hadn't come forward and spoke to me first.

"Hey, you didn't see us here, okay?" It sounded like a threat so it's only natural that I sensed their mischiefs. 

"But I did see you..." I wasn't looking for a challenge or a fight, I was merely stating the obvious. 

"I'm telling you, you didn't. Be a good girl and keep your mouth shut." 

That was my first time seeing him up close and up until this day, I would hate to admit it. That he's really good-looking when he smirked like that. He could have just left it at that because I kept my mouth shut under his stare. He didn't have to hit my head so hard with the rolled-up papers in his hand because when he did, my 'bootlicker' persona was immediately taken over by the Defensive She-Hulk, living I-don't-even-know-where in me. 

I grabbed the papers and pushed him away as hard as I could and shouted, "Who the hell do you think you are - you think you can just mess with other people's heads like that??", and I started chasing him around, returning what he had done to me. His friends got it too when they tried to pull me away. The lounge was in chaos for God-knows-how-long, and I only got off from him when a teacher stepped in. It was only then that I had managed to be 'me' again. 

It was three boys versus one girl so obviously, I wouldn't be able to hold and fight them for that long. I thought I was saved when the adult showed up. I was ready to see their sorry-ass faces apologising to me but my, my, was I surprised! 

"We passed by the office and saw her taking something out from Myeong seonsaeng-nim desk. We thought we should ask and...well, she's holding the exam papers. When we confronted her about it, she started shouting and attacking us - we have no idea why, we're in shock too!" Jeon Jungkook said, with his convincingly pitiful expression. 

"What - that's such a lie! You're the ones who took it -"

"How can that be? If we're the ones who took it, why would it be in your hands - shouldn't it be in ours?"

"I took it from you cus you hit me with it!"

"Hey, let's be honest here, okay? Can anyone believe that you managed to take it from our hands if we're the ones who stole it? There are three of us and we're no delinquents. Let's face it, the reason why we look like a mess right now compared to you is cus we don't like to fight - what more with a girl!" 

There were three things I realised at that moment. One, is that my Defensive She-Hulk had made a grave move by showing up. I wouldn't be holding the exam papers if it didn't. Two, there was no way that I could win this fight. The teacher is already nodding to whatever bullshit Jeon Jungkook had spewed and it made me feel helpless. And three, that despite his smirk made his face look so good-looking, Jeon Jungkook had appeared to be the ugliest guy I had ever met. 

Stealing - or attempting to steal - exam papers is like, one the biggest sin a student could do in the eyes of the teachers, and that was supposed to be our midterm exam papers. It's cheating...and I had never cheat...but by the second half of our period, almost everyone in our batch had seen me as a cheater. Words got around easier and faster when it came from someone like Jeon Jungkook, and from then on, it was as if he's made it his lifelong mission to destroy me. 

It was hard at first, for me to hear whispers whenever I walked by a class or a group. I'd hear things like 'no wonder she's acing so well!' or 'all that ass-kissing and she still needs to cheat!'. I've never thought much about not being able to make a close friend in KIS but during those times...man, I wished so much that I had a friend to be on my side! 

I never minded what peers my age thought of me before. All I trusted were the eyes of the adults. How my parents looked at me...and how my teachers perceived me...it was almost as if I needed their assurance that I'm on the right track in life. That single event crushed my support system like no other. My parents are not in the country and since that fateful day, all I'd get are the grumpy sneering from my teachers. The only reason I managed to stay in school was because 'there were no evidence that you had cheated in past records', said the principal. 

It didn't make me feel good. Scrap that - it was hella depressing! For a month, I kept myself in as small of a bubble as I could design. I was casted out, so I played the part. Thankfully, our group projects afterwards were only consisting of two people, and Myoui Mina was nice enough to not pay attention to the added gossips surrounding me. She was an exchange student and she had kept a low profile as well. It helped that she was my 'deskmate' too. 

"I don't really know what they're saying. I've seen you staying back for hagwons since last year so I know you've worked really hard. It's actually a good thing that I got paired with you this time around. I think I'm in good hands so please take care of me!" She said with a big smile that squished her cheeks out and upwards. 

I was grateful for that remark, even though I never asked for it. And there were days when I wished I had the same friendly aura as Myoui Mina. She sat at the front too and her grades were good, but she wasn't called by any other names. She's sociable with our classmates and she had friends from other classes too. I still think she's one of the cutest girl I've ever interacted with...despite the fact that she's also one of the girls who's had a crush on Jeon Jungkook. 

It was fine, I thought. I didn't need to hate anyone else - I had no energy for it. All my hate was already directed on Jeon Jungkook and I wasn't quite sure why...ever since I started hating him, I realised that I'd see him more often than not. It's as though the world kept laughing at my face and saying, 'This is what you get for unleashing the Defensive She-Hulk!'. 

Maybe it was me who had never noticed it before but he was practically everywhere in my sight after that event - damn, I hated him so much! It was already annoying to see him 'living' so well and being surrounded by his friends and fans - what made it even worse is that he would pull out that damn smirk whenever he saw me! I had to divert either my eyes or my feet away for every time I crossed path with him because it reminded me of the humiliation I felt that day. 

One thing that kept repeating in my head whenever I saw him was 'Just leave me alone!'...but maybe it was too much of a request. Because for some out-of-this-world, God-knows-why reason...about a month after, he started calling out for me. In the hallway, at the cafeteria, even when I stepped out of the Girls' room - he would call my name out whenever I was within his peripheral vision! 

It was a weird thing to adjust to so of course I didn't. I brushed off all of hi's and heys and loud 'Lalisaaa!' proudly because...well, why the hell not?! I honestly couldn't come up with a single good excuse of his sudden 'friendliness' so naturally, my mind just went for the opposite. There must be a plot to make my life a more living hell than it already was, and I wasn't going to fall for it! But of course, me saying I won't fall for it did not affect his goal because shortly after that, I realised that he didn't need me to acknowledge him back.

"Why is he calling your name here and there? I doubt that you two are friends so what are you?" The long, brown-haired girl in the middle asked. I could sense that she was the leader of the four other girls behind her and they're all upset at me - given the fact that I'd been pushed and backed against the the wall in the janitor's room out of the blue. 

"I don't know. Ask him."

"Yaaa...we know what you did to him! He can't hurt you cus you're a girl...but we can. So tell me, did you threaten him or something? Did you blackmail him - forced him into pretending that you guys are friends so everyone'll take pity on you?" She kept poking hard on my shoulder that it began to hurt.

I tried really hard to suppress Defensive She-Hulk in. I didn't need another series of drama in my life. "I have nothing to do with him. I don't know him."

"You little shit - you better be telling the truth! If we hear your name being called out one more time, trust that your pretty little face won't be so pretty anymore!"

I was left confused when they walked out. Scared, yes...but mostly confused. Simply because she said 'your pretty little face won't be so pretty anymore'. No one's ever told me I had a 'pretty little face' in that school. Do I really have a pretty little face?, was what played in my mind. I thought I was average-looking. 

I know my features were a little different...but so did quarter of the foreign students in KIS. I wore glasses because I couldn't see well and my bangs were always the same as those they'd call a 'geek's' - fully covering my forehead and rests just at the mid of my eyebrows. I always had my hair up in a ponytail while the pretty girls in the school would let their hair down.

I was in such a daze over being called 'pretty little face' for the rest of the classes that I didn't even realise that I was still sitting at my desk for half an hour after the school ended. I knew it wasn't supposed to be a compliment but to me, it sounded like one. And I knew I should have paid more attention on being threatened over Jeon Jungkook calling my name out loud every now and then, but it seemed to have slipped my mind. 

"Funny bumping into you here, Lalisa!" Jeon Jungkook suddenly appeared beside me, just as I passed by the school gate and only then I remembered -

"Shut up - why are you so loud?!" I hushed his mouth with a palm and the action effectively pushed ourselves to the side - under shaded trees where no one was around. Yes, I looked around and made sure no one was around. I'd hate if I lose my 'pretty little face' on the same day that I got it!

"And there I thought you've been ignoring me - ckk you're full of surprises, aren't you?" He chuckled cheekily and I realised how close we were standing in front of each other. I took three steps back. 

"Don't flatter yourself - what exactly do you want from me?" 

"What do you mean?"

'What do I mean - has he hit his head somewhere and got amnesia??', was what I thought. I had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down from remembering the hell he had put me through. 

"You know exactly what I mean. Why are you calling my name out as if we're friends?"

His cheeks puffed out, along with his pout. "Are we not? I thought we are...since we have that little history together -"

'You mean the one where I beat your ass to a point you had to lie to not seem like a major wimp?' was what I wanted to say. But I'm a smart girl - at least I'd like to think I was! - and I've already made the front page news as the 'cheating ace' so on second thought, I should probably avoid putting myself as another target practice for now. 

"We're not. That happened, you lied, and I paid for it. If this is your way of apologising, you might as well just get it done and over with. We'll both move past it and consider no harm done."

He stared at me for a few seconds, and then laughed. When he regained himself back, the smirk graced his face. It was annoying to look at. 

"You're something else, aren't you? Listen..." He took a step forward and I instinctively took one back. "Why do you think I'd apologise?"

There were a lot of words that popped up in my head when he said that. Jerk...asshole, prick, sleazebag, scum of the earth - just a lot of words...but none came out.

"Let's just put it this way, Lalisa. I can't be in trouble so you did me a solid. The most I can do is say 'thank you', how bout that?"

It took a while for me to respond, but at least I did this time. "I didn't do you a 'solid' so no, not accepted. Don't talk to me again and definitely, don't call out my name again. You've ruined my future enough, I don't wanna lose my face too!" He halted me by the arm when I was about to walk off.

"Oh, come on, that shit's funny! How in the world did I ruined your future??" 

I couldn't believe a person like him existed back then. Someone so insensitive...so out of touch with anyone but himself...someone who finds humour in other people's sufferings. I knew I lacked social interactions but I wasn't that thoughtless. Nor was I stone-hearted. 

"Thanks to your accusation of me stealing the exam papers, a warning had been placed under my name, Jeon Jungkook. It'll stay there, in my records, can your senseless brain not figure it out? It means I may never get into college here, no matter how good my CSAT results are. The only reason I'm still even in this school is because of my scholarship so yeah, sorry I can't laugh along to that 'funny shit' - it doesn't seem funny to me at all!"

"Okay - hang on -"

"Cus while you're here making other people's lives miserable with your parent's money, some of us are working hard so we'd get to buy just a tiny bit of comfort for our struggling parents later on. Don't act like you're winning just cus you've got it all planned out for you, you just failed to learn on how much luck you have. It's cool and all cus you know what? Despite my future crumbling down right now, it's really you who I feel sorry for!"

I felt good delivering that lengthy speech. I've never personally spoken to anyone in KIS that long before, so it was good practice for me. I walked away with my head held high and my dignity in tact. For the rest of the day, I felt like I've accomplished something - something grand that resembles courage for once. I was on air - cleaning my small, rented studio as soon as I got back, having hot tea while I finished all of my homeworks, smiling and joking with my mom on the phone as she guided me to cook pad thai for my dinner, and slept early. 

I woke up early the next day too, and I walked to school with light feet and a free mind...and then I saw him again. Jeon Jungkook, in front of the school, being pushed out of a black BMW so hard that he fell instantly on the ground. His backpack was then being tossed out and I could hear the thud as it hits the tar. The car then drove away calmly, leaving just us two in the large compound. Yes, I looked around to check. 

It dawned on me that I had never pictured him being this early to school before. I'd never seen him entering school as the same, regular timing as the other students but I definitely didn't take him as an early riser. Maybe because he looked like a spoiled, rich kid. Anyway, he saw me standing not too far from him. It was awkward for me to see him this early after that little debate the previous day, but there was no way that I'd be the first one to say anything. 

He had the same thing in mind, apparently, because all he did after was shaking and ruffling his hair slightly, picked his bag up, and climbed on the short stairs to disappear inside the school. Only then I thought, 'what the hell was that about??'. It wasn't my business to pry. It wasn't as if we were friends for me to even wonder, but I did. For the whole twelve minutes of sitting alone in my classroom, I did. Things like,

'It's still practically dark outside - is he always this early? I took my time at walking just now and I still got here an hour before everyone. Who was it in that shiny BMW? His parents? No, it can't be - why would he be tossed out that way by his own parents? And is he really accepting and respecting my point of views yesterday? Cus that must be why he didn't even try to make eye contacts with me just now. He's really gonna leave me alone now?'

I should feel even better than how I did, before I saw him on that pavement. I should feel blessed that my voice was heard and maybe then I'd get to start my peace all over again. But I didn't. So I made my way to the vending machine near the cafeteria to get a strawberry milk - an effort to calm my heavily-working mind - and then I saw him again.

Sitting - or rather, slumping - down next to the machine with his eyes fixed on the floor. There were still only the two of us there and my awkwardness hadn't quite disappear, so I quietly inserted my coins and pressed the buttons. A second after, my strawberry milk fell down and I reached it through the dispense flap. For a moment there, I thought it was weird how that vending machine never sounded that loud. 

"You've had breakfast yet?" His voice suddenly accompanied the echo. 

I stood back up with my strawberry milk and gave him a frown. 

"If you haven't, do you want this?" He held out a small, round-shaped bun that's wrapped in a clear plastic towards me. "Don't get me wrong. I was in a hurry and I thought it was red beans...turns out it's custard."

I realised that out of all the negative feelings I had for Jeon Jungkook, fear wasn't one of it. Maybe he thought that I'd be scared since it was just the two of us, and that was why he had to claim his innocence beforehand. I still don't know why I got a little soft, because this boy was surely on my no-go list. But for some reason, 

"Sure." I went closer and took it. Again, I wasn't supposed to be this 'soft', but I muttered, "You wanna sit in my class for a bit?" Maybe because the way he's sitting looked uncomfortable and sad - that could be it. 

He followed behind in silence and took the seat next to me - at Myoui Mina's desk - without question. Since I didn't even know why I offered him to be here, I wouldn't even know what I could possibly say to him. He wasn't a friend and he's the last person I would ever trust, so I didn't want to start a conversation. 'It's just a feeling, I suppose' was what I had in mind. That it's human nature to feel sorry for someone who you had seen having a rough start of the day - regardless of the reasons. 

"Is it good?" He asked when I took the third bite of the custard bun. 

"It's alright. You don't like custard?"

"Not really. I don't like sweet things."

"Red beans are sweet."

"Yeah but it's earthy. It's not all sweet."

I nodded, even though I found it hard to recall the difference as the custard filled my mouth. "Do you want some? See if you'd like it?" I only asked because I felt like he's staring at me chewing too much. It was uncomfortable. 

"Sure. Tiny bit."

It was weird that he offered it to me when he could have just tried it for himself before. Nevertheless, I tore a piece and handed it over. I thought he would take it with his hand but instead, he took it directly into his mouth. I was sure that my neck had gone warm then, because how the hell have I ended up feeding my sworn enemy? But I couldn't confront him about it because his hair looked a little dishevelled and his small smile looked satisfied. 

"Too sweet." He said after a few seconds so I knew I didn't have to 'feed' him more - thankfully! "Why are you early today?"

"I just woke up early, that's all. My house is just a few blocks away so..." 

"Oh, in Gaepo-Ro too?"

"No, Nonhyeon-Ro."

"That...isn't a few blocks. You took the bus?"

"No, I walked."

"Wow, that's quite a walk, huh?"

"I'm used to it so it doesn't feel that far anymore."

I finished the last bite and walked over to the dustbin, throwing the wrapper away. When I came back, he laid his head on the desk - facing me. 

"Maybe I should try walking to school now...it's good to have a morning exercise, right?"

"Maybe - I don't know." 

"Do you hate me that much?"

'Well, that's out of the blue!' - had me flinching back a little. 'I do', so to answer him, but it seemed like the worst time to be saying it. If he had been in his regular jerk-jacket, I'd probably say it out loud. 

"Not now, Jeon Jungkook." 

"Now...as in this second?"

I nodded. 

"I'm glad I know the standard now." He grinned and he looked different, somehow. Like a smaller version...a nicer version. "By the way, you don't have to call me by my full name, you know...just Jungkook is fine."

"We're not friends."

He chuckled. "Still so cold. Fine, we're not friends. Even so, just Jungkook, please."

"Since you said 'please'."

He laughed and I thought I heard him hissing something but when I asked, he said it was nothing. The sky from my classroom window had gotten lighter and brighter. Still, he continued to occupy that seat and asking me a few random facts about myself. Things like,

"Do you always go straight back home after school or do you go hang out somewhere?"

"Straight home, except for Friday."

"What's on Friday?"

"I have a part-time job. Friday, Saturday, Sunday."

"Oh? Where?"

"There's a florist nearby my neighbourhood." 

And,

"Do you like baby octopus?"

"To...keep...or to see?"

"To eat."

"I don't know. I've never tried it."

As well as,

"Do you know how to ride a bicycle, Lalisa?"

Which to me, seemed like the most odd one yet.

"Yes...doesn't everyone?"

His silent smile made it even weirder. Not too long after, we heard footsteps coming in - a notification to both of us that this will be the end of our communication exchange ever. Or at least, that was what I thought. He left my classroom without any 'goodbyes' and I had only hoped that he heard my small 'thank you' for the earlier bun. 

I figured that regardless of his lack of apology for what had happened, I should put the past behind me. For the rest of the week, I lifted my spirits up by thinking of that exact sentiment - how all is well now and there was nothing I could do but to simply accept that I had been framed by Jeon Jungkook and was given a custard bun as compensation. The next week, I was called into the principal's office.

The only time I'd been in there was over the midterm exam papers incident so I was rather nervous to be walking into that gloomy-looking space again. To my surprise, I found Jeon Jungkook and an older-looking guy in the principal's office - everyone embracing the gloomy mood as well. I had no idea what was the reason of this sudden call for both me and Jeon Jungkook to be there and I hated it so much to be reminded of that event in the teacher's lounge - but like I said, the world was laughing at me.

"This is the student. Lalisa, I'd like you to meet Jeon Jungkook's brother, Jeon Junghyun. He insists on meeting you to apologise..."

Or maybe it wasn't. Apologise? 

"On behalf of my family, please accept the our apology for the pressure and trouble he has caused you. We have discussed a lot before coming here. I believe my brother has learned his lesson and will face the consequences of his actions. I hope you can forgive the error in his judgment." 

He sounded like such a fine, elite young man that all I could do was nod in awe. His suit was sleek and his eyes were...well, stony. Beside him, Jeon Jungkook is staring down on the carpeted floor. I couldn't see much of his face and I wondered whether he really came forward on his own or if he was forced to do so. But the latter didn't seem possible, as only the two of us in this room knew what actually happened in that lounge. So that means -

"We'll consider this a minor misunderstanding then. It's already passed and the exam's been taken care of." Principal Choy said.

"Will my name be cleared in the system?" I asked because that was the most important issue to be dealt with. 

"Yes, I will inform the Head of Discipline to retract the complaint."

A sigh of relief left my shoulders that morning. I was so glad that I hadn't told my parents about it yet, and so I won't have to. Jeon Jungkook and I were excused after. I bowed again to the two suited men and on my way out, I heard the principal apologising to Jeon Junghyun. It was quite funny to think how easy it was for Principal Choy to act calm and collected in front of those 'classy' ones. Not the laughing kind of funny, the scoffing kind. Because he wasn't calm and collected when he spoke to me two months ago. 

As we were walking back towards our classroom, I glanced a little to my right. The morning breeze had swept his hair to the side slightly, and I saw a faint mark - like a barely-there, blueish bruise on his left temple. 

"How did you get that?" I pointed out and he fixed his hair back to where they belonged. 

"I fell." 

Maybe he avoided my eyes because he was embarrassed about the apology his brother had to make. Or maybe he didn't want me to know. Either way, I wasn't going to pry if he refused to talk about it. Didn't mean I didn't wonder though. As I sat back at my desk, I began to think more about who Jeon Jungkook really is. I didn't know why, but the image I had of him had somehow altered.

He was always surrounded by boys and girls, everywhere he went in school. He was always joking and laughing, and it looked like he had an active lifestyle since he was into sports. I assumed that he'd be the same outside as well - hanging out and laughing about like some normal 17-year-old chaebol's sons would. I assumed because I wouldn't know.

But in the two times I've spent by his side - one in my classroom and the second just fifteen minutes before - it seemed like he's a different person. His silence wasn't really empty...it's as though he had a lot on his mind and he was too careful about not spilling them. Maybe it was just my imagination of him - that I wanted to see a little good in him. 

I was also confused about how I felt regarding the apologetic result of the incident. Since they'll take off the whole 'cheating' thing from my name, would Jeon Jungkook get it instead then? There's a saying that revenge is a dish best served cold, so a part of me would like it if justice were put in place according to the weight that was on me before. But somehow...I didn't feel good about that thought. 

I figured that it took a lot of guts for him to admit his wrongdoings out loud - if he really did admitted it himself - and that in itself was already a heavy form of punishment one could face. The pressure he must've felt from his family...and the embarrassment he faced from Principal Choy and me...it took a lot of courage for him to stand there and hear those things. 

I knew that it's probably bad to feel that way since he had made the entire batch hate on me for no reason at all, and it's nothing I could help with when it comes to serving justice and all, but I hoped that his family influence on the school would somehow give him the privilege of being at peace with himself. I was too nice, I know. 

A few days later, our classroom received news that there would be a seat-shuffle. This came after the news that there would be a new classmate joining us. I thought it was odd for a new student to come in that late in the year, but it wasn't on my priority list to care since I was more stressed on the fact that I had been moved to the second row from the back of the class. I was forced to resign on the start of a new era - an age when I had to squint my eyes a lot to see the board. Myoui Mina was no longer my 'deskmate', it was left empty...until Jeon Jungkook showed up and took it. 

I still remember how loud the hushed chatters were when he came in and took that seat. I heard the whisper of the boy behind me, saying 'No way! They're really gonna sit together after all that??' and Jeon Jungkook responded with a small chuckle. I couldn't even do anything - I was dead confused! I thought, 'How is he in my class - does Principal Choy know about this?' and 'Out of all the seats, why was mine empty in the first place??'. It was no joke - I had a lot of protesting questions in my head that day!

I've had a boy as a deskmate before so that part wasn't a big deal. The big deal was that it was Jeon Jungkook - the boy I had sworn to hate at first but was becoming more and more familiar as each day went by that I can hardly recall what was it that I hated so much about him before. But I wasn't an easy subject to provoke so I kept my mouth shut and my face front. I think he knew not to take me for a fool anymore too because he didn't say anything...not until that first period was over.

"Funny seeing you here, Lalisa." That smirk looked charming but my classmates were whispering about so much that I couldn't pay much attention to it. 

"How so? I've been in this class since the start of the year and you knew it."

"That I did. Not from the start of the year though, just from...when was it, two months ago?"

"Just so we're clear...I've accepted your brother's apology but that doesn't mean we're friends."

"That's so weird considering how worried you were about my head the other day..."

I clipped my mouth because I didn't know the right answer to it. I'm book-smart, not Jeon-Jungkook-smart. 

"Is the sun too much for you? You're pink!" 

A part of me was thankful that he wasn't speaking in a loud voice, otherwise I'd be red. "Please don't talk to me if there's no need for it."

"Oh, there's definitely a need! I just transferred class to sit next to you, so yes, there's a big need!"

I didn't like the fact that my heart fluttered when he said that. I didn't know what his deal was - whether he's being serious or he just really liked messing with me, but one thing's for sure, having him as my 'deskmate' would be a huge problem. And that problem was...that I might get used to Jeon Jungkook. I might even ended up liking him as a person. 

As per my previous judgment, I didn't think Jeon Jungkook had an ounce of shyness in his system. I was proven right. He's what the adults would politely call 'just a little naughty', and maybe it was the right choice of word to describe his bizarre randomness. He acted as if we'd been long-time buddies - teasing me at every chance he'd get or landing his head on my shoulder out of nowhere, and it was why I added the word 'player' in my list of 'Jeon Jungkook 101'. He was annoyingly clingy too.

"Why do you always look that way? My handsome face is here so just look at me..." He sulked rather coyly when he found me zoning out the window while waiting for the next class.

"Those trees and clouds don't bother me, so I like them."

"There's a basketball court down there, right?" He stretched his neck and I looked down. "If I play, would you watch and cheer for me?" His honest grin was so cute that it deserved a slap for making my heart blush. I didn't do it though.

"I wouldn't cheer for you if it's the last thing I do on this planet, Jungkook."

"Always so cold...but I don't mind! I'll make you cheer for me!"

It felt weird when he said that - as if he really needed me to be on his side and would stop at nothing to get me laughing. I chuckled instead because I felt shy. The next day, he spent his lunch time at that very same court and started shooting some hoops with his friends after. I saw him - or more like 'watched' him, as much as I didn't want to. And by the end of it, he looked up and saw me too. His smile was the widest I had seen on him, and he waved. 

The 'handsome' face and over-the-top enthusiasm had my heart thumping loudly so I backed away slightly and hid myself from his view. Then I heard my name - echoing from a distance outdoor. Oh, he's so ridiculous!, was what my mind repeated. Some of our classmates who were spending their lunchtime in class also heard it of course, so everyone started moving towards the windows - wondering who would even shout 'Lalisaaa!' for that many times in a single day. Everyone knew I had no friends passionate enough to do exactly that! 

I peeked a little and when he saw my face again, he held both of his arms up high to circle around his head. I remember thinking, 'What is that - what the hell are you doing, you fool??' as I held in the need to laugh out loud. He really did look like a fool! 

"Omo - did he just make a heart for Lalisa?? Yahh yahh - look at Jungkook -" There were many whispered voices saying my name that day. 

I still don't know whether I had turned red or not that afternoon, all I knew was that my neck and face felt extremely hot. I saw Myoui Mina for split second, and it was clear that she was upset. Jeon Jungkook had done it again - causing another misunderstand because 'Fix that damn flimsy circle - why in the world would they think it's a heart??'. I was so embarrassed that I didn't talk or speak to him for the rest of the day!

For the next 8 school-days, I realised how average his conversations were with his friends. They'd come by to hang out around his - or our - desks, and they'd talk about the normal things that I'd overheard boys our age talked about. Games, sports, music and where to hang out after school or over the weekend. I didn't know what I was expecting but I've imagined him to be more vain than that. They'd greet me too sometimes, including the two that was with him at the teacher's lounge previously.

They'd make subtle jokes about me 'beating' Jeon Jungkook's ass and he would laugh along. I only smiled to avoid hyping the topic up. It's a little embarrassing for me to admit, but I was a little conscious to recall my 'rage' from that day. I think Jeon Jungkook felt the same too because he never reciprocated that subject any further. We've cleared it up so it was a thing of the past. Other than that, I can honestly say that having him as a 'deskmate' wasn't that bad. No, it was rather entertaining.

I would find him sleeping in his seat every morning, with his head on the desk and facing my seat. There would be a custard bun and a strawberry milk readily hidden underneath my desk and I'd slip him the money for them when he woke up - only for him to slip it back to me. I'd find him looking at me and zoning out in classes, and he'd smirk at me as if I actually asked for it. He'd pass me notes too sometimes, with odd questions or even just doodles. It was only 8 days, but I felt like I'd gotten used to those routines. 

But like I said, words got around fast when it came to those elitists, and on the ninth day, I got stopped again. This time, I was brought and pushed into the Girl's room. The same group of girls glared and snickered at me while shooing two other unrelated girls out the toilet. I kept telling myself to not show my panic and reminded myself of when one of them called me 'pretty little face'. That worked. A little.

"Yahh I warned you, didn't I? I told you not to bother Jungkook again - who the fuck do you think you are?!" 

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't bother him -"

"You lying piece of shit!" One girl grabbed my ponytail and tugged it back. I've never been bullied before but I've seen this act on dramas. It was really as painful as it looked - I thought my scalp was going to fall off!

"What were you doing flirting around with him - you think we don't see right through it?? You made him admit that it was his fault and now he's in your class - you shameless bitch!" I felt a heavy thump across my ribs and it felt like the air had been sucked right out of me. I was coughing and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor. "Little miss prude's now acting like a slut - did you really think you're better than any of us?!"

"Stop - please! I - I didn't do anything!" I didn't want to beg but my stomach was throbbing with so much pain. Never in my life had I experienced that kind of agony before!

"Aww you're gonna cry now? You're gonna call your poor little mommy and cry?? That's what you get for messing with our Jungkook!" A hard slap flew across my face - stinging the skin on my cheek. "You fucking Thai bitch - get up!!" 

I was spent. I felt weak. No, I felt shoes on heavy feet - multiple of them hitting my right hip and shoulder. What did I do? I wanted to scream so they'd leave me alone but I couldn't because my breaths were short and shallow, and I was sobbing. It was only for a second that I wondered...where the hell was Defensive She-Hulk when I actually needed her?? Maybe it didn't show up because I felt more pain than anger? I wanted to go back to before my homeroom teacher asked me to fetch that file. No, I wanted to go back home to my mom and dad - to a place I wasn't so alone. I'd do everything differently then.

"That hurt? Go back to where you belong - this is no place for -"

"Yahh!!" I heard the shout of a guy but I was in too much pain that I couldn't open my eyes to see who it was. All I could think of at that moment was honestly...to not die. I was too young for it. I didn't deserve it. Dramatic, but that was how I felt.

"Lalisa, can you hear me?" 

It was him. Jeon Jungkook. The one who started this nightmare. 

He was also the one who had found me in that restroom and sitting next to me in the small, dimly-lit, fancy-looking room. I didn't know how long I was out for but when I woke up, it was dark outside. 

"Why -" My voice was half gone and I felt thirsty. "Water,"

He got up and rushed over the other side of my bed - pouring the water in such a hurry that it almost spilled. My body felt sore and my face felt bloated. My limbs worked fine - thankfully! - but some parts were still painful to move. While I savour the fresh liquid taste, I looked around to make sense of the situation. I was punched...and slapped...and kicked. On the side table, my glasses sat still. I took it after I was done with the drink and only realised that it was cracked once I'd put it on. 

Curses flooded my mind - thinking how on earth could I explain this to my parents. It's bad enough that they'd been wiring my living allowances when they themselves didn't have much, now I had to tell them that I needed a new pair of glasses over some boy-drama!

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." It honestly slipped past my mouth, but to the more important question of the day, "Why are you here?"

"I uh..." He started fidgeting - wiping his right palm across his pants while the other ruffled the back of his hair. "Someone should be here...I thought someone should be here when you wake up."

At that moment, I wished harder than ever that I had a friend - just so I won't see him while I was in that state of black and blue. "Who brought me here?" I wasn't sure where I was exactly but the door looked like a ward's. It dawned on me that I was in a hospital, and panic spreads from my chest - all the way to my feet. "I can't be here - I won't be able to pay for -"

"Hey, stop - you shouldn't be up and walking!" He grabbed me by the arm but let go immediately when I winced. "Listen, don't worry about that, okay? My family will take care of it so just...just get back in bed and rest..." He sighed. 

I was so confused that I obliged. I mean, technically, it was all his fault that I ended up there anyway so it was only right that he pays for it! I couldn't grasps more than one or two things that night. The nurses came in and out, and a doctor came in to tell me things I didn't quite understand. All throughout those waking, long-felt hours, Jeon Jungkook never left my side. He said his family would visit in the morning, that I understood perfectly of course. And he said that the right side of my cheek was a little red, that too I could manage. 

Other than that, I decided to pick them up the next day. I woke up because it was a little noisy, and from my bed, I saw Jeon Jungkook getting a slap from someone. A man in a suit...who looked as old as my dad. My breath picked up right away. It's only natural that you feel pain when you see someone getting slapped that hard, right? 

I climbed off the bed and made my way out. When I opened the door, the man's eyes widened. Jeon Jungkook turned to face me and I saw the visible red warmth on his cheek. 'We're now the same', I thought. 

"Why are you hurting him? He didn't hurt me - it wasn't him who did this to me!" I cried because...well, that red cheek brought too much emotions out of me. 

The man cleared his throat before dipping his head slightly to greet me. "Miss...Lalisa, is it? I'm Jungkook's father -"

"It doesn't matter! You shouldn't hit him like that - it wasn't his fault!" Side note: I was never this brave.

"Lalisa, it's okay - just calm down," Jeon Jungkook whispered close to me but I knew he was more scared at his father than he was worried about me crying. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that, but Jungkook here needs to learn his lesson -"

"He already did! Didn't he came out to you about what he did - that was enough for me! You're his dad, you should know better than to keep punishing him like this - look at his face! Really - look at him!!" 

That was not Defensive She-Hulk talking, obviously. I named her Weeping Ariel. All she does is cry in high-pitched, singing voices - captivating everyone near enough to hear her. Yes, she was no joke too because that's exactly what happened. Mr Jeon was speechless. Jeon Jungkook was speechless. And the nearby nurses and visitors, they were also speechless. 

The thing is, and I might be biased when I say this, but I was never raised by such trauma before and I couldn't understand why Jeon Jungkook had to. It was no wonder that he had to steal those exam papers and why he had to frame me for it. I recalled how he said he can't be in trouble and so it made sense! Was it his father too who had kicked him out of that car and drove off like it was nothing?

"You're already hurt so...so stop crying," He patted my shoulder lightly and I took a few deep breaths to calm my heavy sobbing. I must've looked like Ursula instead of Ariel but I was too emotional to care! "Just...I'm fine, see? Just get back to bed, okay? The doctor will come soon."

"I'm sorry...I get emotional when I'm hungry..." I slipped past Weeping Ariel and thought I should give an excuse. Mr Jeon tilted his head and smirked, and for some reason, I was annoyed again. "You better not hit him again or I'll make it my life's mission to let everyone know how you're treating your own son! I'll file for child abuse - physical and emotional!!" I wasn't sure if he heard me clearly because Jeon Jungkook had dragged me back inside by the waist, but I hoped he did!

"There's a little monster hiding in there, isn't it?" He chuckled when I was finally calm and fed. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." I rolled my eyes in return. 

"Ckk - either way...it's amazing...what you did. So thank you...even though I know I'll get the ultimate beating once I get home later!"

I turned to him and frowned. 

"Joking."

"It's not funny. That morning when I saw you...was that him too?" 

He took a deep breath and smiled. "My dad has a temper...especially when it comes to me. I'm used to it...can't say I've learned to get everything right though..."

"No one will get it right - not to those type of people!" I realised what I'd just said and I felt awful. "Sorry. I shouldn't say that about your dad."

"It's fine, Lalisa. He is, at the end of the day, 'those type of people'. He's also my father so...tough luck, huh?"

"Pshh - please! You liked that luck - isn't that why you've been putting me through hell at school??" I was glad that he recognised my tease, otherwise I may have had to beat myself for another round of guilt!

"Haistt you read me so well, Lalisa!"

"Lisa...just Lisa is fine." That was the turning point, I suppose. The moment when I acknowledged Jeon Jungkook as a friend...an ally. "My parents call me Lala but it may be too much for you to reach that spot."

He laughed and I thought he looked beautiful. With his messy hair and roughed-up doe eyes - I thought he looked like a little boy who had just came back from the best football game he's ever played. It was funny - the squinting kind - how I had seen him laughing with his friends at school so many times before, but it never seemed the same as this. 

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I never said it...it's hard for me to admit but...I'm sorry. For what I did back then...and for causing this."

A lot of things ran through my mind after that. About how messed up a single mistake could lead, and how wrong my perception was of him. I thought he was an egotistical maniac who'd burn my world down with just a smirk but...I guess I'd lose the 'maniac' part and the rest of it now. I mean...he still could, I guess...but I sure hoped he won't!

"Thank you. Did you came out because I told you I won't get into college?"

"I guess..." He sighed and hid his face. "I didn't think that far ahead when I did it. So I'm sorry."

"That's the second time you've said it. It'll get easier after the third."

He let out a small laugh and looked up again. "I'm sorry,"

And I couldn't help my smile. "Sounds like a natural already!"

We spoke a lot that day...in much softer voices and definitely calmer minds. He told me that he was supposed to go to school but skipped to be at the hospital instead, and that's why he got slapped. And he told me that he woke up a little late that one morning and decided to come clean to his dad about the lie, and that's why he got kicked out of the car. Apparently, my lengthy speech had gotten him restless the whole night before. I didn't know how to feel about it, even though it was the right thing to do. 

I got more insights on how Jeon Jungkook was raised in the 3 days of me being at the hospital. He was living with a father and a bother. He didn't speak of a mother and I didn't think I should ask as it may be a sensitive subject. His father was big on 'discipline' - it's no wonder, looking at how poised his brother was in Principal Choy's office before. It also made me recall Jeon Junghyun's eyes - how they looked almost soulless, despite the clear pronunciations in his apology. I remember thinking how I would hate to see Jeon Jungkook's eyes turning the same then. 

"Lisa...when you get out of here, let's rent a bike and go to Mujigae Falls." He said, on the third and last night at CHA Gangnam Medical Centre. I was already used to his randomness by then. 

His sorry grin made me feel appreciated, so I agreed. I didn't know where Mujigae Falls was. I thought that it must be somewhere near. Apparently it's in Busan...which is 325 kilometres from Seoul...which is ridiculous. Then he continued with,

"I don't know how to ride it so you're gonna have to take the wheel!" and laughed. 

That was the last time I saw him in my days as a student of KIS. 

Not literally. He was with me until I was sent back home by his family's driver. He told me that I had a week to recover and the school knew about it. He told me that three of those girls who attacked me were facing expulsion because there were previous reports of bullying and harassment made prior before me, and the other two were suspended for a month, as a warning. I felt a little better to know that I won't be seeing them when I get back to school but honestly, I still feared that they'll come after me. I started thinking of taking the public bus after that. 

I should have known that there was a reason for him holding my hand before letting me step into that black car. I felt a little hurt that Jeon Jungkook didn't say anything about leaving KIS. He never was the kind that would say 'goodbye' - not to me. It made me think that maybe he didn't think that we were even friends to have let me know about it. As though those 3 days he had spent with me were just another set of compensation - a repayment, since he knew I didn't have anyone to be there for me. It was my first heartbreak, honestly.

Not seeing him around at school anymore felt weird after that. I was always feeling unsure if I should feel good or not. I got a little paranoid over the constant glances thrown at me by some students when I got back, and I figured that they knew something I didn't. That was the first time when I wished that I had fit in among all of them, just so I could know something about Jeon Jungkook's sudden disappearance. 

It got better, after a while. Myoui Mina started talking to me daily again, and after a month or so, she started asking me to join her for lunch. I did, sometimes. Once she figured I had gotten a little comfortable with her, she asked me if what she heard was true. That I was attacked because of Jeon Jungkook. And I was carried out from the Girl's room by Jeon Jungkook. And that I was taken care by Jeon Jungkook in the week of my absence. I realised then that it was her reason for getting close to me, but I didn't mind it. 

I told her I didn't know why it happened or who carried me out and sent me to the hospital, and I kept my answer brief on the latter. That I was asked to stay and rest by the doctor for that long. I didn't want rumours to start spreading around - potentially causing the uprising of Jeon Jungkook's other 'fanbases', targeting me again. Thankfully, my answers were good enough for her to not probe more into my 'imaginary friendship' with the boy.

I also found out from Myoui Mina that there were rumours about Jeon Jungkook being homeschooled for CSAT. I failed to not think too much about it. My mind was already preoccupied by the thought of 'is he doing well?' most of the time. If that was the 'ultimate beating' he spoke about, I honestly hoped that his father took it easy on him. For a long time after, I kept thinking that his disappearance was all my fault and, well, it's a shitty feeling, really.

"Really? You've never had a crush on someone - not even a little bit, like, 'oh, he's cute!' kinda crush??" In front of me, Park Chaeyoung is gasping at my short response of shaking my head. I will never testify my feelings for Jeon Jungkook to even myself, but he was the only person who popped into mind when getting asked if I've liked anyone before. I wonder why... 

This topic came about when the three of my classmates started discussing on me being stopped and asked out by a senior in front of the faculty this evening. That was her, Kim Jisoo, and Kim Jennie. I couldn't remember the senior's name, but the question of 'What kind of guy would you like then?' took me down that long memory lane. It's odd.

I hardly thought about Jeon Jungkook anymore - not after a few months of my enrolment at Yonsei University. Now sitting in the final year of my Bachelor's Degree, I can honestly say that those days felt more like a dream than a reality I had once lived. I am just as focused as when I was seventeen, and I am still nonchalant about 'social acceptance'. But of course, 'change' is inevitable. 

I have more than just these three to call friends now, despite not trying that hard to fit in. And I've switched from glasses to contacts since they're easier and cheaper to replenish. My walk to school is much shorter than an hour now - a breezy 20 minutes - and I never had to worry on the appearance of Defensive She-Hulk and Weeping Ariel again, since nothing much has happened to me in these past 4 years. 

As I left my friends at the restaurant and make my way back home for the night, I started recalling one of Kim Jisoo's words earlier...in another round of discussion of...well, me. 

"It's perfectly okay if she doesn't think of dating - it's not like a goal everyone has to meet! Maybe she hasn't met anyone worth the trouble yet."

And Kim Jennie's rebuttal of, "Yeah but like...don't you get horny??" It won the table's loudest, chaotic squeaks to date. "I'm serious - okay, maybe not 'horny' but just...you know - you wanna hold hands and just hug someone on a bad day or something, get it? Not even on a bad day, I think it's natural at our age to wanna feel that kind of intimacy - it's only human to need it!"

When she put it that way, I started feeling like I'm missing out on something. Or rather, I've missed it. The only time I've ever felt anything remotely close to that was when Jeon Jungkook was sitting so close to me - as much as I tried to deny it. Looking back now, my hellish days with that boy felt too short...but it was also the most eventful days I've had in my years of high school, and up til now. 

I remember thinking how easy it was for me to read him, but by the end of it, I ended up having no idea who Jeon Jungkook really was. All I could seize were my silly impressions...my naive hate...and my fluttering chest. I wonder now...what could become of us if he never left. Would he think of me as a good-enough person to tell where he's going...or could he have hold my hand again when we get to Mujigae Falls? I thought of him from time to time, just 'briefly' like tonight of course, and I would always ended up wishing that he is doing well, wherever he is. 

But wait...

I don't think I've wished to see him again though...

...so why am I seeing him now?

"Funny bumping into you here...Lalisa." 

...

I knew I liked her from the very first time I met her. In that office, when she pinned me on the floor with her eyes glaring at me like I just murdered her favourite pet. That girl was brave and sassy...and a complete beauty. I already gave up on wishing I'd see her again, but damn, isn't this a pure surprise?

"You!" Her gasp is accompanied by cute, shocked eyes and the vapor surrounding her breath. Good to know that the winter air does nothing to hide the pinks on her cheeks! 

I don't know how I'd never noticed her before. Honestly, I knew I wasn't the best at memorising people's faces but really, with that impassive, doll-like face, it's a wonder how oblivious I was! I could've sworn my heart skipped a beat at her flustered cheeks when she got off from me and the floor, and it took double my pride to come up with that lie in front of everyone. I was a lot of things, but mostly an ass. And of course, an ass is as shameless as it gets!

I gave her the time and I didn't want her to ignore me after that, so I kept pushing her buttons. She was always alone and maybe I had something to do with it, but I laughed it off as if I was clueless. I've liked her name from the moment I found it too. 'Lalisa'. It sounded flirty on my tongue, and maybe it got me a little obsessed. I knew she didn't like me calling out to her - heck, I knew she hated my very being the most! - but maybe that's why I rose to challenge. She was too amusing to watch and too cute to tease.

But shit had to get serious at one point - what's life without the necessary struggling aches, right? I was used to it, and maybe that's why I kept finding humour in it. In the words of my aunt once, I lacked some 'feminine touch'. I knew exactly what she meant since I grew up without a mother. It doesn't justify my 'ass-ness' but I still used it as a make-believe excuse. 

The thing is...well, I still don't quite understand it, but Lalisa kind of taught me that silence isn't always that bad. I've always hated it - the sound of home. The only time it was loud was when there are shoutings and tossing of things - a slap across my face or the cracking of furnitures upon being hit. My head was banged against a cupboard once and maybe that's why I can't ever be normal like Junghyun. All I craved was to feel 'loud'...and I could only hear that noise at school. I enjoyed having friends and those girls flocking around me, it made me feel needed. It was the only thing that made me feel okay...and then I met her.

Suddenly I wanted time to be quiet. I liked the spaces between us - never too far, yet not too close. I remember how her answers were always short at first, and they would burst out and add up to fill my missing conscience. I admired how her personality switched so easily, despite the shit that she had to deal with - cough, 'me'. I've always been afraid that I won't be accepted...at home...in school. But as I began to 'find' her, I thought that 'hey, maybe I could like this silence!'.

Now standing right in front of me, I'm reminded of the tingly sensations in my guts, just staring at that straight, cute face. She isn't wearing any glasses but I remember those big, pretty eyes like it was just yesterday. She wasn't blushing before she noticed me staring, but she is now, and her lips...damn, how long has it been? 4 years...or 5?

"You...what um...how are you?" She stuttered and I'd like to think it wasn't because of the icy air. 

"Better now. And you?" I'm fully aware that I can't stop grinning. 

It took a lot of arguments and heavy beatings for me to finally break out from my father's grips, just for a chance to see her again...and here she is, with her hair down and looking cute as hell with that yellow puffy scarf covering her neck and half of her chin. She looks like a huggable little kitten! The night is good... 

"I'm fine." She's still fidgeting...or maybe shivering if I stopped living in dreamland! "How uh...what are you doing here?" Her lips are still cute. Thicker than how I remembered. Fleshier too...sexy!

"I live here."

"You...you live here?" She turned to look on her right. "Like...this building?"

Yes, a surprise but still, a choice. "Upstairs." 

Lalisa continues to scan the shop lot's bricks, as if there'll be a sign that says 'Jeon Jungkook's House' that's about to be lit up. 

"This is my parlour by the way. I just closed it." I pointed towards the dark windows and she slowly nods. I think she's processing. Maybe she thought she'd seen a ghost?

"You...you make...tattoos now?"

Please, she's so fucking cute!! "Yes, I do tattoos. Would you like one? I can open it back -"

"Ohh no...I wasn't uh...I'm just passing through - I'm not good with needles!" She giggled nervously along with those mutterings and I'm reminded of the short days I had spent with her at CHA Gangnam Medical Centre. 

It was the worst memory I had with her, but also the best - I still don't know how to describe it. I beat myself up for a long time to recall the visible purples and reds on her arms and face, and I still feel shitty about it. She told me on the third day when I apologised again, that every single one of us is responsible for our own actions. I knew she said it so I won't blame myself too much but how could I not?

I knew who those girls were. They were in my class and always hanging around me and my boys. I even went out once, with one of them - the one who had led the assault - so it's hard to believe that it wasn't my fault. Lalisa was different than them. A type that wasn't obvious...the kind no one could understand - or maybe never made time to understand - and with the lies I've told, it made sense for them to hate on her. I'd do anything to go back and realise it before that unforgiven day but then...would this disappear too? 

"Where are you heading to?" I asked because the memories made me feel a little sentimental.

"Home."

"Oh? You live nearby?"

"Just a few blocks away..." 

I laughed because I find it hard to believe that her 'few' is really within any acceptable walking distance. "Were you from work?"

"No. My class ended at six and I went for dinner and drinks with some friends." Her cheeks are still pink and it seems like she's having a hard time looking at me in the eyes. "I'm in Yonsei Uni...in case you're wondering..."

So near... "I was...so thanks for telling me." I wonder if this has always been her usual route back home. If it is, how was I able to miss her all these while? The night is really good - even though she looks bothered! "You cold?"

"Kind of...first day of snow. I'm still not used to it." Her small laughs are adorable. 

In my mind, I'm coming up with all sorts of excuses to keep talking to her. I want to keep talking to her - no matter the weather. But there's a battle too - that this is my chance to start over and present her with the new me. The 'less of an ass' me. And see if maybe she'll like this version of me, so...

"Can I have your number, Lisa? Maybe we can go for coffee or something? Catch up?"

She looks down to her feet...as though she's thinking of a good excuse to reject me nicely. She was always either too direct or too polite to me, even when I didn't deserve the latter. Haistt all these years of wishing - this is embarrassing! I guess this is the clear answer of how things should be. I should stop wondering and just let go of the past already!

"It's okay if you're uncomfortable with it. It's just...it's really good to see you. I guess I'll just see you around then?"

"Do you keep in touch with any of your friends from KIS?" There's a slight pout and an almost unnoticeable frown, and if I read it correctly, I'd say that she's upset. I don't know why I'm hoping that it's true. Guess I'm still an ass for not wanting to accept this encounter as closure?

"Are you mad cus I didn't keep in touch?" Her puffing cheeks and deepened glare made the answer obvious. "I'm sorry. I can tell you about it now if you want...but it's kind of a long story and it's freezing out. I can make you some hot tea upstairs, if you can't wait to hear it." Yup, definitely still an ass! But come on, she's too damn cute for me to give up so easily! 

"Do you say that to just about any girl you meet? We're not friends."

Ahh still so sassy! "Still so cold..." Her big, pretty eyes widened. I hope it's a sign that she's reminded of the boy who did everything he could to get close to her once before. "Wish I have the kind of confidence you think I do...but no, Lisa...I don't. My place isn't really one to impress. It'll be embarrassing for me to invite 'just about any girl'...so I guess that makes you special! Even if...we're not friends..."

It felt like a long wait to hear her decision, but I didn't mind it. It gave me time to reassess everything about her. She wasn't that short from me before but it seems like I've grown much taller. Her frame is still familiarly petite, despite being bundled in layers of clothes. Her hesitant expression is a new one for me though. I don't recall her being this fidgety in all those times of being so upfront and strict with her thoughts before. 

"I won't judge then...if you're serious about the tea offer."

I don't remember if my chest had ever cheered this hard. Or if I have ever been this nervous when leading a girl up anywhere. All I could think of as I climbed those stairs ahead of her is that 'if she thought of me as the worst before, I hope she won't think of me any lesser now at least!'. That's how self-conscious I have been, ever since I walked out from my family's house. 

It felt like a long time ago somehow...but it's only been a few years. I think I've learned a lot on the first year. How to look out for myself and stay out of unnecessary trouble. How to find work with just my high school certificates. I had to bother my good friend, Mingyu, for that first 3 months as he provided me a couch to sleep on. No one else would have believed that Jeon Jungkook had gone homeless. 

But I guess...just as Lalisa had touched on my 'luck', those days didn't last very long. No matter how much Junghyun mirrored my father, it was wrong for me to forget that I do have a brother. He did, ultimately, took the time off and spoke to the principal when my father wouldn't. 'It's humiliating to admit that my son's that stupid!', was what he said. That was the reason why I got kicked out to the curb on the morning Lalisa and I sat together for the very first time. Embarrassing, but I guess he did me a favour by doing so. I didn't think she would be talking to me otherwise. 

"My brother - you've met him before, I'm not sure if you remember - he put in some investment for the shop downstairs. The building owner showed this place too when I was looking for the right space for the business. It's much cheaper up here since it's not as visible, so I figured I'd rent it altogether. It isn't much but...make yourself at home," I said while I scurried around - fixing up what needed to be fixed for the studio-like 'home' to look a little presentable at least. 

"Jeon Junghyun...was your brother's name, right?"

"That's right." I continued to hide my face so she won't see me grinning. It just feels so surreal that she's here...and that she remembers - even that one-time detail. 

I'm super-pleased to know that she managed to get into Yonsei University. I've heard it before - while my friends at KIS were talking about college - that it's hard to get in to. I checked it myself once, and found out that the acceptance rate was only about 40%. For her to be in that pool is amazing really, and she's already doing her degree. It means that she's really smart and have really worked hard...and I really did her wrong when I framed her before!

"It looks like my old house in Nonhyeon-Ro. Well, mine was smaller but there were no bedrooms too." Lalisa had taken a seat on the only available chair in the house. It made me think that I need to get another - for the prospect of two people enjoying meals together at the kitchen counter.  

"Yeah, cus it's supposed to be an office lot. I had wall panels built at the parlour to create the rooms but there wasn't any need for it here since I'm all by myself." Once I was done puffing the throw pillows on the two-seater sofa, I rushed into my small kitchen and opened a cabinet. "I have chamomile and...what's this - Oolong,"

"Chamomile is fine...funny that you didn't know your tea." Her smile is more genuine and I'd like to think that she's comfortable enough with me now. 

"I'm not really a tea-drinker. I got it from a staff. There was this birthday thing a month ago and someone suggested for the birthday-boy to give us presents instead so..." I hope she didn't notice the nerves in my chuckles! She laughed along so I guess it's a no.

"That's new...I hope he wasn't upset that long." It's always good when I heard her saying something nice. She was always cold to me before - even with her civil tones! 

"Don't worry. We gave him two tickets to Jeju in return - complete with accommodation, so..."

"You got tea and he got a trip? That's like me getting a custard bun while you get to play saint!" She laughed even harder than before. I didn't think I've heard her being so carefree like this...those cheeks - haistt!!

"Cute...see, I told you it was funny!" I watched the pink rising on her face again as I sat the hot cup in front of her. "So tell me, Lalisa...do you still hate me for it?"

She squints her smiling eyes at me. I'm trying so hard to not let mine fall down to her half-shut lips. "Not now, Jeon Jungkook."

Ahh...

She just made my heart skipped a beat!

She's really something else, isn't she? This girl is now a young woman, yet she still spikes the same curiosity in me as she did before. I recall how there was a young woman who had came in for a tattoo on the left side of her chest, with the word, 'Cold hands, Warm heart' - and I chuckled at it discreetly because I found it rather cheesy. But come to think of it, such a person do exist. And she's sitting right in front of me. 

"So what happened? Where'd you go?" She tilts her head to a side after taking a sip of the chamomile tea. 

"Right." I had to shake my head a little bit to snap out of whatever trance I was in. "I didn't know that my dad did that arrangement, so it took me by storm too. He um...he pulled me out from KIS...and I wasn't allowed to leave the house for a long while. I would've told you if I had some sort of inkling about it but...I'm sorry I didn't."

"I heard...there were a couple of rumours and one was that you were homeschooled. So that was true?"

I nodded. "Some of my KIS friends' dads used to play golf with my dad. Maybe they heard it from them. I couldn't get in touch with anyone cus my phone was thrown away."

"That...I'm sorry -" 

"I didn't tell you this for you to feel sorry, Lalisa..."

"No...I was about to call your dad some bad names - that's why I said I'm sorry." 

Please - she's so damn cute!! "That's too bad...I kinda miss that little monster! She threw quite a fit at him, as I recall..."

"It's my fault, isn't it? Because I said those things...and everyone heard it. It must've upset him very much -"

"Nahh he wasn't the type to care about other kids - I mean, one child was enough!" I tried to laugh it off in hopes that she'd lighten up, but it didn't work. That reason never occurred to me, it's surprising that she'd feel that way. "Hey, don't feel bad about it, okay? Cus no matter how you think about it, it really was my own doing. I got you involved in things and you had to see that shitty side of me. There's really no point of you trying to take the credits for it!" This time, I managed to get her to laugh with me. I feel like an accomplished man already!

"Yeah, you're kinda right. You're the prick that started it!" I never noticed that her eyes could twinkle this way while they're on me, but they are. I like it...even if they came out after she called me a 'prick'! "How are you now? With your dad, I mean. Are you good?"

"If by 'good' means that we both know that we're still alive then yes, I'd say we're good!" I chuckled. She didn't get the joke though. Her resting smile disappeared in seconds. I guess there's no point in hiding it after all these years.

"Junghyun's like the mediator. I ran off right after I was done with CSAT. I had mine at Apgujeong...it was the first time I was let out of the house so I snuck a change of clothes in my bag and left before the driver came -"

"You...you ran from home?"

"There really wasn't any other way - not at the time." I sighed and laughed my nerves out. "See...my dad...he doesn't like me. My mom got sick after giving birth to me and she was in and out of therapy for a few years. I don't remember her but Junghyun did. He said that it's something like depression after birth -"

"Pospartum depression..."

"Right. My dad was rarely in the house at the time and the maids...well, they did what they could but it wasn't enough. My mom got really sick after the second year. Junghyun said that she got really thin because she wouldn't eat...and all she took were the meds. And one day, she just took all at once."

She gasped and covered her mouth. I won't lie - it feels super awkward to be talking about this since I've never spoken a word on it with any of my friends, but if I want to get close to her, I thought that I should. 

"So naturally, my dad blamed me for her death. I can't think otherwise - I was born and fed into it to know any better. He doesn't sugarcoat it either. All those years, he'd recall it at any chance he gets. Didn't matter if I made a mistake or not - he could get annoyed with just seeing my face at the dinner table so...there's really no way around it - not to me at least."

"Ugh now I wished I had said even worse to him - how could he blame his own son?? It wasn't your fault - if anything, it may be his!! Baby-blues can happen to anyone and postpartum depression could turn into psychosis if there are no support, especially from immediate family members! If he had known what your mom was going through, he should've stayed home and took care of her - not just dumping her on therapy sessions and wash his hands clean - oh, I'm so mad right now I can punch a hole in his face!!"

That...is super cute - oh my God, I think I'm in love!! I really am - she's pacing and mumbling around without even flinching and I just want to hold her tight and say 'Thank you!' for wanting to 'punch a hole' at my father's face! Why does her cheeks look so soft...and puffy...and pink...and those small knuckles - why do they look so damn adorable?? 

"You did a good thing! It was bad to be all alone at that age - believe me, I know! - but it was the right thing! You should never go back, you have Junghyun - Junghyun'll take care of you!" Ahh my heart! Stop fluttering like crazy, please!! "No, you should file for a restraining order, just in case! I mean, who knows?? One day he'll be really old and on his death bed, and he'll start to regret the fact that he had two sons and ultimately lost one by being such an evil father - you should move to a whole new country so he'll never find you - that jerk!"

I've never seen someone getting this upset for me over the the relationship I had with my father. Not Junghyun. Not the maids. And not any of our family's relatives. 

"No wonder you're the way you are - he should be slapping himself instead for moulding you to be this way!" Eh? What now - the way I am? Is there some major thing wrong with me - "Do you know that one in a thousand mothers are affected by postpartum psychosis? Mm-hmm, that's right - one in a thousand! I read it in a magazine last year - like, how many women gave birth every single day - say on average? Just South Korea, do you know? Twenty-thousand, seven-hundred and fifty, and that was last year when they said that the birthrate had continued dropping!"

I...didn't even get to respond to any of her questions. She's really switching from wanting to 'punch a hole' on my father's face to giving me statistics on birthrates - aishh she's the cutest!! But really, I need to stop her from pacing through and through. My house isn't big enough for her to not feel dizzy afterwards!

"Lalisa -" 

"What if it had gone worse?? Do you know that suicide was number six on leading cause of deaths in Korea?" What? "Yeah-huh, totally! It freaking beats cancer and heart disease, did you know that??"

"Lisa,"

"There's a study that fourty-four percent of middle and high school students have had suicidal thoughts and twenty-three percent have 'family issues' as their excuse! I mean - I'm just a nobody so I might be wrong but hell, twenty-three out of a hundred teen bodies sounded quite high to me -"

"Thank you..." I had to do it. I had to hold her - hug her in my arms because she simply couldn't stop busting out statistics! What magazine did she pulled these information from anyway?? 

"I uh...I feel dizzy now..." Her small voice is finally back.

For the thousandth time - fucking cute!! "I know...don't worry, I got you." 

This is the closest I have ever been to Lalisa. Her small body fits perfectly within my hold and slowly, I feel her warmth rising on my skin. It's a good thing that she's shorter than me...because as much as I want to see her face, I wish for her to not see mine. I'm sure I look like a blushing fool right now and I need her to think that I'm cool. Doubtful - but please think I'm cool!

"Um...you're um...squeezing me."

"Oh!" I let her go and head straight towards the window. I need some cold air to ease my neck - now!! 

"Sorry...I uh...I got carried away, didn't I?" She asked after a minute of complete silence and I saw that she had plopped herself on the couch - fanning her face with one hand. I guess we both needed the cold!

"No worries. I appreciate it though. No one's ever gotten mad on behalf of me before - not as much as you." I forced my feet to stand firm when all they want is to melt down the floor. 

A while later, she came next to me and stares out to the falling snow. It's as though the flakes had forced the whole world to go silent for a few minutes, and we didn't mind being its spectators...admiring their playful twirls in the ice air. A couple passed by the street downstairs - sharing an umbrella - and I thought to myself...this moment is just too good to ever put into words. 

Because never once have I imagined how I'd be seeing Lalisa again. I wished for it - for so many times, I did...but I never put a picture for it. Same as how I did picture myself owning a tattoo parlour, really. I was just drinking out after work at the construction site, along with a couple of much-older colleagues...and someone got drunk enough to tear his own shirt up in front of me - revealing intricate arts along his arms and back. I love seeing drunk people forgetting their surroundings! 

"I should probably head back...before it gets really hard." 

I wonder whether she's referring to the unseen blizzard...or the sudden presence of 'us'. In a way, we still stood like when we're seventeen. Sometimes unsure and sometimes impulsive...she'd keep a fairly safe distance while I'd try hard to close it. There were days...moments when I'd look back and thought...what would it be like if I hadn't gone to the teacher's lounge that day?

Would I have noticed her eventually within those next 6 months? Would she have liked me better if she hadn't seen me at my worst? And would I put myself in that shoe again, struggling for her eyes to be on me in all those days that were 'hell' for her? Maybe we shouldn't have crossed path to begin with...I was bound to be on my own anyway. 

"Yes...you probably should."

She stares up to me and all I could do is smile. Lalisa has gotten more and more beautiful, every time my eyes land on her. I'll call it magic because how else could I explain it? It was a mystery ride all along. She humbled me in a way that no one possibly could. I haven't seen her for almost 5 years now, and I might not get to see her after tonight...but with all my imperfections, I think I'd submit myself to the humiliation over and over again, until I get it right.  

"So um...where did you go after that? After you ran away,"

As surprising as ever. I've never been happier as how I am, now that she asked me that. It me think that she didn't want to stop looking at me too - even though her eyes have already drifted away. Her body now moves back to the couch. 

"I'd only ever been to one of my friends' house, so I asked for his help. Kim Mingyu - not sure if you remember him. He was with me at the office before...one of the two -"

"Ahh the one with the nice hair?"

What? "I mean...I don't think his hair was any different than mine..."

"It was particularly shiny -"

"He used the same shampoo as me - trust me, I was the one who recommended it to him."

"We're talking about the same person, right? The left-handed one?"

"You seem to know a lot about someone with just a nice hair - considering you didn't even know  his name?"

"I didn't need to know his name - it wasn't important to me. I assumed it cus he tried tackling my arm with his left hand in that office. Then I saw him twirling your pen around in one of his many visits, with the same hand. The 'nice hair' bit was just an additional observation..."

"Did you think my hair was nice too?"

"Stop with the 'nice hair'."

"Okay..." I slumped myself beside her and ruffled on my unappreciated hair - even though I knew it was petty to feel this frustrated. 

I've always felt inadequate in the days I've spent with Lalisa. She was the only girl in KIS who didn't spare a single sparkle to be receiving my attention, and I bet anyone would have agreed that she radiated more disgusts than sunshine whenever I was near. Like I said, it was a reason that kept me going. I don't know why that is - maybe I'm a sucker for girls who aren't interested in me? To now hear that she had praises for a friend of mine while I was trying really hard to impress her back then is really...irritating. 

"You have nice hair too..." Aishh... "And you looked pretty when you laughed...when you weren't being a jerk, that is...but that's not what we're talking about -"

"But we can still talk about it!" 'Pretty'...she thinks I look 'pretty'...oh -

"So you said you stayed at Kim Mingyu's house? For how long?"

Damn it - my chest was perking up just fine just now! "About three months or so. He was living with his sister. His parents were staying in another house somewhere in Hongdae at the time, so I didn't have to worry about hiding there for a while. I had some money with me -"

"Did you stole it from your dad's wallet?"

Haistt this is embarrassing! "It wasn't really 'stealing'...more like 'loaning'...without the intention of paying it back," I peeked and she's giving me that 'Really...? That's the best you could come up with?' look. "Yes. I stole it from him."

"Well, good! Didn't really measure up to the kind of payback he deserved, to be honest, but heh...at least there's something!"

Who...is this girl, really? Seriously, one minute she's super warm and gracious, and the next she's this bad-ass, justice-serving avenger! Either way, I don't mind seeing all sides of her. I'm desperate for it, actually - it's fascinating!

"What then? What happened after that three months?" She continued to ask.

"I um...I figured that I needed to look for a job...kickstart the life without my dad and brother. There was no way of me retrieving my CSAT results and money was running out. Mingyu got accepted into Hanyang University so I knew I had to move out soon if not with him. I was looking for something small - anything that didn't need my CSATs so I went around the stores. I got one of those daily gigs, you know...ones where they pay at the end of a day's work. But somehow, while I was doing that, Junghyun found me."

"Was he mad at you?"

"Hundred percent...but Junghyun's different than me, you know? Like, he's trained for that - to not show much emotions, even when he's angry. He's serious...strict, like my dad. There were a lot of times when I hated looking at him, cus I thought that he felt the same for me as appa did...but I know better now. Come to think of it, he's blunt...a bit like you."

"Don't ask me whose hair is nicer between you two cus you'll be devastated for sure."

I had to laugh because how was she able to say that while I was telling her all these? 

"He pulled me into the car and drove me around. We passed the river and ended up eating near Sangsu-dong...and he asked me what my plan was exactly. If I even want to come back home or if I think I could survive all on my own. I told him how I felt...that I never felt like I belonged in that house. I never felt like my dad's son all along. And he'd seen it for years so he understood by the end of it all. He bought a phone for me that same evening, and he gave me some cash and a credit card. Asked me to find a comfortable place to sleep for the night and ultimately, somewhere I can stay on my own. And so...that's how my life began, I guess."

I looked up to my side and she was staring at me. For how long, I'm not sure...but it made me feel shy. Did it seem like I was hopeless in that story? Maybe. No, definitely! Perhaps it was better to come up with something more courageous - something that could show how in-control I'd been about my entire situation. But it would be a lie. And Lalisa and me, we started as a lie...I don't want to revive it with another one. 

"Were you scared?"

"Sorry?"

She smiled. "You're a pro now...at saying 'sorry'. Don't think I didn't notice it." Ahh... "Were you scared when you started living alone?"

See that? Another switch! I don't know how long my heart can take this!

"A little, maybe. I was already dead-set on finding a job when he found me, so I didn't really have time to think about it. What I can remember thinking is...I should do what I can. I worried about spending, and I didn't want to use his card at first cus I was worried about my dad finding out. I rented a room in an old couple's house. I paid the rent weekly by the cash I made while working at a construction site. By the second month, my brother called to ask why there were no usage on the card, and he told me that he pays for it himself so I didn't need to worry about appa finding out. That was when I realised...that I could trust him not to say anything. Cus he knew how to find me...but appa hadn't sent anyone to pick me up."

"He's so cool..."

Oh, come on! "Junghyun has a girlfriend."

"A little crush never hurt nobody!" She giggled and I'm fazed. 

"You sure about that? It hurt me a lot when I couldn't see you, you know..."

Her eyes widened and the twinkles are back. Where had my shyness disappeared to - it doesn't matter! Not a moment later, she hissed,

"Tss - I've seen that smirk before, you don't fool me!" 

It weird how everything else seemed temporary...but not the way I look at Lalisa. In these years when I had no one to count on, I've learned that the pain I had felt...all those throbbing on the bruises of my skin, they never lasts. The emptiness of emotions have also been filled as each season passed. My vulnerabilities that came along in my nights alone were replaced with acceptance...a sense of fulfillments. But this girl who I haven't seen for 5 years...is still somehow rooted in my mind. 

I'm now exactly where I want to be, but not quite who I want to be...but she looks at me the same as how she did when we were seventeen. A little resentful...yet her eyes spoke a lot more of 'hope'. Everything she had said to me since the day she fed me that too-sweet-of-a-bun sounded like 'I know very well that you are flawed, but I understand you anyway' - and I feel like it's the one thing that will not change. 

"I really did have a crush on you, Lisa." I've said it. Unapologetically, I've said it. Before time takes her away from me again, I made sure I've said it. "Since that day you kicked my ass over some exam papers - I've had a crush on you since then. And it bothered me a lot...that my stupidity got in the way. That I made you hate me...and I made them hurt you. It's long overdue but...I hope I'm allowed to say it, at least once."

Her lips parted and there was no use - I couldn't stop my eyes from staring - gazing at that smart, sassy mouth! She's completely still but in such close proximity, I could make out the trembling. 

"You don't have to say anything...or force yourself to comfort me. About this or about what happened. I promised you my story and some tea so...I'm already more than grateful for the time you've given me. Really."

She shuts her eyes briefly and took a deep breath. The air she lets out was soft and warm when it reached my neck. Briefly, I glanced by the window to see if the snow had seemed harsher. Regretfully, it doesn't. Means she could run out anytime she wants and I'd be left with no excuse. When she opens back her eyes with a small smile, I prepare myself for our first, final goodbye. 

"Do you...have a crush on me now?" 

Well that was unexpected! "It never left, so yes."

"Oh?" 

That small 'o' on her plump lips is so tempting. So is the soft on her bare neck when she tilts her head slightly - have I ever looked at her this way back then? Of course not! The most I had done was wondering about how it would feel to kiss her - I swear, that's it! But we're both adults now...and I've never wanted to do more than just a kiss as much as I want with her - ever since I found her fidgeting in front of my parlour earlier! I want to hold her and never let go...the only familiarity from my past that I'm never willing to give up.

"So...what do you um, do...when you like someone?" She looks up through her lashes.

Haistt she switched from cute to sexy in two seconds - this girl will definitely be the death of me! "I'll hold her hand...keep them nice and warm. I'll take her out if she can spare me the time,"

"Out...where?"

"Anywhere she wants to go, I won't mind."

"Would you um...would you take her to Mujigae Falls?"

Aishh she remembers - oh, my heart's about to explode! "Since I've made a promise with her, that'll be our first date."

Her smile widened and I itch to touch her soft cheeks. Maybe squeeze the heck out of it - just to check its elasticity! "What else do you want to do with her?" She leans forward and pouts slightly.

Has the air gone thin because what the hell?? Why is she tempting me all so sudden like this after all these years? Where did she learn to be this seductive - who was it that taught her to be this hot and sweet?! "Kiss her. I wanna kiss her...all the time...until she's so tired of me kissing her but by then, she's already used to me kissing her." Honestly, I'm feeling a little dazed over staring into her vixen-like eyes for this long!

"Kiss..." Her eyes fell slightly and I knew that she's wondering...maybe even inviting. I'd welcome it, of course. Fuck it, she can be as bold as she wants - why in the world would I mind?? "Do you give a warning or do you just do it?"

Damn it, Lalisa!

She tastes sweet...and she feels soft. Like an untouched water of an unknown paradise, somewhere far from civilisation. Her lips consume all my reasons and attention. I'd give up the 5 years of my world outside, just for a chance to claim this freedom sooner than this! There are sparks in my shut eyes and I thought...'I wouldn't mind if it's all I see when I die'. What are these feelings she's giving me, as she returns my kiss equally?

"No warning, I guess..." She smiles when I gave her room to breathe. 

I, myself, needed the air...because she had easily taken every bit of them away in those few seconds! "That's a demo...I'd have to charge you, you know...since we're not friends."

She chuckled. "How much did it costs?"

"Super expensive...Mujigae Falls...coffee, movies, breakfast, lunch, dinner - the whole shindig, you know?" I cupped her face and kissed her - again and again until she laughed and pushed me away. Even then, I continued kissing her. I didn't let her go before and I won't let her go this time!

"Do you um..." Her eyes are still shut tight as she sighed against my lips. I caressed her soft cheeks and neck - just because it's so fucking hard not to. "Should I stay?"

Ohh, "For fuck's sake, Lisa - are you trying to kill me?" I laughed out and she blinked.

"You're right. I shouldn't -"

"No, you definitely should!" 

"No, we'd just met again -" She stood up and my panicked hand grabbed hers.

"And that's why we need to make up for the lost time!"

"It's our first day -"

"Have mercy on me, please!" I'm on my feet but I'm so close to begging, I swear! I wouldn't have if she hadn't spilled that question. Damn - I'm so weak!

"Jeon Jungkook." She held my face still and I'm pretty sure I should feel a little scared. "That was my first kiss." Oh... "And everything will be my first time." I'm the luckiest ass on earth! "So bear with me, just a little, okay? Just until the third date at least," I clipped my mouth and she frowned. "What? Say it."

"I was only thinking about kissing and holding you next to me tonight...now I'm looking forward for our third date - that's in three days, right??" I flashed my best grin.

Her face flushed even more. "That's...I...what I meant was -"

"Can't change your mind now - it's too late for that!" 

"You jerk!" 

I laughed in full contentment and I pulled her tightly in my arms. "This jerk likes you so much, you know? Too much that he couldn't even look at other girls without comparing them to you these past five years so...please know that you'll be my first too."

"That's very hard to believe when you do tattoos for a living."

"What can I say? I'm one in a million!" Her sigh was too deep to go unnoticed so I know that's she's annoyed. She did that many times before - while I was busy bothering her in classes years ago. "My standards have been pretty high...you should know it - you set it."

I felt her arms slowly wrapping around my waist and her palms rests on my back. I could feel the clutch on my shirt - a hint of acceptance, that she'd usually lace in between her words. 

"I still don't know if I like you because you're charming...or pitiful. I hate it."

I chuckled, nuzzling my face in the warmth of her neck. "You're smart, you'll find out. Maybe it's written in a magazine somewhere..."

"Or I can just decide..."

"Which one is it then?"

"Charming...for now."

There are things flying in my guts. "We should definitely talk about all your thoughts on me. I have a feeling that you're keeping too much by yourself - it's not healthy."

"You're also helpless,"

"Good things only, please."

"Conceited."

"What did I say?"

"Cocky..."

"Would you like to see?" She slapped my back, "Joking."

I felt her taking in a deep breath and I do the same. There was too much excitement - at least for me! - and we needed to calm down. What am I saying - my first girlfriend is Lalisa, how can I possibly calm down?? I just met my crush for 5 years, just half an hour ago and now she's my girlfriend - honestly, I won't be calming down for at least a month!

"I wanna learn you..." I froze, just to hear her better than the heavy beatings in my chest. "I was thinking of you at dinner just now...from the moment we met till the last time you sent me off. There were many things I didn't understand...about you or regarding you...and I've wondered in what way will you be if I ever see you again. It was silly...I thought of that but I've never actually wished for us to meet again. And then I saw you...and suddenly I have all these questions in my head, but I couldn't put it into words. So I hope you won't mind me finding them. Cus I wanna learn you, all over again. Can I do that?"

"Of course you can. I wanna learn you too so..." I pulled my chest away slightly to stare at her face. Her eyes are shining and her cheeks are pink. "Let's take our time this time, alright?"

She has a smile that I've never seen before. A cheeky smile that makes her look like a little naughty doll with wings. She tip-toed and plants a quick kiss on my lips, catching me by surprise. 

"Just thought you should know, I have a crush on you too, Jeon Jungkook!" She released herself from my hold and ran towards her bag and coat. 

"Where are you going - haistt stop being so damn cute, Lalisa!" I resigned on the chasing once she got to the door. 

She opens it and says, "I'll come by tomorrow morning. Make sure you're ready for our date!", and she gave me a flying kiss.

"Don't do this to me - I need you here tonight or I'll die! Honest!"

"What'll happen to all the never-ending kisses if you die tonight?"

I took a deep breath and stretch my frustrations off - or at least, I attempt to! "Fine." It's fine. I hate her for this but it's fine! I've waited for 5 years - what's another...how long more? 11 hours?? The fuck - "Eight sharp or I'll hunt you down."

"Eight sharp it is!" She giggled - so cute! Haistt why?? Why do I have to wait that long?? "Goodnight!"

"No, wait!" I don't know why I'm laughing, really! It's like a weird, automatic mechanism to not cry, I suppose. "I didn't get your number - you're mine now, how can I not have your number?"

"Oh, right!" She came back in as I took out my phone. When she's close enough, I grabbed and scooped her up by the waist. She managed to let out a squeak before I kissed her hard on the lips. Mine...all mine!

"Still so sneaky..." She squints her eyes at me when I was done. What am I saying - not really! "Yahh stop -" 

"Just one more minute, I need it to survive the night!" She laughs but I refuse to leave her mouth alone - I don't care! Hey, I'm an ass remember?

Meeting her has always been the best of my luck and parting, the worst. I'm learning...and I'll keep learning of this new 'privilege' that I've been given. It is pure and unexpected. It's her. In my darkest days, she was magic. It was really her who had released me from those unbearable, unnecessary chaos - in loudness or silence. And one day I'll tell her that she could kick my ass any day she wants but I'll never stop kissing her, just like this! 

...