Okay, so, *sudden valley girl accent* there's this guy right.

Just kidding on the accent. But there's still a guy.

So, this guy, he's nice and pretty good looking and smart. Got them hipster looking glasses n shit, I think he has some form of a lisp, but it's cool. He's cool.

In World History, which is the only class I have him, anytime I make a wise crack or a joke, he always laughs at it. Yes, even the lame ones that only I would laugh at.

This guy loves books. He goes through them like I go through Pocky sticks. He's got like a new book to read every week and I'm here struggling to even write. He's even asked me to be in this Battle of the Books club, which is like...book stuff. We've talked about books too.

Recently, my teacher had a few students act out this short Galileo play for the class. I was tempted to participate but I wasn't sure, until he looked at me with a "come and join" expression and I was like "Welp thERE'S MY ANSWER LET'S DO THIS SHIT". It was a fun activity and I acted my little heart out.

So yeah, this guy is pretty cool. And, knowing how I am, I started jumping to conclusions and thinking, "Yo maybe this guy likes me and maybe I like him".

Mind you, I don't like the thought of having a crush on anyone. To me, crushes at this point in my life are unnecessary and hinder my other hobbies and responsibilities. Anytime I think about the idea of him liking me or me liking him, I think, "No, there's no way. He's very handsome and I'm just a potato. It's not possible. Just drop it."

To divert these thoughts of him liking me, I either push that idea down with the idea that I'm not that pretty. Or that he could get someone better (seriously, this guy looks like he could land a girlfriend in a day or probably already has a girlfriend. I don't know if he does, I don't and won't ask, but he seems a little more infatuated with books than human beings.) Plus, what about me would be charming to him? Yeah I'm funny (I'm really not), yeah I'm polite most of the time, but I'm quiet as hell. Though I tend to open up more and speak up in World History since it's my favorite class... Idk.

To top everything off, he's an athlete. On the swim team. Yeah. Bitch is make us free na splash kasaneta. A top performer too. He also does motherfucking ARCHERY. God damn.

This hoe is smart, handsome, nice, and physically fit. He's fuckin everything that romance movies and books want. And I'm here, writing those romance books, being a potato. I'm a fabulous potato, but still a potato.

He's a cool guy and I wouldn't mind being friends with him. But a crush?? Noooooo. I can't afford to put myself through that. I am emotionally unstable, even if I don't realize it myself. Plus, I'd rather focus on my writing and academic studies, than busy myself with a crush that will potentially be for nothing. Yeah, the thought of a person liking me romantically is nice but not now. Maybe not for a long time. I want someone to be able to hug me and compliment me with myself not getting uncomfortable, but I don't have that privilege anymore. Not since I was left alone at school. I'm not gonna let someone in so intimately just because I miss being close to a friend in person. I won't be vulnerable.

Yet still, this guy is sweet, and still my thoughts race. Every time I think "hey, I'm over whatever those feelings were, I'll just go back to how I was--"

Then when this bitch comes around, laughing at my jokes and smiling at me, it's just, "nevER FUCKING MIND, DAMN YOU, YOU PIECE OF LOVELY SHIT."

Jfc, why must the 'crush' be a thing?? There's a reason why they're called that, it's because they crUSH YOUR SOUL AND POTENTIALLY YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE.

And what sucks is that to shield myself from this stuff, I end up not looking at him or talking to him as often. Whenever he laughs at some witty remark and smiles at me, I turn away to avoid him seeing that I'm being weird. I try to play it cool when I think he's looking, when deep down inside I'm dying because i'M NOT COOL AND IT'S PROBABLY OBVIOUS THAT I'M AVOIDING HIM AND I PROBABLY SEEM LIKE A JERK.

This is all probably nothing. I'm sure he has a girlfriend or a potential girlfriend that is NOT me and someone better. Hell, maybe he's gay and he's just super nice. I'm down for that. Go him. If that's how stuff is then alrighty! But, like I said earlier, I don't know this stuff and I don't want to ask. I'll just try to stick to being friends with him and nothing more than that.

I do not feel. I am a heartless hoe when it comes to this stuff. You got that, me?? You don't need a man, or even a woman. Stop being weird and just think about hardcore yaoi smut. That's a lot better than the gross, 'love' stuff. Bleh.

Ugh, I'm tiredddddd.

That's all I wanted to share with you all. Let me know what you think. Sorry for this weird, 'teen-girl' rant. This stuff is probably nothing but a cringe-fest. Ew.

Peace out.~