Hey!

Fuuuuuk it's been a while since I've put an update out for this.

Btw, I'm still working on the character playlists (so far I'm only having trouble with Ellie and Jack).

I suppose it wouldn't be all bad if I gave an update on the current ongoings in my life. c:

So, ya know how I said I couldn't do make up for crap??? Well, guess who got better with practice??

YyyYYEEAAAAA

Anyway.

Ummmm

Due to it being the end of the school year, there's been a lot going on. Here's a list:

1): 6 page speech analysis essay, not including cover page, outline, and work cited page. Plus a short presentation

2): u.s. history 2 page essay comparing and contrasting presidents Lyndon B Johnson and Ronald Reagan (not that hard but I'm more worried about the English and will thus work on that more, leaving the history paper to the last minute...)

3): U.S. History and English 3 AP exams

4): New mariachi and orchestra music to practice

5): state solo ensemble piece to relearn by the end of May

Yeah! It's a lot, haha... Or maybe it isn't and I'm just being a little bitch, idk.

I hate that teachers like to pack in so much in the last fuckin month, like can you chill??

I'm stressing a bit and ugh.

College work + high school is a god damned nightmare.

Lately, I've been considering college and I'm not even sure I want to go. I will have completed all of my college basics while in high school and I'll be graduating with an associate's degree. Usually, people leave for college straightaway to finish basics, but I won't have to. Sooo...what would be the point then?

Obviously, I still want to study video game design, and work on writing a story in hopes to publish it. I'm thinking of admitting to Full Sail University in Florida, but then I'll have to move out of Texas, and like, be somewhere I'm unfamiliar with; and my credits might not transfer out of the state of Texas, and to avoid any mix up it would be better if I attended a college in Texas, but very few schools have anything to do with game design. Full Sail is the fuckin dream so, wtf do I do???

I'm stressing myself out with all this.

Omg don't even get me started on summer school. Texas Government and pre-Cal. For 8 hours. So technically I'm not gonna be free from school in my summer after all. But hey, at least I'll graduate in white.

Ohh, I'll share with you some news that happened recently.

Okay, so I was sitting at my table in lunch with some friends. This one girl (won't state the actual name so I'll call her fuckin Barbara or somethin), so Barbara was saying shit about some other girl that came to the table the other day, saying she thought the girl was stupid. Her friend (again, not the real names), uhhhh, Tyrone, said he thought the girl was hot and then Barbara went "EWWWW tf you mean she's hot. She's ugly as fuck."

Another guy by the (fake) name of Herbert asked, "how hot was she? explain?"

Tyrone went "idk, she was hot."

Barbara said, "no, she was not."

All of a sudden Herbert pointed at me and said, "was she hotter than her?"

And I kid you not, I didn't even know what was going on. My dumbass was staring off somewhere else and eating, and when I noticed Herb pointing at me I thought, why is he pointing at me?

And you know those moments when you're clueless about what someone said, and then you recognize what they said a few seconds after they're done talking and go "OH". That was me.

Barbara gave me a look like 'daaaaamn' and said, "Duuuude, he slid into your DMs hARD." Yes he did, fake Barbara. Yes he did.

I didn't know what to say, other than be a little flattered and go "thank you..?"

That guy, Herb, had said some somewhat flirtatious stuff in the past (i.e. 'we're gonna get married' or something idk). And he's cool; I think he's a nice guy.

bUt

I don't think I'm mentally prepared for anything romantic, whatsoever.

I mean, I've never been on the receiving end of flirtations. I'm usually the one liking others back (never flirting with them, mind you, because I'm a wimp), but others liking me???? Who tf would like someone who says 'flirtations' anyway, like??? I'm as fuckin nerdy as they get (sometimes I even feel like people are annoyed with my intelligence and vocabulary, if it can be called that).

It's sad to say that the most romance I've ever experienced was with Mystic Messenger.

Fucking. Mystic. Messenger.

I've never dated (if you dis-count that one asshole who screwed with my emotions, and was just an overall scumbag). The thought of dating throws me off. Couples are cute (sometimes) and, in theory, relationships are great. But in practice, I am not ready to face anything.

Remember that guy I used to have a crush on? Well, sometimes I still think about the prospect of dating him.

But then I remember he's kind of a fuckboi, so I back off and keep the friendship driven on a few memes here and there.

In hindsight, I realize I shoot myself down more than anyone else. Like, no ones rejecting me--because I'm too much of a pussy to confess anything--but I'm rejecting myself. You get me?

Any time I think of a possibility of dating, I tell myself it's pointless. Especially in high school.

Though I do admit I feel a pang of envy for the couples I see at school, even if they snog the hell out of each in the hallways when they should geT TO FUCKIN CLASS.

Due to my placement as an early college student, I busy myself more with work and my own interests. I don't have time to get to know someone and date them.

God, there was this one exchange I had with my aunt that went something like this:

Aunt: Whatcha doing on your phone? Texting your boyfriend?

Me: *looks her dead in the eyes* Do you honestly think I'd have a boyfriend?

Aunt: I mean, you're a teenager.

Me: A teenager who stresses about college work and scholarships and tuition and the prospect of a job and living on my own?

Aunt: ...

Me: .......No, I don't have anyone.

Or there was this one time:

Stepmum: Someday, you're going to find a husband or wife, and have kids--.

Me: That's if I ever meet anyone to have kids with.

Stepmum: I'm sure you'll find someone.

Me: *internally laughing hysterically while she continues her lecture*

Yeah, hehe.

No high school romance for me. No college romance ever, I can assure myself that hHaHA.

And beyond that? I don't know. I'm too much of an introvert to meet new people, and too neurotic to want to think about my future.

It feels weird thinking about the possibility that I might end up not going to college, and that I might never meet "the one", and that I might never have children, and then let my family down by being the most dull child ever. Meanwhile, I'm sure my spoiled siblings will grow up to be decent people with successful lives, and I might be the kid no one talks about or sees anymore. Like my uncle JC. I haven't seen him in five years, my dude. Neither have the rest of my family. I can't help but wonder if that'll be me.

Geez, this is kinda depressing, now that I read back on it. I didn't intend to sound like a bummer, hehe.

So far, I haven't suffered any negative episodes. Or maybe I have, but I never really noticed. I don't know. Stuff's weird.

Oh, some good news! Ready for it??

I got ONE DOLLAR on my RedBubble!! :D

That's the only money I've gotten since I fuckin set it up months ago.

Also, I'm trying to save money to buy myself the Nintendo Switch and Breath of the Wild. My parents say I should ask for it for my birthday, but I at least wanna try getting money together on my own.

So far, I don't have much, hehe.

Also, I've come to the realization that I also bias Jimin and ship him and Jin so fuCKIN HARD LIKE BOOOIIII

LOOK AT THEM

They look so fuCKIN GAY FOR EACH OTHER though I know they're not buT OOOO THEY'RE CUTE TOGETHER

BEAUTIFUL BOIS, BEST BOIS.

On another note, I've gotten deeper into everything South Korean entertainment has to offer and have been listening to K-Indie and K-Hip-Hop. I can't escape this, can I?

That's about all I've got going for me. Now if you excuse me, I have to work on my essays, haha. ^^;

Hope you had a wonderful day!

See ya!~