Hey yo whaddup

You know that story I was talking about last chapter?

That shit out like my dick is for Harambe.

I don't actually have a dick. But if I did...it would be out. Right now.

This became way more awkward than it needed to be--bUt CHECK OUT THE THINg with the GAY GUYS AND stUFF.

---

-Before Jack Was Good At Archery-

Jack: I fired again and then I missed, then I missed again. And I fired again, and I missed. And then I fired and I fired and I missed. I missed BOTH times. And then I fired and then I missed.

Jeff: *cowering because he was being shot at*

Jack: This went on for several hours. And then I fired and then I missed! And then I was out of arrows and I got sad. I had a popsicle and then I passed out in the snow. Then I woke up and I reloaded anD THEN I FIRED ANd then I missed.. AND I MISSED. I HIT SOMETHING, BUt it wasn't what I was going for so I guess I missed.

Ben: *on the ground with an arrow in his head*

Jack: Then I passed out... Had another popsicle.. I had a dream where I was firing at something but I missed. Woke up, I reached into the fridge for another popsicle, but I missed..! Grabbed the cabbage instead. I put it back bUt I MISSED, DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR.

Sally: *enjoying a popsicle*

Jack: Long story short: missed.

---

Zalgo: I am going to remind you in advance that I am very sorry and I apologize....for the inconvenience of me noT GIVING A FUCK.

---

Ao: *has her headphones in* *sitting at her desk*

Jack: Hey, what are you listening to?

Ao: *notices him talking* *pauses music* What?

Jack: What are you listening to?

Ao: Oh, just some pretty music. Hang on, I've gotta do something, I'll be right back! *plays music again* *gets up*

Desk drawer handle-kun: *snags the headphone wire*

Headphone wire: *pulled out*

Phone-sama: *falls to the floor* *is actually playing detailed, hardcore, utterly gay BL sex audio at max volume*

Ao: ⊙▽⊙

Jack: ...

Ao: *sweats* It's trending.

---

Jack: *deadly serious* You all should get outta here...

Jeff: Why??

Jack: Because....he likes penises..

Ben: *creeping around the corner* *making slurping noises*

Toby: oh shiT NO MINE'S THE BIGGEST *gets up and runs*

The girls: ( '-')

---

Ao: Welcome back!! To--

Ben: To we hate all whites.

Ao: No! God dammit Ben! Why can't you drop the 'kill whites' thing?!

Ben: I'm gonna drop this white, watch him die, dude. *chokeholds Jeff* AHAHA!!

Ao: Ben, YOU'RE white.

Ben: ...what? *drops Jeff* no..!

Ao: Yeah! You're a pale-ass, pasty, white bastard!

Ben: NO.

---

Ellie: I can sense that man's evil intentions. I mean, just look at the way he slurps his soup..!

Zalgo: *slurping soup furiously*

Ellie: What an asshole..!

---

Ben: Jack! Butts, or boobs?

Jack: I actually judge a girl by her personality....

Jack: ......And her dick sucking lips--

---

Ao: What do you look for in a girl?

Ben: ......availability.

---

Ben as someone currently in 2016

Caedis: ....

Ben: ....

Caedis: ....

Ben: ....

Caedis: ....

Ben: ...why's your hair white? Ya fuckin' racist

---

-Ao's Method of Punishment-

Jack: *tied up* Please, anything but this..!

Ao: *reaches for her phone* *activates speakers*

*Boku no Pico theme song plays*

Jack: NOOO!!

Ao: *staring at his suffering with ear plugs in*

---

Ben: 420 represents weed, 420 times 2 is 840, 840 divided by 280 is 3, there's 3 sides tO A TRIANGLE, WEED IS ILLUMINATI!!!

---

-Jack in a Nutshell-

Ben: if you want a working relationship, you've gotta bust out the L-word.

Jack: ....lesbian?

Ben: a different word.

Jack: .....lesbians??

Ben: It's 'love', Jack.

---

Ben: Hey Caedis!!

Caedis: *turns*

Ben: You know what tastes better than blood? My diCK.

Caedis: *immediately shoots Ben in the head with a random gun*

---

Jeff: Hey Ben, where did my motorcycle go?

Ben: Oh, uh...I kinda took it for a joyride..

Jeff: And, where is it???

Ben: .....at the bottom of a canal.

Jeff: ...

Ben: ...

Jeff...

Ben: Look, man, I'm really sorry--.

Jeff: *pulls out a gun and points it at Ben* YOU FUCKED UP

Ben: WHOA HOLY SHIT WAIT DUDE JUST CHILL

Jeff: I WILL NOT CHILL

Ben: JEFF PLEASE

Ao: *enters the room* What's going on in here?!

Ben & Jeff: *stare at her*

Ben: *pulls out a gun of his own and points it at his head*

Ao: WHOA WAIT--

Jeff: *points his gun at his head* *to Ben* JUST PUT THE GUN DOWN

Ao: PUT THE GUNS AWAYYYYY

Ben: *crying* JUST PUT THE GUN AWAY

Ao: *also has a gun and points it to herself* I WILL KILL MYSELF OVER THIS

Jeff: *to Ben* *sobbing* YOU WERE LIKE A BROTHER TO MEEEE

Ao: JUST PUT THE GUNS DOWN

Jeff: JACK WAS LIKE A BROTHER TO ME TOO

Ben: *face full of tears* JUST PUT THE GUNS AWAYYYY.....

Ao: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHGAGAG

---

-BFF Goals-

Ben: *barges into the room* YO GUESS WHAT I JUST DID??

Ao: You sucked dick??

Ben: HELL YEAH I DID

Ao: AW YEAH

Ben & Ao: *high five*

Jack: *sitting on the couch, shaking his head*

---

Ao: Happy birthday, Ben!! Make a wish--.

Ben: Anal sex.

Ao: Huh?

Ben: How many wishes do I get?

Ao: One--

Ben: Yeah, I want anal sex.

---

Jeff: I care about you a lot.

Ellie: Gay

---

Ellie: "Hold the fuck up". I say. I am the fuck up. Please hold me.

---

(From @xXBlue-BloodXx)

Reporter: Are you a boy or a girl?

Jack: ...

Jack: I'm Jack.

Reporter: But what's inside your pants?

Jack: Wisdom

---

(From @xXBlue-BloodXx)

Jack: We need a plan!

Jeff: I have one!

Jack: We don't need to kill anyone.

Jeff: I don't have a plan!

---

(From @xXBlue-BloodXx)

Jeff: *doing a crossword puzzle*

Jeff: Hey...is there a word between angry and sad?

Jack: Hmm...there's desolated, malcontented, miserable, and disgruntled.

Jeff: No...it's a four letter word...

Jack: Oh...well then there's--

Ben: Smad.

Jeff: Oh yeah! Thank you, genius!

Ben: Welcome!

Jack: *faints*

---

(From @vocamefangirl83)

Jeff: *trying to do the Rubik's cube but fails* FUUUUUUCK MEEEEE

Ben: *on his phone* How hard?

Jeff: ...

Ben: ...

Jeff: ...

Ben: *closes eyes and takes a deep breath*

Ben: My gay reacted before I did, don't look too into that

---

Ben: Every kiss begins with K!

Ao: Actually every kiss begins with consent

Ben: Go back to tumblr *sprays her with water*

Ao: AH STOP

---

Ao: Jack, I love you!!

Jack: I...I...

Jack: I love Emilia

---

-How Slender Found Ben-

Slender: If there's any ghosts in here, say something!

Ben: Hey yo, deadass, suck my dick

Slender: Oh jesus