Hey!~

It's me again!

I just kind of wanted to make this update to get an opinion from you all.

Currently, I'm fine! Nothing has happened to put me in a terrible mood, and I haven't relapsed into any negativity for no apparent reason.

All I need is advice. Mostly, from people that know the subject I'm about to talk about better than I do, as of now...

What is depression and what do you do with it?

I hear countless poems, and articles, and simple Tumblr text posts about it, but it always seems different. One thing that's certain is that it's not always being "just sad" and I can understand why.

The reason I'm asking this is because some of you may be saying I'm depressed. I think my friend said I might also be depressed (this was a while back), but I just sort of shrugged it off. I didn't think I would have it, and I'm still iffy to conclude that I have that condition. I've been thinking about getting mental health screenings but I'm sure those cost money... I don't know.

Online tests obviously are not accurate either, though I am guilty of having taken some before...

A lot of people read these chapters and one or more of you are bound to know a lot about this, whether you're into analyzing mental illness/neural science, or actually suffer with this.

All I can really say about this for me is that:

•These negative emotions bounce around and come in waves. I'm happy for a while, then sad again, and it goes back and forth.

•I do feel senses of worthlessness and sometimes feeling "stuck".

•I tend to be neurotic and worry over tiny things that probably shouldn't worry me.

•Uhmm, yes the suicidal thoughts were there...but no actions to attempt it...! These thoughts were few until recently. Anything else, I just sort of imagine what would happen if I died (no context about how, just dying). Ya know, that kinda stuff.

•I like to daydream a lot, which is why I have concluded that I actually have something called Maladaptive Daydreaming (it's barely recognized as a mental illness, but it's pretty much on the nail for me).

•I tend to put a lot of blame on myself for things that aren't really my fault, and go out of my way to make connections to those problems to pinpoint the blame to myself.

That's about all I can really recognize so far. I still don't want to label myself as "depressed" and seem like an idiot. I feel like no one would take me seriously. Especially considering that one time I tried saying that I was depressed to my dad and step-mom, and they both flat-out denied that I was, and said that I just needed to get out more and stop being holed up in my room. That conversation ended pretty quickly and I felt kind of dumb for even bringing it up.

Anyway, I'd love to hear you all's opinion and advice, if you have any. It would mean a lot, plus I just love reading what you all have to say for everything.

I hope you have a good day/night!

See ya!~