"Goodbye high school, hello freedom!"

Shay crossed her arms over her chest, her blue gown drowning her entire body. All that was visible was her hands and head.

Ray stood a few feet away, his head thrown back as he laughed at whatever his boyfriend was going on about. His own gown was dragging along the filthy sidewalk, a good two or three sizes too big.

"Where's Cam? Shouldn't he be here by now?" Shay spoke up again, a few seconds later. Her green eyes were glistening with curiosity as she peeked over my shoulder for my boyfriend.

"He's still packing, he should be here any minute." I responded, resting my head on my churning stomach. I glanced over my shoulder, my eyes scanning the parking lot for Cam's car, anxious.

He was leaving the second the ceremony ended. He was done with his mother and Jacob, was getting out before he could do something he'd regret. He had pleaded for me to come with him, to share the rent at a small apartment until school started.

But I couldn't leave, not yet. There was still too many things I wanted to do, to experience, before I head off to the college. Even pregnant, I would be able to do most of the things I needed too. Including confessing it to Ray and Shay, and possibly Wes.

"Love, we better get going." Ray threw his arm over my shoulder and squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. "The ceremony's going to start any minute." I opened my mouth to assure him I'd meet them there, but shut it a few moments later, realizing that Cam wasn't going to come at all. For all I knew, he was already on his way to Stanford.

I leaned into Ray, letting my eyes fall on the large high school behind me. It seemed like a lifetime ago that Cam and I walked through the front doors Freshman year. Scrawny, small, worried, and completely unprepared for what high school was going to bring us.

It seemed like years ago that we were in the school bathroom fighting over our lifestyles, agreeing to walk in each others shoes for the last few months.

Honestly, I had misjudged Cam. I had believed his life was easy in comparison to mine, that he could walk around and act like he didn't care and everything would be okay. I was wrong. Pretending to be someone I wasn't was the hardest thing I'd ever experienced.

*

Mom cheered, James smiled, Shay screamed in joy, and Ray sat on the curb beside me as the cars filed out of the parking lot in a giant cluster.

The ceremony had dragged on for hours, had been absolutely boring. Cam and I had always promised each other that we'd have the best high school graduation. That we would even possibly throw a party afterward. But where was he now? Almost in another state? Hundreds of miles away from me?

"Smile." Ray rubbed my back with a smile, "It'll be okay, Blake. He'll be back." I shrugged, looking out over the beautiful horizon that was engulfed in a scattered plane of puffy clouds.

"I don't understand why he didn't tell me. Why he would leave without a word." I felt Ray's hand fall on top of mine as we stared ahead of us.

"I love Cameron, Blake. He's great. But he tends to run away from his problems, from things in general when they get rough."

His words took a few minutes to sink in, and the worst part was that I agreed with them. I had known Cam for nearly eleven years and he had not once ever faced his demons, he always turned and ran in the other direction.

I had made him promise not to do anything stupid or regretful with Jacob. Had that been some sort of sign, in his mind, of me pushing him away?

"I want to take you guys out for ice cream. You know, a post-graduation treat." I nodded, pushing a smile on to my face.

"That would be great." He stood up, offering me his hand a second later. I shook my head, clearing the lump in my throat.

"Can I have a second?" He nodded himself and started to back away, a sad smile on his face.

"Of course."

I waited until he was out in the parking lot beside one of the few cars left that didn't belong to the staff to push myself off the ground. I took my graduation speech from my purse and crumbled it in my hands, tears threatening to escape my eyes.

I hadn't said a word when I got my diploma, I had felt the heaviness in my gown, but hadn't said anything. The speech was meant for Cam, and he hadn't showed up. What was the point of talking when the only person I wanted to hear it wasn't there to listen?

*

"This number is no longer in service. For more information, please contact-"

I ended the call for the fifth time and shook my head at the useless piece of crap in my hands. One thought on my mind.

Cam had changed his number and hadn't given it to me.

"Blake, honey. Is everything okay?" Mom asked, stepping out on to the porch. I looked back at her, my eyes falling on the obvious baby bump poking out from under her uniform.

"Yeah." I whispered.

Turning my head away from her, I looked at the Mendoza's house, now vacant and empty. Jacob and Ms. Mendoza long gone, all their furniture still inside.

"Where's Cameron? I thought you two were supposed to go out for dinner tonight." She looked confused, then worried as she made her way down the steps to me.

"So did I." I coughed to cover up my voice cracking and slid passed my mom and into the house. James tried to stop me in front of the stairs, but I raced up them and into my bedroom before he had a chance.

Everything inside of me wanted to find Cam sitting on my bed with his goofy, lopsided grin. Or in the bathroom trying to shave with women's razors.

He wasn't there.

I moved toward my bed, not shocked in the least to find the scrapbook he'd bought for the baby on top of my comforter. He'd been in my room before he left, possibly his way of saying goodbye.

I opened it, laughing quietly when I found the copy of the first ultrasound I'd given him glued in, a small caption with a cheesy comment and a description of what month it was below. I flipped to the next page, tears resurfacing when I found a pregnancy test in a plastic bag slipped in, the results on top of it. I knew there couldn't possibly be any more about the baby, but I turned the page anyway.

There was nothing but a small pink sticky note on a blank page.

Look under the pillow

I set the scrapbook down and moved my throw pillows, tears finally starting to escape my eyes when I found another scrapbook resting against my headboard. I grabbed it with shaky hands and smiled at the picture on the front.

It was Cam and I on my eighth birthday, the day we'd met. His brown eyes kind as he looked at the camera, hidden behind a pair of the most hideous, thick rimmed glasses possible. His arm was thrown around my waist, his tongue sticking out childishly as I clenched Mr. Bamboo to my chest as if he were going to protect me from the world I'd be going into.

I opened the scrapbook, greeted by another picture, this one was Cam's ninth birthday a few months later. He looked older, a little taller and lankier, beside me in front of the swing set at the park a few blocks away.

As I continued through the scrapbook, I found pictures of every age, all our birthdays and vacations, our movie nights and middle school graduation. The further I got, the more I noticed Cam looking at me in almost every picture, a paralyzing look in his eyes as he stared at me with a longing look.

The pictures finally led up to a few months ago, the last picture we took. It was a selfie; a stupid one at that. We had been at the carnival, in front of the ring toss game. He had won me a stuffed animal and was handing it to me with a goofy expression. My head had been pressed against his shoulder, a smile playing on my lips as my cheeks flushed.

I turned the page over and found another picture, one I hadn't known had been taken. It was the two of us in Wes' hospital room, my entire body cradled against Cam's as he held me tightly against him. I was asleep, a peaceful look on my face. Cam. . . Cam was awake. His eyes were on me, one hand wrapped securely around my waist to keep me from falling, the other brushing against my cheek. The smile that was on his face wasn't a happy smile, but a bitter one. Beneath it was a folded piece of line paper, and by the 'Read Me' printed in a sloppy cursive on the front, I knew it was from Cam.

I almost crumbled it up and threw it away, not wanting to accept what it was. A goodbye letter.

I slowly opened it, my heart pounding against my chest as I let my eyes roam over the neat print, it almost looked as if it wasn't Cam's writing. After a moment of scanning, I finally let myself read what it said.

Blake,

My best friend. My girlfriend. My entire world. How do I even begin to explain how much I love you without sounding like some sort of lovesick dog out of a rom-com?

I loved you from the second I found you sitting alone at your own birthday party all those years ago. I knew then, in that moment, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Friend or boyfriend, I didn't care as long as I was by your side.

When I finally had the chance to have you, for you to be my girlfriend, I couldn't believe it. I thought I was stuck in some dream, that I'd wake up at any second.

And I did, Blake. I woke up.

I'm not the guy you belong with. I'm not the guy that's going to be able to give you the world you deserve. I'm pathetic, and at this point, as you can tell, a coward. I left my girlfriend with my unborn child. Who could possibly forgive someone like that?

But I promised you I wouldn't do something stupid or regretful; so I left. Because I know if I stayed there with you, baby, that I would of. Seeing the scars on your back and thighs, the look in your eyes every time I touched you. It was my fault. I felt like I was dying a little inside every time I looked at you.

One day you'll understand, you'll thank me. You'll tell our son or daughter that their dad was a selfish ass, but did it to protect the him or her. I can't become my father, I can't be the father or boyfriend you want me to be. I'm so sorry.

Maybe one day we'll meet again, Blake. Maybe we'll see each other in the halls at Stanford. Maybe it won't be until you somehow track me down and invite me to your wedding in ten years.

I've set up an account for you, baby. You and our child. It has about a grand in it now, but I hope to be able to put more into it any time I can.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Blake. And maybe some day we can go back to being friends.

It was hard pretending to be you, you know. The nerd. But I liked it, because I got to live in your shoes for a while.

I love you, Blake. I love you. I love you. I love you. Every tear you shed for this, I'll be feeling, I can promise you that.

Take care of our baby. Take care of yourself.

With Love,

Cameron

I didn't cry. No tears escaped my eyes, no lump formed in my throat. I waited for it to come, the sobs, the crying, the mess. But it didn't.

Maybe it was because deep down I had seen it coming, I had realized that Cam wouldn't stay, that he couldn't. Because he had spent his entire life running, there would be no way he could actually stay.

"Blake?" The voice in the doorway stirred me out of my daze. Ray was standing a few feet away, his entire body slouched in a way that told me he'd gotten a letter too.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, falling on to my bed beside me. I shook my head, tears returning to my eyes once I saw how bloodshot they were.

I wanted to assure him that I was, that I would move on, we both would. That Cam would become a distant memory to us, someone we passed in the hallways at school.

But I couldn't.

Because Cam was much more than a friend, another guy in the hallway. He was much more than a "Bad Boy" or a "Rebel." He was more than another guy walking on the street or a high school boyfriend that would be pushed into the back of my mind years from now.

Cam was my best friend and boyfriend, the father of my child. My backbone and other half.

In my mind, there wasn't a clear picture of a life without Cameron Mendoza. 

***AN***

All that's left is the epilogue. 

I'd love to hear what you guys thought? And what your thoughts are on a sequel?

Let me know!

~ChasingMadness24