A/N: The words written in Italics are memories. I just wanted to make that clear, and I hope you enjoy this story!

"You're leaving me?" a broken whisper swallowed by all the voices screaming in Harry's head, all the older teen could do was simply nod.

He could feel as the arms of his friends began to drag him backwards, into the hallway and down the stairs, to the creaky floorboards in the dining room where his bag of coke rested in a ball underneath them. Growls played over and over in his head as he fought against their grasps, refusing to let into their relentless pestering.

"I-I'm sorry," Harry said, voice raspy and low. His throat began to close off as they grew stronger, and he felt himself finally giving into their touches and persuasive words and promises until--

A hesitant, small hand wrapping around his forearm had all the voices disappearing, and his lungs burned as he took in a deep breath that wasn't tainted with their filth. "Please, you can't leave me here alone, H. You made a promise to me that you would stay. That you would always stay here for me, with me,"

Shaking his head, Harry took a step backwards. He needed to get out of here, to get away from the fucking voices inside of his head. And he knew just how to do it. But no. He couldn't do that, could he? He couldn't actually end his own life just because the voices have gotten out of-- "Harry, look at me!" A small shrill struck through his thoughts, and at the command, Harry's wide orbs locked with blue orbs that shimmered in the yellow glow of the light bulb. "You can't fucking leave me," his eyes flared with determination, and his sharp fingernails began to dig into the soft flesh on Harry's forearm.

"I can't stay here! Can't you see how fucking miserable I am? That I can't fucking take this anymore? I don't want to be here anymore, Louis! Just fucking accept that and move on already!" chest heaving like he just ran a mile, Harry ripped his arm away from Louis' grasp and grabbed his bag off of the chair. "You're so much better than me. Now get up off of your fucking knees and stop begging for me to stay, it's pathetic," the words burning like a shot of whiskey did, Harry turned around and began to walk away, but stopped in the doorway.

Head hanging low, Harry squoze his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "Really shitty goodbye, isn't it? I didn't plan to leave you this way," sighing, Harry took one last deep breath of the vanilla scented air, "I left you a note underneath your pillow," with that, he hefted his black bag further up on his shoulder and stormed out of the room, then down the stairs.

Curious gazes from Louis' family was pinned on him, but he didn't stop. He walked through their dining room and out their front door. Climbing into his car, Harry started it and without glancing back for even a second, he pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road. His trembling hands gripped the steering wheel and he could feel as the rears began to sting his eyes.

He did it, he actually left. Even though his body ached for him to go back, or for him to do something, all he could do was hit his steering wheel and scream at the top of his lungs. Nothing made sense to him. Not the stop light he was coming up to, or the way his heart felt. All he could make sense of was that he just fucked up the best thing that happened to him.

Two small feet landing on his dashboard drug Harry out of his reverie. All his senses on alert, he snapped his gaze in the direction of the intruder, his fist ready to beat their fucking face in until he seen those beautiful blue eyes. "Hia, Haz," voice high pitched, the girl smiled widely at him then giggled when she seen his clenched fist on the steering wheel. "Calm down, gummy bear, it's only me,"

His breathing faltering when she seen her once short hair now pulled into two long pigtails, he relaxed his hand and let a small smile fall onto his scarred lips. "You've changed," he murmurs, voice thick and raspy from his throat beginning to close off when he realized all this was real. That this was all really happening, and he couldn't turn back now because someone has seen him.

"Of course I have, you donk! It's been an entire year since I've seen you!" she exclaimed, her feet falling to the floor with a quiet thud. She turned in her seat, then plopped her feet in Harry's lap and pointed at her toe nails that had butterflies on her two big toes and pink polka dots on the rest. "Mum is even letting me go to the salon by myself!"

Eyeing her toes, Harry shifted in his seat a little so her feet were now resting on his thigh, rather than his dick. "They're nice, Lots, but i've only been gone eleven months, thirteen days and nine hours," Harry said easily, the time automatically being branded into his mind. He has counted down every single second he has spent away from Louis, but he wouldn't tell her that. She didn't need to know how far his obsession with her older brother went.

"Right, and mum still thinks you aren't creepy," snorting, Lottie retracted her feet and swung her door open, "Well, are you coming in or not,"

Heart constricting at the mention of Johannah, Harry began to chew on his bottom lip, his teeth running over the scar where his lip ring used to be. She probably hates him for what he did to her son. The woman probably didn't want to see him, and he honestly didn't blame her. He left her son, after promising her that he wouldn't.

"You have to promise me that you will take care of my boy, Harry. H-He can't ever feel alone. Promise me that," her voice pained, tears began to trail down her rosy cheeks. Harry stared at her, mouth parting slightly at the new sight of the woman he had never seen cry, the woman he thought couldn't cry. He had never seen her look so vulnerable, and even though he was sitting on the edge of his seat, pupils blown and nose burning from the coke he had just snorted not even ten minutes ago, he knew not to ask her what this was all about.

"I promise that I will stay with him," even with his liquefied brain and electrified body, Harry knew what he was promising; he could never leave the annoying boy he loved. But the promise didn't mean much to him. He never wanted to leave Louis, no, he could never leave him. Even if the boy did wake him up at odd hours of the morning because he wanted cuddles, or just someone to talk to, Harry could never picture his life without him.

Nodding her head, Johannah wiped the tears off of her cheeks and sniffled. "Good," reaching across the table, she grasped both of Harry's large hands between her thin, small ones, "If you ever break this promise, I will hurt you far worse than you will ever hurt my son," she said, the undefined threat lingering in the air around them.

Harry swallowed thickly and nodded, his loose curls bobbing around his head. "I won't ever leave him, even if he wants me to. I am here to stay," before, if he would have said that to anybody else, they would have demanded he leave at the realization he was staying for a while. But Johannah didn't. She simply pulled him into a hug and held onto him for a few minutes until her tears subsided and she was back to her usual bubble self.

But Harry had broken that promise, hadn't he? Not even four months later was he packing up his bag and leaving Louis, breaking his promise to the woman he used to call mum. He has already came this far, though. He couldn't just cower back and run away from confrontation. He was done with running.

Unbuckling his seatbelt, Harry turned his car off and forced a tight smile. "Yeah, lead the way, Lady Bug," voice strained, he shoved his car keys into his pocket, then climbed out of the car and let lottie take his large hand. Her hand was small and warm, reminding Harry of her older brothers, but he didn't get the same reaction. There was no butterflies, or electricity, there was simply a small hand holding his.

"Mum will be so happy to see you!" Lottie said, voice all too thrilled as she pulled him up the green grass with yellow spots froms places it has died. Harry refrained from saying anything. He just kept his eyes on her, picking out each small thing that has changed on her.

He had noticed earlier that her blue eyes were now rimmed with black, and that her cheeks had started to thin out as the baby fat melted away. Her legs have grown longer, as well as her hair, and her body has begun to grow curves. She wasn't his little flat board anymore. She was now a woman, and that left an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.

How much has he really missed?

"And Louis?" Harry forced himself to ask. He swallowed thickly, trying to get rid of the awful scratch to his voice. Just saying his name Harry felt his entire body begin to burn in want. It missed him. It missed the way his body felt pressed against his, and the way his small, ice cold feet would curl into his back at night to try and get them warm.

Lottie sighed almost inaudibly, and Harry noticed when her hand loosened its grip on his. "I'll let mum tell you about him," her voice has a lace of hurt in it, and of course, Harry being Harry, he automatically began to think of the worst things possible.

What if the boy had killed himself because Harry had left? No, Harry had checked the papers for weeks after he left to make sure that hadn't happened. Or what if he ran away, or just simply died with no explanation, after Harry had stopped checking for his obituary.

"Oh god,, is he dead?" Please, no. He can't be dead.

An iron fist closed around his heart and began to crush it, turning it into nothing more than the dirt at Harry's feet that he wishes he could disappear in. "No, silly. I-I just don't like talking about Louis," smiling reassuringly at him over her shoulder, Lottie let go of his hand and opened the front door to her house. "Stay here for a second,"

Harry watched as she walked through the open door. He watched as her body disappeared, and it was only when he was alone, that he felt the creatures from his past start to resurface. No matter where he looked, memories began to resurface, but it wasn't until he turned around and looked past his car and at the end of the driveway, which seemed so far away, that a memory forced itself inside of his brain, pushing past all the voices and broken screams that constantly played in his head.

"Come outside, and hurry cause 'm about to freeze my goods off," Harry hissed into the phone before he hung it up, not even giving the breathless boy on the other side of the phone a chance to respond. He tossed his phone onto the grass, then looked up at the door, waiting impatiently for it to open.

He had been waiting out here for at least five minutes, four of those minutes having been spent on him trying to call Louis, who had apparently been a sleep even though it was only nearing ten o'clock at night. Goosebumps painted his skin, as well as a nice red tint from the cold winter breeze whipping at his naked body.

Whose bloody idea was it for him to run from his house, all the way to Louis', in nothing but a fucking thong? A batman thong, to be correct. He was fine with the cold, he had grown used to it after having spent countless nights sleeping in the park or in the parking lot of the high school, but he hated just standing still while being nearly completely naked. It gave people the chance to stare at his imperfect body, to see the many scars of his past covering his back and arms. He knew people judged him, he would be fucking blind if he didn't, but it was different when it came to his scars.

The scars his fucking grandfather gave to him.

He wished he knew where the old man was, so he could make him stand completely still while he whipped his back raw with a whi-- "You look bloody ridiculous," having been trapped in his own dark thoughts, Harry hadn't noticed the boy exit the house, nor had he heard his feet crunch across the snow as he walked towards him.

"Says who? You?" eyes moving over Louis' body, Harry snorted at his choice of clothes. He had on fluffy bunny pajamas, an oversized grey t-shirt that used to be Harry's, a pair of pink fuzzy slippers and a jean jacket that just so happens to be Harry's too. "You look like shit,"

"At least my junk is covered up," Louis shot back, gesturing towards the lower half of the curly haired boys body. Harry looked down and seen one of his nuts had popped out of the thong, but he made no attempt at shoving it back into the underwear that was riding up his ass in an uncomfortable way.

"It needed to air out," grinning, Harry eyes widened when he realized what he was forgetting. "Shit, turn around for a second!" Louis' blue eyes watched him curiously for a second, but he turned around after a few seconds.

Lunging forward, Harry picked up his phone off of the grass and quickly turned on one of his favorite songs. "When I walk on by, Louis be looking like damn he fly, I pimp to the beat," Harry sang along to the beat of the song, grinning as a mortified Louis turned around and came face to face with a twerking Harry.

Cheeks heating up, Louis covered his eyes with his hand and shrieked, "Stop! I can see yer asshole!" hand still over his eyes, Louis gagged, but then he slowly opened his fingers and peaked at Harry through the crack.

A few seconds had passed with Harry's ass thrusting up in the air before Louis realized this wasn't going to end, so he gave into Harry's crazy ass and laughed along with him, both eyes focused on Harry's face, rather than his ass, because he honestly had never seen someone look more happy to be twerking in a thong, in the middle of winter, for free.

When the song finished, Harry stood up, breathless, and pulled the thong out of his ass before walking up to Louis. "Happy birthday, Lou," he whispered, eyes staring into melting blue orbs. Hand reaching up to the side of Louis' face, Harry leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on his forehead. "I also have a song and dance prepared if you want a lap dance," lips brushing against his forehead, Harry reluctantly pulled back and grinned.

"Mum's awake, so we'll have to be quiet," slipping his bottom lip between his teeth, Louis paused for a second and glanced at Harry's outfit one last time before-- "I'll only let you in if you strip completely naked and climb in through my window," mischievousness flashed through Louis' eyes, and even though it was deep, deep down, Harry knew why he wanted to see him naked. And he didn't have a problem with it.

But then again, he had never backed out of a dare. So, to satisfy the birthday boy, he stepped out of the thin, black material and handed it to him. Then, with his cock shrinking from the cold wind, Harry straightened his back, grinned, and said, "If I make it to your room before you, you owe me one lap dance,"

No more words were spoken between the two before they took off in the same direction before they split up. Harry went through the backyard, climbed up onto the roof using the back porch railing, and into the room just as Louis was reaching the top of his stairs. The younger boy claims he had won, so they both settled and Harry gave his lap dance first before Louis, through frustrated groans and giggles, gave Harry his lap dance which ended with him pinned to the floor, Harry's hard on pressed against his stomach.

Even now, Harry can hear Louis' giggles and remember how wide his eyes had went when he realized Harry was hard. He hadn't done anything to help him with his problem, of course, but he did make it even worse by wiggling the lower half of his body every few seconds.

Smiling at one of the many fond memories Harry has with the boy, he tried to ignore the feeling that he had just been punched in the gut when he remembered how high he had been then. How high he had been nearly ever single second he had spent with Louis. Cracking his neck, Harry inhaled deeply and turned around just as the front door was opening, revealing the woman he has dreaded to see, yet missed.

"Harry," her voice was stern with a cold hint to it, and Harry felt the tears begin to burn the back of his eyes.

When the fuck did he become so emotional? "Jay," trying to keep as much emotion out of his voice as he could, Harry stood up straighter, squared his shoulders and tried to keep his eyes on anything but her. But he couldn't do it. He gave in without much struggle, and he let his tears begin to fall as he looked over the woman who seemed to have age fifteen years in only eleven months.

"I'm so sorry," the apology came straight from his heart, and Jay seemed to realize how much Harry seemed to be hurting because she pulled him into a hug and let him bury his head in the crook of her neck.

Fingers running through his curls that reached his shoulders, Jay hushed the crying teen, her own heart breaking. She had only ever seen Harry cry once, but then she knew he was faking it. Now, she could feel and hear the emotion in each crack of his voice. "Do you know how long I have waited to hear you say that?"

Harry never apologized, that was something everybody knew, but he always apologized to Jay. The only woman he seems to trust in his life. "I fucked up. I ruined everything, didn't I? You hate me, Lottie hates me. Fuck, Louis," pulling back at the memory of Louis, Harry sucked up all his bloody emotions and wiped the salty trails from his cheeks. "Where is he? Is he okay. L-Lottie told me she.."

"Harry, dear, calm down," Jay said, cutting him off by pressing a finger to his glistening lips. "Louis is," she closed her eyes for a second, her eyebrows furrowing as the pain became evident on her aging face. "He's not fine, Harry. My little boy has found himself in trouble," for the next five minutes Harry listened to Jay explain everything that has happened with, and to, Louis in the past eleven months. And by the time she finished, Harry was already taking long strides down the grass.

He didn't know what had awakened him, if it was hearing that Louis has started to hang out with his old friends, or that he has started to fight, or that he has started to do drugs, but Harry's entire body was awake and on fire. His vision was rimmed with red and all he knew was that he was about to kill somebody, even though he promised himself that he wouldn't hurt another person for the rest of his life.

But it was for Louis.

And Louis was worth it.