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Luke's eyes were wide and innocent under the moonlight, clear crystal blue meeting my own deep brown. There was no space between us, and I could see every outline framing his skin and the shape of his lips as they curved up to speak. 

"Do you-" he started but I'd already leaned forward to gently press my mouth against his. His lips parted in surprise, and I shifted closer, closer, and fuck. Luke's hands took a second before they reached out to the back of my head, trailing up to run through my hair. And suddenly I was too hot and too cold, my insides somehow freezing up and burning back down right after like the ruins of a dead city. 

I felt a gentle tug at my lower lip, and he pressed against me harder, and I let out a little noise, receptive. He smelled good. He smelled familiar, and kissing Luke was...it was an abstract artwork of emotions, complex and beautiful, strokes of paint weaving a picture together, one that I was a little afraid to look at. Until my eyes opened and the ruins crashed down, brick by fucking brick. I'm making out with my best friend. I'm making out with my best friend? I pulled myself back, and I almost laughed at the confused expression on his face before I remembered what put it there. 

"I, um," my trail of thoughts halted, my mouth unable to find the ability to speak. I stared at his eyes, swollen lips, and the crumpled top of his shirt. Shit. Shit, he looked hot. 

I wondered what state I was in, if he looked like that. 

"I...I'm sorry," I muttered, and he pushed away from me, turning his back to the door, hands wrapped over his own arms. I didn't look back when I reached for the doorknob and walked out, making my own walk of shame down the hallway. Maya was cleaning up trash, and she offered me a curious, and then calculating look as I passed her.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, I kept thinking, and my head felt empty, cleaned out with a sponge. I found my way into the nearest bathroom and locked the door behind me. 

I started pacing, my hand in my hair, as I walked back and forth across the tiled floor. The faint smell of vomit that someone had attempted to cover with Febreze made my head spin, and I closed my eyes.

What had I gotten myself into? Why am I so stupid? 

I only really regretted it, because I was pretty sure my friendship with him was ruined. Which shouldn't have been the only reason. This was all so wrong. Did I like kissing him only because I was drunk? Or was there more? My butt had just barely touched the toilet lid when a sharp knock at the bathroom door jolted me back up again.

"Um, it's kind of occupied, if you haven't noticed!" I yelled, not ready to leave my isolation just yet.

"Hurry the fuck up, we have to leave," a voice called out and I rolled my eyes. 

"Okay Maya!" I screamed back, and I heard her stream of curses before she walked away. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, and winced at the fatigue surrounding my eyes. I clearly hadn't been sleeping well. The byproduct of a break-up, I guess. 

I left out the backdoor, slipping out quietly so no one would notice me. I found the beat up Honda civic out front, which was turned on and waiting for me, and then sat in the passenger seat. Maya was sitting in the driver's seat, the radio playing faintly, and she barely glanced at me as I put my seatbelt on.  

"What the hell just happened?" My head snapped to her, but she was staring straight ahead at the road, sticking the keys into the ignition. 

"Nothing. What are you talking about?" 

"You just made out with Luke." My heartbeat spiked, and I crossed my arms. How the fuck did she know? 

"I...no I didn't," I tried, but my voice came out throaty and low. Maya sighed deeply, and then shot me a look. 

"Aiden, I'm not stupid, believe it or not. You left Luke's room after a few minutes looking like a hot mess. You kissed in front of everyone earlier, and then couldn't look him in the eyes for the rest of the game. Your face has been uncomfortable and nervous ever since you stepped into the car. Oh, and also, you smell like him." She sounded like a lawyer closing up a court case. I took a discreet sniff of my shirt and realized she was right- I smelled like mint and alcohol and the fabric softener Luke's been using since he was a kid. 

"Oh." 

"Yeah, oh. What's going on?" she asked, one eyebrow raised, and I blinked heavily, looking out the window. I leaned my elbow against the side, my sweatshirt sleeve covering my mouth. 

So she wanted me to admit what, that I'd made a move on Luke? That I'd kinda liked it? That I would do it again? That maybe, maybe, I wasn't as straight as I'd thought?

But I wasn't ready. 

"Oh no, it's stupid. I tried to kiss him as a joke and he just shoved me onto his bed, everything's fine." I forced out a laugh, and she glanced at me, gaze now soft. I looked away, unable to meet her eyes.

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, duh. So you can drop the concerned sister act. I'm good. Great, actually. A-okay." 

"And this doesn't have to do with..." she paused, and I waited for the awkward blow, "Elena. Right?" God, why did everyone keep bringing her up? I wasn't even thinking about her. She was so unimportant to me right now it wasn't even funny.

"No." My tone offered no room for discussion, and Maya got the hint. 

---

When I stepped out the car, I wanted to lay down in my yard forever. The night was like a cool balm against my flushed skin, and dew sparkled on shadowed grass, shining from the moonlight. I wanted to sleep on this bed of jewels, but I trudged up the steps to the doorway, following my sister. She unlocked the door, and we winced at the creak as it opened, slowly. The house was almost quiet, the only noise coming from the TV. 

"Pyar dosti hai...agar woh meri sab se achchi dost nahin ban sakti..." I grinned once I recognized the audio. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. 

I cautiously stepped in, ready to be yelled at for the time, but no one said anything. I kept walking, treading softly on our wood floor, when I saw the current "situation," in our living room. I laughed and then stopped to just smile. Maya came up behind me and I heard her let out a soft sigh. Our parents were cuddled up on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around them and a Bollywood movie playing on the TV. 

"They fell asleep watching movies. Guess we're safe." 

It was cute, and I suddenly wanted to cry, though I had no idea why. My dad's arms were wrapped around my mom, and they looked at peace. My heart called out for an unknown feeling, and my stomach flipped, uneasy. 

I went up the stairs, promising myself to never drink again (ha), and I sprawled onto my bed. I was on my stomach, the pillow pressing up against my face, when I heard my phone go off. 

I reached out blindly, and pulled the screen up to stare at it with bleary eyes. Luke? 

hope you guys got home safe

I stared at it, unable to comprehend. I didn't deserve this kindness after leaving him like that. I felt like such a shit friend it wasn't even funny. 

My head felt smashed open, and sleep was wrapping over me like the folds of a blanket, so I put my phone on the nightstand, turning away. I closed my eyes, and dozed off into a deep slumber, unable to shake the image of soft blue eyes and messy blond hair from my head.

---

I woke up the next morning groaning at the annoying noise of the alarm I'd probably forgotten to turn off. Why, why, why, I groaned, and reached out a hand to turn it off. 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Shit, I probably just hit the snooze button. I reached over and actually turned it off, ready to go back to sleep when Maya barged in, music from her iPhone blaring out.

"Wake up, it's 10!" she practically screamed and I winced, curling into a ball. I stuck my hands over my ear, drowning out her voice and her godawful music taste. No one needed that in the morning, let alone when you were still hungover. 

"Ugh Maya, why couldn't you let me sleep just this day?" I whined, sitting up and glaring at her. She grinned at the sight, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Aren't you supposed to be somewhere? You asked me to wake you up yesterday." Shit, I'm supposed to shop for Christmas presents with Luke in... 10 MINUTES?! 

I jumped off my bed, stumbling as I ran into the bathroom, grabbing a pair of clothes on my way.  I got dressed and brushed my teeth in record speed, skipping out on a shower even though I probably really needed one. I sprayed my cologne to get rid of any musty smell and ran downstairs, slipping across the floor in my socks. My mom glanced up amusedly, watching me make an absolute fool of myself as she shook her head.

"So, you guys made it home safe last night? How was the party?" she asked casually, flipping an omelet. I froze, remembering exactly what had happened and pasted a smile on my face.

"Well, we obviously made it home safely Ma, we're here now, aren't we? The party was fine."

"Don't you give me that sarcasm mister. I get way too much of it from your sister already."

 As if on cue, Maya walked in from the living room, her empty plate and a fork in her hand. She put it into the sink and handed me a clean plate with an omelet, gesturing at the toaster.

"Toast yourself some bread if you want. Mom's made an omelet for you already"

"No time," I said as I glanced at my phone, "I'll just eat the omelet." I grabbed a fork and basically shoved it into my mouth, ignoring my mom and sister's disgusted expressions. Mouth full, I ran out the door with my shoes in my hands, waiting for Luke to come pick me up.

Luke was usually punctual, so I was surprised that he wasn't there already. I carefully chewed, getting the omelet down between heavy breaths, and then sat on the pavement to tie my shoes. 

I hadn't let myself think about the night before, really, but the thought of seeing Luke again made it so that it was all I could think about. Images and feelings flashed through my head and I closed my eyes for a second, blurring out the world around me. Fairy lights, a spinning bottle, light blue covers, pale skin, parting lips. 

Suddenly, my mind was a cinema, and the only movie playing was him. The thought of it was terrifying, and I forced my eyes open, colors and sounds around me flowing back until I was back. I grounded myself, reaching out to touch the grass beside me. I ran a finger over the open zipper of my jacket, taking even breaths. 

It's okay. I'll be okay. 

Luke's familiar Mercedes rounded the corner, and I took a final deep breath. He stopped in front of me, and I got in, forcing a smile on my face. 

"Hey." I glanced at him, and he looked like he always did, maybe a little more tired than usual. Smile relaxed, bright eyes, soft eyebrows curved inwards. 

"Hi." Luke barely spared me a glance, but it almost seemed like he didn't remember the night before. But there was no way he forgot. Right? 

Luke set off, and I watched him, the way his grip tightened around the steering wheel and how he focused on the road ahead. 

"Guess who Rishi hooked up with last night?" I asked, breaking the silence between us. 

"Bruh, is it Celia?"

"Yeah, he texted me this morning. And I'm pretty sure Madeline wasn't too happy about it." Luke laughed, and the corner of my mouth quirked up. 

"Makes sense, you know how protective she gets of Celia," he said. 

"And she has good reason to be. You know how naive Celia is. She's gonna catch feelings for Rishi, and then he's gonna have to break her heart like he's done with every other girl before her," I said, recalling the many mascara stained cheeks and shattered hearts. 

Luke had pulled up to a red light, and he reached over to turn on the radio. As we stopped talking, music filled the car and I hummed along to the familiar melody when I remembered the chorus of the song. 

It started out with a kiss

How did it end up like this?

It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

I  turned the radio off, not wanting to deal with all...that. Luke frowned, reaching over to turn it back on.

"What are you doing? You love that song. And more importantly, I like that song." Well most importantly, fuckwit, you need to use your critical thinking skills before your stupidity kills us all! 

I didn't reply, I just reached over to turn it off again when his hand closed over mine. I flinched, and a flash of hurt crossed his face before we both went silent. He glanced at my face, hand still on the knob, and I realized he knew. He hadn't forgotten the day before, and I'd probably fucked something up. 

The light went green, and he pressed down on the pedal, steadily pushing past the speed limit. I thought about the kiss, about leaving him in his room, of what I'd just done. 

I sighed and pressed on the button, letting him win. He deserved this, at the very least. When Mr. Brightside started playing again, I saw him grin a little, and then try to hide it, and I laughed. 

He started singing along, and I reluctantly joined in, his voice outshining mine in every way. 

It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss 

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mm i'm trying to give u content guys i promise 

but how's it going

and how was the chapter. as u can see things have changed :D