Chapter Thirty Eight. 

            I felt like I couldn’t breathe from crying so hard as soon as I got to my dorm room. The key wouldn’t fit into the lock and I cussed about five times before it finally opened, Casey sitting on her bed with her laptop opened and John Mayer playing peacefully throughout the room. She seemed to be happy and in love because her relationship was freaking perfect while mine just fell apart.

            “Did you find out?” She asked quietly.

            When she glanced up at me I was just staring at her in shock because she knew. She knew at the airport and that’s why she was acting so weird and she had the opportunity to tell me then. I would have had time to think this through more instead of getting bombarded with it tonight. This is the last place I want to be right now.

            “YOU KNEW!?” I screamed, throwing my key down onto the desk. “YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!”

            “Reina that’s not something for me to share! I’m not just going to go around and tell someone their deepest secrets. Justin needed to tell you and I just found out from Scott our last day in Vegas before we flew home. I would have told you eventually but you were around him! I didn’t have the time!”

            “Well it doesn’t even matter!” I sobbed, sitting down on my bed. “We’re over Casey! He brought up things that I’ve never told anyone before and he was using them against me. Oh my god it’s like he was the person I met that first week!”

            Setting her laptop aside, she walked over to my bed and gave me a hug despite how rude I just was to her a couple of seconds ago. I shouldn’t be bringing Casey into this but I always do and no matter how much of a bitch I am she still loves me. I am so thankful for her.

            “He ended things with you? Oh my god Reina I’m so sorry.”

            “No! I ended things with him Casey. I’m the one that ended it.”

            Her arms came around from my shoulders back down to her sides and she stared at me in shock, her eyes growing all wide-like as she waited for me to continue.

            “I’m the one that made him do that to himself Casey and if I were to stay and if I were to mess up again he’d just go right back and do that. I’m the reason for his pain and even though he said it wasn’t true he’s just lying. He needs help Casey and he needs to be content with himself before he can get into a relationship. That’s just the truth.”

            “But Reina do you not understand anything about self-harm? Do you even get what you just did?”

            “I’m helping him!” I spat. “I’m helping him by staying away!”

            “Reina staying away isn’t what he needs right now! What he needs is you there. Don’t you get that? It doesn’t matter if you’re the one that causes the pain because the only one that can bring him away from the pain is also you and you just took that away from him.”

            “He didn’t even seem mad when I left. He acted cocky and like the same asshole he is!”

            “Because he has his guard up Reina! He knows you’re leaving so what is he going to do? Cry and try to make you stay when he knows it isn’t going to work? I’m being serious Reina and you need to go back over there. Whether you want to be with him or not, he’s going to do something stupid. You need to go back.”

            “I can’t just go back! What’s done is done Casey and this is exactly what I’m talking about. Every time we get into a fight I’m going to have this fear of him cutting himself and I-“

            “It’s more than that Reina! Justin doesn’t just think about cutting. He’s thought about more.”

            My heart stopped in that exact moment at the word more. I didn’t know what to do because I don’t know why I never thought he’d take it that far. I knew he was depressed tonight but I didn’t know to what extent and now the anxiety was slowly creeping back into my body at the images being plastered in my head of him lying dead on the bathroom floor.

            “He’s tried to?” I whispered.

            “Scott just said he talked about wanting to before he found him. He said there was blood everywhere Reina… he said he’s never seen something so bad before in his entire life.”

            “Fuck!” I cried, trying to wipe away my endless tears. “I’m such an idiot!”

            “Reina just go, okay? You still have time and everything’s going to be fine.”

            Grabbing the key off of the desk, I slid on my winter coat and my boots before I slammed the door without another word.

 --------

            My body was aching from running so much. I don’t think I’ve ever run so fast but when I finally reached his street I began to slow down into a fast-paced walk, my breath being seen in the spring nighttime air.  A part of me wishes that when I see him he’ll just fall into my arms and cry so we can try to work through this but another part of me wishes he’ll agree with me and that he needs to go and get help even though being away from him is that last thing I want.

            If being his friend is what helps him heal then I’m willing to be that for him but we’re going to strictly be just friends. Too much has happened to do what we used to do but at this point, I don’t think he even wants to look at me. The way he treated me before I left clearly proved that.

            It wasn’t until I was almost ten houses down that I saw the flashing lights of an ambulance. Red and blue lights were going everywhere in my head and I sprinted like no tomorrow, the tears streaming down my cheeks, the sobs coming out uncontrollably because I was too late. Scott was carrying Justin in his arms and he wasn’t awake. There was foam coming out of his mouth and that’s when I knew that I had just destroyed everything.

            “Reina!” Scott sobbed, placing him onto the stretcher. “He fucking over dosed!”

A/N:

CLIFFHANGER OMG IT'S THE END OF THE STORY. 

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