A/N Part 2 of My Heart Will Go On

Three sets of eyes stared at me as I wolfed down my food. I ignored them as usual. This had become a rather regular thing and I had never seemed to get the hang of the whole "embarrassment" concept. I mean, food was great! Why the heck should I be embarrassed to be enjoying it. The people who owned the joint had gotten over it, ever since the first time I came in and ordered a Peanut Ripple waffle cone.

I moaned over the one in my hands as I crunched down the last couple of bites. Then I licked my fingers, wiped my face and stared longingly at the counter as I waited for the other three people at the table to jog out of their staring and finish their own servings. The boy I had met from the hospital was sitting across from me. We were friends now.

His name was Killian, but most of the people I had met who already knew him called him Killer. I suppose from the outside he looked rather fierce. When he and Dex had run together they had gotten in quite a bit of trouble, and not all of it so innocent. It explained what Dex had meant when he was talking about ruining his chances, although Killian had always managed to keep his grades up and stay out of the worst of the trouble himself.

It was strange to me, feeling like I knew Dex so well when we had probably never actually met. That time in my room had connected us in ways I still didn't understand. I felt weird around Killian, but I didn't really know what that was about. I also felt comfortable around Dex’s old friends. It was like I already knew them in some strange way. Some of my new habits coming out of the hospital seemed to be familiar to Killian and he was always commenting on it.

"Creepy right?" Killian said to the other two. They both looked a little freaked out and were absently eating their own ice cream.

"How's it even possible?" One of them mumbled. Killian shrugged, mystified himself.

"Who knows. He's been doing that stuff since I first met him. Should see his scars though, they are wicked." He replied absently. He always ordered Chocolate Brownie Crumble in a chocolate dipped cone. I thought it was too much chocolate but I knew I would get a glare if I dared to say it. Hazards of only having chocolate and vanilla as an option for ice cream going on eighteen years I suppose.

"What? What did I do?" I looked at him innocently. He rolled his eyes and tossed the last of his cone down the hatch. I bounced my leg and tapped a rhythm as I waited for him to finish and tell me what it was all about this time.

"You did that thing again. When you tap out his favorite songs on the table or your leg. I swear you probably don't even notice you are doing it." Killian muttered. I was surprised he had stuck around me as long as he did considering all the times I creeped him out. I smiled and shrugged. It wasn't as though I could even stop myself from doing it if I didn't notice I was doing it at the time.

"Whatever. Are you done? I want to get home and finish the math sheet so I can play video games. Do you want to come over? We can finish the game we were playing Saturday." I looked at him hopefully. He chewed his lip in an adorable way and glanced at the other two.

"Yeah sure. I'll text my mom and let her know I will be really late." He replied. The other two were talking about someone I didn't know that well, so I ignored them.

"Tell her you are staying over." I gave him the puppy dog eyes. He gave me a long suffering look. I stuck out my bottom lip and pouted. He rolled his eyes. I made my lip quiver and nearly managed to force some tears. He huffed and threw up his arms.

"Alright! Fine. I'll stay over. Let me pick up some clothes at my house first though." I grinned and nodded enthusiastically. He laughed at my sudden change to all smiles. We got up and said goodbye to the other two. I followed him out to his car and got in. He looked at me strangely from the driver's seat.

"What?" I said, tilting my head at him.

"You are coming with me?" He commented as he bucked up and started the engine. I blushed, realising that I hadn't actually asked to come but just got in and invited myself.

"Ah, sorry. I just figured since you were eventually going to my place I would come along for the ride. Saves me walking all the way and you maybe getting there before me. You know how distracted I can get." I rambled on as he drove us to his place.

"No, it's fine. I should be used to it by now." He said resigned. I played with his radio buttons out of nervousness. He slapped my hand away and put it back on his favorite station. I pouted again and looked out the window. The world outside was both familiar and strange to me. I had seen so much through other people's eyes and now I was seeing most of it for myself for the first time.

"Hey boys!" I waved at his mom as she called out to us. Killian pulled into the driveway and I got out to give the nice lady a hug. "How are you doing Ken?"

"I'm great Fiona! How are your tomatoes doing?" I asked. Last time I was here she was grumbling about some bugs.

"It took me all week but I think I scared them off. My babies will be okay." She grinned at me and I stretched my back as I waited for Killian.

"That's good. I expect some great chili when those guys ripen." I muttered without thinking. She snapped her head over to me and blinked.

"Yeah, heh, sure Ken. I make chili every year, so I'll be sure to save you some." I realised my unconscious blunder and wandered back to the car. It felt so awkward when I did things like that. Was my body not even my own anymore? Had Dex somehow taken over part of me and I no longer was myself anymore? Was I about to start getting into the same kinds of trouble as he did and drift into the background as he took over my life?

It freaked me out some days just as much as it freaked out other people. Killian was cool about it, but some days I didn't even know how to feel about him. He was Dex's best friend, that much I had figured out just from talking to him and the other kids at school. They were inseparable since they were in diapers, like brothers from other mothers. If you saw one, the other couldn't be far away.

For myself, I couldn't stop that same strange reaction from happening every time I saw him. My heart just wanted to race out of my chest. I would catch myself stroking the spot over it unconsciously when he was around. He wondered, but rarely asked me about it. I wouldn't know what to say if he did. The little research I had done just confused me more. It could be nervousness, fear, or... love? So what did that mean? I fell in love at first sight? Do things like that even happen?

It seemed far-fetched to me. Maybe it was just nerves. Maybe Dex was trying to tell me something. Like, 'hey, see this guy here? He's great. You should be friends'. Yeah, that was probably it. I jumped when the driver's side door opened and Killian threw his bag into the back seat. He gave me a smirk and buckled up, waving to his mom in the garden before pulling out of the driveway.

"Sorry, my little sister needed help with a question on her homework." He said to me. I shook my head with a smile.

"It's fine. I chatted with your mom. She's nice. I like her." I didn't mention my latest slip. He didn't need to know what a freak I really was.

"Thanks? That's good. I like her too." He chuckled and I closed my eyes to savour the sound. "You okay? You are rubbing your chest again. It doesn't still hurt, does it?" He looked a little worried when I opened my eyes. I smiled and shook my head no. It's uncomfortable because you keep making my heart pound.

"I'm fine." I replied. I hummed along to the radio until we made it to my place. It was the same as I remembered it from before I went into the hospital. I guess my parents didn't have the time or money to make any changes. First thing I wanted to do was hang up all my artwork in my room. Didn't use frames or anything, just totally papered the walls with all my inspirational pictures. I wanted to remember what I wanted when I got out.

"Guess your parents aren't home yet. Want me to park on the road?" He said as we pulled up to the house.

"No just park on the far right, by the tree." I pointed to the spot and he pulled in smoothly. We got out and went inside after I pulled my keys out and fumbled the locks open. There were no lights on except the front hall and outside porch lights. I kicked off my shoes and tramped up the stairs, expecting Killian to follow me. I threw myself on my bed, sighing at the softness of my duvet as I sunk into it.

"You going to let me sit?" I heard an amused voice behind me. I grinned and turned to look at Killian. I rolled over and patted the spot next to me. He slid onto the bed, sitting with his back against the headboard. I laid with my head propped up and just stared at him for a second. "What?" He asks me, giving me a questioning look. Just wanted to look at you. I shake my head to dislodge the fuzziness I can feel building.

"Nothing. You want to play video games?" I say instead of admitting where my mind was wandering. He grins at me.

"I thought you wanted to do your homework first?" He reminds me. I huff and drop my face back into the softness. He wasn't wrong. I pretend to scream and have a fit. Then I calmly get up and grab my bag. I take out the sheet while he laughs at me. I really liked the sound of his laughter. It made the pounding in my chest go all bubbly and my head feel all floaty. I had to hold back my own giggle. Now that would be embarrassing.

"So, homework first. Did you start yours yet?" I grabbed my lap-desk from under the bed and set it up between us. He took the left and I took the right side. It was a huge wooden thing my dad had built for me when I first got sick. It was nearly as wide as the bed and over a foot deep. Perfect for spreading out books, sheets and drawing materials.

"Nope. I barely managed to finish the in-class assignments. I think they purposely give you too much to get ahead. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, I never get to the homework before I actually get home." He complained. I agreed with him. How the heck were kids supposed to find time to do kids stuff with all the growing up work they threw at us? I mean, okay we were technically young adults now, but if they were still going to treat us like stupid kids then I had no problem continuing to act like one.

"I think we did yours in class already. Grab your notebook, I want to see if they are the same." He reached into his bag and showed me his notes. I rolled my eyes. She had the other class do all the even numbered questions in class and ours do all the odd numbers, then set the other half for homework. I showed him my notes and he laughed.

"I understood it, you want to swap books?" He gave me a mischievous look. I pretended to think about it for two seconds then threw my book over.

"God yes. This is so boring. I just want to say in advance that I take no responsibility whatsoever for possible mistakes that may be present, nor the mark you may receive from my poor mathematical skills." I always added a disclaimer to my math notes, since I sometimes sucked at it from lack of concentration skills. He laughed and with a glance over my answers, shook his head.

"It should be fine. It will make me seem more human if I make a mistake now and then." We scribbled in silence, the sheet taking less than half the time for me then doing it in class. I sighed in relief and sharpened my pencil for the next sheet. I grimaced at the geography. It was mostly copying out stuff from the textbook and siting the pages we took the graphs from. It wasn't so bad I suppose, about as close to doing art as you could get without it being art class.

I freehanded the graphs onto my page while Killian traced his through the page by placing it on top and trying to follow the lines. Mine still looked better and I laughed a little because he still couldn't keep his lines very straight. He glared in my direction playfully. I handed him some coloured pencils for labeling, then finished the shading on mine. I was done first, so I just watched him work on his as I waited. I could watch you all day.

His brow was scrunched in concentration. It made him look far meaner than he usually did. He was unfortunately one of those people who had resting bitch face, and most people assumed he was as angry and bad-tempered as he looked. Quite the opposite of myself, who was always making friends with my wide smiles and good-natured attitude. I had more friends than he did and I had only been out of the hospital for a couple of years.

He caught me staring at him and I just gave him a grin and continued my appraisal of his features. His hair was longer than when I first met him and he was getting a fair amount of stubble building up on his chin by this time of day. His youthful roundness was disappearing completely, leaving a man with a pronounced jawline and high cheekbones. The hollow was shaded by the dark brown hair that was trying to form a beard, and I wanted to touch it to see if it was as scratchy as it looked.

"What are you staring at?" He mumbled, his cheeks tinting a little red and his eyes staying on his sheets as he put them away. I put my head in my hand, leaning onto the desk and watching the muscles of his arms and shoulders as he tossed his things into his bag. It was fascinating to see them roll beneath the skin, stretching the fabric of his shirt in different directions, making folds appear and disappear. I wanted to draw him. Who are you kidding? You just want him.

"I was just thinking you'd be interesting to sketch. Can I? I have an end of the year project in art class, so I was thinking of doing a portrait for it." That was quick thinking, if I say so myself. He huffed and leaned back on the head board again. I bit my lip nervously, waiting for him to decide. His gaze avoided mine, instead looking at the pictures hung on my walls.

"Sure. If you want to." He finally replied. I put away my school things in a hurry and pulled out my big sketch book. Opening up to a new page, I grabbed my favourite charcoal pencil and furiously began outlining a few posture studies with the way he was sitting, trying to capture proportions and get a feel for the way his muscles looked on paper. I switched to a new page and fired out a few head shots, incomplete but capturing the way his hair fell.

He watched me intently as I concentrated on making the lines of his body come to life on the pages. It was the first time I was able to stare at him so closely, looking at everything, while he watched me back. I was breathing hard from the effort of pushing out the art from inside my chest. It was intense. Like I was pouring my blood onto the page and hoping to read my future in it. I have no idea how long I sat and furiously scribbled while page after page of partial studies came to life.

I have no idea when I stopped looking up for reference. I have no idea when he moved from his spot; he got up to sit next to me and watch over my shoulder as the art came spilling out of my soul. I have no idea when I started to forget how to breathe, instead I was gasping every now and then from holding my breath too long. I have no idea when I started grabbing my coloured pencils and making the snapshots entirely out of colour.

"Jesus, is that from a month ago?" He breathed so close to my ear that I startled out of the stupor that I had fallen into. I stared down at the page in shock, realising that I had reproduced a moment from my life when Killian had stolen a handful of French fries from my plate and was laughing as he ate them in the lunch room at school. It was done up in reds, greens, and blues so you could almost feel the laughter pouring from his mouth.

"Ah, yeah I think so?" I panted, turning to look at him without considering how close he was to me. My breath caught in my throat as his eyes locked onto mine from only inches away. God they were so blue. I was drowning, forgetting to breathe again, maybe even getting lost forever. Neither of us blinked. I was afraid to. Would the moment be lost? Would he see inside me and turn in disgust? Would he ignore my torn apart insides altogether?

"It's beautiful." He whispered. My eyes flickered from the feel of his breath against my lips as he spoke. Then I blinked. He liked it?

"Thank you. So are you." I blurted out. His eyes widened in surprise. Mine opened in shock, realising what had come out of my mouth. Stupid! What did you say that for? I turned away nervously, wringing my hands and warring internally as to whether I should laugh it off as a joke. I felt a warm hand snake itself into mine and looked down to see him lace his fingers with mine so I had to stop wringing them.

I looked up cautiously back into his eyes, and they weren't angry or disgusted. I sighed in relief. They were just serious and considering. I could work with that. Wait, no, they were getting closer. Our noses brushed and I nearly squeaked when he pulled me closer to place his lips on mine gently, curiously, cautiously. They were warm, faintly tasting of the spearmint I smelled the first time we met. Yum. More, I want more.

My sketchbook was shoved aside. My pencils were scattered across the bed. My hands were grasping his shoulders, combing themselves into his riotous curls, pulling him closer and making the kiss deeper in an instant. My heart was thudding so hard, pumping blood in a rush through my veins loudly so I couldn't doubt that I was alive. So very alive. I gasped when we finally pulled apart for air. Staring at those bright blue eyes that were looking at me.

Looking at me the same way I wanted them to.