A/N: For anyone who loves Ponyboy... and making fun of him XD Especially my dear friend Jill_Smitty_ :)

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When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman, and a nice sloppy cheeseburger from McDonald's. I wish I looked like Paul Newman, but I just loved food way too much. Trust me, my older brother Darry was pretty damn pissed when I told him I measured 735 lbs and that I flattened the couch. It's not my fault I'm fat. I blame the food. I blame the food for being so damn good!

Anyway, I was wobbling my way home when a blue Mustang rushed passed me."Want a burger, fatass?!" the Socs yelled, laughing.

I wanted to say "Yes, actually!" but I had to remain cool so I just flipped them off.

The Mustang came back again. I braced myself. One of Socs threw a ham at me, and my feet slipped on it and I screamed "Shit!" I clobbered to the ground and rolled right onto my back. The Socs were laughing. "Goddamnit!" I struggled getting up. I was just too fat to pick myself up.

The Socs ran out of their car and started attacking me. If it weren't for my rolls, their punches would've hurt a lot. But then someone flicked out a blade. "You need to lay off the weenies, greaser," someone chuckled, and they sat on top of me and angled the switchblade at my neck. I was panting for breath. I tried moving away, but the Socs held me down. The Soc that was on top of me slowly swiped the blade across my neck, and I winced.

Suddenly I heard yelling. The Socs quickly got off of me and hurried to their car. I couldn't see anything. Somebody's strong arms locked themselves under my armpits, and five other pairs of arms grabbed other parts of my body, and yanked me up. "Ponyboy, are you alright?"

It was my older brother Darry. He and our middle brother, Soda, and the rest of my gang helped me stand. Soda asked, "Did they pull a blade on you?"

"Yes," I panted, "Can we go home now? I'm hungry."

"You just got jumped, Ponyboy. Out of all the things you could be feeling, how are you hungry?"

"I'm sorry that my body is different than yours, Darry," I randomly spat. "It wants what it wants. Now can I get some food?"

"Oh, you're bleedin' like a stuck pig," Soda said as he applied a rag to the cut on my neck.

"Pig? That reminds me, can I get some bacon? No, ham. No, pork. No--"

"Is the kid okay?" a husky voice asked. It was Dallas.

"No, I'm fucking hungry," I muttered.

"We gotta get you cleaned up, Pony," Darry insisted, "That's one nasty cut to the neck."

"Darry, I said I'm fine! My rolls saved me!" I exclaimed. "Can we just go to The Dingo?"

"We got kicked out of The Dingo, remember?" Steve said.

"What? For what?"

"You went from table to table eating everybody's food. Not to mention you almost ate our waitress!"

I threw him a dirty look. "I'm a growing boy, Steve. My hunger is at its highest level."

Johnny shrugged. "You should really watch what you eat, Pone. You could get diabetes."

I sighed. "Well, somebody could've told me that when I was nine."

Two-Bit slapped me on the back. "Shoot, kid! You want some ice cream?"

"Yes, actually."

"Two-Bit, don't encourage him!" Darry scolded.

"I'M HUNGRY!" I screamed.

Steve sneered. "Would a nice bowl of 'bitch flakes' satisfy your needs?"

"I will sit on you if I have to," I explained.

"Guys, stop it," Soda interrupted. "C'mon Pony, let's just get you home."

"Take me to food?" I asked.

"What you need is rest, little buddy," said Soda.

"But I'm huuuuuuungry," I moaned.

"Somebody get this kid some food, PLEASE!" Dallas suddenly yelled.

"Fine," Darry gave in. He probably gave in just because he didn't want to hear me throw the sixteenth tantrum I would have just this week. "I'll cook you some vegetables or something."

"But I want ice cream," I retaliated.

Darry gave me a look. "When's the last time you ate something healthy?"

"Ummmm, never."

"Well then, you're not getting ice cream. No siree, bub."

"UGHHHHHHHHHH," I groaned loudly. I began my slow trudge home, not caring that I was the furthest behind everyone.

Well, at least I was getting SOME food. Even if it was stupid vegetables. At least I would get to have my daily dose of garlic bread and a tub of chocolate icing that I always sneak at midnight!