"She's awake!" 

I saw my brothers, mom, dad, Anna, Zach, Kyle, Austin, and Will. 

They were all staring at me. They all looked like they had been crying. 

"What happened?" I asked. 

"The street...car, slammed on breaks...passed out, here!" My mom said. She broke down crying again. 

My brothers looked so sad. 

Then, I remembered. 

Suicide attempt. 

Now, that I think of it, that's the only thing I can really remember. 

I looked around the room and tried to count the number of people. 

I remember some things but I do not remember other things like how to add. 

I do not remember how to do certain things in math. 

"I-I can't add," I said. 

"What do you mean, you can't add?" Noah asked. 

"I tried counting the number of people in the room, but I can't remember how to add," I said. 

"Well, you did pass out from dehydration as well, but you should be lucky you survived," the nurse said. 

You should be lucky you survived. 

You should be lucky you survived.

You should be lucky you survived.

 Her words kept echoing through my head. 

"Ellie," she began. "Can you tell me why you attempted suicide?" 

I didn't say anything. That was the one question that I was trying to avoid. I didn't want to answer that one question. 

"Ellie, can you tell me what attempted number that was?" She asked. 

I didn't answer. 

She sighed. "Listen, I know that this must be very difficult for you to talk about but I need to know." 

I took a deep breath and nodded. "My fifth."

"Fifth?!" My dad asked. 

I looked at my brothers and friends. They all looked shocked. 

I looked at Will and he looked the most shocked. 

I guess this must've been a lot for him. 

He didn't know that I was suicidal. And then he saw me in the middle of the road. 

I can't believe all of this. 

And my attempt failed. Great. (Note the sarcasm)

The nurse nodded. "Ellie, I need you to tell me why you attempted suicide again, it's important." 

I took another deep breath. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. 

I just couldn't answer. 

The question is too direct. 

"Everyone, can you leave Ellie and I alone for a minute?" The nurse asked. 

Everyone nodded and walked into the hallway, one by one. 

The nurse shut the door behind them. 

She grabbed a notepad and a pen and then sat down in a chair next to the hospital bed. 

"Ellie, did it have to with school or family?" 

"Yes."

"Which one?" She asked. 

"Both," I said. 

"We're you being bullied at all?" 

I took a breath before answering. "Yes, a lot."

"Okay, where? School or home?" She asked. 

"Both."

She sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," I said. 

"One more question," the nurse said. 

I nodded for her to continue. 

"After the accident on the road, we needed to make sure you weren't hurt. We found a couple bruises and scratches. But, we also found quite a lot of scars and bruises that didn't look so new. Can you tell me what caused them?" 

Oh no. The scars. The memories. 

My brothers. 

The abuse. 

Me. 

They abused me. 

And I will never forget that.

I will always live with those memories. 

I will live with the fact that I'm such a disappointment. 

"My brothers...they, they abused me and bullied me."

No matter how much it hurt to say, deep down I was proud I told an adult. I haven't done that before. I had never told anyone that my brothers had bullied me and abused me for years. 

"I'm so sorry, Ellie," she said. "When did it start?" 

"I can't remember. I can't remember a lot of things. But, I know it was years ago." 

She nodded. "Okay." 

"Do your parents know that your brothers bullied and abused you?" She asked. 

I shook my head and looked at a wall, like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. 

"They threatened me. They said that if I did, they would give me the worst beating of my life." 

I started crying. I just couldn't control my emotions anymore. 

I've been strong for way too long, I need to let go. 

"But, that's not happening anymore,"  I said. "They stopped, sort of. Unless they get super mad at me for something. For example, I fell asleep at a boys house, and the next morning, Noah said he hated me and he pushed me into a wall and stuff, I got scared and ran away." 

"My brothers were the reason I ran away a lot." I confessed. 

I'm starting to open up more. 

That's supposed to be a good thing, right? 

But, then I wouldn't be able to keep all of this to myself anymore. 

Would my parents find out about my brothers?

I really hope not. 

The nurse sighed. "Ellie, I am so sorry that you had to go through that." 

I wiped away my tears. "Thank you."

"I need to go take a phone call, but I will let a few people in at a time for you to see, okay? I don't want you to get a headache on top of your injuries."

"Okay."

———————————

Authors Note: 

Hey, everyone! 

Chapter 1  is up! 

I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter. 

Please let me know what you think!

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I hope you all have an amazing day! 

And I love you all. 😘❤️