Soundtrack: Don't Kick The Chair, By Dia Framton

_
_
_

It was dark and quiet, but not in an ominous way. Jason felt like he was floating, as if he wasn't tethered to one point, rather he was just...out there. It was reminiscent of what he felt the first time he died. Everything was calm and still. Almost peaceful.

Then the sound of voices and yells erupted in the silence. It was echoed and muffled, like he was under water. Pain shot through him, then he was yanked from his state of limbo and back into reality.

Jason awoke with a start and snapped into awareness, he was now firing on all cylinders. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he found himself gasping for air. His body and instincts were telling him something was wrong, very wrong.

People were holding him down. He thrashed against their grip, but they remained firm.

"Calm down, Jay! Your heart stopped, I gave you a shot of adrenaline." A voice yelled. It sounded like Tim.

"Calm down!" He repeated.

Jason's eyes frantically darted around and within a few seconds he realized where he was. He was in the backseat of the bat-mobile.

Tim was crouched in front of him, his hands firmly pressed against the wound in his abdomen. As best Jason could tell, the kid had made a makeshift tourniquet.

Damian was in the passenger seat just beyond Tim, looking back worriedly. Dick was at the wheel, knuckles white as he barreled down the street. He was going far faster than Jason had ever seen him drive before.

Jason caught a glimpse of Dick in the rear-view mirror, and he could've sworn it looked like he'd been crying.

Where was Bruce then? He almost never let anyone else drive.

That's when Jason realized there was another presence in the backseat. Or more accurately, he realized he was laying in the back, his shoulders and head laid across someone's lap.

He looked up only to meet a set of relief filled eyes. It was Bruce staring down at him, his cowl was off and he honestly looked like he'd been crying too. At that moment, Jason saw more emotions on Bruce's face than he thinks he'd ever seen before.

If it had been under any other circumstances, and if Jason hadn't been so weak from blood loss, he would've probably jumped out the car window. Because The Dark Knight was crying, over him of all people.

Jason stared up at Bruce for a moment, neither of them moved. Then he was racked by a violent cough, and more blood filled his mouth. Tim cursed under his breath and began to work on Jason's injury again.

"It started bleeding again. Step on it, Dick!" Tim practically ordered.

Jason coughed once more, and Bruce's features filled with worry. Jason was still so cold, probably from blood loss.

"Come on, Tim. You and I both know I've lost too much blood. Most of mine is in that puddle back there." Jason said quietly, his voice horse.

"No! Just no. I'm not letting you die today." Tim stated firmly, going back to work on the wound.

There was silence for a beat.

"Jason..." Bruce spoke for the first time, his voice barely a whisper.

Jason looked up at him, "It's alright, old man. I'm okay with it this time around."

That was the scary thing about it. He really was. Jason had finally killed the Joker, ending his reign of terror. He really shouldn't even be alive right now anyway, he should've been dead a long time ago.

However, he wasn't dead yet. So Jason decided if these were his final moments he needed to say a few things.

"I want you all to know I'm sorry for everything I did." Jason glanced from Bruce, to the rest of the Robins in the vehicle. "To all of you, you guys aren't so bad after all. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I care about you assholes." He admitted.

"I...I love you guys."

For a moment all their gazes met him, Jason was about to opened his mouth to speak to Bruce when he was abruptly cut off.

"Jason, if anybody should be sorry right now, it's me. I'm sorry...I'm sorry." Bruce spoke.

Jason was actually shocked by the abruptness and the way his voice sounded.

"It's fine, you don't have to..." Jason started, but was cut off again.

"No, I do. I'm sorry about everything I've done to push you away. All of it. I'm sorry I've shut you out and not included you. I'm sorry for taking you to Ethiopia, I never should've done that, no matter what reasons I had." Bruce continued, his eyes getting watery.

"Bruce, it's alright..." Jason tried to assure.

"It's not, everything I did just pushed you away farther, even when I tried to bring you closer. So for the longest time I just didn't do anything. I was afraid." Bruce admitted, "I was afraid that I might end up making things worse." A tear slipping down his cheek.

He was crying again, crap!

"Jason, I've always known I screwed up the first time around, but I was given a second chance and I've been wasting it." He explained.

"I want you to know, no matter what, you're still my son. I want to try and be a better father. I want to try and make things right. I never said it enough, but I want you to know, I love you. I love you, so please, just hold on." Bruce pleaded.

If Jason hadn't been so dehydrated, he probably would've been crying too. He might have been, and just not realized it, because he was fighting to stay conscious once again.

"I love you too, Bruce." Jason spoke softly.

Bruce leaned forward, holding Jason even closer. Jason reached up and gave him a gentle pat. That was really all he could do to return the embrace at that moment.

Jason eyes were once again getting heavy and he was having difficulty keeping them open.

They all tried to keep him awake, but everything continued to become more hazy, and their voices became distant. He faded into unconsciousness once more.

Except this time it was different. This time he was fighting. He wasn't just waiting for it to end, he was holding on.

This time, maybe, just maybe, he wanted to live.

_
_
_

Jason wasn't sure how long he drifted through his dreamless sleep, only that some amount of time had passed.

When he finally awoke, it was slow and sluggish. As best he could tell there were no drugs in his system, so he guessed it was because his blood supply hadn't built back up yet.

Jason opened his eyes. The first thing he realized was that he was inside one of the many guest-rooms of the Manor.

The only thing he was hooked up to was IV. That was a good sign. Jason could feel a large bandage over his abdominal area, and the familiar pull of stitches.

The next thing he realized was that Bruce was there, he was asleep in a chair next to Jason's bed. The real kicker was the moment Jason realized that Bruce was holding his damn hand.

Abort! Abort! Abort!

He couldn't do this, he just couldn't. Bruce's apology had meant a lot to Jason, more than he would ever know. As much as he hated himself for it, what Bruce had said was all Jason had ever really wanted.

On the other hand, this was all too much, too fast. Right now, he felt like the floorboard of a New York taxi cab.

Jason couldn't deal with this. He was too tired, both mentally and physically.

Once again, Jason also found the doubt creeping up in the back of his mind. Did Bruce really mean it?

At the end of the day, words meant nothing, actions meant everything. Not to mention, this was extremely familiar, he knew this story.

A part of Jason couldn't help but feel like this whole thing wasn't gonna end well. He was so tired of fighting Bruce, he was done. That's why he had left Gotham in the first place.

Jason was also painfully aware of the fact that sooner or later, he was gonna have to deal with the fallout of killing the Joker. He had no idea what Bruce was going to have to say about that.

Yeah, he needed out, he needed out right now.

Jason wondered if he was strong enough to walk. Even in his weakened state, could he make it across the room before Bruce stopped him? Maybe he could jump out the window? How many stories up was he even?

Any escape plans Jason had were quickly thwarted when he accidentally twitched a muscle and Bruce snapped awake.

Stupid bat-senses.

"Jason, you're awake." Bruce looked relieved.

Jason opened his mouth to speak but found that his throat was too dry and scratchy. Bruce handed Jason a glass of water that had been on the nightstand.

Jason sat up slightly and took it, drinking it down in a few gulps. He was still thirsty after he was done, but at least he felt like he could talk.

"How long have I been out?" Jason asked after a moment, his voice still raspy.

"Over forty-eight hours." Bruce answered.

"Damn." Jason muttered, moving himself to a sitting position.

"Don't move around too much, you might pull your stitches loose." Bruce warned tentatively, moving to stop him.

"I'm fine, really." He stated. "Besides Bruce, you don't have to do that. You can drop the act." Jason's tone came out harsher than he meant it to.

Technically, he shouldn't be acting like this, they had just saved his life. Though, Jason still wasn't entirely sure he had wanted to be saved.

"What do you mean?" Bruce replied.

"You don't have to act like this just because you feel guilty." Jason answered.

As Jason spoke he realized what was happening, this was just his natural defense mechanism. It was his way of keeping Bruce at arms length. If he didn't let him get close, he couldn't get hurt again. Jason was slipping back behind his carefully constructed walls. Over the years they had become a second skin to him.

"Jason, of course I feel guilty. You almost died again," Bruce spoke quietly. "But I meant what I said in the car."

Jason sighed.

"I appreciate it, I do. I really do. But come on, this isn't an episode of Ni Hao, Kai Lan. Just because we apologized doesn't magically make everything better. It doesn't make everything okay." Jason stated, firmly.

"I know it doesn't, but I want to put in the effort. I want to try and make things okay." Bruce argued.

Jason scoffed.

"Let's be real, there isn't a place for me here. There's not a place for me in the family, no matter how much Tim, or Dick, or anybody else believes there is. You and I both know there hasn't been since the moment I put on that Hood." Jason countered. "Hell, there hasn't been since the moment they put me in the ground." He added.

"That's not true!" Bruce vehemently disagreed.

"Even if we did pretend that there was, how long is that gonna last, huh? One of us is just gonna screw it up again eventually." Jason shot back.

"I'm just end up screwing up again." He added in a lower tone.

Jason leaned his head back against headboard, feeling exhausted once again.

"Just like I screw up everything. Just like I screwed up my life, and my parents lives. And...Robin." Jason kept speaking, and he wasn't even sure why.

It wasn't like it was a big secret that Jason was the failure Robin. Everybody knew it, and everybody probably agreed.

"You didn't mess up any of those things." Bruce told him sincerely.

"Come on, you said it yourself, I'm your biggest failure." Jason raised his voice slightly. He was getting tired of being lied to.

"No, Jason. You were never a failure, not to me. Not ever," Bruce explained. "But your death...that was my fault. I own that, and that is where my failure lies. My greatest failure is that I couldn't protect you." He dropped his gaze.

"Don't give me that, I was defective from the start and everybody knew it. It was my decision, I was the one that went off half-cocked. I was the one that didn't come to you. I was the one that went after my mother." Jason's voice was nearly a whisper.

He was saying it more to himself than anyone. That was what everyone thought anyway. After a while, Jason had started to believe it.

"If I had been a better father, you wouldn't have felt like you had to. If I had been a better father, maybe you would've felt like you could've come to me." Bruce blurted.

"Jason, you were never the one to blame for your death. You were just a kid, it could've been any one of us and we all would've done the exact same thing." Bruce spoke firmly. "You were never defective, you hear me? Never. You were a good Robin. You were, and still are, my son."

"Stop it." Jason spoke, dangerously close to tears.

"No! I won't stop, not until you stop blaming yourself for all of this. Not until you understand that I still care about you. That I haven't given up on you." Bruce stated.

Bruce reached over and pulled Jason into a tight hug, Jason didn't really know why, but for once he didn't fight. He let Bruce hug him as he rested his head on his shoulder, feeling emotions he thought were long gone surface.

They stayed like that for several minutes. Jason didn't know what he was doing, or why he wasn't protesting. Maybe he was tired, or maybe all those years of being alone were finally catching up with him.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a small question sparked into existence, one that he thought he'd long ago snuffed out.

Could things really change? Could he be apart of something that resembled a family?

________________________________________________________________________________

Bruce had sat with Jason for a long while before leaving to go tell the others. Apparently, Tim was the only one home at the moment, besides Alfred.

Dick had gone to pick up Damian from school.

Jason was adjusting the pillows in his bed to get more comfortable, when the door abruptly flew open.

Before Jason knew what was happening, a hundred and something pounds of Tim crashed into him, holding him a death-grip hug. Jason grunted at the sudden impact.

Then, he slowly returned the hug, giving the younger Robin a pat on the back. Tim wasn't always one for hugs, that was Dick. It must have meant he was really upset.

"I'm really glad you're okay." Tim said over his shoulder.

"Eh, you can't get rid of me that easy." Jason joked.

As they pulled away, Tim very suddenly punched Jason in the arm, hard.

"What the hell!"

"You scared the crap out of me, you ass." Tim yelled.

Jason probably should've been upset, but all he did was laugh at Tim's sudden outburst.

"It's not funny. Dick's been worried sick, Alfred's practically pulling out what's left of his hair, and Damian would barely leave for school." Tim shot back.

"Okay, sorry." Jason put up his hands defensively.

After several seconds, Tim relaxed a little.

"Jerk." Tim muttered under his breath.

"Bitch." Jason replied, with a smirk.

Tim rolled his eyes, then sat down cross-legged on the foot of the bed.

"So, how are you feeling?" Tim inquired, more concern on his face now.

"Like I got shot." Jason deadpanned.

Tim gave him a mock glare.

"Other than that, kinda weak. But that's to be expected given the blood loss." Jason added.

"Jay..." Tim started reluctantly, "What happened? I mean...I know what happened to you, but what happened after?" Tim asked, treading lightly.

"You mean why did I finally splatter the Joker's brains all over the wall, when I was clearly bleeding to death." Jason spoke bluntly.

"Yeah, that." Tim nodded.

Jason took a breath, still taking in all that had transpired. He was still wondering what the repercussions thereof were going to be.

"He...uh...was planning to go after you guys again." Jason looked down, almost awkwardly. "For real this time. He was making plans to kill all of you. You, Dami, Dick, Cass, Steph, probably even Alfred." He admitted.

"Clearly," Jason gestured to his gunshot wound. "He was playing for keeps this time."

"I had to end it, Tim, for good. No more games, no more Arkam. I just...I couldn't let him..." Jason trailed off.

Tim sat in almost stunned silence for a moment or two. Jason took a slow, deep breath.

"How much time is the Red Hood looking at for killing him?" Jason questioned, changing the subject.

"Well," Tim cracked a smirk, "According to the official police report, the Red Hood didn't kill him." He said nonchalantly.

Jason furrowed his brow in confusion. Surely one of them had told Commissioner Gordon it was the Red Hood.

"The Joker was killed in self-defense by an unidentified hostage that fled the scene shortly thereafter." Tim shrugged, his tone as if it were a simple fact.

"No way Bruce let that story fly." Jason answered, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"He seemed perfectly fine with it." Tim stated.

"But I murdered him. it's as simple as that. I killed him. What about Batman's precious morals, and bringing the Joker's killer to justice?" Jason argued, still unconvinced.

"Jason, " Tim started, " You should've seen Bruce when we first found you. I've never seen him like that before. Then when your heart stopped..." His voice tapered off, glancing up at Jason solemnly.

"I don't know what he'll do or say later, and I can't promise he won't do something stupid. For right now though, I think Bruce is just happy you're alive. Even if you did kill someone." Tim explained.

Jason leaned back, still slightly shocked.

"Even though I don't...well...can't, agree with your methods. I know for a fact that a lot of people are going to be breathing easier now that the Clown is gone. Myself included." Tim informed. "At this point I don't think the city, probably not even the GCPD, care who killed him. They're just happy he's gone. Happy that's it's finally over." He added.

"It's the start of a new, Joker free, era in Gotham." Tim stated.